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2 Weeks on "Plenty Of Fish"

I decided to give the "Plenty Of Fish" dating site a try. Here's my initial impressions, after about 2 weeks, in case anyone else is thinking of trying it:

First- it seems like Tinder (which I've never been on, only read about) only with fewer nude pics. When I first signed up, I felt like a guy walking into a single's bar for the first time. I had so many notifications of people checking my profile that it was ridiculous. At first, I had set my email to give me notifications from the site, but it's so unselective as to be useless. The site doesn't categorize between emails about messages, emails about other notifications, general site notifications... now I dump everything in my spam folder.

Second- it's a very clumsy site to navigate. It took me days to work out how to set requirements on my profile as to who could email me at all. Now at least I'm not getting messages from across the country.

Third- it's not at all selective as to who it presents as matches, although it claims to be. At least 75 percent of the women it's tried to match me with are shown as Christian in one way or another (it shows denominations, which is a nice touch, I suppose, IF you're an Xian and worry about that sort of thing). I can't find any sort of filter that says "I'm looking for non-religious matches". "Atheist" and "Agnostic" aren't even categories.
There's also an optional personality test through which one can tell others that religion either is or is not important to you. I've seen many "non-religious" people who also rate religion as important... someone's confused. Unless they're trying to say, it's important to be an atheist, and that's as close as the site lets them get to expressing that?

Fourth- SO MANY FAKE PROFILES that it's ridiculous. I gave up trying to report them after the third day. I can only guess that it's in the hundreds by now, that I've personally been messaged by. All the profiles nearly identical, all claiming to be near my age, with pictures of women in their 20s or 30s, some of which are just lingerie shots and in one case a topless pic (not that I have a problem with that); one of three or four identical "about me" paragraphs (and they aren't the ones supplied by the site, especially not the one that goes, "when I'm not at work I'm at home m@sturb@ting" ); hair color description that doesn't come close to the picture; and high school education, with a career like "engineer", "pilot", or "surgeon". πŸ˜€ I've decided that leaving them alone is contributing to natural selection; any man stupid enough to reply to them beyond a facetious response (which I sometimes give the best ones) deserves to learn a lesson.

Slightly more subtle was the woman who seemed to be genuine, but who evaded my question about how long she had lived in her town quite near me and instead changed the subject to setting up a video chat through POF; for which she needed my email address to send the site admin. Friends and neighbors, there is no video chat service on POF. A quick search confirmed this is a known scam, with a fake service that uses POF's logos but is a completely different company. I reported her. Sad to say, it looks like they took her profile down, but she came back with the same name and no picture yet. Obviously the admins are either swamped with fraudulent users, or they just don't care enough to watch for the fakes who come back again and again.
It bears repeating here: NEVER give personal identifying information like your email to someone on a dating site, and especially don't give financial information.

Fifth- there are some nice and genuine people on there, who can hold a very good conversation. I had an extremely good one my first week, almost agreed to meet for coffee, when it turned out she hadn't realized that "non-religious" on my profile didn't just mean "doesn't go to church", but meant "atheist". She said it was a deal breaker and meant it; our first phone conversation turned out to be our last, about 65 seconds later. But I'm currently having another very nice conversation with someone that may or may not go anyplace.

So, it's a very mixed bag. You will get a ton of messages, but have to sift through a lot of gravel to find the tiny gleam of gold. And that gold will often as not turn out to be pyrite. But just like any dating site, you're playing the odds. I'm going to keep playing until my subscription runs out, and then I'll either have met someone through it, or I'll give up on it. Either way I'll have seen a lot of interesting lingerie pics. πŸ˜‰

Paul4747 8 Apr 28

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51 comments

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0

@Paul4747;

I don't think you've discovered the "advanced search" (for POF).

You can specify -
-non-religious or "other" or "new-age"
-height
-distance
and many other choices.

This way you can avoid the absentees...or the non-responders ("on line now" are listed first).

But remember there's a very competitive, if not better "free" dating site.. right here.

Agnostic.com has many options - if you're "ready to be out there".

The problem with A.com is its newness - and thus it's low membership, and wide dispersal of members.

...but A.com is growing....

As I said, it's a very clumsy site to navigate. Thank you.

I joined this site intending to use it as a dating resource, but it's become a social thing instead. I don't think most of the members here are here to date, and those that are, I've found... don't want to date me. But that's true of the world at large, why should this site be any different?

@Paul4747 Exactly.

Get "dating" out of your goal/mind.

Just relate your life. Interact as much as possible.

We all have "followers" and "favorites"....some folks (including me) have been burned and are very hesitant to start over...so develop more "self-love" get used to "being alone" and just interact....there's possibly some potential "mates" out there keeping a tab/eye on you...but if not...let it be.

6

"Plenty of Flakes" is what I call POF.

Thank you, I take pride in my flakiness πŸ˜€

@Paul4747
Yes but are you tender too?

LoL

If by flake you mean thoughtful caring nerdy tender person then yes πŸ‘

@bobwjr Gee, Bob, if you're talking about me, then I'm oddly touched that you noticed. Thanks.

Bahahha...I call it Plenty of Freaks

6

It’s a scam. Didn’t find even one fish or even a mermaid on the site

4

You are correct on many points. It's the antithesis of being user friendly. It's overrun by fake accounts seeking money. Having said all that, I actually did meet my wife of for years next month, on that site... no joke.

4

The number of women who contact you will dwindle the longer you are on the site. New people tend to get a lot of attention.

State that you are an atheist on your profile. I do--not that many men bother to read what I write.

There are lots of scammers but there are also a lot of people who are just delusional or are liars. I have met men who listed their height at 6' when they were 5'7". They lie about their age and they post old pictures. One told me he was a psychologist but did not even have a BA. One told me he was a med student but was in his first semester of college; I told him he was not even a pre-med and it greatly offended him. "Athletic" does not include having a belly that laps four or more inches over a belt. I have been off and on the site for a decade and mainly stay for the amusement potential.

@Gwendolyn2018 I found that I got too many prothelytizers if I put atheist.

@Stephanie99 Strangely, I do not! And personally, I like to tell them that their opinions do not matter. It is rather amusing. The only reason they contact us is because the are attracted but religion gets in the way; if only they can change our minds . . .

4

Very complete report...thank you for taking your time to share with us.

3

POF is terrible.
The β€œchemistry test” is part of the paid service.
When I used it, it did have non-religious or some such thing BUT KEPT TURNING THAT FILTER OFF.
I was β€œmatched” almost exclusively with guys with a high-school diploma who smoked - both dealbreakers for me.

Odds are most of them were fake profiles anyway. Did they have jobs like "dentist", "economist" and "professor"?

3

Abandon all hope

3

Good report...I won't be there.

3

I received a message from a guy yesterday.... in response to him hearing about my recently broken heart...That I should..."Cut bait and Keep fishing".... I think the best advise I have ever received.

Sorry to read about your sorrows. Good luck fishing.

Good luck.

3

I gave it up several months ago. I'm looking for love, not a hookup

3

Sounds like a fishing expedition (sorry, i couldn't resist!). I hit the jackpot with my first contact on another dating app. I have 2 suggestions. The first suggestion is from my personal experience. Seek out answers to specific questions on your initial messages. Like, would you date an atheist? I received a message from a turned-out-to-be scammer here on agnositc that was very general. I read his profile and asked him a direct question about his career field. He wouldn't/couldn't answer it. He tried again a couple of weeks later stating he was busy working. I restated the question. End of conversation. I think the scammers are trying to get you talk about yourself and forget that you are not getting any insight about them. Sometimes i think its a way for them to perfect their coversational english algorithm. The second suggestion is from a comment I read here on agnostic. Be one of the first persons to initiate contact. And make your message informed and specific. Like, I too like [concerts, camping, scubadiving], when was the last time you did it? My last time was [the best, worst] and I want to do it again.

JGal Level 7 Apr 28, 2019
2

It seems all the popular sites are a mixed bag. But it is possible to meet someone. You just need abundant patience, a ready sense of humor, enough common sense to avoid the crazies and the scammers, and be open to the possibilities !

I still laugh when I think that one of my best finds, that ended up being a 4yr relationship - was with someone I met in that wierd , racy, nutsy world of the old Craigslist single's ads. Ha.

Good advice

2

I have been on & off POF for almost 10 years, have had some fun meets, some very weird meets, and one long-term (almost 3 years) Penpal out of it. I have also been on other sites, a few paid. I find POF incredibly easy to use, the filters work well...distance, age especally so. I decline all offers to pay for "more service". It seems, just like on this site, that the number of scammers is way up, sadly. Insisting on direct answers to direct questions is the best method to weed them out...for example, "did you have a favorite pet as a child?"...what real person wouldn't love to babble away about their gerbil, dog, fish? But a scammer will reply, "oh my dear I am so thrilled we have similar experiences"

Yep. Last night I asked a "business owner" what kind of business she ran, and she thanked me for my response and wanted my email so she could send me some pictures. I thanked her for her non-answer. πŸ˜€

@Paul4747 Perfect example!

@AnneWimsey Normally I wouldn't have bothered, because I couldn't picture a 49-year-old "business owner" putting up the photo she did... but she did look close to the right age, and at least her hair color was right, so...? I considered it an empirical test.

I went on a few dates via POF and OKCupid. Like everything else, it's a mix - some nice women, some crazy/nasty ones. My only suggestion is to start slow via email and phone chat and get to know someone a bit before meeting in person. Oh and if someone with photos as an attractive young person finds you irresistible, it's probably a scam.

2

Pof has definitely gone downhill hard.. when i was on it my first go around , it was pretty good.. now the scammers have taken it over so much its pretty useless.

2

After my divorce, about 9 and a half years ago, I tried both POF and Match. All told I think I had 3 dates, none of which was a second date. Women I was interested in online were generally not interested in me, pretty much like in real life. So I stopped. I did get a date recently on Tinder. Sweet woman, very cute and intelligent, but way too young for me and we both knew it. I've had much better results the old fashioned way. I'm not breaking any records, but it passes the time every so often. It's a crap shoot no matter how you do it.

2

P. S. If the religion thing is something that your keying on you might try OkCupid which delves into many questions and details more than most sites do.

lerlo Level 8 Apr 28, 2019
2

I have been very clear on my profile that I am an athiest, a socialist and an environmental activist. I get very few hits, and when I do, it is clear they didn't read my profile. I am also a fitness enthusiast a la Jack LaLanne and most of the hits don't have a pulse. In spite of this, I always thank the person for their interest. When I contact someone, I virtually never get a thank you. The general rudeness of the women is striking. I see the fake profiles;usually say 65 years old, but the pictures are unmistakably of a 30 year old.

I thank those people who send a genuine message, at least the genuine people. One of the benefits of paid membership (the few benefits, apparently) is that you can see if your messages have been read and see who looks at your profile.
It's really irritating to see a message deleted without even being read and without your profile being looked at. I put effort into writing, and it seems a shame that people judge by my face that I'm not worth hearing from.

2

Sounds tedious.

2

Lingerie pics. Gosh, I'm just so filled with pride and respect for my gender.....not really. Good luck with POF. I found dating online was too much work trying to filter through the nutjobs. About 90% of the men I ran into were married or in a relationship and just looking for something physical, or just want to catfish a woman.

It's my gender that's meant to fall for it, though.

@Paul4747 So what message is behind posting a lingerie pic? What are these women trying to tell you?

@linxminx My guess in this case would be, "Try to ignore the fact that I'm probably a scam artist working out of a basement somewhere and look at this picture of a nearly naked woman instead."

2

I've run across those fake profiles on POF. Most are really obvious, as you mentioned. I get very few messages but when I do, it's the fake "hey there πŸ™‚". That gets my immediate deletion. Can't imagine everybody using the same phrase "hey there πŸ™‚". Figure it's probably one organization preying on people looking to connect with a member of the opposite sex. Must be scam-money to be made. Not from me if I can help it. Usually buxom young lasses just dying to connect with an old guy such as myself. "Her" profile shows a 20-something, "her" stated age is 60-something.

My favorite was the one who gave "her" profession as "cosmonaut". πŸ˜€ Zero possibility that there was a Russian bot programmer involved.

1

I've been on POOF for a few months now. I was on Metch before that, for 2 years, and earlier about 2008-10, too. Yes, POOF is harder to use than Metch, and has more junk profiles, and is clunkier to use, but my experience has not been nearly as bad as yours. Even though POOF says that most women read your profile before writing, I haven't found that to be true. I get dozens of clicks on my photo alone, from people with no compatibility activity- or philosophy-wise. But the price is better than Metch, and anyway, after two years there, I felt I was only seeing re-runs on Metch. But Metch's key-word-search function is great. You can even search for their categories Agnostic or Atheist, much more specific that POOF's "non-religious".

And living in west lower Michigan, neiher POOF nor Metch recognizes Lake Michigan, so they both send me matches from Wisconsin, as if it was really 100 miles away. (To be thorough, Agnostic.com does this too.) One of the greatest advantages of Metch over POOF is that on Metch, if I click "Remove" on a profile, I never see it again. Whereas POOF will send me interesting profiles that have (unbeknownst to me) blocked me or otherwise prevented me from contacting them (too far, six month out of their age-limits, whatever) and then, after I have wasted time reading and writing, it tells me I cannot contact them. They should not offer me profiles if I cannot contact them. I complained to POOF about this and their reply made no sense, as if they hadn't understood my complaint. Despite all that, POOF is cheaper, indicating that we get what we pay for.

In general, Paul hit it well: You have to do a lot of sifting on interweb dating sites. And never give personal info, last name, phone number, real e-address, until you are confident in the person.

1

You are such an interesting and charming guy...I hope you find a person who appreciates that...at least you are willing to put yourself out there and into this maze...enjoy the lingerie pics at least...ha ha ha Good luck, Paul!

Thank you... I'm still having a great conversation with someone, we're at the "acquaintance becoming friends" stage in her words, which is a great place to be. You know I'm a natural optimist anyway.

Maybe I should post some underwear pictures of my own, it might increase my chances?

@Paul4747 I think posting a picture of you reading a book would attract a higher quality person πŸ˜‰

@thinktwice I frequently read in bed, so that's the double threat πŸ˜‰

@Paul4747 Hopefully, not a "how to" manual...ha ha ha

1

Hi,

Absolutely agree with all you have said, I find it very frustrating and as soon as you log on the fake messages start. To be honest I won't be using it much anymore and I didn't know that Match.Com owns everything! There is no surprise there though as only a few major cooperates own everything.

Tinder not so bad but I never get the nude pics 😟 lol have chatted to a few and been ok although not gone too far as I am not looking for anything serious yet. So I took the plunge and joined Fabswingers as I am open sexually and it has been pretty good, I have even organised local socials.

Kind of works too, I get singles turn up and couples, just a big laugh a few drinks with like minded people bloody great atmosphere.

1

My friend and her husband have been married for 7 years now and met on the site.

I'm glad for you. And it gives me basis for my optimism and persistence to keep sifting through for someone worthwhile.

1

I tried P.O.F. for over 2 years and found it was more like Plenty of Fishcrap.

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