Maybe I phrased that poorly. It was more going from "well, it would really be rude of me to pile on to a day like that" to trying to let him down easy so he wouldn't attempt suicide, which seemed to me what he was hinting at if I left him right then - and the hints got stronger to the point that I offered to get him the number to a crisis line.

@Elizabethl, that probably worked for him in the past. Me, I probably would have told him that I was sorry to hear that but the answer was still no. The only person responsible for a suicide is the person contemplating it. My dad stayed with his second wife for years because every time he talked separation she would tell him she would commit suicide if he did. He finally got tired of the threat and divorced her. As far as I know she's still around and that was over 20yrs ago.

Type your comment here
Nasty, manipulative crapola...Never get that close to a stranger......if really crazy, you take the risk oof truly enraging him so that he tries to play you back somehow.....if he is merely a user, you are wasting your precious time...on to the next frog!

(sry, could not resist!)

@kiramea my first husband was a manipulator and wouldn't accept our divorce, even years after. He called me one night, angry, and said he was going to kill himself and it would be my fault. "Hmm...", I replied, then waited a second. "Okay," I said and hung up! He's still living on his 6th wife.

@Zster
Lol

"The crazy ones can not hold it together longer than that"...lmao!

I'll second that.

Exactly how I view it. Thx!

You told me you are not human

@MarcIveson Lololololololololol not b4 Cofffffffeeeeeeeeee

Same here! Coffee is the only revival I partake of now. Need at least 2 cups in the a.m.

@Lewellyn3. Ooo sister, whatever shall will we do without the dark,aromatic liquor of that celebrated bean?

@Charlene I'm rabid until I have my coffee in the a.m.!!!!

@Lewellyn3 as am I..lol

Both of them seemed to be creeps to me, after the interactions. I guess just starting out with a couple of guys who went from what seemed like decent guys during general interactions in front of people to unpleasant stuff as soon as we had anything remotely resembling privacy made me wonder what was really going on here. I guess mostly I just started off with bad luck?

Possessing your land line phone number, anyone can get your home address and internet profile in less than a minute! Please, everybody, do NOT give out a landline number to someone you do not know! NEVER,

@AnneWimsey It's way worse than that Ms. Wimsey. Privacy is dead.

a simple google search can identify you easily.

I recently read a paper that if you know at least three things about a person you can locate them. Could be first name, or last name, birthday, ssn, place they live, etc.

I am not trying to intimidate you, or scare you, but you shouldn't use your actual name in your profile.

Send me a message if you want more information, or how to do it yourself.

@arnies I just don't give a rats ass if someone wants to waste their time looking for me - I've had nothing but a listed land my whole life. Public records are out there so I take protective measures and don't worry about it. It was a person close to me that commited ID theift not some stranger from the internet. I only recently signed on to facebook so we'll see if there is any fallout from that. One should always stay alert and be aware of one's surroundings when out and about.

Yeah, the denials even if we quote them word for word are pretty frustrating. I used to think I was done, and I'd certainly rather never get in a relationship again than get involved with a significantly wrong one again, but hey, my second husband was a million times better than my first, so while I'm not a big fan of a piece of paper, with this rate of progress my next SO ltr should be perfection. I just need to keep working on myself - both with me as me and with simply my ability to choose well - and take enough time to regroup and fix what needs fixing in between attempts.

Do you still have coffee bars where you live? - As a teen I felt so grown up going into a coffee/milk bar with my friend they seem to have disappeared . The last one I remember was in Liverpool in the eighties where they still had the big counter and huge machines. the two men who ran it were twins and hadn't spoken to each other in years but couldn't stop playing 'twin ' tricks on the customers.

I totally agree that I need to improve in that area. Do you have a suggestion for me about either what to listen for, or some search terms I can use on google or youtube to learn more about what to look for and listen for?

@ElizabethI Never give out any personal info like a phone number! If it is a home phone they can look up your address in about 10 seconds, if they are savvy, even from a cell phone! At the first sign of inappropriate sexy remarks, RUN! They are testing you to see how far you can be pushed. Do you think anyone generally interested in making a new friend would do that? Would you allow a remark that made you squirm to go unchallenged in person? Not acceptable!

It would be funny if so many men didn't think it was true.

The first one, I seriously doubt it. I'd only recently moved to the area, hadn't dated anyone since I first got together with my second ex, and was just coming to terms with the fact that my second marriage was over, so I was all kinds of paranoid and looking for anything that could possibly be of concern. He passed, but as soon as I let my guard down enough to agree to coffee when he asked, that happened.

The second one, I could have read something wrong. We had run into each other at community suppers just about every week for a couple of months. One crowded night when where I usually sat was full, he waved me over to sit with him and the people he usually sat with. He was nice, and helpful to everyone at the table - offered to bring back stuff for anyone who wanted it when he went up to the serving table. Asked me out after a few weeks, but at the time there was someone else I was interested in, so I explained that to him. We still sat together for about a year, though I did skip most of the meals, especially in the winter. Stuff didn't work out with the other guy, but I didn't reach back out to him until after I'd moved, ran into him downtown, got to chatting, and realized we both needed a new friend, so this time I asked him if he wanted to go out for coffee, and because of his previous request a year and a half earlier, emphasized "Just Coffee."

Maybe there was a clue when a couple days later, he suggested a change to lunch. I was a bit nervous, but told myself lunch wasn't a big deal, and the next day as we sat down, I told him I'd get my half (I learned a long time ago that if the guy pays, many of them expect something - and last I checked, I don't wear a sign that says "will have sex for food " ) . He insisted on paying, so I didn't argue (some guys get their pride wounded if a female pays), and despite my nervousness, I reminded myself that sometimes I'd picked up the check when it was just friends going out, and it was no big deal.

I got a lunch special, and he got a dinner that came with a salad, so he offered me some of his salad when that came. A piece of lettuce landed on the table, so he made a joke about tossing my salad. I was mortified. At least he had what I thought was the decency to cover his face, apologize, and sound embarrassed. It dragged out a bit as he seemed to try to unsay what he said, but actually made it worse. I was going to let that go because all of us stick our foot in our mouth sometimes.

He asked about the guy I'd said I was interested in before, so I was brief about that, and he told me about his various dating experiences. It seemed like he was jumping the gun a bit, but it also seemed kind of like a natural flow, so I didn't really know what to make of it. Let's just say that after that was over, it went downhill from there, rapidly.

edited because an emoji unintentionally came up where I did not want one

@ElizabethI you seem to be a lovely empathetic person...but honey, this ain't the time to use it! Making excuses for men before you even know them is not a good idea...when you find yourself "justivying", RUN!

@ElizabethI okay, that is absolutely crazy. I've seen some weird behavior from women, but it's not as scary for guys.

Lol. Is he related to Nick?