I agree with everyone else so far, can't think of much reason for it other than religious idealization. The religious zeal for controlling why and when people are allowed to have sex is completely beyond the pale for mental health normalcy. Ive never slept around or rushed into sex at the first part of a relationship but I can't think of a good reason to rule it out. I generally don't have sex if Im not in love, and thats a more sensitive approach than is morally necessary too, Im just not that type of gal Im especially old fashioned for a heathen deviant though and to each their own. However fast or slow a couple wants to take it mutually is fine. Im sure theres something to be said about the intense anticipation but to me it seems like most peoples first time is pretty shitty so thats usually gonna set you up for disappointment on the honeymoon. Id wanna be at least somewhat good at it by then. Virginity doesnt have as many advantages as experience by any metric.

Do you really need a license to have sex with someone?

Marriage itself is not a long standing tradition and only became common among royalty in the 1400's. It wasn't until the 16-1700's that it was common among common folk and even then there was an element of family to family contract in the tradition. At that time, people as young as 14 for men and 12 for women were grooms and brides.

Then the industrial revolution really messed things up. People hit puberty at 12-14 replete with rebellious attitudes etc which served well in evolutionary terms. But after the Industrial revolution, it took much longer to learn a valuable set of skills. So marriage began to be delayed, but physical maturity did not delay.

And I think that is the answer to your question.

I have no problem with sex before marriage as long as people use protection to avoid disease transmission and pregnancy. As one who contributed to the pregnancy of my 17 year old girlfriend (50 years ago) I can attest that the absence of protection has some serious draw backs and teenagers don't seem to understand their fertility is in overdrive.

Having lost my virginity at 14 and then married a women and adopted her son I think the having sex before marriage is not a bad thing. If you only will marry a virgin then that leads to child marriage and several other not so great ideas. The christ-fascist view of women is as disgusting as rape and pedophilla and I'm not for either.

First, you shouldn't care what other people think. Second, you shouldn't presume to know what other people think. Finally, do what you want, how you want, see what happens. Good luck to you Kit, and to your future husband. All the best. ?

I don't think it's taboo, but I also don't think it's a good idea either. If you have two asexual people then yeah go for it but otherwise you should know if you're compatible sexually before the I do

I think you should say " ...so odd to some people?".
To each their own.

If you are not religious, then why is marriage a thing at all? To most of us here it's a pointless thing, to that end whats the point in waiting, if you wait forever to learn sex and make no mistake it is a skill to be learned, then it won't be good. What's odd is that someone would put it on a pedestal and at the same time villify the activity of consenting adults. Its sacred in the same way that god is real, not, so if you're hung up on it, well I guess you are the odd one.

There are those who will respect it and those who wont. It is up to the individuals that it affects. Once upon a time a woman had to be a virgin and a man was supposed to be experienced, rather one sided in my book.

I dunno, it's not odd to me. You should only have sex when you want to, so if you want to wait until marriage then so be it.

Personaly to many people I believe sex to be one of the great gifts of life and greatest pleasures. So to make your partner wait for it frustrates and confuses them . It’s best to find someone within the same views as you when in a relationship

That is carried from when religious law dictated murder of ladies who had had sex before, not a thing for rational people.

Rare or not, you can make your own choices. The biggest problem I would see is that someone might try to get married, in order to get sex. Not super likely, but there's no guarantee a marriage would last, especially if the couple was not as compatible as they think

Imo, the guidelines for respecting a virgin or saving sex for marriage all has come from religion and has penetrated into our society to, at one time, being the norm. I find it very freeing to be rid of the guilt and shackles religion has imposed on us regarding sex. Having said that, you should always do what's best for you and your partner. What the rest of us think is irrelevant.

Hmmm, let's see. You probably agree that you want to be compatible with your significant other. Perhaps you like the same activities, have similar thought processes, enjoy each other's sense of humor. Sex is another element of compatibility and it would be sad to find out that one of you loves sex for instance and the other doesn't. That can lead one partner to stray and ruin the marriage. That's one reason for not waiting and maybe the most important. As for why people don't respect it, one it's because it's as b.s. as the religion that spawned it, and two, one of the most pleasurable things in life and you have to put it off? I didn't get married until I was 47. Think about waiting another 25 years to have sex...don't you think you'd be missing out?

As an aside, here's a stupid example: My dad owned clothing stores and rented tuxedos. A Chaldean (Iraqi Christian) guy rented a tuxedo and it came back all bloody. The story was that since the religion required that his wife be a virgin he had to cut her with a knife after the ceremony to get blood to prove she was a virgin (to cover that they had already had sex)

Marrying someone so you can screw them is just about the worst possible reason - so better to disconnect the two.

I, for one, would still be a virgin if I'd waited for marriage. I can't imagine I'd be so highly respected for that.

Because it's based on an outdated requirement from god.. I can't think of a logical reason to stay a virgin till marriage.

Why do you think it is not "respected"? You do you, I do me and let's strive to do or cause no harm.

Because it is important? Best to figure out important stuff before committing your whole life to someone

If people want to do so, that's their choice. I've never had the chance to get married, I think not having sex at 46 would be quite cruel when you have hormones that dictate your sexual behaviour, but that's my opinion. Morally, I don't think there's anything wrong with sex before marriage, but people are entitled to their opinion and posture on life.

Because to most men, sex is the most important thing that there is in their lives. They (we) would not wnat to risk marrying someone who it would turn out that they had little or no appetite for sex. Sex is why we put up with you in the first place.

It's odd to refuse pleasure just because a totalitarian regime demands it.
It's not respected as it is a form of mind control and freethinkers tend to reject that.
If you decide to wait then sure go ahead. You have to ask why you'd do that, and where the idea came from. Sex is fun. Life is short.

Lets talk about sex BABY! So sex is simply sex. I love to make others feel good and feel the emotional connection to them. Now I have been married for 20 years and have been completely faithful to my wife. I do not know that it is not respected, but people now know that we are sexual beings. That sex may not be limited to gender or one person. It is great if we can share with only one person, but we are animals that due to evolution are meant to procreate. Evolution does not care if we are having sex with the opposite sex or are faithful to one partner as long as we are $ucking. Eventually we will procreate.
It is not nice or romantic that we are animals. It is essential that we have and love sex to continue our species. Again not what we would like to think about ourselves. It is simply how evolution works. We screw and have babies. So waiting is really just an ideal whether we like it or not. Sorry to be so crass here. We are simply animals and perhaps we are more accepting of that????

One quick look at this thing called 'marriage'. First, it is a legal/economic/class contract that was originated by men to control access and behavior between the sexes with the control and access elements applying to women. Men, not so much. Love didn't figure into the formula and still actually doesn't. When folks go to get their marriage license they are not asked if they love one another. They just need to meet the local legal requirements. That many have made it about an emotional bonding is something fairly new on the scene, as in sometime around the middle of the 19th Century. Love stories go back thousands of years, but marriage with a love connection certainly doesn't. In many areas, love is still not a part.

That it is primarily a cultural issue is witnessed by the array of differing approaches and attitudes about relationships between the sexes and agreements and contracts and marriages. They're all the same notion, just clothed in different names and traditions. So, it is then apparent that marriage, what one brings to it, and what one bases it on is entirely dependent on the cultural conditioning of the people involved in it. So, you do what suits you the best and don't worry about what anyone else thinks about it. If the two of you are in agreement that sex is reserved for after the vows are taken, that's okay. I am compelled to insert a cynical observation here: It is highly likely that you may live up to that bargain, but I wouldn't bet too much on the fella. It could be, but the likelihood is pretty low.