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Hi!
This year has been a decisive year for me since I'm becoming more and more atheist as the days go by, trying to get rid of all the christian programming I have since I was little.
I have to say that it's rewarding in a way, because I'm learning to ask questions, to accept that I don't have the answers and probably never will, and I'm getting to know different people with opinions I would deem wrong before.
But it's also emotionally exhausting. For me, this journey is a trip through uncharted territories. I don't know what's ahead and if I'm going the right way. It is also complicating to have a life view different from most people here in Brazil where 80% or so are christians. It's difficult living with them as well and keeping my mouth shut to not voice my opinion that can be seem as offensive or spark any ugly discussion.
One major part of my journey is the hate of God. When I was still called myself a christian (that was just a few months ago), I prayed so much, so much, just for a sign or something from God. If he was there, if he could help me or something like that. Anything that would convince me to believe that I was not alone.
I never received any answer, quite the opposite. The more I prayed the more screwed up my life became. It felt like everything was going wrong or going nowhere. Where was God to guide through it? Where was God to help me deal with my sexuality and "sinful" thoughts? Was I so "sinful" that I couldn't receive just a small sign?
And the more I prayed the lonelier I felt, like I was drifting away from this dogma that defined everything to me. Since then, I'm still dealing with this hate for a being I'm not sure exists or not.
Please, tell me your thoughts about this. And sorry if this post seems confusing or anything like that.

RaiGab 5 Aug 5
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23 comments

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9

I am an atheist since my early days in a private, English speaking, Catholic school in Puerto Rico. That is why I know to read/write in the English language. That school practically converted me to atheism. I could not get answers to questions to the point that I gave up completely. I used the religion class to do other homework at school. I knew I was not going to change them or them change me. I found out that prayer is a useless thing as it is merely asking God for special favors and leave other people out. Discovered hundreds of contradictions in the bible and would be frowned upon if I asked questions about the contradictions I found. Anyway, I felt freedom from religion at an early age and live free from heaven and hell and other religious dogma.

Powerful ~

5

'Religion...is the opiate of the masses'. And a tool to make a few individuals very wealthy.

True words...

5

Rebuilding a worldview takes time, so pace yourself. Don’t expect to find answers quickly, or maybe, as you say, even ever. Meanwhile, read all you can about the processes of critical thinking, and why the scientific method produces such reliable results. Learn more than you thought you ever wanted to know about how evolution works, because that contributes to self-understanding, as well as to understanding why your neighbors cling so defiantly to their chosen worldviews. And never lose sight of the fact that we were emotional creatures for many millions of years before we were ever rational creatures, and that part of our circuitry still demands accommodation.
In short, never quit learning.

skado Level 9 Aug 5, 2019
5

If I were you, I wouldn't waste too much hate on what amounts to a fictional character. Hate is a powerful but negative emotion that you really ought to try and avoid no matter what (which is easier to say than it is to do), but to hate some fictional character makes even less sense. I'm happy that you are crossing over into rational thought and leaving the fantasy world behind, welcome to the real world. It's messy, but it's all we got. 🤓

5

Get used to the idea that “no one knows nothing” and you’ll be able to sleep easily. And if you start thinking you do know something ask what is the other side of the question.

4

I would suggest that you let go of hating anyone or anything, real or not. It won't hurt anyone but yourself. If you have allowed that there is no god, there is no reason for you to be angry. Everyone who ever told you that god is real, did not know any better than you recently. It is freeing eventually but there are so many changes in perspective. It will take time. Don't rush it. Enjoy it. You are able to see things for yourself and clearly for the first time. That's way better than cognitive dissonance.

4

Welcome, and keep reading. One site I would recommend is [whywontgodhealamputees.com]

Or this one- [kyroot.com] but then, you don't sound like someone who needs convincing that Christianity is not true.

Enjoy your visit or stay here, glad to have you.

4

Enjoy the trip. It will be enlightening and rewarding for you, and will set you free. Bit, do not hate God. That is a trap. God does not exist and has never existed. Hate the religious dogma and the demagogues who try to force it down your throat.

4

You say it’s exhausting, but I’d think you’d find it a relief. Able to ignore the fantasy stuff and focus on the verifiable stuff 🙂

Being outnumbered can be tiring, though … but that’s what places like this are for! Also, I’ve noticed, when I’m with an Atheist friend - we have a blast! No pretense, no worry about offending someone’s beliefs -- just straight-on reality! After a session with this buddy, or others thinking the same - I begin to feel sorry for the paranoid religious folks ...afraid to speak honestly for fear of offending their kind.. And what isn’t offensive to the religious 😉

I think you’re in an up & coming nation, with loads of potential. So, you are on it’s cutting edge! Smile to yourself and play it cool - they’re the fool - not you. You’re in line with the progressive world. And if gets too stifling, take your brains and move to a nation that will appreciate you.

Regarding your prayers, there’s no one to hate, so let that go.. Once down so low, I tried it too…. Silence, for days, weeks ..months. Cus - there’s nothing there. It’s just us, and reaching out to each other is not only as good as it gets - it’s damn good! Trust yur gut, and welcome aboard ~

Varn Level 8 Aug 5, 2019

Hahahah thanks!

3

It sounds all quite normal to me. Trying to let go of something that, like it or not, played and can continue to play (through your local society) a huge role in your life is not easy. Nobody likes thinking we were tricked or seemed stupid enough to believe something that just wasn't so. We can also see it as a huge hole in our lives, something was there and now it isn't there. I had to go through a different process because I wasn't ready to admit that there wasn't something out there like a god. I went through polytheism, then deism, and finally atheism. Each time, I chipped away at the roots that I held dear to my life (I even considered becoming a priest when I was younger, really drank the Kool-Aide there). Each time I was able to accept that something wasn't right based on what I could observe about the universe, it was easier to move to the next step of "what if I wasn't right about this next thing." Then when I realized it was just a security blanket that made me feel good, it didn't make me feel good anymore. Like a child giving up their favorite stuffed animal/security device, I eventually left the need for a god behind me.
Hope you are able to do the same, or better still, not have to go through the long process that I did (I think it was about 12-14 years).

3

It's easy: magic isn't real.
Done.
No need to put more thought than that.

Edu_0 Level 4 Aug 5, 2019
3

Where was God to help me deal with my sexuality and "sinful" thoughts? Was I so "sinful" that I couldn't receive just a small sign?

Because God doesn't want anything to do with you either. The real story is when people want to cringe just thinking about your preferred sexual activities, they invented a diety that wants them to stone you to death. After that they started rattling on about God is all about love, while their scriptures says something totally different.

They're crazy. Hang around. We might inflict you with something worse: sanity.

3

Stop hating something that does not exist. Concentrate on what a special and unique individual your are, have become and will continue to become. Love yourself and those around you.
I wish you well in your life's journey and success in finding what you are searching for here and in your life.

2

The beauty lies in the less you believe. The farther you drift from it, the more your mind is freed. The more it is irrelevant. Just be a decent human being. You don’t need a god to tell you that...

You're right. Thank you

2

I feel you on the exhausting part. It's a huge change in life's expectations! There's always support in understanding within communities like this, but the real journey is your path, one foot in front of the other. Keep searching for answers/help/support as you need it. Everyone at their own pace. Hatred will disappear. You will realize there is nothing to hate. You were mislead and you now found a different way that fit the evidence that life presented you. That's commendable, and humbling. Don't be hard on yourself about it with anger. Life is a journey, and we all have our own pace. I think it's important to always be moving forward, and anger can impede that progress. You sound like you made a huge life changing revelation... And you did. Give yourself time to fit in, be comfortable, and be happy. Good luck. Live liked it's the only life you've got.

That was great. Thanks!

2

I would not worry about what others think. Keep your integrity and follow the truth where it leads. I found that I could not be happy pretending to be a Christian when my mind was convinced that God and religion are mythological, not real. I had to be true to myself to be happy.

Also, there is no need to throw out the baby with the bathwater. Though the Bible is full of myths, it also contains some good advice. My favorite is to "Love your neighbor as yourself." Doing good to others makes me very happy. I think of the Bible as equal to Aesop's Fables. The stories are fictitious, but the morals of the stories are often very good advice.

That's a good way to see it. Although the bible contains a lot of awful stuff, it offers a bit of lessons without having to glorify the God in it

@RaiGab i know from what you've said you mean the christian bible. there are in fact lessons to be learned, though not necessarily the ones the writers intended lol, in most of the versions of both of the bibles. they do get perverted quite easily. i like the story of esther. god isn't mentioned ANYWHERE. the day is saved by the actions of one very brave human woman! i don't care if it's a true story or not (part of it might be; there really was a persian king named xerxes, and attitudes toward jews really did devolve in persia after darius; if the main players are composites or fictional, that's not so important, is it?)

g

2

i am not sure whether you will know you believe in no gods when you stop hating the one you used to believe in, or whether you'll stop hating him when you realize there aren't any, including him. it might happen more or less simultaneously. keep thinking, keep learning, and don't worry.

g

Yes, I think it's going to be a long process before I realize this hate serves me nothing

@RaiGab at least you realize it intellectually, even if you have to wait for your heart to catch up 🙂) some people never do figure it out! so you're ahead of the game 🙂)

g

2

Sounds like you’ve had quite the struggle. I’d like to say that not believing will help alleviate the hate you have, but then you may have nowhere to place your emotions. Life is tough. Don’t ever get down on yourself for mere thoughts. If you are not hurting anyone with your actions, then you’re just fine in my book.

Good luck.

Yeah man. Thanks

2

Rest assured there is no God. And even if there was he doesn't interact with us in any way. The world makes a lot more sense when you realize that. As for the loneliness that might make you feel, consider how special we all are. How unique humans are for light years in every direction you look in the sky. There's over 7 billion of us special beings, and you're one of them.

2

Congrats on starting your journey of enlightenment. Your going through is normal for people leaving dark side (religious bs). I hear you not having like minds to talk to and stuff. Just take it one day at time.

2

how can you become more and more atheist as days go by???? You either believe or not, it's like saying everyday I am becoming more and more pregnant.

I think he means more skeptical. Apostacy is a process.

@dare2dream Thank you!

@dare2dream well, that's not what he said, I don't comment on assumptions or on implicit language

@Mofo1953 yes. I'm sorry if it wasn't that clear. I meant that while I wanted to stop believing, part of me still wants to hold on to that dogma

1

I did not understand .. "more and more atheist". Either you are an atheist or you are not.

Yes. I think I didn't make it clear. I was saying that a part of me still holds to the christian dogma while trying to get away from it

1

Feel you there, younger bro.

Yeah... 😟😟

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