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How do you reply when someone negatively comments on your body?

"You need to eat more." This from a sedentary man who showed up fifty lbs. heavier than his photos. In his profile, he claimed to love hiking. But admitted he hasn't really hiked in three decades. I recoiled at his fuzzy yellow teeth. Looks like he doesn't floss or brush enough.

Yesterday he took me out to dinner for our first meet.

"I am tired of people telling me to eat more," I replied. "I eat four small, healthy meals a day."

"Are you familiar with weighlifting body types?" I asked. "Ectomorph, mesomorph, endomorph. I have an ectomorph body type: high energy, fast metabolism, small frame, small bones, low fat and a hard gainer- muscles and weight. I have been slender all my life."

He chose a new-to-me expensive restaurant. Total: $100. In addition to our entrees, he had wine (not me) and an appetizer I didn't like.

I gave him $25 in cash. He wouldn't accept more. Also brought him Rainier cherries from the farmer's market that morning. He was thrilled.

I told him our lifestyles are too different. We parted amicably.

LiterateHiker 9 June 20
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43 comments

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1

There are two mutually opposed ways of interacting with people: imposing your own views, values and prejudices on the other person, and seeking to understand the other person's views and values (and prejudices if any).

That your date was the former style and you parted company on amicable terms is a tribute to your great ability to always treat other people extremely respectfully.

My own reaction matches that of @dalefvictor .

7

“We just met, why are you telling me what I need to do?”

You look great, btw

7

extremely inapprpropriate and self centered.The action of a low evolved person. Tell him so and end the date immediately and walk out without a word.

7

I was lectured once by a man who outweighed me by more than 50 pounds. And watched him do everything he told me not to do. I didn't see him again. I tried to keep my dating profile honest, and I expect honesty from others. If not why bother.

6

I had a date with a gal who looked to be anorexic. She floored me at the end of the date saying I didn't tell her that I was obese. I may be barrel-chested, but certainly not obese. So, her judgment and manners totally sucked. It is shocking to run into such people, but they're out there.

I would tell them "Excuse Me?". and maybe, "You need to learn some manners!" . Then leave, ASAP.

Sucks to be them.

6

If they are focused on the body, they aren't focused on YOU.

6

Personally, I think that both you AND these men are entirely too focused on bodies, weight, and so forth. But, whatever - you ARE very beautiful, and I suppose that attractive people want to be around other attractive people.

To your question, though, about what I say when someone comments negatively on my body: if it happened on a date, I would end the date, telling him that I am no longer interested. In any other situation, I would be genuinely puzzled, and ask "Why does it matter to you?"

@AmyTheBruce

Thanks for your compliment. I'm a lifelong athlete.

Hiking my passion. I feel grounded and centered high in the mountains. Endorphins from aerobic exercise fill us with happiness.

5

I don't like any comments about my body. I know what I look like and don't need compliments nor negative observations. We all have different priorities and challenges. When I was dating, I would reject any suitor who made comments about my looks and nothing else. I've got a mind and a heart too -- and would rather people get to know those aspects of me -- not just what is obvious on the outside. I do realize that sometimes people blurt things out in nervousness without really thinking of how a comment might feel to the receiver.

Where there is a compliment for one part of the body, there is likely an unsaid negative remark for another. To each their own, but for me, let's just skip the body shape comments and focus on having a good time.

Looks and body shape can easily change in just a few short weeks of hard work and attention to one's exterior. Health, happiness and fun can be more important than static good looks, in my opinion. Wisdom, intellect and a good sense of humor can soften outwardly imperfections and that's where I aim my focus on the people with whom I choose to spend my time.

4

JFC. Another asshole.
🙄
I don't know how you keep doing it.

He gets a great big ol' "fuck off" from me.
If he's rude enough to make such comments, he gets what he gets.

4

I don’t ever comment on physical aspects of other people, nor do I have expectations on how they look before I meet them.
A person can be a god or goddess physically and still be an asshole.
A person can physically be a frog but be a personality Disney prince or princess.
I try to not describe myself physically, it’s my weakest aspect and I’ve seen people disappointed at meeting me the first time, but I didn’t mislead them, that’s on them.
However if someone overtly lies about themselves I will hold it against them, just not as much as other people will because I give everyone the benefit of the doubt that they weren’t trying to lie to me, they were trying to lie to themselves, not that self delusion is a virtue.
It’s all part of accepting the whole person, good and bad.

It’s part of the same part of my brain as not asking an obviously pregnant woman when she’s due, because sometimes obviously pregnant women aren’t pregnant.

4

He's just trying to justify his own bad habits by insinuating that you're the one with the problem.

@TheoryNumber3

Good insight. Didn't think of that. Thank you.

@LiterateHiker Sometimes severely overweight people tend to be defensive. I know because I was one. 🙂

4

I tell them my body is not their business. Nice of you to take the cherries.

@MsKathleen

Thank you, Kathleen!

4

Well, im my case I probably say "Yes, of course. I am indeed an overweight, ancient codger."

4

It's kind of odd you bring that up today being it was Father's Day and I'm still in the hospital my daughter showed up and she had mentioned about her weight loss and gains over the years and I said she looked fine which my opinion she does she's framed basically the same way I am moderate build moderate Boned, and we both share a fast metabolism well and good.
Then a little later on my wife shows up, lamenting how she wishes we would have met earlier in life, and for lack of a better term I will say she has a slow metabolism and a mama belly it doesn't concern me she looks fine to me she's the same woman I married and that is a good thing asked when we met time didn't unfold that way why bother thinking about it we have the road ahead this walk together and together we'll stand the threshold of a dream.
Stick to your ideals, you'll be fine. 😊
Oh yeah responding f*** you works it's just not very nice. 😁

4

I tell them to "fuck off" because my weight and body shape are between me and my doctor. I'm more interested in taking care of myself using the nutrition and exercise plans that have been approved by my doctor than listening to some fool who watched 2 YouTube videos and now thinks he knows everything. Not that this is exclusive to men - I've heard plenty of BS from women too.

@SkagwayKim

Exactly. I get crap from women about being thin, too.

@LiterateHiker if I knew you personally, I would know you have always been extraordinarily thin and wouldn’t say anything about it. But if you were “suddenly” significantly thinner, I would have concern and you can bet I would try to discuss it with you. Cancer can be accompanied by both sudden weight gain OR loss, so my concern would be justified. Strangers, however, should be told to mind their own business.

@LiterateHiker Lean and fit is not thin. I think the distinction is important.

3

It's disapointing when people try to offer you what they don't have.

3

Hi...I was just wondering if your profile has a typo?
In this pic, you don't look a day over 40~ 🙂

@LiterateHiker I guess we follow the same healthy paths, but a bit differently. Everyone who have seen pics of me, my late Dad and Mom have all commented on how young we all look. Even when I moved here to Huntsville and got a new Primary Physician, he told me that I look younger than my age. But what I did is learn from my family's dietary habits(decades of a Mexican diet leading to Heart diseases). When I saw how their diets impacted the winter years of their lives, I learned early to exercise alot and eat healthy(with a dash of Saturday beers). Results: I get passing results after my bi-annual comprehensive blood analysis! Glad that your healthy lifestyle resulted in healthy life!

@CarlosG903

Thanks. I'm 67. I look younger due to diet, exercise and protecting my skin from the sun. A healthy lifestyle gets results.

My father died of colon cancer at 51. I was 24. Immediately I stopped eating cancer-causing preserved and processed meats (bacon, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, ham, salami, etc.) beef and deep fried foods. Don't miss it.

My little sister got skin cancer at 22. I was 27. That was the last year I had a tan. Every day, year-round, I wear sunscreen and a wide-brimmed Solumbra hat (SPF 100.) I'm forever putting sunscreen on the backs of my hands while driving.

That's me in a pink Solumbra hat on a hike with a women's group on June 9, 2021.

3

I'm amazed that you were able to finish the date with that guy, fuzzy yellow teeth and all. I think looking at his mouth would have made me lose my appetite. I think you handled it very well; at least you two were able to part on good terms.

Me? I don't think I would have handled it very well. As someone who was called Twiggy by her own father, and teased about my weight growing up, I would have told him, "Well, it looks like you have never missed a meal in your life", then I would have got up and left.

3

I usually do not respond to negative comments, although I do not think many women would tell me my chest is too big or buttocks are to small. I think it is very rude to say negative comments about peoples body types in general. What, 50 lbs heavier than his photos. Maybe you should ask them for a scale picture with them on it. LOL

3

Wow! Uncalled for comments and misrepresentation!

3

Lean and fit looks great, congratulations. Do what you've been doing and ignore the ignorant.

As one of my relatives from the south used to say: The dogs always want to piss on the tallest tree. Stand tall and ignore the barking down below.

@Mitch07102

Thank you, Mitch. I appreciate you.

3

Well that tells me they are an asshole.

3

5'11", 180 pounds, age 67, Salsa Dancer, passed VA PHYSICAL 2 days ago.... Ain't happening!!!

3

And my own mother said I had a body like a boy.

3

Your body is what your body is.

My last SO ate whatever he wanted and stayed thin. His brother had to watch nearly every mouthful, was diabetic and tended to be at least 50lbs overweight no matter what he did.

My SO also lost most of his hair before he was 30 and his brother still has beautiful hair.

Genetics will do what they want to do to you.

3

I ignore negative comments. It's not worth my efforts at rudeness.

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