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How do you deal with manspreading?

Sitting between two men at Cascade Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, both of them were manspreading. It was awful, pinned between them. I barely had room to sit.

Today a guy sat down and took up half of my seat with his widespread legs and elbows. When I moved my foot an inch, he stepped on it.

To combat his rudeness, without making eye contact, I scooted into the middle of my chair. Leaned against him. Finally, he withdrew his body.

President Obama once compared Vladimir Putin to a “bored kid at the back of the classroom.” “He's got that kind of slouch,” Obama said.

"When I sat with Putin in meetings, he looked more like one of those guys on the subway who imperiously spreads their legs wide, encroaching on everyone else's space, as if to say, “I take what I want” and “I have so little respect for you that I'm going to act as if I'm at home lounging in my bathrobe,” President Obama said.

Men did not behave like this when I was growing up.

I thought it was because I am small, men think I don't need much space. It feels like bullying.

LiterateHiker 9 Apr 7
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23 comments

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13

People do this kind of thing because they've been allowed to get away with it.
When it's done in my presence, I'll wave my hand at it, look them dead in the eye,
and say, "that's rude AF, stop it." It usually gets the desired response and the offending party stops doing it.

As soon as I decided I was going to stop taking shit from people, a lot of things
changed.

8

What you call manspreading I call impudent arrogance.

8

Take your foot and push that leg away.

If someones testicles are that enlarged they need to see a doctor.

@BufftonBeotch

Thank you.

7

I tell people to move. It startles a lot of them but they move.

This! ^^^^^^^^^ ! Airplanes, concerts, movies, etc., personal space is personal.

@Paracosm

Great idea. I will tell them to move. Thanks.

5

I always sit with with my legs crossed. I’ll make a point of sticking them with a stiletto or kicking them.

@Green_eyes

Hilarious! I'd fall off high heels. It's safer to carry an ice pick in my purse, except I'd probably impale myself.

Reminds me of high school, when I ran full tilt into the music room swinging doors. Oddly, they were locked. WHAM! A sharp pencil in my purse rammed through the leather into my thigh. I still have a lead-colored spot from it.

5

Did hip hop and rap music increase male posturing, showing off their manhood?

^^^This question has got to be one of THE MOST IGNORANT questions EVER asked.

I'm trying to understand what Hip Hop and Rap have to do with the story. I'm scratching my head here. Maybe I missed something. probably did.

@SleeplessInTexas

Don't call me ignorant.

I'm trying to understand why men behave this way.

For 20 years, manspreading has been an issue for feminists. It's about disrespect for other people.

@LiterateHiker I didn't. I apologise if you think I did. The question is the thing I had an issue with.

I thought this was written from some random and bizarre article.

@SleeplessInTexas

Thanks for your apology. I wrote this post.

@LiterateHiker Oh. I'm very surprised. I hope you're okay.

@SleeplessInTexas

Thank you. I'm fine.

3

Do men manspread because of their testicles? I've wondered about that. Maybe they're suffocating. I'm looking for real responses on this.

3

Man spreading is a new one for me, but I get it. Having a slight frame, I’d really have to put effort into what seems to come naturally to others.

I think it’s a symptom of a much larger issue where some people simply live in their own little bubble without a consideration for others. I try not to let it get to me because it’s not malicious, just thoughtless.

3

Speak up and don't put up with that BS. You have a right to your space. Tell that guy to get off my foot. Be loud if you have to. Let the minister know who's the ass hole at the Unitarian Fellowship.
You probably saw my post about the obese guy who's fat rolled onto me. I spoke up to him. Still didn't make a difference.

2

fortunately, i don't travel often by air. the last time was around 13 yrs ago & i don't remember any overcrowding in any of the seats.
i do think us canucks are considerably smaller than our friends to the south.
if someone did encroach on my space i wouldn't hesitate to tell him/her to move the fuck over.

I'm a small guy and the airline seats are too small for me and have no leg room. I always get an aisle seat and so does my wife.

2

It's not as if this is specifically a male problem.

There are loutish, rude women who spill over the armrest in airplanes and my wife will be the first to tell you that women can leave epic stink bombs in public restrooms with the best of them.

Once, on a flight to Seoul, a woman in the seat next to me used me as a backrest to take a nap without asking. My wife and stepchildren still laugh about this years later. She was Asian and I think it was partly a very different cultural idea about what constitutes personal space, but still. If she hadn't been elderly I'd have just let her fall asleep and then got up abruptly to use the restroom or something.

2

Bring a tape measure with you and make a show of measuring the distance between the arm rests. Then place the tape measure across the guy's knees and see if he gets the message.

@ATDayHiker

I like @Paracosm's suggestion:

"Tell people to move. It startles a lot of them but they move."

2

I don't like to make up motives since I can't truly know. But anytime I have done anything I later feel bad about, I was in my own head unconscious of my surroundings. I make an effort to be present to those around me so I respond when someone says hello, or move out if someone's way.
I know what you mean about th he discomfort of people spreading jnto your space. It happens to me with woman and men, but ironically I noticed when children by me, they have not intruded by having their arms resting on both armrests for example. May because smaller, but seemed to me just more present to their surroundings. I think your reaction was clever.

2

This vintage photo shows the dude in the middle getting a manspread bookend.

2

Not trying to say look at the birdie, or being insensitive,
but larger women do the exact same thing as well.
In the case of a larger person doing it because of the girth of their body I say let it go.

@Seeker3CO I flew back from San Francisco in 2000 with a window seat (I'm 5'11", 225lbs built, wide shoulders) so I was scrunched, with a gentleman who just flown in from the Philippines 14 hours flying beforehand when we landed in Atlanta my whole left side was soaked from his body sweat he was about six foot eight and 380 lb yes I have sittien next to somebody like that before. ( I only fly comfort+ or 1st class now. And it still doesn't address this issue)

@Seeker3CO

On a long airplane flight, my obese seatmate's body extended over and under the armrest, taking up half of my seat. Jammed against the window, I sat twisted on one hip, in pain for five hours. The plane was full. I felt furious.

My clothes were wet from his sweat.

If you don't fit in one seat, PAY FOR TWO SEATS.

@LiterateHiker they should have something like the height ruler on an amusement ride.... maybe something like a cutout in a board.. 'if you can't walk thru this without touching the sides you must pay for two seats.'.... like pulling out the funny bone in a game of operation.

@august70 Airlines should provide extra large seats at an extra cost for large people. I flew from the USA with Aer Lingus last year.I had a window seat and fortunately the middle seat was vacant because the guy in the aisle seat was so fat that he spread half way accross it. His belly was so big that he couldn't pull down the little tray for his airline meal. he just balance it on his ample gut.

.

2

Once at a silent meditation retreat, the fellow sitting next to me spread his legs wide and uncomfortably touched my knee and thigh. I moved my chair away from him, making as much noise as possible in the process. Problem solved.

@jerry99

It's worse when chairs are arranged tightly or hooked together.

@LiterateHiker Sometimes you have to speak up even when it seems inappropriate -- PLEASE MOVE YOUR LEGS OFF OF ME!!!

I left out the "you big effing jerk" part, but you get the idea.

@jerry99

Thank you! I will speak up. Today I was struggling with his widespread legs and elbows.

@LiterateHiker Could've been worse ???

2

I think you need to start running with a different crowd. 😉

@bigpawbullets

Don't blame me. Men behave like this in waiting rooms, theatres, subways, buses, weddings, etc.

@LiterateHiker Men have to deal with the same bull shit. It's been this way forever.

@ADKSparky

I didn't realize that.

I thought it was because I am small, these jerks think I don't need much space. It feels like bullying.

@LiterateHiker I'm also small and it is bullying. They think they have the right to take up your personal space. I had a major professor in grad school who pushed my elbow off an arm rest in an auditorium. He thought he could bully grad students.

Short story
My aunt was about to leave off on a long flight. Ellen and settled into her seat. A wide body woman was about to sit next to her. My aunt is petite. The wide body asked my aunt to raise the arm rest so there was more room. My aunt refused and the wide body got angry and asked for another seat.

1

Politely say......please refrain from touching me. I unfortunately have a fungal condition that while being treated I'm told may still be a little contagious....

1

It is bullying and on airline flights it is usually tolerated by the flight staff. Everbody for themself is the rule these days on flights.

1

I am tall and have long legs, but I try to be considerate of those who sit near me. A couple nights ago I went to see a stage play and I deliberately sat in the back row so nobody would have their view blocked by sitting behind me. I always try to do that. There was a group of guys sitting right in front of me that were clearly all friends ( all seemed to be gay men as well, not that it matters) and, tho I didn't say anything to them after the show, a few of them were regularly whispering or talking softly to each other throughout the show. One of them right in front of me was even making comments frequently out loud in response to the action so loud that everyone in the next several seats could clearly hear him. I'm talking normal volume for conversation. What an ass! I used to act in community theater when I was young and I remember how distracting that kind of thing was when I was on stage.

Of course, nobody said anything to these guys after the no-intermission show was over, probably because they had some clout in the theater program and were sitting in marked reserved seats because they had probably donated big bucks to the program. But having money and donating it doesn't give you by itself any class as a person (esp. when you act that way), same as some people who fly first class. I'm thinking, with what I've heard about the hell of airline seating for the common folks, that I will spend the $ to fly first class the next time I travel. I can afford it if I only take a couple trips a year.

1

In the rare instances when it affected me, I simply nudged against a leg, till they tucked in - or I asked for some space - and got it !

1

And the really fat person who wants to lift up the armrests because they are constricting so their fat spills all over me.

So disgusting.

If you can't fit in one seat you should buy two.

I don't want your sweaty gut pudge on me.

@BufftonBeotch

Exactly.

1

Never really sat that way myself. I usually sit with one foot up on my knee. I don’t think it’s just a guy thing. It’s a person thing. Just a person not being thoughtful or considerate. Could have been how they grew up. My sister has social issues because of her past.

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