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I have a theory that maximum intimacy between two people requires both people to have the same "approach" to problem-solving. e.g., in the Meyers Briggs model, some people are conceptual thinkers, some are conceptual feelers, some are concrete thinkers, others are concrete feelers. I have no idea if the meyers briggs model is right.. but my theory is a mismatched pair can only hope to obtain what I'll call a "mutual respect / acceptance level of intimacy", which is a far cry from the full intimacy that a matched pair can obtain. Not a psychologist... just a guy with a theory. Now go beat it up!

By ReasonRising2
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How are you defining "intimate?"


Looks like someone has put effort in this direction. I don't know if it has anything to do with problem solving but see the simplified Myers Briggs Type compatibility chart. [imgur.com]

AwarenessNow Level 7 June 23, 2018

My late partner and I were probably on opposite parts of this test (she never took it ). I was introverted and she was an extreme extrovert. We had opposite ideas about problem solving because of our personalities. She was a super quick thinker and wanted to solve problems 'now' and I took awhile. However, I doubt any two people could be more intimate than the two of us. I think if I were to retake the test it would have changed because of her. We can and often do influence others personalities.

JackPedigo Level 8 June 23, 2018

How would you ever test your theory? To build the highest levels of intimacy requires some time and effort, how many people are you going to be able to develop that kind of intimacy with? Your approach would start with knowing where are the Meyers Briggs you both are. It's not like I've got men lined up waiting to start a relationship to have us both compare Meyers Briggs scores. I know I need a new approach because obviously what I'm doing isn't working but I can't figure out how to implement this.

HippieChick58 Level 9 June 23, 2018

A lot of people take the Meyer Briggs test scores way too seriously, when as you say the tests were only ever meant as rough guidelines. And in truth it is not really backed by any peer reviewed Science at all, and proven not to work very often. Human beings are way too complex to be pinned down and labelled like that, but we have the psychological weakness to want to do just that to identify, quantify, better deal with things and people in our world. We exist on a complex wide spectrum of tendencies and personalities and we have free will to jump the fence to feel and think in other ways any time we want. And we change and evolve over time in our lives too!

Silverwhisper Level 7 June 23, 2018

Well stated. Respectable woo-woo. but woo-woo nonetheless.

@Mitch07102 Who you woo is up to you, but few knew to pooh pooh the woo woo like you.


Too bad it's not so clear cut or definitive. Self-analysing tests like Myers Briggs are guidelines only, and coupled with in-depth, self-reflection, the results can help people self-actualise, whatever that means for the individual.

There's no way one can accurately put people into any box based on observed personality traits or test results, especially potential love partners. Here's a good article which touches on the subject in more depth.


josephr Level 7 June 23, 2018

I’m INFJ, and I depend so much on how I feel to make decisions (I do use some empirical evidence, just ‘not enough’, I’ve been told). I feel pretty rational, but then, I would<g>. Drives some folks insane. Especially logical thinkers. Ever seen a grown man tear out his hair, lol?! That was my ex. ?

CarolinaGirl60 Level 8 June 23, 2018

Respectfully, that could have been more about him than about you.

@josephr I’m smiling, because everything was about him?...but not anymore.

@CarolinaGirl60 Good for you. Getting rid of one's emotional vultures is healthy and freeing.


He science behind Meyers-Briggs is sketch because there is none.

Communication about how you think and the willingness to try to figure out and accommodate needs is probably a better approach.

Amber Level 4 June 23, 2018

Of course!

tryingcake Level 7 June 23, 2018
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