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QUESTION Atheists Are Brainwashed By The Scientific Method

A new study reveals an overwhelming percentage of atheists are brainwashed. These so-called skeptics, humanists, and Satanists stopped submitting to the faith of their fathers only to put on the yoke of servitude to the scientific method.
The study titled The Enslavement Of Freethinkers by Professor Andrew Canard was recently published in the Journal of Crytpointelligence. Professor Canard teaches at the Theological Institute of Technology (TIT). His courses include Cryptoepistemology and Alex Jones I and II. The professor is a longtime skeptic of skeptics and their methodology:
My new study shows atheists are brainwashed by the scientific method. A full 83% of atheists take it on faith that the process of systematically testing hypotheses by vigorous methods and getting results capable of getting replicated is the best way of knowing about the world.
5,307 self-identified atheists answered questions exploring their sad and atheistically miserable lives. Even though 88% state they lead happy and fulfilled lives only . 5% go to church regularly. “That’s a clear sign atheists don’t know what happiness is. How can you know if you’re spiritually fulfilled if you’re not in church regularly?” pointed out Professor Canard.

By Dougy7
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60 comments

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34

I’d rather be brainwashed by science than a book about a talking snake, demons and an all around asshole who was a mudering maniac for a sky daddy!!!

You got that right!!!

Exactly how I feel. Well said!

20

I love the fact that he teaches at Tit.

richdust Level 5 Jan 30, 2018

Hahahaha...that just hit me like a ton of bricks!

16

It's tongue in cheek humour, like the Onion. “That’s a clear sign atheists don’t know what happiness is. How can you know if you’re spiritually fulfilled if you’re not in church regularly?” pointed out Professor Canard.

Hominid Level 7 Jan 30, 2018

If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor .

13

Wow that is beautiful, simply beautiful!!!! I've met a few people who think this way and it makes me laugh.

richdust Level 5 Jan 30, 2018
10

Ha! His name is Canard! I'm embarrassed I didn't catch that right away.

If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor that I've only recently subscribed to . When I realized that it was so , I relisted it as "Silly , Fun, & Random".

Oh, I got it all right.

EXactly!!! lol

10

Fun read, but it is scary that in reality some people think this way. The writer definitely displayed that line between parody and real life as I'm sure some of us will think this was true based on the interactions we've had with theists in the past.

itchic Level 4 Jan 30, 2018

no shit huh?

9

Nothing like being called brainwashed by religious nuts. Oh, the irony!

godef Level 7 Jan 30, 2018

Ohhhhh the irony indeed!!!!!

8

ROTFLMFAO!! They just can't help themselves.

KKGator Level 9 Jan 30, 2018
8

The study also explores the narrow mindedness endemic within the atheist community:
When asked if astrology is a good way of predicting the future, 80% of atheists state the age old practice is as useful as “tits on a penguin.”
Famed author and expert in particle physics and consciousness Deepak Chopra is considered by 96% of atheists as only an expert in the production and marketing of low grade hypersyllabic balogna.
Most atheists do not believe vaccines are the whole milk from the Devil’s breasts.
Professor Canard confessed there is a lot of work to be done, “We have to educate students the world can best be known through deeply felt feelings. For now we will have to deal with atheists brainwashed by the scientific method.”

We Atheists are all brainwashed because we don't believe in Astrology & support Vaccines .

Dougy Level 7 Jan 30, 2018

There is no sense to this nonsense!

7

Thank God for the scientific method.

Irony fully intended.

7

"Professor Canard teaches at the Theological Institute of Technology". What else would you expect him to say???

jlynn37 Level 8 Jan 30, 2018

There's no him... the article is just satire.

@Hominid if that is correct, they sure got me on that one. However it does sound so much like what they spout continuously.

Ya, it got me at first as well... until I read more articles on the site. They're quite funny; I love seeing religion getting lampooned.

@Hominid religion has no problems lampooning themselves. (IMHO)

5

Funny, a scientists (supposedly) who decries the power of science. Here he is downplaying science using "scientific" research. Shows the total nonsense these people spout. I wonder if the name of his college, TIT, has some significance? Milk from the Devils breast was mentioned. I also wonder about the .5% of atheist who attend church services? Maybe they are the lost ones and what about the remaining 11.5%.

Our world gets more insane every day.

If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor .

@Douglas Sometimes with all the insanity afloat it is hard to tell satire from what these nut jobs really believe.

I fell for it too, and read some of the posts to affirm why I was so conflicted, ?subtletie some times just flies over my head.

@silverotter11 You changed! Looks like a copper otter to me.

@JackPedigo It is a silver medallon with an otter carved thru. The lighting makes it like yellow/coppery. I've worn this for over 40 years. An artist friend found it in an artist consignment shop back in the early 70's but there was no artist's name attached. In 1976 he gave it to me (a long story) and I have worn it ever since. In 2014 at the Ellensburg Farmers Market I got a clue as to who the artist is - another long story I don't have time for at the moment. I change my photo cause I was tire of lookin' at me. I like the otter better.

@silverotter11 I understand about the lighting. Most people prefer the warm tone lights as opposed to the daylight ones. I liked the "silver" otter better!

It's funny I also have a small medallion I have had for over 30 years. It's gold with my name in Arabic. I don't wear it anymore but once it created an interesting situation between myself and an African-American woman.

4

Thankfully, that's satire. But I didn't know that before reading the comments or clicking the link! I thought the trolliest of trolls had infiltrated our group! My head almost exploded!

4

When I read this in the linked article, I knew I'd found my people, "When asked if astrology is a good way of predicting the future, 80% of atheists state the age old practice is as useful as “tits on a penguin.”

4

Well, through the scientific method his theology would totally fail.

Clare Level 7 Jan 30, 2018
4

Well, I would have lost all my money... As I read that, I was SURE that was an Onion article; I would have bet my bottom dollar. Aside from content, it even reads like one. These people are comically stupid.

If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor .

@Douglas Phew! Given how sure I was it was a joke, I probably should have clicked the link, even though I despise clicking links.

4

It sounds like some of us took this as something other than satire.

gearl Level 7 Jan 30, 2018

Quite!

Notice the topic of the post is under Silly, Fun, & Random. If you click on the article , then click on the link that gives specific reference to the "meat of the matter", you would see that the writer says that it is satire . I found it , after I had posted it . There are so many people here that are not even clicking to the link . Silly fun & random is also something that I post under , when I get articles like this , that are actually the opinion of real people in real situations . It simply seems to fit the bill .

4

That's cute.

3

My brother believes Alex Jones is a better journalist than Rachel Maddow. Now this is some very frightful material

EMC2 Level 7 Jan 31, 2018

If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor .

No offense, but your brother needs help.

3

The word "brainwashed" is incendiary and implies something unnatural. The Scientific Method is objective, rigorous, and based on observation of nature.

The scientific method is always skeptical. After repeated observation and measurement, someone proposes a theory. Then, others attempt to disprove the theory. Other scientists are free to accept or reject the theory. As time goes on, with the accumulated results if attempts to prove or disprove the theory, the theory gains or loses acceptance.

Religious people have great problems with Scientific Method. Objectivity, observation, scepticism, and uncertainty are abhorrent to those who blindly believe without evidence.

Whoever uses the term "brainwashed" to describe adherents to the Scientific Method is a jackass. I invite any-and-all objective observers to prove or disprove my statement. I choose to believe the Jackass theory until it can be disproven.

If you look into the article's links , you'll see that it is intended as satire . This is Secular humor .

3

LMFAO. What the he'll.? There is so much wrong with that,,, where to start ? " take it on faith that testing a hypothosis is the best way ,,,,," well I guess I am brainwashed then because I want evidence. I' d rather be brainwashed by the scientific method than by a doctrine of blind faith in an imaginary sky daddy.

3

Lol.

3

Loololololololol

Charlene Level 9 Jan 30, 2018
3

Damn, I wish I had found this and added it to my "Dumb Religious Stories" series. Well, if you have to be brainwashed by something it might as well be science. It's a recurring religious theme that non believers "think too much".

David1955 Level 7 Jan 30, 2018
3

He certainly isn't brainwashed by the scientific method.

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