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I have a question for you ladies. I'm an older guy, 68, but I'm good condition. My spouse of 25 plus years is younger than me by 10. For the first 20 years she was responsive to my sexual needs. For the last 5 plus years she has become celibate. This of course has rendered me the same. I have tried discussing, tried to take her to counseling, tried to get her medical advice, all to no avail. She is a deeply religious female who loves little children deeply. I'm kinda at my wits end here! We sleep in the same bed but touching is definitely not part of the deal. What the Hell is wrong here? Do females just reach a point where sex is out of the question. Asking for a friend. ?

By Theskeptic7
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12 comments

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1

I can’t offer much insight, but I can empathize. My last marriage was sexless - hell, touchless and talkless too - for the final several years. Religion had nothing to do with it. He refused to try counseling so I never really understood wtf was going on. But it was so difficult. I had to leave for my own well-being cuz I go so dang depressed. Single at sixty isn’t ideal, but I am sooo much happier!

Justjoni Level 7 May 28, 2018
1

Sometimes it actually becomes painful as a women ages and her body no longer creates hormones.

mjbirder Level 4 May 26, 2018
1

I don't think it's age. I've gotten older my libido has actually increased. There could be countless other issues why someone would abstain from sex -- emotionally, psychological, physical. I know some women who have abstained from sex because they were taught at a young age that their sexuality doesn't belong to them and that belief has stayed with them, so the only way they could feel some sense of control was by withholding. Not a conscious decision, but something that they evolved into. That was me for many years actually, and as I learned how to own my life and my decisions, including regarding to sex, I've felt more confident in that part of my life.

bleurowz Level 8 May 23, 2018
1

I think some where in the Bible it says to serve your husband what that means I have no idea but she might.

Buddadarma Level 3 May 22, 2018
1

Have you talked to her? Honest open communication. Seriously, I avoided intimacy with my ex for the last 5 years of our marriage because I realized he loved his f**king xian website more than me. Once the hurt and anger faded I was absolutely indifferent to him. I used my toys when he slept. So, time for a good chat with the missus. If she is having post menopause issues insist that she go see her doctor. And if you wanna look up buybull verses that can help you out, fight fire with fire. My celibacy did not last long after my ex and I split up. I'm 60 now, alone, but still have my toys.

HippieChick58 Level 9 May 21, 2018
0

Bed death is common for women as they age...SADLY...but it does happen.

MissaDixon Level 7 May 21, 2018

I beg to differ.

@dare2dream (Bad site..I agree) but here's some data.

[webmd.com]

@MissaDixon : I have heard that getting past menopause increases libido.

Anyway, "women's biggest sexual problem is caused by a combination of both mental and physical factors", (from your source). Maybe if most women suffering from lack of libido fixed the physical (lost weight, etc.) then the mental component would improve too.

@ProudMerry don't you just love a man that has women figured out and knows the solutions to their problems.

@dare2dream did you just insult fat women? Dude she won't sleep with you because you're a pig. Get a fucking clue dude...It's 2018, and just cause the US has an asshole as president doesn't mean you get to be one.

@MissaDixon : You're making false assumptions and jumping to conclusions! It's a fact that physical problems lead to mental ones. Sounds like you have an issue.

@dare2dream dying of cancer nit wit...I'm very much all ready been there and done that.

2

Sounds like you need Mrs Palmers tender touch in the meantime together with a little of your fancy to get you going.
Remember the old saying "if you don't use use it you'll lose it"!

FrayedBear Level 9 May 21, 2018

@Theskeptic porn

@Theskeptic the internet has made much freely available to stimulate. I remember being advised nearly 50 years ago to look in a warehouse manager's desk filing drawer. It contained his collection of pornography ranging from 1950 black and white photographs of other men's wives in white bra and panties in the bathroom through to the full colour Swedish magazines of the late sixties. Their owner had an interesting habit of only looking at the visual stuff in winter and in summer only reading the written material. I never found out if in fact it was because women dressed more unrestricted and briefly in summer or his embarrassment of sitting in the sun looking at photos.

@Theskeptic Imagination- Pornhub.com. ?

2

You're not on your own my friend, it a far more common situation than you might think.

LenHazell53 Level 8 May 21, 2018
2

Have you been to a sex therapist? Most men never received any education about how a woman’s body works and many women either do not understand it themselves or are too inhibited to tell their men. I have a friend who just had her first orgasm at age 80! Usually, if a woman is not interested in sex, it is because her partner is ill-informed as to how to ensure that it is an enjoyable experience for her. A sex therapist can help you both. And if your relationship is otherwise satisfactory, resolving this issue is all the more important as you both age. Your Internist should be able to give you a referral.

MissKathleen Level 9 May 21, 2018

It seems kind of like victim blaming to say the reason someone loses interest in their partner is because the partner "is ill-informed".

1

Women do go through menopause and menopause does play Havoc with our sex drives. She may want to talk to her doctor about the problem. Menopause could lead females into depression,Low sex drive, vaginal dryness which makes intercourse painful ,lack of energy ,weight gain and the list goes on. It may be pschological as well. If she is a deeply religious woman who loves small children she may feel like she's not breeding material anymore and therefore there's no point to have sex.

Kojaksmom Level 8 May 21, 2018

@Theskeptic check out the website "more than two". Also there is a poly group on this site

5

Well, the first red flag I see is your statement "For the first 20 years she was responsive to my sexual needs." This assumes that SHE had no sexual needs or desires. Is that the case? Or was she as over the moon for sharing her sexual love with you as you were with her? Answer that and I may or may not be able to offer further opinion. I'm interested in seeing the answers to your questions as well. It's a topic/condition I'm familiar with on more than one end of the spectrum.

daylily Level 7 May 21, 2018

That sentence raised a red flag for me as well.

4

Everyone is different. This can't be made a gender issue.

Maybe she just doesn't want sex with you anymore. That's not a problem for her.

You say she was "responsive" to your sexual needs, but were you responsive to hers?

Clear and open communication is key.

Ellatynemouth Level 8 May 21, 2018

@Theskeptic I agree with them entirely! She doesn’t owe you sexual access. That said, maybe you misspoke and meant that you had a balanced sexual relationship, and she changed the rules.
Think back to what may have triggered the shift 5 years ago. Was there a health change? Stress level change? Significant changes in lifestyle—Perhaps you retired at 65 and have lots of time on your hands while she is still working? Maybe she entered menopause, which can decrease sexual interest and pleasure unless one is motivated to overcome hormonal and physical changes. (if your sex life didn’t focus on her arousal, menopausal sex would be painful). You can go to counseling on your own, and by sharing what you learn, you may encourage her to enter couples counseling.

@Theskeptic She may well have experienced nerve damage that affected her sexual arousal and response. The nerves for that run thru and along the spine to the sexual organs. The body can find new pleasure pathways but the motivation must be there. Libido is in the brain; arousal is in the body.

@Theskeptic lol you aren't getting out of this question alive.

@UUNJ thanks for helping him instead of assuming it's all his fault.

@CraeftSmith Sexual problems are rarely just one partner’s fault.

@UUNJ takes two to tango!

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