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Can you fall in love with someone who you've never met in person?

Speaking to someone virtually and never meeting them first... is it possible to fall in love? What do you think?

silvereyes 8 Feb 20
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1

I'd like to think so.

Gohan Level 7 Feb 20, 2018
16

Yes. In the words of one of my blogging buddies and good friend from the UK:

"So, one falls in love/becomes terribly fond of a mind, predominantly, nay exclusively. How someone ticks. For all of society’s emphasis on appearance, there is no greater compliment than to know you are admired, loved, or fancied to a point of utter distraction purely because of that which you harbour in your head. It’s cutting to the chase basically. It’s who you are at the core.

In real life, if you get together with someone, you may never gain access to that which they show of themselves happily online, though some will filter through of course, (this tends to get rarer as time ticks on and the bath needs cleaning, and the kids need picking up from the ‘Toddler Zumba’ club) because they can’t say it all. They can write it. And of course some people would be unrecognisable offline should you bump into them unwittingly in a pub say, and I don’t mean physically.

If you have fallen for their mind first however, you know the heights of wonder they are capable of. You can find out all the faults later on hahahahaha. This all rings the same bell with friendships of course, though the path leans more towards just pure enjoyment/adoration/the gleaning of joy of their being. Their existence. And distance is no barrier. It’s a very different way to access love."

Quite right Victoria. Love is a strange thing. I love people for the combination of qualities that someone has. Physically, mentally, the way someone is expressing his or her feelings, the way someone thinks. Love is the feeling that you experience when you share something essential with someone. Sex is only a small part of it and is more not present than it is. I can love a male friend, a female friend without the urge to have sex with them. Love is so often wrongly used. For example:" Let's make love" is a stupid expression. Actually it should be "Let's make a baby", "let's have sex", "let's have intercourse", "let's copulate" or even more down to earth: "Lets fuck". Even "going to bed with someone" is stupid. So often I say to my wife "lets go to bed together", most of the time I means: "I'm tired" or "we have to get up early tomorrow". Is love the same as "I'm in love with you" or "I'm hormonal attracted to you and I want to make a baby with you? I'm married to my wife for over 40 years and I love her deeply. That has not so much to do anymore with physical attraction (although she's still beautiful.
With a lot of words I try to say that the terminology around the word "Love" is very complicated. If you are attracted to someone for whatever reason, you are free to say I love the person, without any sexual subtitle.

Very true, @VictoriaNotes, and I have an example (sort of).

One of my best friends met a guy briefly when on vacation visiting her parents. This was back in the day when phone calls were expensive, and everyone waited for the lowest rates on Saturday nights after 11pm. So they wrote letters via postal mail. And they wrote. And they wrote ... for a year, at which point she went back up north to see him and they became engaged/married. It's been almost 30 years and they're still crazy about each other.

We've spoken before about how well we know our online friends, even when we've never met them, which is kind of the same thing.

@Gert "If you are attracted to someone for whatever reason, you are free to say I love the person, without any sexual subtitle."

Indeed. The full content of your comment was so well stated.

"We've spoken before about how well we know our online friends, even when we've never met them, which is kind of the same thing."

@Lauren I agree. I'm the only one in the family who has close online friends (with exception to my daughter), and for the longest, they couldn't understand how I could have such close friendships with people I had never met in person (although I have since then). I did remind my mother that she barely knew my dad (in person) when they got married. They mostly wrote letters to each other during the "courtship" as he was in the military.

Thanks for sharing your heartwarming story about your best friend. 🙂

Agreed - love has very few prerequisites beyond genuineness. Animals confirm this to us all the time. Between humans, when not interfered with by externals, the 'sky's the limit'.

14

I think so, because love is all about how you feel and many things can attract us to another person. Whether it's the best basis for a relationship is another matter, but I think anyone can build an emotional connection from a distance.

12

Fantasy is easy. Reality is hard.

skado Level 9 Feb 20, 2018

It's often that one demands from reality the same as from fantasy. Reality is sometimes hard. Fantasizing about starting a successful business is easy, the reality of a bankruptcy after trying it is indeed hard. But in the end even that is what one makes of it. Every end is a new beginning.

9

Another viewpoint is that we're assuming that the person you think you're falling for has actually represented themselves honestly. I've begun paths to relationships several times, and when the in-person meeting finally arrives the person does not look like their picture or is a total dud in person compared to how they write, or even speak. I've always enjoyed writing first (are they articulate?) then a phone call (do they sound like Daffy Duck?), and finally the blessed day arrives where we meet. One case, many years ago, led to a wonderful relationship (since ended but we remain friends). Every case is different. And anything is possible. As a former president once said "Trust, but verify." 🙂

Lol at the Daffy Duck part. But I have learned the sound of someone's voice is actually very important to me.

@Funnygir175 My point exactly. As a musician, sound matters. 🙂

8

Yes. I will elaborate later. This has recently become a reality for me. Previous to this experience, I easily would have replied with, "no."

Sadoi Level 7 Feb 20, 2018

I have met, and can honestly say, fallen in love with someone in the strangest of ways. To me, this is all backwards, something I would Never have dreamed I would dare fall into. I would have been one of the types that made fun of someone in my shoes, or at the very least, i would scoff.

This time, I cannot. I had no intensions of having this happen. I wasn't looking. Neither was he, however, here we are now and we are in the process of figuring out how to get him into my country. haha! Yeah, this involves two people from different countries, too boot!

Like I said, this is not something I intended to have happen. I have remained single for years because I am just That Picky. I felt there was no point in wasting my time in a relationship unless the person was extraordinary and well worth the efford, however, that would not have included the complexities of Long Distance Nor different countries of origin. In a nutshell, the fact that i Not Only agreed to a relationship with this person, But I Also agreed in the knowledge that 1) he was from a different country 2) we are Beyond long distance 3) it would be months before we could meet face to face 4) it would be tough 5) Ive never been in a relationship with a person I havent known for a long while or at the very least, In person First, yet despite ALL that, he was so... Very Much Worth taking the leap of faith, taking a risk & a chance to see... because he means that much to me.

I can easily say I have fallen in love with this man. I never would have believed it was possible... until it happened to me because here I am now and I am absolutely 110% positive that I want to build a life with this man and I completely adore him, already. I wouldn't have done Any of this, EVER, if I weren't positive I was doing the right thing. He is just That Unique to me, in life... I never fully thought someone could have a soulmate, but if ever such a thing were to exist, This Man... I would venture to say, he is my soulmate.

I met him here. He rarely checks his notifications because when we are at agnostic.com these days, we are typically lost in our own world in messages, but I could link him in to this. He will never see it though. haha! Like me, he is extremely private, except he's even More private than I! haha Hence, he doesnt pay much heed to most notifications/alerts around here.

It is @Dav87 whom I love. ❤ Ask me in one year how we fared. I would BET most things that we will survive this. This is the most difficult phase we are enduring at the moment. This distance and all the paperwork and red tape we will have to go through to bring to fruition the unifying of our lives is a task, no doubt. Neither he nor I are flighty or illogical or quick to jump at things. We are each sound of mind, Clear about the situation we are undertaking, Understand the challenges fully, including understanding how our own family and friends will make fun of us or believe we have lost our minds. Yet despite all that, we Still opted to move forward.

I would have done this for no one. If a friend came to me with the very story that I have Now experienced, I would also wonder what the catch was and would figure my friend had temporarily lost their sanity and/or this other person must be a real sweet talker who has bamboozled my friend into a relationship unwittingly. So im no idiot on this and i am realistic about what to expect. He just... happens to be The One that was Worth it Enough to me even despite a million reasons more that should have served to discourage me since this is a daunting undertaking. Rather than run From the complexities of this love, I choose to run toward it, toward him, because I Genuinely love him. WE genuinely love one another.

IF he EVER sees this post, he would also agree. 😉

@SACatWalker aww thank you. 🙂 I am a very lucky lady!!

@SACatWalker ooh i honestly love that saying you shared with me. Beautiful and, yes, very apt, Very True!!

I will always remember this thought of yours because it is full of wisdom and sincerity. Aww thank you for sharing this.

I am deeply touched by your response. Thank you so much ❤

@Sadoi atta guys!!!! it takes two to tango.

8

I think it would be possible, but for me, highly unlikely. I might really really "like" someone, but love, that's a whole different thing. Too many things can be missed in a virtual relationship.

8

I don't think so. I've chatted with men online and had a really good connection. Been super excited to meet them. But then after we meet in person....not so much. Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there in person. But I do think you need to meet in person to truly fall in love.

I'm chatting with someone now and in my opinion he's reading way more into our conversations than I am. He said "I'm falling for the personality who you are." I don't think you can truly "fall" for someone until you've met in person. I'm preceding with caution.

I don't feel one short meeting is very adequate to fall in love that process involves so much emotion it takes many months, I've always been a person to never make fast decisions about anything that is very important and I consider finding a mate is one of the most important things we do with our life.

7

It happens all the time and even with me. One falls in love with an idea. Face to face meeting can be a small part of the love equation. I fell in love with my late partner long before I met her. We spent a lot of time on the phone and got to know each other. Does hearing a voice count as meeting? It was a long distance relationship and I found that the chemistry when meeting can send bogus messages. It is often better to get to know someone and maybe fall in love before meeting.

Of course this idea of falling in love with an idea is used constantly by famous people. One can also fall in hate with someone. We don't need to meet tRump to know how we feel about him.

6

I think it's at least possible for you to THINK you're falling for someone, then, as others have said, when you finally do meet F2F, there is no chemistry or perhaps they aren't who they represented themselves to be. This is something that could be borne out on this site. LOL! Personally, I dislike long-distance relationships and feel they are very difficult to make work for all of the obvious reasons, but as we all know, it is difficult to find like-minded people so we work with what's in front of us. Seeing everyone here is making me rethink the possibility of meeting someone who is located far from me.

6

it takes me a very long time to fall in love because I have to determine the honesty of the person and what we have common interests and our ability to Communicate and compromise when we don't agree and it takes many months to develop.

dc65 Level 7 Feb 20, 2018
5

I believe one could think they've fallen in love with someone online, but you never really know until you're sharing physical proximity. Once things 'get real', you can find that you were mistaken about your initial impressions.
Some people are REALLY good at presenting themselves online. When the real world shows up, and they have to be who they said they were, things can change awfully fast.

5

that is one thing I like about this website you get to know a more personal basis

dc65 Level 7 Feb 20, 2018
4

I think so, to a certain extent. If the contact is consistent and the sharing is deep enough to form tight bonds and get the dopamine and oxytocin flowing, then anything is possible. I have forged very close friendships, occasionally bordering on romance, even, with people who live in faraway places as far away as New Zealand and the UK (I live in Texas). In the final analysis, we were lonely people who made a connection that worked at the time.

As an addendum to that, there was a Canadian woman that I talked to for a long time. We became very close, online and ended up meeting when she traveled to this area. While we are still friends, the communication, which was very much like two lovers, dwindled after we met face to face. While our time together was WONDERFUL, we just weren't "meant to be".

4

Me? No. Hell-to-the-no.

Anyone else? Not for me to say--but I will anyway. Sure, you can "fall in love" (whatever that means)...but it's not going to be with a whole person. Good luck with that...

4

I would imagine so and I would hope so it makes life quite interesting.

4

Fall in Love I would say yes. Stay in Love I imagine it would be a lot more difficult.

4

No, not really.

4

Yes and my own experiences online have shown that to be true.

4

I did fall in love with someone who I hadn’t met in person. We spent a lot of time chatting obviously before we ever met. But I had already fallen for her before we met in person.

3

yes, if you have communicated enough. When you are in love with someone, think what it is about them you love.

3

Well...I certainly thought I was madly in love once, with someone from a distance! And, when I met that person, I was almost in shock at how the relationship seemed in person! I think that I convinced my psychic into a love that never existed! But, then I have never been very satisfied with 'mail ordered' anything! I have found real love to be a little boring and often times hard work. I would never trust euphoria, again!

3

I disagree. The answer is no, you can't fall in love with just "messaging" online. If you think you're falling in love, it is loving the "image" you create from the words that do not fully express the personality of the other. You can't truly know someone unless you spend face-to-face time with them. Otherwise, you're falling in love with an illusion, something created from inside yourself, not the other.

Perception and any manipulation also colours face-to-face.

@Neraven Oh, so true! So, do we ever really know the other person? THAT takes time, IMHO.

3

Perhaps I'm misreading your question, @Silvereyes. I think it's possible to fall in love with someone you've never met, but I'm assuming that physical contact will be made at some point, not that the relationship is continued only at a distance.

I think it's easier than ever to do because of technology. You could be in constant contact with each other throughout the day via texting, email, Snapchat, whatever ... plus calling. I like to think of myself as a good communicator so perhaps that's why I see it as viable. Granted, it could be an easy method for someone to be deceptive (hiding romantic partners, or criminality) but, hey, we get that in person as well.

So I'm not looking at it as a constant, but I wouldn't discount it, either.

3

I think it is, at least until reality kick you in the teeth.

JimG Level 8 Feb 20, 2018
3

LUST Probably. LOVE Maybe but rarely.

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