Real Intimacy

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How do you feel about a belief in a soul mate, one person who fulfills your ideal? Someone mentioned a "star-mate"; I like the sound of this yet believe there can be a lot of options in our eclectic world. My issue re a soul mate, in part, stems from the experience that one's belief system eventually seeps into every part of a coupled life. I don't believe in a soul. I believe we may return to another form of energy. So, Is this simply innocent semantics? "Real Intimacy "

LetzGetReal 8 Apr 13
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Been there and know how great it can be. Neither of us believed in souls, though, but we did have reason as our base. Emotions can actually screw things up.

JackPedigo Level 9 May 10, 2018

The book Connected is about social connections that affect our partner choices. Fascinating read. []

UUNJ Level 8 May 1, 2018

I will look into this. Maybe our library has it. Thanks.


I consider a soulmate to be someone with whom I can be completely bare emotionally. It is someone with whom I share trust and vulnerability. That person is not necessarily the best match as a life partner, though.

UUNJ Level 8 Apr 29, 2018

@InLogicWeTrust It is! happened to me, too.

@InLogicWeTrust I am not looking for a new person with whom I can emulate that exact relationship. For all the great things about us, there were some good reasons we broke up. It pays to see that objectively.

@UUNJ I totally agree, trying to recreate or replace another is unfair to all involved not least of whom is the new person.


I tend to lean towards defining your soul mate as someone who is committed to your team. Wanting the best, their happiness and support for each other always. Finding a partner who excels in and is strong in some areas you are weak in and you are stronger in some of their weaker points. For me a soulmate is someone 100% compatible with you and together you make a strong force to accomplish great things together. Adventures, life’s best and worst moments, any given single moment shared with a soulmate is a beautiful thing. You connect on a somewhat psychic level and can easily read each other’s emotions and they should make you laugh and feed off each other’s energy and enjoy comfortable silence as much as rational debate and be open to learn from each other constantly with zero doubt or fear of judgment or harm. They lift you up and never put you down. You encourage each other to better each other through a deep psychological connection and an equally mutual high sexual passion and expression expectancy.

Hazydays Level 7 Apr 26, 2018

A couple whom KNOW how to bring out the BEST in one another plus love one another BECAUSE of their faults, as well...


I don’t believe in soul mates. I believe successful couples have lucky personality connections or refuse to give up.


I don't believe in happily ever after with one person. There are many types of people and many types of love and friendship that come in and out of life. Some of them are romantic, others not at all. I have a best friend that is like my other half. He and I have no romantic interest in each other though. I loved my ex husband for many years. Right now, I'm pretty content with the love of my children and my friends. It fulfills me.

maritime37 Level 5 Apr 18, 2018

I don't like the feel of my OTHER HALF in terms of any kind of a relationship.

For a person to not feel complete on their own at some point in their life, is a life half lived in my view...


I don't believe in soul mates...mostly because I need a lot of support staff in my life and I would NEVER ask one person to be my everything. That would be selfish of me.

MissaDixon Level 7 Apr 17, 2018

I personally define the term differently. I believe that soulmates (the plural is necessary, as the relationship can only function bidirectionally) are people that understand and compliment each other so profoundly that they live and function better together than apart. I don’t think there is just one person out there who would fall into this category; if nothing else, it would be numerically preposterous. I also don’t believe in a “soul” so I don’t define it in the literal. Nor do I think that it only applies to sexual relationships. You can be soulmates as lovers, as friends, or as family. Hell, if the memes are to be believed, Barack Obama and Jod Biden are soulmates. I miss those dudes...

Well said.


I find it really hard to believe that there is one person out there that you may or may not meet who is your other "half".

jjhagen Level 6 Apr 15, 2018

It’s true. It can happen. ??


I was extremely career oriented so to say I’m experienced in dating is not quite right but I have had a few crushes, as it were. I even married a man that seemed to fit the right boxes. But I will say this, when I met my starmate a whole new world opened up and I saw the world from whole new eyes like never before. No other man ever affected me like this, not even close. It was profound! I believe there is a starmate out there for us all, but I also have to believe there are more than one as “love is not enough” or other factors that may imped a successful long lasting relationship. My starmate and I, though both of us atheists, had Christian values and societal pressures come between us but it can’t be over. If vulnerable intimate relationships can be created in a science lab it can happen again, I believe that, I want to believe it at least.


I read a long time ago that on average any given person will 'click' with one out of every 50,000 individuals. They didn't really go into the concept of soul mates. For my part, I think everyone is always growing and changing - sometimes that means two people will grow together, sometimes they'll grow apart; I don't think you'd know right away if someone was a soul mate or just a current flame until you've been together quite a while. For the couple that's been married for 50 years and still hold hands walking down the street, yeah, it's a probability. The couple still smitten with each other after 2 years, who knows?

1:50,000? Yikes. I better join a few more dating apps!

@UUNJ not bad odds in Dallas really. For the middle of nowhere Montana you may need to compromise...

I would think the odds get less the older one gets. One's values are often already set. I was 53 and my new partner was 46. She was from a Middle-Eastern country and our personalities were polar opposites. However, our values and beliefs of life were spot on. Still one can have differences and still be great partners.


I got a best friend, she's a lot younger, we say we're soul mates. Don't really know what a soul mate is. I do know we click together, we find a lot of humor in the same way, seem to care about the same things We can laugh hang out, share thoughts Just have a good time. She's very much into the god thing, that never is a problem. My other best friend is a guy ,every thing is about the same with him. They don't push the god thing on me and I don't push the no god thing on them. I never heard of a star mate. That's far out there.

kenriley Level 8 Apr 13, 2018

Idk. I would have said it's a bunch of hooey until I met a person who synced up with me in almost every way. It was uncanny, literally saying the same thing at the same time, regularly. Still mystified by thst.


I stopped believing in soulmates and other happily ever after stories when my wife of 16 years had an affair.

2TuffTony Level 5 Apr 13, 2018

Maybe I am being too precise, and at the same time language can be a very powerful influence. To say or think one has a SOUL MATE, well it seems to put another frame on love, in my view...

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