To the people who either didn't understand, or were confused about my previous post...
"When it comes to dating, if a man treats me badly (no matter how good looking they are, how rich they are, how many things they have, etc.), then POOF! I'm gone "
I did NOT mean that I only give "good looking and rich guys" a chance. I give any guy a chance. I meant that I don't care how rich you are or how good looking you are if you treat me badly, because I've seen many others stay with abusive people for that reason.
I dated a man who was "rich and good looking." He was a narcissist who thought that he was god's gift to women and was so full of himself, he was confused why any woman wouldn't wanna be with him. That's another reason why I said that. I didn't care how rich or good looking he was. He was abusive so I fled.
Some can't get out of the abusive relationship though, as I've worked at a Domestic Violence shelter before and have seen this before.
The reason why I wrote that post is because I'm turing 28 at the end of July and others constantly ask me why and/or when I'm going to get a boyfriend. Partly the reason why I'm single is because every relationship I've been in was a nightmare. Also, my life is currently a mess and I don't need to bring a man into my life to help fix all my problems.
I have gaven others way too many chances and now if you treat me badly (no matter who you are), I'm a gonner.
Also, newsflash to anyone who doesn't know, I'm poor as shit and average looking.
Sounds like sound advice to me! I feel/do the same thing myself... basic respect is a requirement for living!
Very well-said. I understand. I agree with you and would like to add that I can't save anyone at this point in life. I'm too old for addictions, people who can't pay for their own basic needs, and people who won't take responsibility for their own actions.
RESPECT was the secret of the 55 years my late wife and I had. TRUST came in second and SHARING was a close third. If you can ever find a partner with these qualities, hang on to them. Our daughter, an only child, twice divorced, laughingly always blamed us for her failures because she always strived to have a marriage “as good as Mom and Dad’s”, which she never was able to obtain. TRUE love in both partners is priceless. Keep searching.
@dante92 lately, I have been giving ‘love’ that comes with a relationship some serious thought! All this ‘love hurts ‘ stuff and devastation after the fact... was never based on LOVE at all! It was an attraction, mostly based on sexual tension and if consummated...left us suffering because it has been taken away...and now we must ‘do without,’ or take up another search for another person to fit the bill! But, before we find another person to fit the sexual tension bill, the new recruits seem more like stick people, than potential mates! Because, naming it ‘love’ is the deceiving factor...Love is about caring...honoring the other person as they are...a person that is not your ‘clone!’ They, like you...have separate and specific ideas to share’! Respect their separateness and expect the same. This is love...and sexual tension is only an added benefit! So we need to know what we are looking for...not try and ‘hook’ each other together over sexual tension! Then check to see what we have caught! It pays to know what game you want to play and then decide what actions it will take to proceed! From my musings! Lol
I didn't see your previous post, but your statement seems clear to me. Stick to it!
You've learned at 27 what I still hadn't learned at 57, so good on you! Stay strong, and make yourself happy. Whether you find a romantic partner or not, you'll still be just fine.
Sorry to say that modern consumer capitalist culture promotes narcissism, especially among people who are shallow enough to be taken in by it, and of course the West's failed education systems, do nothing to address shallowness. So sadly finding someone who is not a narcissist, is going to be harder for both women and men as time goes by. At least in a world where it is no longer hidden behind manners, as it once was, it is easier to spot the signs.
Keep going, you are young yet, and speaking as a (moderately) old person, you will be surprised by how much life and the world changes, over even short periods of time.
I repeat, read Dawkin's Selfish Gene.
@Healthydoc70 Sorry I do not see the connection ?
@Fernapple I explained at length above. if you read the book or at least a summary, you would get an answer for your question, IMO.
@Healthydoc70 I can not see a question or any explanation, certinly not a long one. Your six words. "I repeat, read Dawkin's Selfish Gene." Just came out of the blue, and seem to refer to no previous comment.
My wife and I were as poor a church mice too, when we married, and sadly she did not live to see the moderate success I later made in my business life. So speaking as one who enjoyed a very happy marriage in relative poverty, and financial security alone, I can tell you wealth as a source of happiness is vastly overrated.
Treating me nicely is the low bar anyone I am meeting has to at least do that. Next is treat people with gratitude and kindness is next on the bar. But I can't stay with someone just because they are nice to me. If there is no connection, or enjoyment being together, it is at least rather soon not something to continue.
On 2 occasions I left people sitting in coffee shops because they were rude to restaurant staff.
IFor me, it's good to think of qualities and ways of being I want my friends/ partner to have and then make sure I exemplify those qualities first, as we don't usually attract friends and lovers to us what we Want, but more a match to who We Are.
My advice to you would be the same I offered my daughter, who is about your age. Never date a guy who talks about himself more than he shows an interest in you, whose eyes keep scanning the room instead of you, who appears to have a negative relationship with his mother, who looks down on anyone he views as 'beneath him' and who treats the restaurant staff like servants. Finally, speaking as a man, please know that bringing a man into your life may well add to your problems instead of fixing them! Peace.
So true! Learning to live with any individual, has it’s challenges.
In the last half of your last sentence, I would replace 'man' with 'anyone and anything'.
@beenthere Fair enough ... I was merely repeating back the original poster's comment.
A guy who is “too close” to his mother is an equally troubling red flag. Been there..........
I will never understand why people stay in unhappy let alone abusive relationships. I'm with you. I take off right away. My friends think I'm odd because, "I can't keep a guy." I think they are odd for staying with their mates that suck. I was lucky to have had parents that had great loving relationship. I know what it's supposed be like. Pleasant and fulfilling.
A lot of couples come together with a naive outlook, poor communication skills and a lot of denial. Some people subtly abuse others just to marry for their money/status/not-to-be-alone, etc. Some love the power struggles as that is all they know. Some people try to fix broken people and stay with them for a long time before giving up. Lastly, sadly, many victims sometimes don't recognize domestic violence until it's too late which turns them to feel too fearful as some of them are in serious life threatening stranglehold. It's not that simple, so try not to judge others too quickly. Everyone learns at their own pace -some may never learn. Every marches to their own drum beats.
Self love is the key , a strong declaration stick to it !!
Good for you. I was much older before I understood that I have to have my own shit together before I worry about a relationship. And no relationship is worth sacrificing my sense of emotional or physical safety. I am single, by the way. Many of those of us who feel this way are. That is completely ok. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, who cares. Life outside a relationship can be every bit as good.
Sounds like my life when I was 28. Seriously. I'm o for 2 in the long term relationship category. I totally got what you were saying and it never entered my mine that you would be accused of only looking for rich handsome dudes. Just sayin'.
Your rule of thumb is an excellent one! Remember we all have baggage, I think the reason some/most relationships work is compromise and a willingness to grow and understand. One sided giving and understanding NEVER worked for me, it's easier to be alone with me than alone with someone else.
I think there is another signal here, when right from jump you need to start explaining (as with your previous post which caused you to post a clarifying post) what you meant.
I will take you at your word.
I will also commend to you all the comments that have so far been made in response to your post.
I will now offer my own thoughts of you as a person.
I have always found your posts to be insightful and thoughtful.
I do not care about your physical appearance - your mind is way more important. ("Do not judge a man by the colour of his skin, but by the content of his character" /pace/ Martin Luther King.)
If I lived in Wisconsin, I would suggest a meeting at a coffee house of your choosing.
Go well, and please keep looking after yourself.
Women should not have to justify themselves leaving an abusive relationship. My fear is that this economic depression that we are heading into like the ground coming at you when you forget your parachute is going to either drive women into abusive relations or prevent them from leaving. (BTW, I have a son your age and need some grandchildren, no pressure... <doting widowed father)
Poor as shit, no problem! Get a degree in something you like to do that is in a lucrative field that is immune to the economy. Average looking? Not true. Above average. Crazy cat lady? Maybe. Unless a guy is nuts about cats, maybe scale that back a bit. Just tryin' to help you in the long run.
I only had 2 female students last year and lost them both to economics. They couldn't afford school.
I looked at your profile. I think you are very pretty. One day, when you are ready, a great guy will come into your life.