Use SE,one on One with them
Street Epistomology is using the Socratic Method on folks to discover what they believe and why they believe it.
SURPRISE!
Most folks don't know what they really believe (they do not think about it) and have less reason why they believe it.

Hi Danielle,
I just noticed this post and thought I would comment. The hardest part of living is waiting to die. In your situation, it must be difficult to cope with such a religious family. Their belief is what matters the most in their final moments before they leave us. You can tell them what they want to hear before they pass and for those who remain, be truthful and honest about who you really are. Family isn't always about blood but when the end is near comfort them. I hope all is well.

Oh, dear,what a difficult situation to be in. All I can suggest is to develop selective hearing. (Husbands do that a lot) Train yourself not to hear what they say. Smile kindly and sing your favorite song in your head. Your ordeal will be over soon.

You can't argue with belief... so don't try.

Welcome to our supportive but humble home. I would just everyone to mind their own business. You have made your choice and that there will be no more discussion around the subject. You are out numbered so don't even go there !

No need to explain anything. Just be self-contained and vague. If someone starts getting religious just calmly state, "I don't believe that way." And keep repeating it like a parrot each time they say something religious to you.

Also, ignore them every time they bring it up. Act indifferent, get busy elsewhere, leave the room to do something somewhere else, mumble "Um-hum," in a distracted manner as though humoring a young child. Don't ever pay attention to them or even look at them unless they are behaving in a positive manner, then smile and interact normally with them.

This behaviorist method trained my parents to stop attacking my children and me within three visits.

Post length is fine, sorry you are copping this, old fashioned families seem to like to enforce everything on us. We may need a group for family black sheep. Hang in there, you are not responsible for their blind spots.

Yes a lot of us get beat up by the christians.They will condemned you to hell in a heart beat. Sorry you are having to go through this. You are among friends now. You will be okay.

Well with Christianity and most Abrahamic religions being fear based painted as faith they are afraid for you, hence, the word 'saved'.

I am so sorry you are having this experience. Families should offer unconditional love and support. You don't need to be anything or anyone for anybody else. I would remind them that you still love them and respect their views and ask that they respect yours.

I don’t have a good answer for you. I suppose when I find myself in similar situations, I tactfully end such conversations as quickly as possible and try to steer things back towards common ground as soon as I can.

Hmmm.... its aways hard to explain to one sided simple people. It overwhelms them that your not like them. Just tell them to leave you alone and quit bothering you about this. Your not going to make friends with them because they have been programed to save you. Its all about fear and money and control. Its been this way forever. Or you can tell them to go read the history books and notice how the church killed people and stole thier land in the name of god.

That sounds like a really hard situation. you have all my sympathy. I think you can only tell them that you don't agree with them and you are not going to argue because it leads to upset. This is not a time to get into rows. If they tell you that you are bad and going to hell, just tell them you are sorry they feel that way and try to show love, not hate.

Wish there was a God to help you out.....

Ugh. I'm so sorry. It sounds like a nightmare.

I think I would likely say to her that my relationship with god is personal, and for her not to worry herself with it. Something like that. As far as the other family members go, I'd likely call out their hypocrisy and tell them to get bent, but I don't know anything about your relationships with them.

Again, I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. Take care of yourself.

My family outed me except my aunt snd uncle. Hang in there, and welcome to the community. ?

Sorry for what you're going through.

Objectively what's happening is you're a dutiful child coming home to help in a time of crisis and they're being asshats. Personally I would tell them that I'm trying to do them a kindness and be helpful but if they can't put aside their prejudices about my personal beliefs (and mind their own business) then I will leave.

In my experience though daughters are far less able than sons to have boundaries around this. My wife has a similar situation with her family of origin although it doesn't involve religion (they are entirely areligious). It is just a dysfunctional family for various other reasons and so every time she has any contact with them they won't take yes for an answer and always find some way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Anyway -- she is hellbent on visiting her father and step-monster briefly on our way home from vacation next month when I would not personally give them the time of day. She is doing this for something she calls "closure" and that I call "indigestion". She plans to go in there, head held high, and be above it all, but I can guarantee you as sure as the sun rises, this time next month she'll be distraught and hurt over it and not at all triumphant. So I support her in this (one last time anyway) but I think it's a fool's errand. Your mileage may vary.

I am sorry you're in an intolerable situation,tied every which way - If it were me, I would just tell her I love her - not wait for an answer and then go. You came and did your duty and are being put under intolerable pressure you either stay and face all the guilt tripping and harm; or love them from afar. I guess that also depends upon how strong you are but staying stuck gives you no power to change anything at all. Your brothers and sisters are the ones capable of seeing this through without self harm.

My Best Wishes to your parents health. I am not a militant atheist, never trying to prove My Rightness. Most of the time never brought up by my family... there are enough bad examples of those with faith and I am considered a good human being as I am. I do wonder if I get terminally ill, will there be a gesture to try to "save me" at the last moment. Time will tell. Boundaries and Respect should be important.

Say to them this; " What do you want me to do, believe? You cannot force yourself or anyone else to believe in anything. Lie, pretend to believe? That would be an insult to me, you and your god (tho shalt not bear false witness). You have your faith, it is yours not mine. Much as I respect your choices and the code you live by. I cannot make that leap of faith. I am stony ground. Do not cast pearls before swine. The fact that I am here is proof of the love I have for my family. Now prove your love and let us agree to disagree. You may silently pray for me if you wish and if your god is real he may intervene as he did with Saul. Until such time arises, please leave me be on this matter as I will do for you. "
As for your mum, ask her if she loves you and wants you to be happy? She will answer yes of course. "Then let me make my own decisions. I am not the 1st person to leave a marriage and I will not be the last. Two presidents and the future king of England are divorced. Was Reagan a bad man? Should Tina Turner have stayed with Ike? You did not raise a fool. Please don`t treat me like one"

Sorry for your situation. Dealing with aging and infirm parents is always difficult.
I cannot offer any advice that you'd be likely to take. I'm a bull in a china shop, and
while I wouldn't want to upset my parents, I'd be telling ALL of the rest of the family
to stuff their religion, and their opinions. Most people don't feel they can do that. I get it.
I don't subscribe to the notion that just because people may share your DNA, they are
your family. I'm one of those people who will tell anyone coming at me sideways with
their religious beliefs, exactly where they can go and exactly what they can do to themselves
when they arrive.
Please know you can come here for respite and understanding. Who knows? You might
even find a much needed laugh from time to time.

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.

Maybe say, I'm curious...When you get to heaven will you have any sorrow or pain? The answer will surely be No! Well then, if me or people you know and love aren't there, but are instead burning in hell will you then be happy they are getting their just punishment. If the answer is Yes...then I don't know who you will be, but you won't be my mother and if god wipes our memory from you that would not only be Sad, but a really dirty trick and you still wouldn't be my mother. I really wouldn't want to go to a place where I wouldn't remember you or have my family and friends there too. If you're god truly is a loving God he will find a place for me there too don't you think?

If I were in your situation, when you are talking with your older family members and the topic were broached, I would simply say something like, "we get to spend so little time together, I don't want to waste it by arguing about this," and try to change the subject. When speaking with the rest of your family that is closer in age with you and younger, I would start quoting the Bible to them. I have found there is no better way to show how ridiculous Christianity is, than by reading the Bible! If you can get them to doubt any of it, or if you can show them how atrocious parts of it is, start questioning why they would believe any of it at all if they are only cherry picking the parts they like. I hope this helps!

There is no easy solution to your situation (and I'm sorry to hear of your psychologically abusive marriage too =[). You are never going to be able to satisfy your family members with anything you say. I think the best you can hope for is to mitigate the negativity by simply telling them all that you love them, you are not going to suddenly become a believer again, and in order to foster as normal a relationship as possible, you and they need to agree to disagree on the topic of religion. You don't need to be saved, you don't want to be saved. Make the topic taboo after explaining these points. I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this situation, especially at a time you're trying to be there for your parents and family. I hope this is helpful.

Tough situation. It sucks you have to go through this.

So I get the desire to placate the relatives to get them to leave you alone. And yeah, you can't lie about it, even though it'd be easier (and then they'd hate you for lying when they find out, go figure). But you can be evasive. Tell your mother that you're carrying out God's plan and that you can't understand it. Is it lying? It's really framing your experience within her viewpoint. Remember that your mother believes that God has a plan and that everything is set in motion. Atheists are part of God's plans, though Christians with weak faiths refuse to believe it. Tell her that you'll go to church when God deems it's time. Tell her that her comfort is more pressing right now, and that you will convert when it's time (technically not a lie since it'll never be time).

Dealing with the family will be tricky. Right now they're angry at you because you took a route that is inconceivable to them. Just like you can't conceive returning to that faith, they can't conceive why anybody would leave. You can try telling them about how you're just living out God's plan, but they sound like they may be pushy about it (funny how God's plan isn't good enough if it doesn't fit their narrative). Point out that you're not going to lie, and they shouldn't pressure you into breaking one of the Ten Commandments.

Ideally, you probably should leave, but since you're asking about this, I'm sure it's not an appealing option. So do what you can and avoid the rest of the family where possible. Don't even talk theology with them. Just remind them that God has a plan and that they shouldn't try to usurp God's will. Someone crafty might try to justify that it's God's will that he convert you. Just hope nobody gets any bright ideas.

It's weird; I had a somewhat similar situation but nowhere near as bad as yours. I had not seen my super-religious grandmother since 1990. I received enough haranguing over phone calls and letters that I had no desire to fly back out there. I don't even remember when she passed except that it was after my mother's death in 2010. Walking away is not always easy, especially since you'll be walking away from someone you've known (and even cherished) all your life. I deal with guilt probably better than most people, so I was able to walk away from this, but I imagine some part of her final days might have been worry about me going to Hell.

I wish there was an easy answer for you. I just hope we've given you something to think on.