I almost immediately recognized it was B due to the fact that I put a great deal of emphasis about being open and honest in all aspects of a relationship, but especially when it comes to sex. It's lead me to read and research as much as I can about sex and the role of true communication between partners. When I was younger, I was too scared to speak out and the guys I dated didn't care if I came or not. I've gotten much better about speaking out when things aren't feeling good or when foreplay is rushed. However, when I do speak up now, even the men who claim to care about my pleasure are rushing to the "main event" and don't seem to be able to slow down enough for it to be mutually beneficial. I've found that many people who claim to care about their partner's satisfaction often say that simply because it sounds good and not because they have any intention of actually doing it. I completely agree with all your points and wish more people were aware of the issue and how it can build up tension and resentment between partners if it's not properly addressed.

“The Best Sex Advice a Man Can Learn” @scottgilman [psiloveyou.xyz]

To start: most of you are assuming that if we told you what to do, we would come! And that is a big part of the problem. What happens to you when we don't? Or, as most of you see it, when you fail anyway?

I don't fake it. But I know a great many do, and it would certainly solve some issues.

Please, if this does not describe you, assume I am not describing you rather than getting insulted. Or observe yourself to see if maybe it does. I just don't have the editing capacity to go through and put might, some, etc. Besides, these men will mostly not recognize themslves. Getting offended at this loses the point... or, makes it.

1. First, most men think they are the best at sex in the world. At least that is what they tell us. And we are supposed to tell them the same. I have had a perfectly reasonable man otherwise (who WAS awesome in bed) get upset and pout when I refused to tell him he was my best ever. I literally did not want to go back into my memory to compare.

Men HAVE to think this, because their entire concept of themselves is wrapped up in their penis. A real man makes a woman come. Virility is crucial to the understanding of oneself as a man.

2. Second, men get upset when we tell them we want something they aren't already doing. Because, 1. above. If we want a change, they must not be the best at sex in the world. Pout, anger, or passive aggressive agree then do as little as possible. Can you see why we prefer to feed their ego?

3. Third, many men don't get it. You can tell them x times but they are too busy having internal dialogues and can't hear, or 1. above and think that despite what you SAY you want, really they know better. So you get what you want for a half minute then it is back to that thing that made the last three women (pretend to) come. He did what you wanted, why aren't you happy.

4. All right, I give up, it's not gonna happen! Yes, in a simple sexual situation, we want you to make us feel really good before you do. (Calling it foreplay kind of makes you the main event, hmmm?). That is good. Maybe you are even enlightened enough to know most of us can't come through intercourse. Good. Now, it just isn't working. But, we still want to continue sex, because we want you to feel good. However, you refuse to stop trying. Because, 1. And because you love us. I pull up his head gently and say "it's not gonna happen this time. I want you inside me." That isn't easy to say, because 1 and 2 above.

5. Get off me already. I'm not gonna come; and you are going to make a marathon of it if I don't shove you off. Far easier to pretend to come than what I do, which is interrupt the ardor to say something as tactful as I can think of. "If you are waiting for me, please go ahead and finish." There are multiple reasons that this is awkward and horrible to say. First, what if he wasn't trying to hold back, but was trying to come? Now I have told him he is too slow and is expected to come now. That will make it worse. Second, 1. above.

6. We are afraid to ask for what we want because it isn't feminine. We are afraid we will disgust you.

So the main issues are that if we are honest about not coming, we have your ego to worry about. Your temper. Your belief in yourself as man=penis=women's pleasure. Your hurt feelings.

And seeing all the posts here where you all seem to assume all we need to do is tell you what we want.. that is the problem. You assume it is some variation of 6, where the man has no blame. You are wrong.

The main reason we fake it is pretty much a mixture of:

I can't come [this way], and you can't handle it.

Again please do not waste time and space ignoring the lesson here because I didn't write some, or most, or many, and you are mad i did not specify that there are men who don't.. bla bla bla! Try to find yourself, if you are here, and think about it

I started mutual masturbation as part of tantric sex/meditation many years ago. Not only do you learn what your lover likes but the meditation part can magnify intimacy

It's funny how we touch ourselves when we masturbate v with a partner. Masturbating together or watching a trusted lover masturbate isn't just a huge turn on, it's a great way to learn about each other.

It's amazing to me how any woman who claims honesty and communication are important would fake orgasms.

Obviously, I'll never know if women faked w me but everyone says they haven't...

I think if communication is good outside of the bedroom, then sexual chemistry and communication about sex will also be good.

I saw a study over ten years ago than > 20% of women in relationships over 5 years didn't initiate sex. Two years ago I didn't really believe that study, but my most recent ex's girlfriends and their relationships seem to confirm the study.

How can a man know you're not happy if you fake orgasms or tell him everything is good? How can someone feel sexy if their partner never initiates?

On the flip side, how can a someone satisfy your fantasies if you never share them?

Relationships are already extremely difficult, there's no reason to add extraordinary lack of communication to the problems.

I know this is your field of study. Thanks for sharing to teach a moment but I also see a different reason behind these statistics. Yes communication is key and probably it is the solution for the vast majority of cases but some partners do not like talking about or even breach the subject of sex at all for various reasons. Also, some partners have little comfort or knowledge on how to self-indulge (this could be more slanted towards women). Not talking about virginity but when your partner never masturbated because it does not work, doesn't know how to set her mind to the moment or know what feels right, almost never had an orgasm with past boyfriends and that talking about the subject is very uncomfortable (before, during or after sex), the other spouse can feel helpless at breaching the subject without feeling forceful, insistent or aggressive. Yes I speak for my couple. It took about 10-15 years of marriage to come to the point that we (she) can attain an orgasm consistently and satisfaction. We are 25+ married now but I can tell you not everybody would have that patience to explore without instructions. Our intimate moments are still pretty vanilla even after unlocking the mystery.

I was young and curious once. I'm still curios but not so young anymore. Back when I was a young man I thought there was a formula, some secret sequence of moves or activities that would unlock pleasure in a woman. Silly me, I know. One day I was playing a game online and made some flippant comment about sex to a fellow player. She revealed that she wouldn't know because she was a lesbian. Right..ok so now I had to ask. So what is it that women like? How do I please a woman? I wanted to know the trick to making my partner happy!. Her response was another question: "What do men like?". It depends, some men are different...yup I had made a fatal error in thinking that all women were just a carbon copy. Man did I have a lot to learn. That simple conversation I had opened up the world to me. I realized that on order to be a good lover I needed to use my empathy skills, skills I hadn't developed and which were sorely in need of a boost. Over time I have fine tuned those skills focusing on her heart beat, her breathing, the temperature of her skin, the way her muscles tense or relax under my hands or pressed against my body, the way she moves grinding into me or pulling away. For me now it is impossible to ignore these signals, the joy of experiencing all of this communication during sex is far too great for me to not :listen" to what her body is telling me.

Now that I have embraced being bisexual, I use those same signals to understand what he is telling me was well. Oh yeah, and if they are vocal that helps too.

I used to think there was something wrong with me until I was able to figure out what I needed to tell a partner. It was always easy to know what to do when I was alone, but when I was with a partner it totally threw me that I wasn't enjoying it as much as I would like. I started to think that maybe I needed a doctor. Finally figured out there was nothing wrong with me, discovered what worked, and now I'll never be silent.

I never fake it. I never could fool myself anyway. ?

I don't think having an orgasm is necessary to have good sex...and if a man has to ask I don't think he is paying attention. Multiple orgasms are nice too.

My take is that it is best to focus on the woman's pleasure. You can judge by her physical responses and suggestions as to what works and what doesn't. If, after a few of her orgasms, you feel the need for release, you can focus on what works for you.Survey says a woman who has had several orgasms is way more likely to do what it takes to give you a good one.

I am sure we men have all been there. Now let's see another survey about how many women misperceive their male partners orgasm.

Putting this here as a place holder. I don't have time to adequately respond right now. I'll be back later to enlighten or entertain.

I don't lie about that. Don't make him guess what to do. Tell him. It's not a big deal and usually a turn on for him to be told what to do - if you do it right. There is no reason for the woman to be unsatisfied in this day and age.

You have to talk before, during and after. How can anyone know what another enjoys without communication. You wouldn't order someone's dinner without asking their preference. Why would you make love without asking?

Did you just orgasm dear?
No. Why do you ask?
I'm sure that you moved.

Sad.

My ex was sooo plain vanilla and uptight, things that we could have done to enhance enjoyment he was not interested in trying. Communication and open minds are so crucial