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Do you split the bill when you go on a date?

Redcupcoffee 7 May 28

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I am willing to, it's been a while since I've been on a date.


Who asks should expect to pay, though, if the invitee prefers dutch, that is fine... Once dating regularly, dutch, taking turns, or the one with enough income pays, whichever approach works. I like dutch or turns if I really enjoy his company as we can get twice the number of dates that way! (:

I might add. I have had the guy absolutely insist on paying, despite my being able to, only to have him resent it later, or hold it over my head, or demand access to my body (usually a first or second date) because he paid for my dinner. That might explain why some other ladies feel strongly about paying their fair share (or not).

Zster Level 8 May 28, 2018

Exactly! There’s almost always an implied contract when someone gets weird about paying.

One time, after an awkward amount of time dickering in front of the waitress, I turned to her and said, “Make sure to give my bill to me.” You just want to get up and walk out when a completely new person tries to get forceful with you. No matter what it’s about.

Ive always understood body language. If theres a romantic hint and im feeling the same way...then i may ask. Its so easy to understand thats theres something there. Or a friend zone comment. I don't want to make out with a lady thats giving it up because she thinks she has to. Were not kids anymore. Act like an adult.

Exactly this. If I ask, I pay. If Dutch is offered, I'll happily accept. If I am asked, I usually offer to go Dutch, but accept their offer to pay.


My rule is that the person who invites pays.


Yes, always. Now that I'm married and we share all accounts, whoever has the wallet closest pays lol


Whoever asked should pay for the date. Once a relationship starts, I prefer to alternate paying rather then split the bill each time.

AnneD Level 5 May 28, 2018

Good point!

Indeed. Of course, if the first date is coffee... I'm good to pay for that 🙂


If it's a first meet and greet, I don't mind splitting the check. That being said, just because my date has a penis doesn't mean he HAS to pay. That's a bit archaic.


On a first meeting I offer to pay my own tab. In a dating relationship I either contribute towards the bill if he accepts it. If not i will cook very nice meals for him. My last relationship we went out one week and the following week we would stay in and I would cook. It worked well for us.

That's a good idea ?!


I'm gay. Generally, my experience, at least in the "gay world", is that the bill is split unless otherwise determined before the date.

That's one benefit of being gay. There's no battle of the sexes.

@Ellatynemouth, Yeah. If I dated a woman it was usually a non-issue to either split the check or, if we kept dating, take turns picking it up.


If I ask them I pay. If they ask me and do not ask me if I want to go Dutch Treat then they pay and I leave the tip.

@Shelton I honestly thought those were "the rules" because that was what I was taught and it makes sense to me that if I am going to invite someone out I intend to pay too unless otherwise stated in advance.


I alway pay my way, unless he really insists on stepping up to the plate. I find that it keeps expectations in check for both of us.


I agree that, preferably, who asks should pay, but the recipient should buy the popcorn, or pay for dessert, or for the tip. Offer to pay th next time. Try to reciprocate so as to establish one's independence and consideration for the other person. Reciprocity doesn't have to be financial, if not possible. General rule: Good people do not exploit other people.

Totally agree.

Wonderfully put

The other day on a day trip outing I paid for lunch and she paid for the chocolate milk shake later. Also it was her car so we're even.


I always go into assuming I will pay my own

GwenC Level 7 May 28, 2018

That and never order anything I can't afford to pay for even if they're very clear that they're paying.

@PhoebeCat exactly

A healthy mindset going in

@PhoebeCat a good rule of thumb. They could turn into a total asshole then you're stuck. Smart lady doffs imaginary cap


If the topic does not come up, I pay. I grew up where manners were stressed. If the woman offers, then it will depend upon the conversation we have had.


Whatever works and gets to sexy time. Jk. If I invite, I pay. If I'm invited, I offer to help pay. This goes for anyone. Dates, friends, etc.


Yes. When we get the bill, that's when I split.



I usually offer to pay my portion, and let my "date" decide whether to go for that or say "you can get the next one" or whatever. The last fellow I dated pretty long term, would generally eat and drink more than me (I'm a fairly cheap date) and would usually turn down my offer to pay my portion, but would allow me to get the tip. That way he could earn points on his card, and the wait staff would get a cash tip. That worked well for us.


I offer to pay, but don’t insist.


I’m a millennial but reading this makes me feel super old-fashioned. My husband always paid for everything when we were dating. It never occurred to me to pay for anything on our dates. I just thought that’s what men do.


I always feel embarrassed when a woman offers to pay, even when it's only half the bill. If it is a person I know well, then we may agree to do so sometimes, but I'm still inclined to say I insist on paying for the wine.
I don't expect anything in return, other than, perhaps, a friendly good night kiss on the cheek.


I don't go on dates.

Exactly. No dates, pregnancy only. And never, ever split the pregnancy.

@DZhukovin LOL. ?

@DZhukovin , is that a king Solomon joke?

@Beamdump2020 I certainly did not have that in mind

@DZhukovin ?


depends on our situation at the time

She can pay it back in bitcoin


I haven't been on a first date since 1974, so I don't know what the dating rules are like today. But, I think that it's something that should be discussed beforehand. If one party says that they'll take the other to dinner, then the bill shouldn't be split. If one suggests to the other that they go out with no actual plans, then the discussion about splitting the bill is open. That's just my uninformed opinion and that's based on what little common sense that I may, or may not have.


If I'm dating someone, I fully support splitting the check or alternating who pays.

If someone from a dating site asks to meet for the first time, I generally suggest something simple... maybe a drink or a cup of coffee... and I always offer to pay my share. But it kind of surprises me that they almost always take take the money. If I'm borderline about seeing the guy again, the fact that they can't pop for a cuppa coffee on a first date leaves me with a negative impression.

If you offer to pay, and then judge him when he lets you, I think your behavior is part of the communication problem between men and women. I think we should say what we mean and mean what we say.

@DinnerandaMovie Sorry... but we're not talking about lobster and champagne here. If we were, I'dbe happy to pay my share. I offer because it's the right thing to do, and the right thing for him to do is to say "I invited you, I've got this". And if he doesn't... then I'm sorry, but I am judging him just like you're judging me right now.


Relax until either he mentions it or when the waitress asks. State ‘separate checks’ to the waitress, or say, “Thanks, but I prefer dutch.”

It’s weird and a red flag for anyone to press further, as though you’re unable to make up your own mind. It is a nice gesture, but I’m with you. A dude paying just because he’s a dude sets up a dominant/submissive hierarchy in the relationship off the bat.


It is also good to get to the point where you cook dinner for each other before going out.
Ability o cook and not just microwave frozen things is an asset.


This says it best

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