I have a cousin, we'll call him Bob. Bob was like an older brother to me when i was in my mid to late teens. He was a JW just like my immediate family. At that time though, our family was kind of falling apart and our meeting attendance suffered. Bob would give us encouragement. Hes a good man. Before i finished high school my parents left, they moved away and left me there. But thats not what this is about. This is about Bob. We hung out together and i mooched food off of him a lot. Sometimes id be so drunk it was easier and a shorter distance to go to his apartment and sleep on his floor instead of the condemned house where i lived. This was when i was 16 and 17. I didnt drive, didnt actually learn til i was 21. Usually hed pick me up for meetings if i had any intention of going. Bob was probably in his late 30s. He was looking for a wife. So every now and then we'd take a road trip to some other congregation in a nearby town to check out their women. Bob was not successful. One day we were eating a pizza at his place and he told me about a girl he liked at his job. Shes no witness. He seemed to be having a really hard time with it. Didnt say her name, didnt give no details but he did ask what i thought. I was like, if you love this person, maybe itll work out. Who knows.

One day, probably a wednesday, he dropped me off at another relatives house (not witnesses but they have their fair share of bad qualities). In my mind, we were supposed to be going in together to eat up their food but, again, he was acting all weird. He said something about probably not being able to talk to me for awhile. I was super confused. He wouldnt explain himself.

I got a ride from a friend to the meeting on thursday, we were late. My buddy sat with his folks and i barged my way into Bobs aisle and sat next to him. And i just started whisper talking at him like usual but he was like a stone. Wouldnt talk to or even look at me. I was like, "what yhe heck is up, man?"

I sat there and ignored him back. Eventually a brother came to the stage and announced that Bob was disfellowshipped. I had this horrible feeling deep inside. It was pure anguish. I didnt know what to do. I couldnt ask him why. I couldnt leave. What was this for? What was so bad? People date and marry outside of the "truth" and don't get disfellowshipped.

Turns out, i found out later. All it was was that Bob was gay. He liked a dude at work. He fought it for a while. But this was what his heart wanted. He never spoke to me again after that. His mother said i wasnt allowed to go to his place. I think he had misguided shame or something.

Why did this good mans life have to be ruined because of who he loved? Without him around i actually got worse myself. More vandalism, more drinking and setting fires. I wasnt hanging out with worldly kids, my friends were young witnesses like myself and we were bored, stupid kids. Bob was my friend and like my brother and this thing called religion interjected itself and made our lives worse, not better. From me and other witnesses, Bob had shame and i guess also that disfellowshipping which made him stay away. But from my other relatives who already knew, i think they would have treated him bad if he had gone inside with me at my other relatives house. I think he feared a beating from them.

But interestingly enough, that was about 20 years ago or more. And at that house, i had a young second cousin who was newly born. Recently, my uncle died and i remet this young man....who is gay. He knows nothing about Bob and how he was ostracized 20 something years ago by most people in that room with him. Bob never came to granpas funeral, or my aunts or my uncles nor another cousins funeral. I asked his mother where bob was and her answer was that hes safe.

So that whole thing wasnt the kicker yet but it did lay certain seeds of doubt and confusion about how things like disfellowshipping someone for something like being gay and expressing it was supposed to be a good thing for everyone. I don't see it. If you are gay, be gay. You shouldnt have to suffer the way Bob did. What gay person is gonna wake up one day and go, ya know, i think maybe they were right. I held my breathe and thought, "don't be gay" over and over and over and now im all better! That is utterly ridiculous. If two people of the same sex love each other who does it hurt? Nobody!

There were several things but one was that my father decided one day that he was going to partake of the emblems during the memorial of christs death. I was in my late 20s. I am baptized as a Jehovahs Witness. I don't consider myself one of them though and if pushed to answer, theyd ultimately agree. Im not going to explain any of the religious specifics in this comment. If youd like clarification, please ask. Dad had befriended a guy he religiously should not have because that man was what they call disfellowshipped. That man also believed he was one of the 144,000. Eventually, that man was reinstated and him and dad became very good friends...until that guy died. Suddenly, my dad decides he is also anointed, like his friend said he was. I had kind of a breakdown over this because ive never had a good relationship with my dad and i had hoped that in the New System, this problem would finally remedy itself. Every time i attemped to have any kind of father/son experiences with my dad, i got symbolically slapped down or pushed away. He never physically abused us and i don't consider spankings abuse. I believe i deserved the spankings i got and they helped make me a better person. But he is very mentally abusive. He yells and yells about everything. Hes so defensive. Its his way or no way. You can't tell him sensitive things. There is no conversation or debate because everything is a religious or political fight. (he shouldnt have a political opinion as a witness anyway). Basically, my dad is a nut, whom i avoid until i want to be punished by attemping to get attention from him in any way. It always turns bad for me. To drive this all home, he has stolen from me and ruined my credit by putting utilities in my name and outright actual theft of my money. In general and not just in regards to me, i judge him to be a bitter, self centered and stupidly disgruntled jerk who respects no one. This man says he was chosen to reign with christ for a 1000 years? Are you kidding me? Hell to the no.

So heres where the logic plays in after the initial tears dry up.

1. If this true, if jesus wants my dad to replace some 1st century christian who fell away....somehow being worse than my dad, then SCREW JESUS CHRIST! If he exists, if my religion is correct then screw him! Because hes gonna take away the only chance i felt i ever had to have a good relationship with my father.

Witnesses like to make up stuff that no bible text is actually telling them. Its speculation of how certain situations will get handled in the new system. Example: A man marries. He and his wife are witnesses, baptized. They love each other very much. But one day lets say she dies, cancer. The husband is distraught. But one day, eventually, he finds it within himself to remarry. They are now very happy together. Then the day comes that Armageddon happens and then together as they praise Jehovah, they enter the new system. Theres going to be a resurrection then of the righteous and the unrighteous. At that time, there will be a great teaching work to get everyone up to speed and to give those who never knew of any of this the chance to decide if they accept the terms or die..heh. Anyway, the mans first wife is resurrected. What happens here? does god erase her memory of the time she had with her husband? What if she and he long for each other? What of the new wife? Is god going to mess with everyones memories including everyone who ever knew them? Would he erase memories or just alter everyone to be cool with how it is now. Because the man can't leave his new wife so how is this situation not ripe for all sorts of negative things in a world where he will wipe out every tear from their eye? Interesting. So how do i get satisfaction in a world where my father and i cannot ever mend the relationship i feel we should have had?

2. Dads wrong about his ascertions. If its with intent, if its done on purpose for any reasons then, again assuming my religion is true, god will eventually smite my dad. Still no amended relationship for me.

3. Dads a nut and he doesnt know what hes doing really so maybe god will forgive him and take this craziness away. For this one, i still don't know what the religion says is supposed to be the outcome here. This whole concept is so full of holes. And how can god allow this to stand in the congregation anyway? People know my dad. Im certain others have formed opinions about this in the congregation. So what if others react to this and fall away? Again, supposing its all true, why would god allow him to have this thought? Or why wouldnt god expose him somehow? According to the publications ive read, its implied or flat out stated that god basically has intervened lots of times in our modern era, especially for example, in WW2 on behalf of witnesses stuck in germany.

4. This is the one i believe. Dads just an ignorant person. Hes done the best he can with his limited capacity and i know how his father treated him, poorly. He gave me a good work ethic and respect of my elders. There is no god and the religion is a sham. He believes it though. Whether hes just lying to himself or he really truly believes, i don't know. His stories indicate to me that he truly believes god specially cares for him and has helped him on occasion and has punished people whove wronged him. He had a really good friend and that friend died. He cared about him so much that he made himself believe he was even more special, so much so that now he has the same hope as this friend. Its just so sad that hes never said anything to me about it, never. And all the time he pushes me farther and farther away.

So thats a big thing that through me off the god train.

Maybe when I was 12 or 15, I have read Bible and Curan,I realize it is a same thing!Same stories, just names were different and from that point was not interesting to me anymore. Why to follow some ancient book to tell me how to live when I can discover that on my own?

When I was a lad, about 5yo, we used to live in the country. Sometimes on a Sunday, dad used to drive us into the town to visit the family. On the way to town we used to pass by a church, and dad would wind down the window, swear at them and 'give them the bird' as we drove past. I thought it was a bit strange, but later in life I found out for myself, after meeting a few, what a pack of dick heads the theists really are.

Real talk: when my parents killed Santa. Slippery slope from there...

When I asked “god” to let my father live long enough to see his unborn grandson.

I was 9. I remember specifically looking at my Bible on my way out of Sunday school, and thinking, "What if it's just a bunch of stories made up by men... Because men wrote it.". I quickly pushed the thought aside thinking, if God heard me, he wouldn't let me into heaven with my family.

Probably the first time it needed explaining to me Any concept in need of that much embellishment and propaganda must have no relation to the truth… And sure as shit - it didn’t!

When i learned the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus weren't real.

When I became a teenager and my brain developed to where I could think independently.

When I stop being brainwashed, enough said

When I was a child, I would see people get "filled with the spirit" and it seemed like god would move in them so forcefully they would leap to their feet and shout. The funny thing was that it was always the same people in the church that would shout and run down the aisle. It would never happen to the quiet people. I wondered why I never felt god stirring my soul. There were also those who would "talk to god". I was always sincere when I prayed, but god never talked back to me. It didn't take long for me to start doubting what I was taught.

It started for me in my early teens. I knew deep down none of it made sense and most of it was a bunch of lies. Questions I had, adults couldn't even answer. Served no purpose for me then and still continues to be the same way now.

I was very young, but a defining moment was when I was at the Kingdom Hall with my grandmother and they were passing around the crackers and wine. I watched as only a few people took a some. When it came close to me she told me not to take it. I asked why can't I take it if he took it. She said he took it because he was chosen. I said how do you know if I'm not chosen? She couldn't give me a good enough answer and that day stuck in my mind.

I have always questioned everything about religion. I was raised united, but had alot of witnesses in my dads family. I asked my grandmother all the time about things she would tells us. 1 question i had always asked her was about cain and able.....it says cain brought forth a wife....well who was his wife? lol....And about the dinosaurs?

When I was in Sunday school and noticed that the morals I was being taught was not "Real World". I grew up in the 60's watching Blacks being attacked by dogs and sprayed with fire hoses, and beaten by police officers; the people I was told to trust as a little white girl. I will never forget these images performed in my mind to - ..."Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red, yellow, black or white they are precious in his site, hmhmhmhmmmmm"

I actually have no memory of ever believing in god. I remember when I was 5 and going to church, I was thinking, another hour with the crazzies!

Around the age of 22; the routine of the Catholic liturgy finally got boring. It had lost all meaning to me.

I was around 8 years old and i remember my mother needing a consultation from the church pastor. So he pulls up in a brand new Cadillac and is dressed very flashy, gold cufflinks, and expensive shoes. He comesbin and looks disgusted to be there, cause of course were not rich, so he looks like its straining him to be in our presence. So after the 30 minute session, he tells my mother without missing a beat "do you have your offering? " i knew then god, religion, the church was all a hustle. A sales pitch to make you pay to obey, and left with nothing more than words.

Around 19. I found the existence of neanderthals quite troubling with the myth of creation.

when that guy slapped me on the ass and I was like WWWAAAAAAAAA

From about age 14. Following a period of going to church more frequently. All the smarmy guilt-driven altar calls did me in. I noticed there was no limit to the number of times you could be rewarded for tearfully humbling yourself to accept Jesus into your life. Wait, you mean last Sunday didn't take? The social pressure during the hymn, "Jesus is calling", the fantasy of being saved from death, the supernatural events that were supposed to prove divinity actually having zero proof... Well, let's just say it all started adding up. To nothing.

I was raised in The Church of Pedophiles and The Sexually Repressed, otherwise known as The Roman Catholic Church. In my midteens I started to see the Church as a ???? making business. That was where the turn off started. By the time I was in my early 20s I started looking at other religions. Buddhism was the only one that seemed to hold my interest. But then it was the only one of the major religions that didn't have the same preoccupation with the good thing. I still draw upon Zen philosophies in my Spiritual journey. For Spirituality is understanding my connection to the universe, to the Earth. By the time I was 40 I know that the universe did not need a mythological being to exist. Now that I am 65 my universe exists because I perceive it to be so.

As i got older and witnessing all the AWFUL things going on in the world, and the fact that really bad people seem to get away with things, even seem to THRIVE, really set me back.

I used to be a deist. you know the "inner self" which would prevent me from doing "immoral" things, but it was 2 years ago after reading scriptures and lol i became an atheist so fast