I'm so sorry this happened to you. (It didn't really happen to your dad...he was on his own path.) Your stepmother was doing something to make his death more comfortable for herself, and that's not really part of your dad's death, either. I'd write her a letter (mail it after reading it for a week) and express your thoughts about the way she disrespected his atheism. (Sounds very passive aggressive, if you ask me.)

Then...just close the door. She's not part of your life. All she's done is demonstrate her own superstition...and you don't care!

I wouldn't sweat it if they didn't hurt him during the baptism then they may as well have been having a birthday party or a Halloween party and you know bobbing for apples would have got him wet too. No harm no foul. You can think of it as being just for her, but religious people feel compelled to do these things for their salvation and the other person's salvation. I've never understood the idea of fearing a god who is supposed to love us but shows us very little love in actuality, based on the assumption of his existence. Enjoy the memories of your father as he was.

What has it hurt? It’s not a question as to whether she’s right or wrong, but a question as to how she deals with her grief. Did he insist on not being baptized? If he was truly an atheist, then the baptism was meaningless anyway. This is fait accompli. I wouldn’t worry about it.

It would infuriate me because it is complete disregard for the person that was going through the death. It is at its core industrial. I'm sorry that happened to you and that you lost your dad.

It’s very annoying, that’s for sure! My mother in law “Baptised” my son in our bathroom sink when she was staying at our house, helping my wife, whilst I was out in the Gulf. It made her feel better, I guess, as she was horrified that we were Atheist and would never get him properly baptised at their Catholic Church.

My mother in law did the same with her catholic husband, badgering him to convert church of Christ. To me it was harsh and petty, but that is how she was taught to express love. The best part is you don’t have to deal with her, so yeah, don’t sweat it.

Wow, she pulled some Mormon church level shenanigans right there. Not cool.

I think that a god so powerful and all knowing could weigh the evidence of someones life--you know, the one he designed and created and knew what was going to happen before it does--against the final act of pouring water on someones head. It is an insane thought to think that what you do in life is pointless unless you say some magic words at the last minute and thats all that is needed to pass a test.

I think his wife is and was evil. But you are correct, she did it for herself. And I think you should avoid her.

I doubt a few passes of the hand and sprinkle of holy water will make much difference to his eternal soul. The disturbing point is that she knew his standpoint. That is certainly disrespectful, probably not to your father as an atheist he probably wouldn't have bothered one way or another. But disrespectful to you as you knew your father's beliefs but were overtaken by her personal belief. My sympathies for you

It's not fair, nor is it really worth to carry the burden of the grudge. Just tell yourself the your dad's mind was Teflon covered..

She is an idiot who thinks a magic bath will make someone live forever, her delusion makes no difference to your Dad, laugh it off, all she has done is make a fool of herself.

I personally think that was disrespectful to his beliefs in life. However, I understand why she would want to do it. She wants to be with him in the afterlife and can't stand the possibility that he could suffer for eternity, away from her. When a person dies, they are not the ones to suffer after their death (that we know of). It is hardest for the people who carry on. That being said, I hope he didn't know what was going on when she did it. If that was the case, and there is an afterlife, he will forgive her. If there is nothing after death, then it doesn't matter what she did, because he won't exist to care.

I'm not religious and I let my premature baby boys get baptized so their great grandfather could feel better. It didn't hurt them, and made someone happy. It didn't matter to me.

I think for you it's important to be forgiving of his wife as her intentions were good in that she didn't want him to go hell. In other words, she didn't want him to suffer, and that's a good thing. And, you're right, her actions were to quell her own fears and provide peace of mind. You're not wrong as I feel you were wanting your father's integrity to not be interfered with, and that's why you felt her imposition of her actions and point of view was invasive to your family. For what it's worth, 'God/Creator/etc., welcomes us all regardless of the beliefs we hold. I understand that our lives are measured by what we feel in our hearts so life continues (reincarnation) and we evolve to higher states of wisdom and consciousness. Hell is just a state of mind, no more than that

I understand. That would be a bit invasive of his belief and mindset. However, he didn't believe any of that, so probably didn't effect him too much. I bet he just rolled his eyes. Also, if my stepmom wanted to do that to my father, I'd be hard pressed to say anything or fault her. After all, she is his wife...I don't have to live with him or go on as his widow. I guess I'd have to side with the words of he old priest Bill Maher interviewed in Religilous, "you just have to let people live and die with their stupid beliefs."
Sorry about your father. Best wishes. I'm sure a lovely child and grandchildren are a greater reward than eternal life. I'd take it.

I doubt that the useless ceremony harmed your father or shortened his life.

I could envision my Mom doing this if she had the chance! She was brought up Brethren, an anabaptist Christian faith. My Dad’s family was Methodist, and because we moved around a lot and it was much easier to find Methodist churches, she pretty much joined that faith. But it was too late! My sister and I were already grown and non believers. I the anabaptist faith, babies are not baptized. You concecrate yourself to the faith when you are old enough to make the decision to accept god (Amish and Mennonites are the same). One of her biggest regrets is that my sister and I were never baptized, because in her mind, whether we believe or not, if we had had water sprinkled on our heads and some mumbo-jumbo spoke over us, we would at least stand a chance of getting to heaven. I generally try to refrain from laughing. But I could truly see her, if I was in a coma or unable to defend myself, sneaking a preacher in and doing a Christian Intervention! ? It won’t make a damn bit of difference to me, but I am sure it would make her feel better, so I would never ban her from my room!

She was wrong and have seen in some point there marraige. You did the right thing and don't feel guilty about it.

No she should respect your dad's wishes

According to the Bible, it is his Faith
That save him

I would be angry on his behalf. As an atheist myself, I would never want that done to me.

My uncle had this happen to him recently but it was on the other foot, his uncle was Baptist, but his wife had him cremated and they didn’t have a service. I told him it’s all about the memory your memory of him not what happens after death.

Let it go. it was for her benefit, not his. I believe it happens quite often and has no real meaning for people like us. You know it would have meant nothing to him so don't let it be important to you.

If it made her feel better, then it caused no harm. I was brought up Mormon and did baptisms for the dead. At the time it felt right until I started thinking.