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Dating? I don't.
Anyone I'm interested in is either too far, too young, too busy or too not into me.
I don't mind the too busy because I am too busy and too apathetic.
I know what I want but that doesn't seem to fit anyone else.
I'm not exactly sad about it, I'm not lonely, I don't have much design to date, but every so often I miss having interest in someone who has an interest in me.
The problem is that I used to be a part of actual groups and I could actually meet people and find if I had chemistry with someone.
Now all the groups are online and chemistry is hard to read and it always seems like if it's there, the person was not someone available in a way that I could date.
So, anyone else.

ThomasLevi 6 Aug 18
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44 comments

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2

Your pics are fab. I like your happy face. You'll find someone, I am sure.

8

I too have given up on looking for a significant other. Most of the men my age in my area are conservative trump supporters. I've had too many bad experiences with online dating so have decided that being alone is best.

Know how you feel same here shame you are nice

I would give up too, but I don't know any other path toward emotional and physical intimacy. But I guess if those were necessary for life, I'd be dead already.

@bobwjr Agree with Bob, I'd want to meet you if you lived near me. Geo is everything.....

8

I think people are too picky these days. I feel men are more picky than women, but women definitely do it too. Everyone seems to think they either have to have someone perfect or be alone. No one is perfect. People don't take the time to really get to know each other. "Oh, you have a tiny flaw or like something I don't or don't want to get close on the first date? Next!" Get over yourself! (Not you personally, people in general) I live in the boonies so my options are extremely limited. I never meet anyone where I live. I'm also not conventionally attractive so I don't get a second look, plus I'm physically and mentally strong and probably look like I could kick your ass if you cross me so I think I intimidate guys. The only guys I've been interested in on this site live way too far away. Right now I have an exclusive FWB thing going on with a guy I've known forever who is almost the exact opposite of me. Never would have happened if I had insisted on perfect match. In fact, it could have happened years sooner, but I was hung up on our differences. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't get hung up on differences and give people a chance. But don't compromise yourself either. There's a big difference between having an annoying laugh being a deal breaker and doing drugs being a deal breaker.

Remi Level 7 Aug 18, 2019

I also find that with online dating. At the click of a button people seem to have an unlimited amount of other people to choose from . Having a relationship and getting to know one another takes time and the in our immediate gratification Society that seems to be too much to ask.

I totally agree. We see too much Hollywood perfection and then think we should be able to find that in our backyard. But it's all smoke and mirrors. There are things worth being deal breakers, but too often it's the insignificant stuff that keeps people apart.

"'The One' doesn't exist; there's just a 0.67 that you round up to 'The One.'"
— Dan Savage

""Oh, you have a tiny flaw or like something I don't or don't want to get close on the first date? Next!"
Yes, that's about it. I've tried Tinder and of the very few matches I got it only took a short interaction for them to unmatched me. A few made it clear that I was not a "perfect" match and a few disappeared after I revealed I was an atheist. Pretty much left me saying to hell with the whole thing.

@Kojaksmom I think both you and Remi are right on the money. Both genders treat online dating too much like shopping, which I have griped about before on these boards. It's too much of using a rigid checklist when going thru the choices on the screen and swiping away from anyone that doesn't fit every box on the checklist. You then miss out on some flawed, but very compatible people if you gave them the chance to actually meet you in person and show off their character, humor, charisma, and heart that are never going to show thru in their profile or even their pics.

Friendship is the key. Every lasting relationship I've ever been in was dependent upon that.

8

I don't really enjoy the process of dating. All my relationships have come about through men I'd already befriended. It's far less exhausting and annoying when I already know something about them beforehand.

That's how I prefer it, too. More comfortable because there is knowledge up front; minimizing the guessing games. Also... one knows more about someone than just their looks.

That's nice for you, but once I'm assigned to the "friend zone" it's impossible to get out. In fact, the entirety of my dating/matchmaking efforts in the past decade can be summarized as: a lot of new friends.

7

Got 2 dates upcoming. One with a life insurance rep and the 2nd with a viagra salesperson. Talk about being prepared! LOL!!! J/K

LOL. Better insure yourself before you use the viagra 😉

@freeofgod My point exactly!

6

I have not dated in years. I am now 72 years old, so not the young, thin, sexy girl I was in the past. So, if I was to date, I would want to date someone around my age. The men that I have met, who are around my age, seem to have morphed from the open minded, free thinking, fun, liberal guys when they were younger, to dour, ultra conservative, ultra religious, judgmental asses who vote for trump, and are in many cases xenophobic, misogynist, old farts, who, in spite of being ultra religious, are old horndogs that make every word uttered into sexual innuendo. Many are also looking for a wife. I was married for 25 years and never want to get married again. I have many male friends, but they are mostly younger than me. I admit that being my age, the fact that I am atheist/pagan, tattooed, and that I am liberal, make me a challenge to a lot of men. Of course, I am overweight, with some saggy skin, and, although I am not an ogre, I am not a beauty, so I think that is another factor. Most men want an attractive, younger woman. So, since I never meet a man who is my age, that is a match for me, and most men my age, do not find me to be a match with them, I just don't date. If the right guy comes along, I would probably think about it, but it does get exhausting to go out with me who are so totally different than me.

I can totally relate to that!

If men my age aren't barf-on-your-shoes-ugly, in need of a nurse, poor as dirt, or mental nightmares, they are looking for women twenty years younger than me.

@Deb57 Heh!!! I'm wondering which of your categories I would be in. Too bad you are so far away.

I think you are very attractive, you strongly resemble one of my future ex-wifes. 😀

@Deb57 That is for sure.

@Deb57 Wait a minute, Deb, I resemble that remark, lol. We've chatted before thru PMs and I have said I would try dating you in a heartbeat if we lived near each other. So which of those groups do I fall into, since I really want someone who is my age and own level?

@TomMcGiverin Haha! You're just too far away!

@Normanbites your comment was cute so I checked out your profile. Are you the dog or the blurry green guy?

@Deb57 It depends on the body wash I've been using.

@Deb57 Care to translate or explain the type of ugly you are talking about? Maybe the two hillbilly rapists from Deliverance-ugly?

@TomMcGiverin Quasimodo needs a shave ugly.

@Deb57 That is pretty extreme, lol! Where are you encountering such ugly men, may I ask? Not here on Agnostic, I don't imagine.....On regular paid sites like Match? And as far as looking only for women who are 20 years younger than them, they'd better be rich as Trump or look like Richard Gere if they want to pull that off with anyone above average looks at that age.

6

You are absolutely correct about the chemistry part. I met someone on this site. Our words intermingled in exciting ways. Our phone conversations were like a firework shows. I flew out of state to meet him. No chemistry!!!

I'm curious. If all your prefious interactions with him were so lively and promising, what was different about him in person that torpedoed all that?

So sad you are nice

@ElusiveMoby Video calls? VERY important before a long trip! Better yet, video phone sex... not kidding in the least... worked very well for moi. Comic Relief: I ruined a $60. Android phone from steam from mutual showers w a girlfriend in Sweden... yes, it was worth it, haha! @ThomasLevy

6

I feel the same way. A friend of mine tells me my "last chance" might be the local Senior Center. He's religious and goes there to give them support. I went there with him once to check it out and what I found was a group who prays over food and also does the pledge of allegiance. Then I discovered that if you get into a conversation with any of them you will quickly be told what is "fake news." I almost wanted to puke!

My local senior center is the same way. They are all conservative Christians, hicks, and rubes. Almost none of the college educated and when they do their pledge of allegiance thing I do a silent protest of remaining seated and drinking my coffee. I kind of enjoy pissing them off because they can't do anything to make me go along with their rituals of that and prayer. I just go there, sit by myself, and get my free lunch about six times a month. I have told the site director that I already have friends and am there to eat, not socialize. They are also at least a dozen years or more older than me too.

This is going to sound terrible and I apologize in advance. The senior center in my county is full of people who probably should be in assisted living and quite possibly are. Most were there with their caretakers or drivers and the others seemed like really old. Not to say that I'm not really old, but I don't need a cane or walker to get around and I don't weigh 250 pounds.

@SonnyBubba on the other hand, there are chippy volunteers runnig around AND you only need to find one person in that sea of people!

@AnneWimsey Actually the only things running around close to me are bears, deer, and turkeys (the gobbling kind), but I like all of them. I'm just not brave enough to lay down with any of them. 🤣

5

This post resonates strongly with me. Though I would say I am lonely. However, I've learned through harsh experience that is better than being with a bad partner.

5

People tell me to settle. Forget it.

The last man I met, Mitch, kissed me without saying he has oral herpes (cold sores). It's extremely contagious. I found out when I asked him.

Also, Mitch lied about being a hiker. He feels exhausted and achy every day from Lyme Disease and genetic Ankylosing Spondylitis.

We do not make a good match. Period. Not willing to settle.

Precisely why I'm done. The search proved fruitless and exhausting.
It's no longer worth my time or effort.

5

I understand everything you said, and I agree.
I am undatable at this point.
I don't even like people all that much.

Yes x3

If you asked my 11 year old daughter how I felt about people she would tell you I hate everybody. Not true! but very close.

5

Online dating is the bane of this century.

Wasn't all that wonderful in the previous century.

I remember signing on a dating site only to find mostly fake profiles or profiles that had been abandoned. Repeating themes included a desire to travel, "fiscal stable" and walking on the beach. Looking at the profiles in here, that's no longer common. Like today, they were almost all too far away to date.

Gals I did find told me most of the selfies were guys in skimpy swim suits and were painfully blount (want to fuck?). That's no longer the rule in here.

5

Friend, just an observation here, but you referred to yourself 16 times in a single paragraph, using personal pronouns. Perhaps you need to whittle down your ego and reduce that number to 3 or 4 in order to relate with and be accepted by others.

You see, years ago I told a friend that we were both "Legends in our own minds." His angry, defensive reply included 44 personal pronouns in reference to himself! I cited that as proof positive of my assertion about our egos and that REALLY pissed him off and our friendship withered quickly... oh, well... truth is a bitch sometimes.

Isn't this pretty normal for someone who is describing something and how it affects him? His wants, desires, experiences, etc?

@RiverRick Well, 4 of 5 "likes" of my comment above are from the ornery, independent, American women he is dealing with, so you tell me... This isn't Asia, Africa or the Middle East. Gotta walk a diplomatic tightrope over flaming coals for quality nooky here, haha! Tease 'em... Please 'em... Make 'em laugh... Stimulate their minds... make women feel special first, then make your personal desires known.

4

Same here. Thank goodness I am not lonely, because it's a desert out there.

Deb57 Level 8 Aug 18, 2019
4

There are several women on this site that I deem "worth pursuing". Distance is a mitigating factor, though. I think long-distance relationships are a bit more difficult. I'd rather have "more frequent encounters, of shorter duration"... in the early "getting to know you phase". Less pressure on both parties.

Well said. LD dating puts a lot of pressure on both people during the early phase, whether they admit it or not, with all the time and money invested. It's also a bigger emotional investment than nearby dating if the relationship doesn't pan out. For both reasons, I won't date LD because it also would take me away from my local friends more too....

4

Hope springs eternal you never know

bobwjr Level 10 Aug 18, 2019
3

If this was just a dating site, I would not have signed on. I have been single for half of my adult life, and know how to do single very well. Life is better when there is someone with whom you can share things. Given all of that, online dating is too complicated. Everyone I have dealt with by messaging or phone have been too far away. I don't have the money for long distance trial runs. I don't live in a house any longer, so I don't have a spare room where someone to stay in if they were to visit me. That drives up the cost if they visit me. That whole scenario of a visit to see how it works is really kind of scary. What if right off the bat there is no chemistry for one of you or both of you. Talk about awkward. I do enjoy this site for the most part and I will leave my status as is, because you never know what might happen. 🙂

3

Dude: you're far from alone. This world is so disconnected; so impersonal. Every day can be a mission to find purpose, amusement or simple distraction from longings and the feeling of being lost. We just have to embrace the challenge of finding each.

3

I did meet someone on here and it is difficult, one reason being the distance. There are other reasons as well, but what I found interesting about meeting someone on line who is far away is that you have the ability to have a lot of conversation before you meet in person. We had daily conversations and texts for over three months before we could meet. So we knew we would be friends at the least if there was no physical chemistry. In terms of meeting someone locally, I had a friend who did 30 dates in 30 days. The pros, by the 4th date on the 4th day she was no longer nervous meeting a new person. The cons, there were not really any other it was exhausting. And 14 dates in she met someone she dated for over a year. Just my random thoughts🙂

@Bierbasstard that's lovely! And thank you. I hope it does too.

3

This kinda resonates

3

😞😞😞 DITTO 😞😞😞

2

Distance is the biggest obstacle here. Middle of nowhere among religious nuts, trumps supporters and idiots. So they are all the same rolled into one 😟

Been there done that, I used to live is a small rural NC town

@ThomasLevi I still do. Near Charlotte, back in my hometown now. East Kudzu, lol.

@CarolinaGirl60 I lives in Salisbury, Before that I lived-in Winston Salem and worked in Rural, well Rural Hall but it was pretty damn rural.

2

I think there are still some real-world opportunities to meet people, without the pressure to date unless there's a connection. For instance, college courses (e.g., a creative writing class), business training seminars (e.g., leadership in the workplace or Excel), hobby/crafting classes (e.g., painting or pottery), volunteer organizations (e.g., Habitat for Humanity or Rotary Club), book clubs (usually well-attended by women), business networking events (e.g., chamber of commerce), niche interest events (e.g., car shows), coaching children's sports (opportunities to meet the single mothers), and the old standbys (e.g., walk your dog at the park, meet people at the store, hang out at better-than-average nightclubs). Even if you don't meet someone right away, you'll have some interesting experiences along the way.

I have tried most of those IRL avenues to meet women and they don't work, at least for me in my area. Haven't tried coaching youth sports partly because at my age the single moms of the kids would be too young for me and I would be more the age of the kids grandmas, who I would only meet at competitions of the kids. Be too busy then to socialize.

@TomMcGiverin Aim young. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 😉

@resserts I quit doing that after seeing on the dating site Match how almost no women younger than 55 were willing to date someone who is 60 like me. In fact, lots of women even 55 won't date someone five years older. They would rather play cougar and date someone as much as 15 years younger, at least based on what I see in the Match profiles listing their dating range for ages. Most of those women in their 50s seem determined to catch up to what men have been doing for decades in dating as far as dating way younger.....

@TomMcGiverin I'm no cougar but I've noticed that it is so widespread, that it's often assumed I am one.

I would actually prefer someone my age or a bit older as long as they were able to go hiking and such but I look younger than I am so the men I would want to date ignore me

Or maybe I'm just hideous and in denial about it LOL

I go to plays concerts, creative writing class, a writing group, library programs, movies, take my horse to riding clinics, and lots of other stuff. I am happy, busy, and enjoy life, but I never meet any men my age. I meet younger men that I have friendships with, but,no one to date. It's ok. I am not lonely, I don't want to get married again or even live with someone. If I ever met a man that I liked, enjoyed, had a lot in common with, and he felt the same way about me, that would be nice, but not something that I need.I certainly recommend getting involved in outside activities though. It is fun.

2

It's been 87, 000 + hours since I've been intimate with a woman so sex isn't an issue. I recently discovered that having something in common isn't the master of compatibility and it didn't work out beyond conversation. I'm an introvert and don't like going out ala the dating protocol. I'm happy with my life and I'm not trying too hard to find anyone but miss occasional intimacy. Wouldn't that be nice? Phone conversations have sufficed over the years but once in awhile human touch would be appreciated. I know that I'm my worst enemy but I am very protective of my solitude. We as humans spend too much time listing things that bend people to our desires when we should just flow and notice when the right things are on the table.

Its obviously not an issue for you.

2

I dropped all dating websites. Too many scammers and very few people there tell the truth anyway! I am going to start looking for rings... On fingers.... At the grocery store!

No ring on your finger and you look interesting... I may just bump into you on accident or ask your favorite recipe for chicken...

Hey man go to asia, there you can find all of types of women or ladyboys easily.

@Williamcristiano You can keep your ladyboys to yourself please.

2

I am in the same boat and same as you, I don't really mind being alone but would enjoy meeting someone should the opportunity arise. Good luck to you in your endeavors. Oh as someone below said - great photos - that is my biggest pet-peeve - people who will not post photos of themselves but want to meet. I think not...

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