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Would like your opinion on this...there's a nurse I work with who basically hit on me at work. He's married. Im not interested but see him as a comrade as I do all my coworkers so it came as a shock. First he added me on facebook...which is fine, others have done the same. Then he became more chatty. Then a few days ago I noticed he touched my shoulders while talking to me and also once on my waste with one hand ...I noticed it but decided it was nothing weird or something others have done at one time or another so I forgot about it. Then the next day I asked him to waste a drug with me and he said, for you Id do anything. Then the next day in the OR during a case he just basically says to me...the pants you wore into work this morning made my day keep doing that. I turned bright red. I workout after work so I wear my workout clothes to work then change into scrubs. I found myself explaining this to him and embarrassed, ashamed. I said I wasn't wearing that anymore. He said no please do. That's why I sit by the scrub machine every morning eating breakfast. At this point I didn't know he was married. But I did feel uncomfortable. I laughed it off and tried to make a joke of it. I mentioned it to a female coworker who told me he was married with 4 kids. I was really kind of shocked but decided to pretend it never happened and avoid it in the future. Went home. Then he started messaging me...nice way to end the shift with you and other flirty things. I confronted him that he was married. He said...so can't a man give a woman a compliment as a friend? then he wanted to know if I would be attending the going away party at a bar for a scrub tech sat night. asked me twice if I would be there, said i need to start hanging out with my work family. I did not go. Im not sure the correct way to deal with this. I don't want to be weird or make a problem or anything bc i have to work with this person. I work at a small facility and we have a very close work family. Im hoping it doesn't ever come up again but if it does....how do I address it appropriately without creating tension?

lauraleigh38 6 Nov 17
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85 comments (26 - 50)

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3

Politely tell him that you are not interested, that his attentions are making you uncomfortable and that he needs to restrict his behavior to activities and comments typical of casual work friend and coworkers. (Reasoning: one of the first questions is going to deal with how you responded to his comments and advances. If you haven’t told him “No!” Your case is weakened— even if it should not be.)

Keep that list up to date and current.
If you can, do that in text or email and save it. Save it it with a full list of actions(as you described them above as a start) with as much detail, date, place and time and witnesses, if any, as you can. (Reasoning: information, as noted, is important to making your case. Make it specific and contemporaneous.)

Save that info, etc. If he does not stop the behaviors that make you uncomfortable, politely tell him if they continue, that you will have no choice but to complain to your company.

If it occurs again, then, file a formal complaint with the appropriate magemrnt offici/officer.

Good luck.

Document, document, document. It works.

1

Jeez.
Checking back when I find the post count has hit 100. And, it seems I'm the only one recommending a swift, and conclusive solution to this. Although @Kkgator comes pretty close. What the heck is wrong with you people? Be nice? Be "gentle"??? Someone should take this clod out to the parking lot and beat the tar out of him.

What you don't understand being male, is that there will always be for us women that 'fear factor of what if?'. What goes through our minds is this "He is bigger than me. He could hurt me. He could rape me" "i do not want to get him offside or angry".

1

I’d say you need to be direct. “I hate it if you somehow got the wrong impression but I’m not interested “.
If he makes an asshole remark about not being interested in you, tell him that’s a relief. If his behavior continues after you have directly addressed it, that’s harassment and should be reported following your chain of command.

I’m really sorry. I know how uncomfortable this can be.

This conversation could even take place over Facebook messenger. If it goes poorly you can take screenshots to the unit director.

6

I would tell him straight out I"m not interested and you are making me feel uncomfortable. If you don't stop saying these things and contacting me i'll report you. Warn him.. so at least he knows how you feel
..

3

I would tell him to be respectful. And, if not, file a complaint.

4

You are being sexually harassed. Save all communications, and take it to HR.
He is the one creating tension FOR YOU. Don't be concerned with how this will effect him. HE is the problem. HE is making it "weird". Hoping it'll go away isn't going to happen.
If you don't have an HR department, take it to your supervisor, and to his supervisor, if it's not the same person.
He is making your work environment uncomfortable.
Do not accept blame for something that is NOT your fault.
Don't worry about how this is going to effect him. He isn't remotely concerned about how it's effecting you.
Good luck.

1

I'd be straight with him, without threatening to escalate it. File a complaint only if he doesn't back off after you've told him.

0

Start talking a lot about this great new guy you met, and how you think you are falling for him. Total lie, but he can back off gracefully.

0

And: it is always good form to be applying for new jobs. If for no other reason than to know what you are worth.

2

By not "being clear with him" of YOUR intentions, he keeps following his. You haven't told him "no", you're "not interested". If you create tension in him, so be it. It's your sanity (and your image at work)... that's at stake. They all know about him...

0

I agree with everyone else. Warn him to stop, and if he persists, take it to HR. I’d avoid being alone with him whenever possible. It makes me feel bad for you. Nothing like unnecessary stress. All the best, however you handle it. ??

6

you're not the one creating the tension. there is no polite way out of this. here is the proper plan:

  1. unfriend him on facebook.

  2. tell him not to touch you on the shoulder or anywhere else, ever again.

  3. tell him that you will not converse with him except as business requires. follow through and pretend he has not spoken if he makes things personal.

  4. report him to highers ups if he doesn't back off.

  5. report him to police if he stalks you.

g

1

In my experience, this is a male, who allows his ‘sexual attraction free reign!’ If he puts ‘it’ out there and someone ‘bites,’ then it was all in the game! But, this is a dangerous game as people can get hurt or loose their job, it is not worth taking part in! I would state my position clearly and let him know that you are not interesting in playing games! Let this person know, that this is not fun, to you! If it continues, i would report it to your supervisor one time and if it continues, I would file a complaint.

1

You have to be firm with someone like that and politely inform them you are not interested in such discussions while on the job or even after your shift ends. If he persists in the advances, I would go to the human resources department (assuming your place of employment has one that is) and report him. I dealt with a similar circumstance with a female employee years ago that wouldn't let up and went to HR to report her for harassment. When situations like that come up, you can't be afraid to speak up, as it wouldn't be your fault any of that happened.

4

If you have any of this communication from him in FB msgs, elsewhere, save all of it. In at least 2 safe places.

2

This is harassment and against the law in the workplace. Report immediately to Human Resources.

Source:
1

Keep evidence on hand.
Tell him to back off in no uncertain terms. If you try anything more subtle than that if you do report him he'll claim mixed messages from you.
Then report him. I hate saying that, but you don't know what his reaction to rejection will be, what form the retaliation could take, including (but not limited too) sabotage at work. I know that it sucks to do something like report a guy, but I don't think you're going to have a choice. No one wants to be 'that' woman, but sometimes it is warranted.

1

If he knows that you're currently separated, then he could, consciously or subconsciously, see you as an easy target. You're in one of the most vulnerable places of life right now. He can either respect that and try to be supportive, or try to take advantage of it. Sounds like he's doing the latter. Lot's of good advice in the comments, I agree, report him if it continues.

2

Tell him you are not interested. Make sure to include that his comments while flattering, are making you uncomfortable. Be honest with him. Tell him you would like to keep the work environment professional. If he cannot stop the compliments then I would consider unfriending him on Facebook. Keep all interaction with him work related and be up front when he tries to be flirtatious.

2

Tell him you are interested in getting his dick picture to show his wife how he hangs out at work ! Then call his wife and get her to deal with him !

Mets Level 6 Nov 18, 2018
0

What a slug. The administrative route is secure, but can make certain situations worse. Be clear that you're not interested. Don't entertain flattery. If you're trying to be conversational, maybe bringing up his family with questions that force the embarrassed idea of answering for his wife might help, but doubtful. I chuckled at the comment of getting a dick pic for his wife. I don't know. Maybe give him a warning that if he doesn't stop, you're going to report it. At least that's up front, giving him the choice to back off our face consequences. Also sends the message you're not to be trifled with. But you have to follow through. Document everything. Any way you handle it, be careful. Sometimes things don't turn out like you expect. A situation I was in, my employer reprimanded me because I spoke back. Anywhere else in public, it would have been a crime. Nothing like blaming the victim. Even in a corporate setting with harassment policies. Outside work, the law applies, inside.... who knows!?

2

Be strong, firm, open, honest, and serious. It's tempting to try to get along, but if he doesn't respect your feelings, then not taking him on will make matters worse. Go to your supervisor, go to HR, go to your EEO Rep, and tell them now to protect yourself.

Keita Level 5 Nov 18, 2018
0

Well he's definitely trying flirt, I suggest just keeping your distance. It would probably be the best way help end things and not cause any problems

2

Report him to HR immediately. His behavior is unacceptable.
Make out reports for sexual harassment.
They need to put a stop to this.
Your workplace is toxic and hostile.
NO means NO.
Stop means STOP.
Don't remain quiet...you did nothing wrong.
STOP him. Speak up.

2

Sounds like hes just another sexual predator, who's bored with his wife and seeking a bit of fresh, tell him to fuck off orat least get a divorce first 😉

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