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Do you still believe in marriage? (If you don't like my options, pick one and comment your suggestions)

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Chooseluv 5 Jan 11
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49 comments

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0

So sad so many people project failed marriages upon future possible successful marriages. .. I feel much of "dating" is NOT modern courtship but instead cheap sampling temporary intimacy not intending towards marriage. ...that means boys lying to fuck and girls wanting cheap thrills...it's a statistical fact men will die 8 years earlier @ 81 alone, while women don't need partners to live 88 years

7

IMHO, I don't think that a piece of paper should be relevant in this day and age.
If two people want to be together, then they will be together.
And if they don't any more, then, don't be together any more.
The piece of paper brings out the worst in people, way too much legality involved with it.

6

The legal clarity is helpful in medical emergencies, unexpected death, etc. I think if people paid a lot more attention to prenups, divorces could be less stressful.

@PalacinkyPDX Well said

5

Marriage is for young people who will have kids. Not much use to older people. I think it is possible to be totally committed without the formality of marriage.

Even being married because you're starting a family is really more to spare children the cruel prejudices of others than to make them feel more secure. I don't think a child really knows or cares whether Mom and Dad are married, they just assume they will always be there in their lives because they are naturally bonded to them. They only start to care later when they pick up on it being unusual or less proper because of other people's fixed notions about it. I would get married if I were starting a family, and I would get married if it made my partner feel more secure for some reason, but personally it doesn't make me feel more committed or bonded than I already am. Those are interpersonal, emotional issues, they have nothing to do with a piece of paper.

My present wife and I were together for 8 years and she consistently avoided tying the knot until I just gave up on it. Then one day all of a sudden she had the notion to do it. She claimed solemnizing it makes her feel more "trapped" and she was trying to avoid that until she trusted me enough. (Then of course with notions like that, inevitably, she had some buyer's remorse afterwards). For purely mercenary reasons I kind of wish we hadn't done it, because she could have retired on her late ex's social security with twice the SS income. Getting married will cost us around $1200 a month when she hits SS retirement age. On the plus side we don't have to carry a medical power of attorney around just to visit each other in the hospital, etc.

The irony is that it's actually the same exact emotional toll to break up with or without a license, and it's actually a little easier legally to break up if you're married because the terms of things like property division are better defined. So I don't know where my wife got the notion that marriage actually increases your obligation, in reality or morally, to stay with someone you don't want to stay with, here in our no-fault divorce world. But ... I long ago learned not to argue with the women in my life. If that's what they think, it's real to them.

5

In theory, yes. But I just got out of a 32 year marriage with five grown kids. I'd like to get aquainted with being single, enjoy myself, and reestablish a strong me before I am able to recommit to make a strong "us".

But if the right person comes along, I wouldn't rule it out if we both want it.

4

Once was enough for me..

4

If you want to put on a costume, to put on a show and to get some applauses, become an actor!

You don't need to get married to do that.

4

I used to believe in it, but I now wonder if it's even worth to get married. All your doing is signing some piece of paper, so the government views it a legal binding agreement. Besides. People are to quick to get married, all for what? Society itself, expects people to get married. If people wish to get married, they should live together for several years, prior to getting married.

For the most part, I will say this. Two people can live together just fine without ever being married.

Years ago, I had this one mgr say marriage licenses should be like a fishing license. Renewable every year.

4

I've always thought that the Ancient Egyptian method of 'marriage' (for want of a more suitable term) was one of the best.
A couple would mutually consent to spending 3 days ( the days being measured then from sunset to sunset) in the same house and Voila they are considered as being 'married.'
Should they decide to split up at any later time, then she would merely bundle up the belongings of the man, hand them to him through the door, retaining EVERYTHING that was hers, and they were then considered as being separate people again.No fuss, no lawyers, no division of property, etc.

4

Unless minor children are involved, why?

Not even then.

3

There's a 50% chance I'd consider getting married again. It has been a long time since I've worn a size 6.5 wedding ring! It would feel strange and unique at the same time. I don't know? The future is full of possibilities.

3

i never DID believe in marriage. so why, you ask, am i engaged to be married? well, it's mostly because my guy and i are old and poor and have medical issues and one of us could die at any second. being married would interfere with our skimpy benefits but guarantee the survivor some minimal security that our current relationship would not. as it stands now, we've been engaged since 2004, and we have a plan that if one of us is dying, we get married immediately. in the meantime, we have for some time now been cohabiting, and sometimes folks think we're married. our relationship is not defined by someone else's marriage, or a standard view of what marriage should be. it is what we make of it.

g

Does your state not have common law marriages? IK some states have statutes that after X number of years presenting yourself in a manner consistent with a marriage arrangement, you are default considered married. This site doesn't list Minnesota, but I am unsure if it's accurate, that's why I ask. [ncsl.org]

@jondspen no. my state actually does not have common law marriage.

your list is accurate at least in that regard.

g

3

Before I say another word, let me clarify that I love my wife and am commited to her. I made her a promise many years ago, she means a lot to me despite our many differences, and I'm a man of my word. That being said, I think it's absolutely ridiculous that marriage is still a thing. It's a tool of an archaic patriarchy designed to keep women "in their place," as it were. The Bible, on which modern marriage is based, makes it clear from the beginning that a woman's purpose is to serve a man. Still today as part of the ceremony, the father is asked "Who gives this woman im marriage?" As if he owns her, and as of the end of the ceremony she will be owned by her husband. Ownership of humans is obviously wrong, and even more so when the right is exclusive to one gender. I believe the government doesn't have in personal relationships and that marriage should be strictly religious.

3

Getting married is like getting a dog license. You are subjecting yourself to more government bull shit and control. On top of that, any logical thinking entity would avoid it simply on the grounds that humans are far to unreliable, and promises are pretty much worthless in the face of time.

THHA Level 7 Jan 11, 2019
3

Sure, why not? My parents are still together (41 years). There are a lot of people who have stayed married. There's also a lot of people who get divorce. Marriage can be tricky and complicated. For some people, marriage isn't for them, and that's ok.

3

I don't expect to remarry, I just want a long term shack up. There are financial penalties if I remarry, so I'd rather not go there.

You must be living in an alamony state.

@dahermit Nope, no alimony. I was a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) for over 25 years. I get part of the ex's SSRI. He did pay alimony, but in Nebraska that is a short term thing, less than 10 years.

@jorj I was referring to HippieChick58.

3

It's an unnecessary, antiquated, social construct.
It serves no useful purpose other than generating revenue for the government,
and divorce attorneys.

2

I have a legal background and have worked in public policy. Marriage is necessary to give and receive legal status. When you do with that is your own business. Some couples focus too much on the financial aspects of marriage. Me, I focus on the intangible rights. If I'm not human being enough to take care of my partner when he's critically ill—and really, the only way to do this is to have legal status—then what good am I? If my partner cannot receive medical care because I refuse to marry him, I'm a total jerk. And possibly a bit of a sociopath. On one last note: I have worked too long and too hard all of my life so that I can have something to give to the man I love, should I take the dirt nap first. I don't want all of that to revert to the state, or my employer.

Now, I don't believe that people who plan to have children together should marry. It's just a bad idea all around from a legal and financial perspective. Maybe have the kids first and wait ten years or so. But for people who don't have to plan children, marriage is pretty essential to establish each other as closest next-of-kin, in the eyes of the law.

2

I understand the legal reasons for doing so, but I don't like the traditional reasons for it. I would do it (again) if my partner cared for it, otherwise I'm fine without involving the state.

Marz Level 7 Jan 12, 2019
2

I think it's possible, but not for everyone -- me included. Both have to be committed and willing to put in the work -- and not rabbit when things get tough -- because they will.

2

It is archaic and dumb. My late ex and I realized this when we got back together; we said no to remarrying and stayed together longer than we did when we were married. Go figure.

2

After a divorce I still believe in the power of love. What is marriage anyway? For me is a legal contract between the partner, children, a lawyer, a judge and plus the whole church if the partners belong to the religious club.

2

Marriage is possible but I do not have to have it. I once lived with a woman as if we were married and it ended when she died. You do not have to have a license.

2

I personally don't think I'll ever get married but it's not because I don't believe in it. I'm just too damaged from previous relationship and too busy being a full time father to really care about finding somebody. Maybe I'll re-enter the dating world after my sons are both grown? Maybe not? I'll be in my 50s by then, so I doubt I'll have the motivation to try to change myself much. But whatever. I'm happy just being Dad for now...

I did the same after my divorce, I dedicated my life to my children until they graduated from University. Now I'm over fifty years old and I'm giving to myself a chance to find a wonderful man.

2

No - I refuse to allow the sexist family law court system fuck me over again. I can love and commit to a person without a bias legal system involved.

I personally think the government should be out of the marriage game entirely. Marriage licenses is just a form of revenue, and used in the past for social control - aka interracial marriages, same sex marriages, etc. What f-ing business is it of theirs who you decide to team up with in life? It would end divorce court bullshit, it would end gay marriage issues (since it would only be a religious ceremony), and it would simplify the tax code (why does being married matter any to how much an individual person pays in taxes).

The married deduction along with the deduction for children started during the war to encourage population growth.

2

I have no problem with marriage. At least if it doesn't work out, the law will decide who gets what, instead of coming home and FINDING ALL OF YOUR SHIT IS GONE! It took me two weeks to find my stuff. Living with someone or marriage, either one is fine with me. 🙂

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