Why would you lose your local friends? And you could make new friends? And you never know, someone might be willing to move to Iowa. Maybe they hate where they live. And if it didnt work out you could move back!

@GreatNani Easier said than done. I am 60 and not that strong emotionally to make a big move across the country. I have never made new friends that easily or quickly. I have asked several women on here that I have got to know in my age group if they would ever move to Iowa, and they all said NO. I don't blame them, because of not only the weather, but also the culture, even around Des Moines, not being equal to where they live already. And I know from experience that when you move, you lose your old local friends pretty quickly...Then moving back if it didn't work out, another big emotional labor and expensive too..I'm already retired and moved three times already this decade. I'm 8 years older than you and, with losing my wife to dementia as well as both parents this decade, I'm emotionally tired....

@TomMcGiverin Yes, that is true. Very big thing to move, stressful. I was given advice to join every liberal organization in the area, just to meet more people. This was when I lived in a more conservative area. Is that something you could do? To widen your circle so to speak? And also, do you know what is really important to you in a partner? Things you could not do with out? I was so hung up on my deal breakers I never gave thought to the things I wanted.

@GreatNani Not interested in attending political groups to meet women to date. Feels phony and I get bored and frustrated discussing politics with people who are either more centrist than me or else are just content to sit around and debate and plan while actually changing nothing. Seems too much like mental masturbation to me. Trust me, Nani, I know what I want in a partner so well I can recite it like an elevator speech by a job seeker. I even worked with a relationship coach and she totally approved of my relatively small, compared to her other clients, list of dealbreakers. Mine has only about 3-4 items. The problem is that most women in my area have a lot more than that, all of which would exclude me in most cases. Plus, my 3-4 items exclude the vast majority of women in my local dating puddle. Strongly religious women, conservative politics, liking country music very much. Being very family-oriented. Then you add in all the other reasons women reject me on dealbreakers: Being a (tho very tolerant and open-minded about it) non-drinker, not into college sports, and being childfree by choice. Even the childless women seem to only want family men with kids. Add all those together here in farm country, and I am screwed by the local culture and lifestyle mainstream from finding anyone compatible.

I can't change the fact that I am very far out of the cultural and lifestyle mainstream in my local area and that leaves me with only a small sliver of compatible women my age who are single on paid dating sites. So, as I told Jnei below, I take a very strong personal interest in how Agnostic.com has really no local dating options for me due to it's lack of growth in my local area. I have even put the word out about it to the local Unitarian churches, as well as the local Meetup groups for Atheists, Humanists, and Freethinkers, but it has yet to show any results.

@StRomain I have worked very hard to be more positive since I got divorced. And things have happened for me with no rhyme or reason, when I was least expecting it, so now I am open to anything and don't fret as much.

@TomMcGiverin not magical thinking at all. I did almost no online dating before getting on here so I can't speak to the rejection and lying from personal experience though I know it happens a lot from friends. I met my partner on here on the very day I was changing my profile from interested in dating to friends only. That happened randomly and I was lucky. The job I have now was found accidentally when I was on line randomly looking at schools. I think what I am saying is, after a terrible marriage, divorce, death of my mother from dementia, a daughter who is a recovering heroin addict whose child I am raising, and various other traumatic life experiences I have learned not to worry as much and let things play out the way the will. My guy is not within the 50 mile radius I wanted, or within 10 years of my age but I went with it anyway. I hope it works out. I just learned the hard way that for me, I live the best life I can and try and make myself open to anything that comes my way. Even things that may not be exactly what I thought I would like. Maybe open yourself up to a woman who is not as good looking as you would like, or has a strong relationship with her family. Maybe that could work for you. It may not be your preference but it may be great overall.

@GreatNani We appear to have had equally hard times in recent years. I will address your points in order. The rejection and lying of online dating are very real in my case. You can accept it's true or not in my case. As far as Agnostic, I have been on here two and a half years and have yet to meet anyone at all in person, even tho I am willing to date 55 miles away, no further. As for dating someone less attractive than I want, meaning less than average-looking, no, I won't do that. I don't want to experience the disappointment and miserable experience again that it always has been for me when I meet someone, seem to be very compatible otherwise, and then quickly discover they are never going to be more than friendzone material. The women can easily see it, feel let down and often insulted, and I will not knowingly set myself or them up for that. Same with someone who is close to their family and has a strong relationship with them. First off, they will most likely reject me for not being family-oriented enough and, I am really not interested in spending much time around someone's family. Once a month maybe on average, but that's it. I don't mind getting to know someone's adult kids, it might even be nice if they became attached to me as family so I could get some support from them when I am older and sick or if I become widowed again, hopefully not within the next ten years. But not seeing them or her grandkids every week or more often than that. I really like doing couples stuff as well as seeing my friends some outside the relationship. I know there are women like that my age here on Agnostic that are independent and emotionally healthy, not tied up and emeshed with their families. But they sure don't seem to be in my area on Match nor in my area on Agnostic either.

You have a valid point, I think, about the idea of being more open towards women who are family-oriented and such, but, at least on Match, any change in my attitude will make little difference, Nani, because, in my experience on there, for whatever reason, the vast majority of the women my age in my area indicate in their profiles checklist of traits at the end of the profile, that they are only looking for men with kids, even the women who don't have kids. How do I fight that, Nani?

@TomMcGiverin I believe you about on line dating being difficult. Tough where you live for sure. However, meeting a woman with grown children that you may want to help take care of you in your old age is unlikely if you do not want to see them very often Relationships take time to build. And I have never met anyone who had luck with Match. I am sorry, you are in a tough position.

@GreatNani Thank you for validating my reality and not trying to blame me or say the problem is me, rather than my situation. On the one hand, living in farming country makes for a very poor dating pool for an Agnostic hipster and non-conformist like me. On the other hand, it's really hard to even think about dating LD or moving far away and starting over, either with making friends or with moving back and rebuilding my life if the LD relationship failed. Because very few women on Agnostic who live far away would move to my area, for good reason. And I am emotionally wore out and tired enough, after moving three times already this decade, losing both parents and my wife, as well as being a dementia spouse for over 5 years coping with my wife's disease, I am not ready to risk being broken completely by trying to date LD and having it fail or trying to move away to a better dating pool and starting over by myself either and have that not work out. One can only take so much loss and disappointment in a decade. And my local friends are really all the support I have in my life.

@TomMcGiverin Far be it from.me to judge. It took me 7 years to even want to date. There may come a time that you decide moving or a LDR will work for you. U till then, do what you can to have a happy life. Do the things you love and hang out with your friends. That is really all you can do. And not at all a bad way to live your life.

@GreatNani I was ready to date soon after my wife died, because I began anticipatory grieving a few years before she died, with the encouragement of my therapist, for her eventual death and for the loss of the person I knew. Most people who have never been a dementia spouse don't get that, because they haven't been there. But, even tho my therapist says I've been ready for a couple years to date, seems nobody compatible in my area will give me a chance. One woman who I rejected from Match, mainly because I had no attraction to her when I met her, even said to me she was sorry nobody besides her seemed willing to give me a chance. I met only six women from Match in almost two years now. It's really not that I am too picky, I am just too far out of the mainstream for my area.

I hope you are right about the future, I really do, but in all honesty with how I feel now, if I end up going another 5 years or more going it alone, I probably won't feel after that that life alone is worth living....

@StRomain Thank You! And I hope the same for you.

Thanks for your reply. That’s a great connection you found and I’m happy everything has worked out so well for you both. I’m sure it will also provide hope and proof that it is possible to those who are looking for the same thing on here. Congratulations.

I also have made friends on this site and have met up with them IRL! Awesome people!

<At least two characters here>

It would, and still could, be a great dating site, but only if the membership numbers grew way bigger and we were not so scattered. But doing that would require a lot more advertising and money spent on it that the admin. apparently either doesn't have or doesn't want to spend on it. Relying on just word of mouth from members to promote the site to other non-believers doesn't seem to be working. The three likely places to advertise or get the word out about this site would be FB and Twitter, Unitarian churches, and local Meetup groups for Atheists and Freethinkers and also Humanist groups. I do very little on FB and probably so with many others on here, so only paid ads will work there. Unitarian churches may allow free promotion of the site thru word of mouth or even posting handmade notices on their bulletin boards about Agnostic. As far as Meetups, I have not attended one, but I'm sure they would allow people to mention or promote it at meetings.

I hope the site grows in my area, because paid sites like Match just aren't working for me when I am surrounded on there by so many intolerant, traditional, conservative believers, instead of non-believing hipsters like I am on here with the forums.

@TomMcGiverin personally, I think it's ticking along quite nicely. If people found it and turned it into something else, why not let it be that?

@Jnei Because there is a real need for a specialized dating site for non-believers, since mainstream dating sites like Match just don't seem to work for us, that's why. Maybe you are fine with being alone the rest of your life or finding people to date only offline, but I am not....

@TomMcGiverin Erm - that's quite a large leap from what I said!

@Jnei As they say in the UK, maybe I'm just a bit thick, so spell it out for me how I made a huge leap?

Ditto!

So happy for both of you....true love is butterflies dancing on our bellies

Wow. You are an exception. There is hope for those seeking.

@Veteran229 you're adorable

You will find what you need. It just may not be what you thought

And the problem with old codgers is?

@Mooolah I have to live with one 24/7 … Sometimes I refuse to shave him.

There are many Atheist women from Iowa City to West Des Moines but being great Feminist Atheists they have their pick of Chippendales and leave us linebackers lonely

Can you handle some constructive criticism???? After reading your post, I think you should try a makeover. Go to a metro area and get a new cool hairstyle...something really hip and edgy. Get a new sexy wardrobe like some cool skinny Jean's and leather jacket or something like that. You look super conservative! I already know you have a cool mind cuz ur on this site!! Very good!!
Go to a professional photographer after getting your makeover and then hit the web. You're young and can get a great partner but be on the creative side and see what happens..you may have to move to a more happening city but it may be worth it!! Just sayin......
Don't take offense...trying to help is all.

My closest town has about 2,000 or less people and I meet people from 15 minutes away. I've been married almost 30 yrs. My best advice for getting a woman attracted to you is " make her laugh". Try a " knock- knock joke.

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people make this exact assumption about me. It's not true, but the truth seems to be irrelevant when people don't take the time to look for it.

What do you have against the poly community and people with a positive body image? I can just imagine the backlash if I had said something similar about obese women or those that want to be monogamous. It's fine if thats not for you, but try not to sound so judgemental.

@Brian81 I am very judgemental. Obesity is not positive. It is gluttony. It is unhealthy, placing a major burden on our health system with dysfunctions that can be avoided via proper diet. Nothing against the poly community but she is not interested in that lifestyle. I was responding to her inquiry. Obese women are just as poorly informed concerning health as obese men.

I am none of those things and I am on here and Match, so you're justly cynical, but you are not completely right about all men. Since you have no pics of yourself and only have them of your cats, plus you don't give your real age, I can't say whether we might be compatible if we lived near each other. Best wishes...

Can't possibly understand why you are still single

@Kitz
Hahahaha
Well said

@Kitz What makes you think I am single?

i totaly agree with you i find them all over even in the many churches i have visited trying to find answers

@Mooolah it’s the way you tell ‘em

@lost We women are hunted....constantly.