This last weekend I went back home to bury a very close family friend. She died because of drugs. It was a Catholic funeral and if you've ever been to one then you know just how miserable they are. It seemed most of the time was spent praising Jesus instead of talking about my friend. It's getting harder and harder to keep my mouth shut about such issues. Does anyone else have this problem?
I'm sorry for your loss, and from the point of view of the church that is the perfect time to spread their message, they have a captive audience. First it is a worship service, and second it is a funeral. I've actually heard that discussed at church. Weddings were the same way. Churches are in the business of keeping business coming in.
I had a cousin die. He was just a kid. It's hard to sit there and watch a preacher use a childs death as an advertisement for a church. I guess he didn't know any better.
Any time you go to a religious event, they stress the importance of the church. It made my stomach turn to hear him insist this kid was in a better place. My thought was, "no he isn't. You can't say that. You're taking this away from us. Let us realize what really happened. We may never see this kid again, and that's why it hurts."
When we buried my younger brother, he was murdered, it's was almost 30 years ago. People kept saying how he was in a better place, he's with Jesus now, he's happier now, he's with our heavenly father, I say Fuck that. I told everyone that he wasn't in a better place and if he had his choice, he would stay with the living, how God is a myth. The church was packed with 300+ people, I knew everyone of them. I would have to say that 90% stopped talking to me....you want to know something, I'm good with that, I don't need to hear all of their bullshit
First, I'm sorry for your loss; all the more because of the reason. It's so difficult to get real help when it comes to substances these days as well, that losing loved ones is becoming more and more common, which is especially sad. And the rhetoric you hear is the worst - 'He (or she) 'isn't suffering now', or 'is in a better place', or 'it happened for a reason', and on and on... puh-leeze.
I recall all the people who told my 9-yr old son that he had to take care of me and was the man of the house now and couldn't cry, etc, when his father died. It made me so angry. And the "God will watch over you" or "God will help you" because "we'll pray for you" got me a little ticked. I was so glad that I had talked with him beforehand, and explained to him that he would hear people say some pretty weird things, just because they didn't know what to say. But yes, The focus is frequently not where you would think it should be. It's as if they stop thinking, too.
The incense makes my entire family go into an Asthma attack. That alone means that these are not my favs.
Yes when they drone on and on and it's nothing to do with the person it is so annoying.
I always figure I'm there for the grieving folks - not the person who passed.
Condolences on your loss.
My Dad's girlfriend passed away in January. The pastor wanted us to believe he and she were well acquainted yet he could not remember her name. He spent more time going on about God than getting any of the details of her life from his notes right. Even so probably not as bad as that Catholic funeral.
My POV: Their beliefs. Their funeral.
You can speak up all you want about atheism at your own funeral and all you want about your friend at the wake or the bar or the next friends reunion or wherever...
... but if you are going to attend the families funeral, it shoud be to respect how they (not you) wish to honor their dead and not as a chance to proselytize atheism.
My mum's funeral was at a crematorium rather than in a church, but the service was overseen by a Catholic priest. I actually rather liked the service. He didn't talk about God or Jesus much, if at all. There were a couple of hymns (that I didn't join in with) that probably did.
One thing he said that stuck with me was that the service wasn't about her. It was about helping those of us left behind to move on with our lives. And I think it did for me, even though I'm not religious.
Years ago, I attended a clump of over a dozen funerals in less than a year, for people close to me, all religious worship services, with the "insert name here" for the deceased, and ending with more worship and praise to Jesus. No crying, no laughing, no feeling of a personal final goodbye or anything positive to take away from the service. Just numbness.
For my mother's service, the Catholic Church denied my mother's last wishes that 2 particular songs be sung at her funeral. They were seen as "pagan" love songs about the poetic idea she would meet my (deceased) dad "Beyond the Reef" which would have brought us all to tears.
In any case, at the end of that clump of funerals, it was a secular funeral I attended, for someone I barely knew, that had me bawling, learning about this persons passions and the legacies we all could continue to champion for her causes. I came to understand this to be a humanistic celebration of life, and I told myself right then and there that's what I wanted to learn to do for others.
So, I became a certified celebrant specializing in creating humanistic funerals and life tributes. I have not attended any traditional funerals, since. I guess because I'm now invited to contribute a little something to the services, even if it's just a little something for an ash scattering or commital.
Since the funeral for your friend has already taken place, is there something you could do, such as an informal celebration of life with other friends or relatives who might be open to it? (Either in person or online?) It could be something simple like everyone writing a letter they wish they could have read to your loved one, or sharing stories and memories of the good old days, or some good habits or qualities you all learned from her. Maybe something bordering on inspirational/spiritual but in a more humanistic naturalistic way, rather than lacing it with supernatural deity worship. Find ways to keep her name alive and with you always.
Yes, I surely do! Sorry about your family friend. I was at the memorial service for a dear friend, at the Unitarian Universalist Church and everyone who wanted to say something about her was invited to speak. A young man, who was a relative to my friend, got up and told the audience, that he was there to tell us about Jesus, and he hoped that the people there would come to Jesus. It was sad and embarrassing all at the same time! He could not...for just a moment celebrate the life of his Aunt, who had been a college professor!
Meh. funerals are for the people who are still here. if it's YOU who needs to speak out about what your friend meant to you then I'd suggest a group or a donation to charity or an editorial letter. Let her grieving family find whatever comfort they may in the religion of their choosing. thats the best karma anyway man.
It's part of the reason I've quit going to weddings and funerals.
I can't take having to keep my mouth shut and tolerate the hypocrisy and abject
stupidity of it all. I was raised catholic. I always knew it was bullshit. Granted, it's
a pretty bunch of bullshit, the stained glass windows are true works of art. But, it's
all still bullshit, nonetheless.
Sorry for the loss of your friend.
I was an addict the 80's. Meth, before it was a national problem. Every Nam vet I knew used meth, whites or dexidrine. (I am not a vet, just worked with a lot of them) I was working 60 hours a week raising my son alone. That being said, I had no excuse to abuse it, it just happened. Quitting was the hardest thing I have ever done. Now, when I see an addict, user or a victim I feel a need to help in simple ways. I cook at homeless shelters and provide food. I do not judge, I do not expect them to change their life or quit although I express hope they will quit. I put my hand on their shoulder and tell them I believe in them and I am their friend, no matter what. No, I don't bring them home or give them huge amounts of money, I am aware of their lifestyle, I just want them to know I believe they are worth something to someone. I am sorry for your friend, I am glad you still cared for her, I am sure she knew this.
I don't go because I care as much as im ever going to care about someones death as soon as I hear about it. id sendflowers or something maybe but funerals have so many assholes at them for many more reasons than caring especially the money hungry people doing the stupid service pretending they give a fuck. weddings are like funerals without the corps. I think we should be recycled when we die.
I stopped going to funerals and/or memorial services for that very reason. I've always felt that any kind of service should be a positive, joyful tribute and/or testimonial to that person's life. Not a chance to show the world what a good, religious person you are. Of all the human failings I can think of I believe hypocrisy is one of the worst - and it seems to be in abundance everywhere, including funerals. The last one I "skipped" was for a long time friend - a man who professed to be a devout Catholic - but yet committed suicide.....a sin according to that religion but they (reluctantly) buried him in the family's parish cemetary anyway - one of the nuns took that opportunity to severely lecture his widow about his transgression causing her to faint dead away. ?????? It still makes me shake my head when I think about that whole dog and pony show.
Sorry for the loss of your friend.
Yes, the religious ceremonies are hard to deal with. I find myself avoiding them more and more. I'm 58 yrs old and I just don't have time for that crap anymore. I'm happy for those who can take comfort in their faith, but I don't feel like I have to attend. I will go to the reception after the wedding or visitation before/after the funeral. That works better for me.
As for dealing with the loss of your friend, try to remember the good times, happy memories, and the person she was before/without the drugs. It won't make the loss any less painful now, but as time goes on, you will find it harder and harder to remember the bad times, and you will find her memory to be a treasure you can hold in your heart forever. Peace be with you.
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and sorry to hear about the complete disregard and disrespect of your friends life by the Catholic church. I was raised catholic. It is a cult. A death cult.
While discussing my atheism with my mom, trying to explain what it is, not the false impression given by the church, she demanded that I not speak about it any more. I will comply. She also said she did not want me to go to her funeral when her time comes. I was saddened to hear her say that but I will comply with her wish again when the time comes. I will remember her for the good things, not colored by the image of her life painted and stained by the Catholic cult of death. In fact I have decided to never attend another funeral conducted by a religious person or group. They make me sick to my stomach and feeling bitter. The hypocrisy is nauseating. Religion divides family yet religion claims to be a unifier. Makes me sick.
Again sorry to hear about your loss.
Catholics are like that:. It is a religion full of Paedophile priests and a natural hatred towards mankind and women in particular (Mallius Malecalfarium) a very hateful religion indeed.
It is also a religion that encourages people to breed like mice so they can stay poor (by banning contraceptives) all the better to keep them under control and oppressed. I suspect (though in all honesty I cannot prove this) that they have been suppressing ancient knowledge such as ancient cuneiform tablets etc. It is only people such as myself who have dedicated their lives to the resurrection of Ancient Mesopotamian writings do we have any real idea of the past. Remember its their doctrine to teach that there is nothing more ancient than the Catholic religion (which is a bloody young one at that)and remember during the dark ages in England it was the CATHOLIC PRIESTS that were the only ones that could read and did all they could to prevent knowledge going to the peasant folks, this is why it is called the dark ages.
No there is nothing worse than a paedophilic, men hating, women hating Catholic priest!
If I may plug some of my works here:
In fact I have written a song for a band in reference to this: Obviously I have the lyrics registered with PRS so they are copywrited. Here are some excerpts:
'You pray to your gods on foolish knees'
"Tear down symbols, a doom-fed crowd.
burn down cassocks, men who are proud.
Head held high it's time for the gist,
kill the faith- a strange dimensional twist.
Religion darkens- words have no bite,
but now the fluidic sound spreads across the white.
Shivering-fearful of this devil-beast,
and mind-raped by a robed catholic priest. (copywrite me C Cressey)
Kill the faith will be out next year