I have always been of the mind that a piece of paper does not a marriage make.

We melted the summer we started as a couple. Body and soul. Somehow that event however chemically inspired was foretelling of the rest of our lives. Before we even knew it the forces of the universe had fused us together on a molecular level.

I never really even cared about getting married, it was a requirement for tax filings, insurance coverage, a societal requisite. A man made construct. Rick Doss and I did the marriage thing because it made things easier for our child, you have to pick your battles in life.

Our examples of marriage were somewhat laughable. We were going to show the world how it should be done. Suddenly the years flew by. I vacillated between want to wrap my legs around his neck to want to wrap my hands around his neck. At times we accomplished our goal of showing them how it's done, other times we were both ready to chuck it all out the window.

Anniversaries came and went. Sometimes we made something special of them, sometimes we were too broke or tired, we'd knowingly just acknowledged the date and go about the demands of life. We didn't always need to have grand gestures or proclamations. Now in retrospect I wish we had done more. I guess the bride always feels her wedding day is her special day.

We didn't realize they would be limited. 35 of them. That's what we got, 35 years is all we got. Till death do we part.

Last year he knew, we knew he was dying. He wanted to go to Chicago and renew our vows on the beach where we married. I felt it so unimportant. He was so sick, I was so exhausted. I'm sorry I didn't give more credence to his wishes.

So now, I sit here alone reflecting on a life together, how this Sunday at sun rise would be our anniversary, but it's not anymore. We had our time He promised (as had I) to love each other until the day we died, . He did ( as will I ).