On Christmas Day, my friend Bruce called. Funny and wise, Bruce is a counselor and atheist. He moved to Texas to be close to his kids. "How's your dating life?" he asked. I told him about meeting a new man who scared me.
"You look like a victim," the man said during lunch at a restaurant in January 2019.
"I don't feel like a victim!" I protested. "I walk fast with good posture, constantly scanning around me. Never look at my phone or in my purse while walking."
"Because you are thin, you look easy to grab," he said.
"That's a terrible thing to say to a small woman," I gasped, horrified. He chilled me to my core. Of course I refused a second date.
"He told you he's a psychopath," Bruce said. "It's good you didn't see him again."
That man's words haunt me. He took a chunk out of my already shaky feelings about being safe in the world as a small woman.
ALL women should take a self-defense course.
Even if they think they're a badass.
Stature is irrelevant if you know how to defend yourself.
The tiniest person (man or woman) can take down someone significantly
larger, IF they know what to do.
Even if there is a weapon involved, be ready to FIGHT.
Whatever you do, do NOT allow yourself to be taken to another location.
Make a scene. Attract attention to yourself and your would-be attacker.
Run into the middle of the street. Risk being hit by a car. Your odds are better
with the car.
Do NOT be "nice". Nice will get you killed.
The biggest factor in being able to protect yourself is NOT being
afraid to inflict pain upon someone who has no problem inflicting pain
on you. Fight for your life, every time.
Don't be "nice". Keep your guard up.
Take a self-defense course.
Learn to use what you have available, keys, glasses, cellphone, whatever
you carry on you.
Be ready to harm someone who is willing to harm you.
Learn to resist the urge to hesitate. Resist the urge to give people the benefit
of the doubt.
Do not allow fear to paralyze you into inaction.
I'm small too - but I carry a big attitude ... and some nifty defense moves.
Small can be still be mighty. Ask any female Cop, or practitioner of martial arts, or a Mom protecting her kid. !
He was playing with your mind, and your protesting was just what he wanted to hear. F him.
Anti-social personality disorder for sure.... sociopath and psychopath are no longer terms that are really used clinically speaking. Unfortunately societies don't properly treat people with cluster B personality disorders, they really should be quarantined and studied for a potential cure, especially when the negative psychological impacts they tend to have on other people makes them no different than an infectious disease.
When a man tells you what he can do to you...believe him. When he says he’s to good for you...believe him. If you ever feel threatened, deep down in your gut, by anyone...believe it. You were right and it wasn’t about you...it was about him!!! He’s the creep YOU are not to blame for his creepiness. So glad you are okay and nothing horrific happened to you. Don’t give up! Next time you’ll know right away if the guy is creepy.
Would a true psychopath inform someone they were a psychopath? I'm not an expert but from what I've read narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths like to groom their victims over time. Some articles that I've read suggest the grooming process is what these individuals with personality disorders really like best. Making someone believe they are someone they are not.
He wasn't much of a psychopath if he was informing you of this. But then maybe he was appealing to your fear, so he could swoop in and play "protector." You just had a different reaction than the one he expected.
Some men just don't get it. Kind of like a date I went on where the guy opened up the conversation with, "I should warn you that I really don't like American women." I let him buy me a meal and then I was on my way.
There is a sexist double standard in his statement too... does he tell thin or fit men they look like victims? And easy to grab? Doubtful. Because he does not envision men as being grabbed and sexually assaulted. If anything, he may tell them they would lose in a fist fight, but not that someone would grab them, even though many easily could, including bigger/stronger women.
I was seeing someone who told me he was going to kill me in my sleep. We’d been drinking and so I let him stay. The first thing I thought on waking was, he didn’t then!
He never stayed again, and on breaking up I heard the refrains, no one will want you, you’re crazy etc. hmm I’d have been crazy not to kick him to the kerb!
Got chocolates and flowers this Christmas and lots of hugs... I’ve done better
I think Bruce fancies himself as a little more capable than he could possibly be, given the information he was given. It wasn’t a great date, the guy didn’t give a good impression and if it was an attempt at a joke it fell flat. If he is a super straight forward guy then he missed the mark on this subject, especially on a first date. Could he be a psychopath? I guess so, like anyone else, but you can’t just infer a serious psychological condition from someone saying something a bit creepy.
...and that is when you get up and leave.
Carry mace. Carry Mace with a UV tracer in it.
Take self defense courses.
And make sure on those first dates someone has that person's information other than you - even if you are just sending it to a friend in an email. (photos etc.).