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I am with my family for the weekend, for my younger brother's graduation. Today they planed to go out to eat to celebrate after church. I'm the only atheist in my family, and when I asked them what time church was over so I could meet them at the restaurant, they just said "If you went, you would know" and then wouldn't tell me the time.

GregM 5 May 5
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68 comments

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12

Hmmm, I'd go to the service.

I know, just hear me out. There's a tricky line to walk now. You want to be embarrassing, but not humiliating to your family. Just enough to send a message. But it's your brother's big day, so play it carefully. And you have to appear a willing, nay, slightly over-enthusiastic participant.

So, slightly over-dress. Put on after-shave liberally. Stand up and sit down just a bit too late. Smile at everyone. When people kneel for prayer, use this as an opportunity to check out the fellow parishioners like an alert meerkat. You don't need to participate in the prayers, but appear respectful. Sing the hymns enthusiastically, and if you don't have the greatest voice, double your volume. When the collection plate comes, noisily empty a large container of change into it.

At the end of the service, be super-fiendly, and super-truthful. You're here to support your brother and because your family insisted, but no, you don't attend church because you don't believe in God. If anyone presses you about your non-belief, just tell them sorry, but you're here for your brother and you don't want to be a distraction or an embarrassment on his big day, but your family kinda insisted on your presence. If that's a problem, perhaps they'd like to take it up with your family.

Good luck.

That whole scene would be perfect! Not sure how the family would react but I chuckled all the way through your discription.

Can we please be best friends? This reply is perfection!

Meerkat.... splutter.....

@Donna_I in real life, I turned up to usher at my sister's big church wedding with a freshly shaved head and eyebrows. It was wonderful watching everyone's curious expressions as they tried to work out why my face looked so... expressionless.

@MrBeelzeebubbles lol! It is amazing how much eyebrows change a face. Was there a reason for your bit of mischief?

@Donna_I I'd like to say it was deliberate, but it was the result of NYE shenanigans. I was working, caught up with mates at a party in the city just before the countdown, proceeded to drink way to fast on an empty stomach to "catch up", and woke up on a couch the next morning with half a goatee, one eyebrow and a rather rude word starting with 'C' shaved into my head. So, all the hair had to go, and my sister's wedding was a week away.

@MrBeelzeebubbles oh no! what a way to ring in the new year. I hope your sister wasn't overly upset.

@Donna_I She thought it was kind of funny. The rest my family were exasperated, I guess. By this stage, they'd pretty much given up. I was the token family relatively harmless weirdo.

3

I've been declared Satan himself when I declined to go to a church gathering with some of my family when they asked why I wouldn't go with them I told them Because I am Atheist and that I would be a hypocrite if I did then they your Satan I said alrighty then and since that time I am no longer ask to any thing involving that part of the family and wax asked to please leave because the one in questioned was going where I was and that if they seen me their they wouldn't come The Anti waltons

Sweetie , try some punctuation and some capitals , please . They make the meaning of your comments clearer .

@Cast1es It’s not a big deal. Just let it be.

8

go to the restaurant early and be leaving when they arrive. maybe hug your brother.

You are brilliant!

@KKGator thanks.

2

Well that was a dick move. Blow it off for your brother's sake, and text them to text you back when they get there. If they don't do it, go to a bar. 🤓

I took a shot of whiskey less than a minute after they left.

@GregM Attaboy!

4

You should have told them you would google the website...all churches post their times on the web...or not go...they are quite passive-aggressive...beat them at their game

Not this church. Its in the back woods area of the country where a lot of people still don't have internet. The whole county is basically a third world country!

@GregM wow--I hope you find people who can support you...it is tough to be the one on the outside looking in all the time...good luck!

1

So, did you go to the church?

NR92 Level 6 May 6, 2019

No, I met them at the restaurant later though. I happened to show up at the same time they did by pure luck... or maybe it was skill

6

Funny how a religion that teaches love always acts so hateful if your not in their “tribe”

4

Crimeny, sad to hear. Hopefully you let them know that they have betrayed you, and that they are becoming one of those horrible families whose love has conditions on it. Tell them they seem to value a religion, an idea, a thought, more than their own family. That's not right. Thats is not how it's supposed to be!

"Valuing an idea more than a human being." Let that sink in. When people value an idea more than a human being that gives them permission to hurt that human being to protect that idea. That is logically, morally, and ethically wrong! This is what leads to the ripping apart of families, the hurting and killing of people by religion, and ultimately every act of terrorism. Every act of terrorism has at its core the idea that religion and God is more valuable than someone's life. That. Is. WRONG. They are doing and supporting something wrong!

Tell them your love for them is always unconditional, and not even their mistreatment of you caused by their deranged beliefs in their harmful religion has the power to destroy it. You would never choose religion over them, over family. In fact, you value them more than any idea of god. You would never betray them as they have betrayed you. You value Family more than Religion...but they apparently do not. And they should be ashamed.

Wonderful answer.

5

In my experience, when it comes to xtian family members the unconditional love they talk about comes with conditions.

Tell me about it!

2

Arrive at the church when the services are over and follow them.

That was about to be my advice as well!

1

That’s lame !, was that everyone that was participating in the celebration, or just one or two?

Xstians, my friend, renowned world-wide for their discriminatory 'talents.'

3

Can’t say that I know what you’re going through (I’ve only told one family member, who probably shares the same beliefs that I do), but I will say that you’re not alone. If it’s any consolation, many of us here are here for you, and would go have lunch with you.

3

In future, most churches have websites that tell the times of their services. Otherwise just sleep in late and skip the meal with the family. Sounds like there are probably a lot of passive aggressive landmines in any conversation with them. See your brother separately and buy him a drink, or a bottle (unless he's not legally 'of age'.)

2

Are you saying that nobody at all will spill the beans?

1

Seems rather nasty of your family members. I guess you could have called the church yourself to ask.

3

If they don't want you to know, why would you want to sit through a meal with them giving you that attitude? Sounds like they only go to put up an appearance if that's how they act towards their own family, typical of fake christians. Id try to make separate plans with my brother to celebrate with him, if that can't happen just tell him you're sorry they had to treat you that way.

2

Oof, well isn’t that some childish bullshit.
I’d call them out on that.

I’d be livid

2

Ignore them

4

Wow. That's just rude.

4

I'd be heading home, with a quickness.
I can't be around people who are that disrespectful to me.
I don't even know that I'd attend another "family" gathering, for any reason.

3

A lame way to force you to church. Maybe text your brother!

4

Time to begin venturing out on your own, and in the end, you’ll be stronger than any or all of them. They’re forcing you to seek an outside family, do it. You can pick your friends, and your mentors.

Many have suffered this fate, and would treat you like a son or brother, perhaps giving more to you than your bio-family did or could. Let it be a motivator, a breaking of the chains.. Their loss ~

Varn Level 8 May 5, 2019
1

Sorry your family did that to you. How did it all come out? Did you end up meeting them?

3

What a Christian thing to do. Remind them that you'll be roasting in hell for all eternity, and if they want to see you than earth is the only place to do it. Then arrange somewhere to celebrate at a latter time with your brother.

And get used to it. If being a member of the family is dependent on you going to church, then your family sucks and you'll be better off - in the long run - spending as little time with them as possible. They are the ones shunning you, after all.

1of5 Level 8 May 5, 2019
3

Yeah I get left out of Sunday dinners and visits to see my grandma fairly frequently after church too, although they aren’t as direct about it. It would be nice to go with em if I could catch a ride but whatever. If they wanna choose church family over real family that’s fine. My mom used to say “blood is thicker than water” to guilt me into family loyalty. The actual saying when completed is quite the opposite, “the blood of oath/covenant is thicker than the water of birth” ...Meaning the family bonds you choose are greater than the one you’re born with.

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