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Men who never learned to cook

“For 40 years, my husband never cooked a thing,” my friend Billie, 75, said. “It was a huge burden for me to make all the meals. After he died, I decided I will never live with a man who cannot cook again.”

I’m not willing to be a kitchen slave. Cooking is a basic life skill. A healthy, nutritious diet is fundamental to a healthy life.

Thorough online dating, I have met over a dozen men in their 50s and 60s who never learned to cook. They expected me to plan, prepare and cook three meals a day. One man sat passively in the car while I shopped for our groceries. What is this, the 1950’s?

Basically, they want a mommy to take care of them and great sex. Not interested.

If you can read, you can cook. Pick up a cookbook and follow instructions.

How do you slice a lemon?” Jim asked. Talk about helpless!

One man was so intimidated by my excellent, healthy cooking, he refused to cook for me. Not even oatmeal. John criticized me for being "too exacting" while cooking and sewing. My creativity and eye for detail are strengths, not a character flaw.

John thinks it's sexy to see a woman with her back turned, working in the kitchen. He likes to come up behind women and rub against them.

When he did this to me in the kitchen, his intent was to distract me and initiate sex.

Because I was rapidly chopping vegetables and stir frying- to stop would turn the vegetables into mush- I ignored him. John complained that I was not paying enough attention to him in the kitchen. Needless to say, we broke up.

Everyone loves to hear those magic words: "Dinner is served."

LiterateHiker 9 Sep 22
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80 comments (26 - 50)

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3

Not me! I love to cook but only when I'm alone or with somebody. Ha! Before I retired from the night shift I made it a practice that I cooked a meal for my co workers at least once a week. In the nine years I worked there, I served nine thousand meals. It was great! People loved it and I learned to cook all sorts of things.

What type of job was this? How many coworkers?

@JenBeberstein post office mail sorting facility. Midnight shift, twenty five or so coworkers.

@Tompain1 what types of meals would you make to share?

@JenBeberstein cassaroles like lasagna or shepherds pie, enchelada cassarole, baked ziti. Then soups like clam chowder, chicken soup, vegetable soup. And then taco bar, burrito bar baked potato bar. Salad bars were always a hit. Breakfast burritos, sandwiches. I tried to mix it up as much as I could.

3

I still remember one Sunday evening about 30 years ago. KPFK, the listener sponsored Pacifica station in LA was having a fund drive. I called in to support one of my favorite programs, Folkscene. Having become friends with the hosts, Howard and Roz Larman, I had had them over for dinner a few times when I had a condo in their neighborhood in the San Fernando Valley. I had since moved to Orange County and called in my pledge from Huntington Beach. After back announcing a few songs, Howard read the list of people who had pledged. He said a few nice things about "our friend, Geo., from Huntington Beach" and then Roz chimed in with, "All this, ladies, and he cooks, too."

3

Cooking is a passion for me.

3

I am a man and totally agree that men who cannot or will not cook are simply rebelling at being separated from their mothers. I think they are terrible, helpless wimps but more lazy than helpless. I must admit that I do not feel any differently about women who refuse to do anything that might get their hands dirty because they too have some kind of gender immunity. I think they are equally terrible, helpless wimps but more lazy than helpless. There are a few cases where they might not have the strength but that is a greatly over used excused that only occasionally makes sense. Both genders in those cases seem to feel they are righteous in not doing those disgusting jobs apparently made for the other gender. This is one site where I doubt that the comment will arise, "If God intended men to cook or women to mow lawns...."

OCJoe Level 6 Sep 22, 2018
3

My husband did not participate in the kitchen either. When we first had a holiday dinner together I asked him to carve the turkey...what a joke! He just said no.. once when I was gone he decided to make spaghetti for himself. Small pot ... not too much water.....whole box of spaghetti. How hard can it be right? Big mess. He liked to play that kitchen sex game too. Something sexy about a woman doing chores. Hahahaha. I don’t cook much now. I like to eat out. Life is good!

3

I'm 56 years old I'm an excellent cook I also know how to sew wash my own clothing and take care of myself completely I'm single because I don't need a woman to take care of me and I don't want to take care of her

@fidla I just get tired of a few idiot dinosaur era men making the rest of us guys who are completely self-sufficient and functional look bad

3

If a man cannot cook they are at the mercy of McD's and tv dinners. Real cuisine. I can cook everything but rice, which I think is easy just never done it. Could figure it out as we have a rice cooker.

I am a pretty serious foodie but was always unhappy with my rice until I started baking it (super simple and perfect every time). Alton Brown has a recipe on line, (Google Baked Rice)

@fidla I have heard they make a great steamer. Kate cooks the rice as she is quite particular about it. I personally do not give it any thought as long as there is something with it. Used to hate rice, then I moved to Portland, Oregon and found the Vietnamese restaurants and that was over fast. Now as long as it is with something it is great, by itself not so much.

3

Why even start dating a man who can't cook, and expects a maid? These are things that need to be determined before accepting the first date, and one should be willing to instantly dump any man who is found to have lied.

If you don't sleep with a man until you are exclusive, you'll have the time to find out the truth about him, before you've made a commitment mistake.

3

Cooking is pretty easy nowadays; there are many decent semi-prepared meals available that are relatively healthy, and so many simple recipes to be gotten off the internet. There's no excuse not to cook, unless one just really detests it.

3

Well, I don't know how to cook very well. But I can eat what I cook. And enjoy it. Which isn't something I can say for anyone else. That is, enjoy what I cook. My kid likes some of what I cook, and that's all that matters. I don't expect women to cook for me. I just don't need women, or men, to judge me for my deficiencies in cooking for them. If people don't like what I cook, they can cook for themselves.

But it seems in the world of online dating, cooking is a much sought after trait in men. Oh well. 🙂

I did buy a crockpot after my divorce, and told my kid that I consider it a milestone in my culinary development.

3

If you are over the age of 12 and at my house and can't feed yourself, you'll just have to starve. Both of my boys learned to cook relatively simple things by the time they were 8 & 10. By the time they were teens not only could they eat me out of house and home, they could cook me out of house and home.

3

I never cooked a meal for myself until after I got ot of the military at the age of 25. Today, at the age of 81 make my own breakfasts and lunches, and cook dinner for myself and my wife four days a week or more. And, I am a pretty good cook.

3

In this day and age with multiple food channels and YouTube there is no reason any person regardless of their genitalia shouldn't be able to make at least a few basics. You are talking about men who would have been raised in a generation where gender defined roles were a bit more cut and dried, but that is no excuse.

GwenC Level 7 Sep 22, 2018
3

I learned early; my mother was sick most of my life. I now live by myself and cook all of my own meals. I am a simple cook, never mastered spices, but since I am largely a carnivore it is not an issue. And for those who won't read, YouTube is a godsend.

3

In my opinion, everyone who eats, needs to know how to cook ! Basics, at the very least.

Though I will admit, I've been with a couple men, that totally distracted me away from the counter, when it was my turn to prepare a meal, and I didn't mind at all ...

2

Pffft my mother taught me how to cook and I also had 6 months of home economics lessons at secondary school and I have continued cooking and learning new techniques throughout my life. My partner is banned from the kitchen when I'm at home and she enjoys being served meals very much. The only issue is any diet goes out of the window when I'm there! 😀

2

Men who are accountants only know how to cook the books!

2

i just don't get that at all. My Mom made sure that all of us (I have 4 brothers, no sisters) knew how to cook, operate appliances like clothes washers, dryers, dishwashers and vacuums by our teens. When Mom had to work late (she worked at a pharmacy when i was in High School) one of us (usually me or my older brother Pat) was left instructions as to what to start for dinner and we were off.

I lived solo after undergrad years and through almost all of Grad School. Didn't get married until 29, and cooking something nice for a 'girl' usually impressed them and made for a relatively cheap date as well. I love cooking, when I have somebody to cook for. Living solo again and my 50s and need to try and impress some more women with my cooking!

2

I cook for myself. I have never expected a woman to cook for me...it makes men weak and dependent on women. My wife is not a good cook...she does not seem to have any interest in it, and that is the way I want it. She "cooks" (microwaves frozen meals, eats cold, canned green beans with ranch dressing for breakfast) for herself, I cook for myself because I want to eat what I want when I want it. Cooking is a basic survival skill.

2

I like food. A broad variety of foods from around the world. I like good food. I like food that has flavor and texture and color and aroma. Because of this, I had to learn to cook. To me, meals are pieces of art as well as something to eat.

I got so good at it that I've functioned as a "rental chef" for private parties, both lucrative and socially rewarding. No, I didn't want to make a career of it, but I did enjoy being hired occasionally to prepare special fare for moderately large groups.

2

A byproduct of a man who can cook is, he doesn't need a woman to cook for him.

2

I do steaks,ribs,meat loafs,noodle or rice dishes,lemon pepper chicken in the oven,prime rib on holidays.Nothing complex,meats and side dishes,maybe some bread and butter,seldom deserts though.

Not too much fish, as the Mercury levels are very high,but shrimp cooked in butter,over a bed of brown rice is delicious. some steamed vegetables make for a good dinner.

2

For the sake of devil’s advocate
There is a bit of mutual codependacy in these situations.
I 100% agree with you and everything you said.
However, I find that women often times have difficulty not mothering their significant other.
Unfortunately it usually gets taken advantage of and then the horrible loop starts.

@darthfaja

It's called "rescuing" and "codependence."

2

I’ve never been much of a cook but I never hesitated to offer up my awesome microwave skills. Or go get the takeout.

I do almost all my cooking in the microwave. I have cooked a whole chicken in the microwave before.

2

Not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to fuck.

I'm guessing that a man who can't cook is probably not very good at that other thing either. One has to take the time to learn both and if you don't....

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