And I think marriage should have a time limit, with no automatic renewal. I doubt that's legal anywhere though.

I was once asked if I prefer open or closed relationships. I replied that I prefer an HONEST relationship. I have been in more than one poly relationship where my partner cheated on me when he didn't need to.

Loving more than one person is not just a possibility, it's an absolute for anyone not afraid to look at themselves with an honest eye.

Once you get to the point that you love freely, openly, and with abandon, you'll attract loving people to you. At that point, open communication is essential.

There is nothing wrong with being in love. It's the most amazing feeling. When you are in love, you do not shut it off for all other people. There is no honor in denying your basic human feelings. You don't have to be a god to love everyone.

As an example, I'll use myself. I have loving relationships with well over 100 people. Maybe even over 200. I'm happier and more content with life than I have ever been, and it rubs off on those I love.

Do not mistake me when I say love, and assume it to be physical love. I have physical relationships with a few people, and all of them know about the others. A really magical thing happened at my birthday parties. Two of my loves met, got together, and have a wonderful, loving, physical relationship, and I couldn't be happier for them. And most of them have met each other and enjoy each other's company.

When you love freely and unconditionally, that's the kind of people you attract.

Religion doesn't like it when the people they're trying to control are happy.

It's only wrong when you're doing something hurtful to someone else.

Is anyone in a relationship with a person that fulfills all your needs? I don't think a person should have to fulfill all your wants and desires. Also, why put all that pressure onto another person? My brain is wired to be Poly and I believe that when most people take an honest evaluation of the world they'll find they are too. Some people are selfish and want to stop biology and what I believe to be natural, some people aren't wired that way, but I think that has a lot to do with choice and social norms. Poly is normal.

I have been in more than 1 relationship with 2 women at the same time and the 3 of us dated together and shared the same bed I enjoyed it and so did they but I have never had a relationship last more than 7 years so I would never have a monogamous relationship

I know that it's possible to love more than one partner at a time, because I have. But one problem with that is, when you love somebody, you don't want to hurt them. And then loving someone else hurts them.

However, I see this as more a demonstration of the ownership of women mentality. A man feels threatened because he "owns" the woman. Like, my first ever boyfriend, after we broke up, I got pregnant, and he wanted to get back together. Then we tried that, but he couldn't get over me being pregnant by somebody else, because it was living proof that I had been sexually active with someone else. So in other words, I was no longer "his." Gross. So that was the end of that.

On the other hand, I raised my kids as a single mom, and can definitely see the benefits of raising kids together, and if I were to do it again, or if I were to pick a "preferred" way to do it, I would say, making a commitment with the father throughout the childhoods of the children would be something I'd like. I mean, not the particular father I had kids with, but could I go back and do it again.

On the OTHER hand, families come in all different combinations, and kids with parents who are good parents but not married can do perfectly fine.

So once again, I am no help to this. But one final thing. I do not ever plan to be in a committed relationship in my life, to the exclusion of other possibilities. Because I will do what I want, when I want, and who I want, without allowing anybody to claim ownership out of me. My kids are grown. People I spend time with, I enjoy when I'm with them. I don't care what they do when we're not together, and I don't expect them to care what I do.

My ex always told me that many in Africa believe in many wives or many husbands. A polyamorous approach. My religious friend has been married twice and he is glad that his god finally picked the right one for him. I always told my ex that we were much the same on marriage belief in America. The big difference is that we can only have one partner at a time and not have them all at once.

I guess it depends on an individual situation. My girlfriend would regularly cheat on me ... with her husband.

On the other hand I dislike when polys don't respect my inclination for monogamy.

Love isn't possessive - people are.
. Aside from what actually does love mean.

It's not wrong and it's always better to be open and honest. Always.

But often romantic love pushes for exclusivity - our other half.

It becomes clearer if you imagine one of the men that you love, loving another besides you. How would you feel then?

I think your point about being open and honest underlines the whole subject.

I definitely do not believe in the religious perspective of marriage. However, I do consider marriage to be a monogamous contract between two people (unless there is an agreement otherwise). I consider polyamory a lifestyle choice. I don't know how workable it is. Seems to me that polyamorous relationships would eventually generate jealousy and conflict, but I have never done it. As for having an occasional "allowed" fling to keep variety and excitement in your life, it could work, but has the same risks. Your partner might realize things aren't going well and agree to it, but not REALLY be agreeing to it. =\

Monogamy is a fairly recent concept. Our society tends to believe this is the only way.
I think as society accepts more and more concepts that used to be frowned upon or even forbidden, we will keep expanding and opening our minds further.
Do I think it is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a time? Yes.

All of your feelings are okay. We choose our actions and behaviors. I love the quote in "Moonstruck" when Loretta said:

"I may be drawn to you, but that doesn't mean I have to act on it. I can say 'yes' or 'no.'"

I will always love my former boyfriend, Dan, who is a friend. Will always have fondness for my ex-husband. Terry and I have known each other for 35 years.

People grow and change.

There is no more reason to believe monogamy is a righteous necessity than god is. No evidence to support this dogma. So far as I can tell, all its good for is raising children. If you don’t want kids, already had kids... it doesn’t serve much purpose. I think it’s just to create a stable environment for progeny. The more base needs are provided for by other social structures, the less relevant monogamy becomes. This is the real reason for the erosion of marriage. It isn’t because society lacks values, it’s because the institution has less and less useful function in modern culture.

Polygamy is more natural than monogamy. It's also not cheating when you're both consensual polygamous. I prefer monogamy personally, but I still acknowledge that it's unnatural compared to polygamy.

There are tons of marriage and relationship models out there. Marriage and monogamy are not #1--or even appearing--in all cultures.

I've never understood why people feel like they have to live, behave, believe, dress, eat, etc. exclusively like the people around them, and simply cannot live, behave, believe, dress, eat, etc. like other people elsewhere in the world. Especially not since the invention of the printing press, steamships, and trains--not to mention cameras, telephones, airplanes, and the internet.

I mean, the "zero" was invented in India. Since I'm not Indian, does that mean I can't use it? No? Well, what's to stop me from adopting marriage customs of the Amazon, then?

Monogamy is not natural behavior. It is forced behavior.
Very few species mate for life. When humans do it, it is a choice.
Religious dogma damages everything it touches.

We don't...well, I don't. I don't think many people here do. My wife and I have been, and will continue to be (taking a break atm) swingers and we love the lifestyle. As long as you and your partner(s) are in a mutually agreeable relationship and no one is being cooerced or forced and as long as everyone involved are willing parties to it, I say the more the merrier (safely, of course).

Uuuuuhhh threesomes are great !!!!.... I have been told....

In my experience, 'forever' only lasts about eight years, anyway...

Well, not all of us do. To answer your lead question, you can't control who you fall in love with. All you can do is control how you handle it.

GGirl, 35 years ago, no one had heard of polyamory or hall passes. The idea was ONE FOREVER. If I had to do it all over, I'd have stay single, or gone in with the idea that an occasional side piece was ok

It doesn't have to involve marriage. When someone is in a relationship with me, I make it known that we are to be monogamous. If she doesn't want to be monogamous, then she can seek what she wants elsewhere. I just don't want to deal with it. It causes problems with time spent and other issues. I feel there is no sense in the relationship if she wants to spend time with other men. What's the sense of being in a relationship? That's more like just a friendship or just a sexual relationship. If someone doesn't get jealous then more power to them. Let them rent their significant other out to the neighborhood. No judgment. It just isn't for me. Unless maybe we go a few years and I agree to want to have sex with other people either individually or together. It's all about what you want at the moment. Neither view is being "enlightened" or not. It just is what it is at the moment. Relationships need to balance with each other's wants and needs. If they don't, then bye bye. I'm not going to stay with someone and be miserable if I'm not feeling what's going on. If I have problems with something and my significant other doesn't care enough to take that into consideration and compromise on a larger scale, then we don't need to be with each other. If you are "in love" with someone else, I don't see it ending up well, for me at least. If you don't want a relationship, don't get into one. When I was in a relationship, I looked at other women and saw women who I would have definitely wanted to have sex with, but I had a responsibility to someone else's trust and their feelings. I also didn't want to have sex with other people. Maybe if I was with someone for 20 years I would think differently, but I don't right now. If I have sex with other people then I feel like I don't really "love" the person I'm with. Like I said, it doesn't have to do with being enlightened or evolved. It just is what it is. Maybe I will feel differently at another time in my life.