Ever since I've become an atheist, I feel... I don't know. Weird. And I can't talk about it with my mom because I know she'll just say I'm going through a crisis of faith and need to return to Jesus. This is really bothering me because I used to be able to tell her everything. Now I can't.
I also don't know what to do from here on out. I feel like I'm breaking up with God, and... I just don't know. On the one hand, I want to go running back. I have friends in church, I had good times there. My faith was such an important part of my life, and that was even how I discovered my love of theatre. The cross holds a special place in my heart, and I'll never forget how happy I was in there...
... Or how paranoid. You see, with the good always came the bad. I had friends, but I couldn't talk to them without getting passive-aggressively reprimanded. Christianity was a game of cat and mouse. I became afraid of my own mind. I thought things... And I immediately banished those thoughts from my brain. For so long, I thought I could go to hell if I so much as thought ' what if these people are wrong?'. So, I won't be going back. I have severed myself completely.
I just feel like I need something to fill the hole, y'know? Did anyone else ever go through this?