I think perhaps where you actually could cause harm with this behavior? You might want to seek professional help now.

I know - no one seems to want to do that. But it can help to have someone to bounce all that's going on in your head off of. Plus they'll have some coping strategies for you and be able to discuss if you might temporarily need meds.?

Within a few weeks of my Dad dying I was in therapy and it was a good thing because the nature of his death had sent me into a tailspin of emotional outrage. Talking it out helped.
(When a blizzard prevents someone from getting the help they need so they can live? It'll upset you.).

I'm sorry it's hitting you so hard. But it's so normal for people to go to all kinds of extremes once they're done with the process of dying. It's really time to put the focus on helping yourself now. It's important.

One must find a positive manner by which to express anger. I am working on tempering my temper as well. I have a counselor & medication has soothed my rage. You need to find a way of channeling it towards a positive outcome. Exercise, writing a journal, talk therapy, volunteer. Good luck.

It is one of the stages .
It is in no order but from what I have read they are .
SHOCK & DENIAL- You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. ...
PAIN & GUILT- ...
ANGER & BARGAINING- ...
"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS- ...
THE UPWARD TURN- ...
RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- ...
ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

I seem to be stuck in shock, denial pain and guilt . Depending on the day .
Do you have anyone to talk to ? I did in the beginning ....but then here I am stuck.
Wish I had something better to say to you ......I really do.
It’s a horrible thing to go through the worst thing imaginable.

Don’t be disappointed in yourself.