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Back due to popular demand, but please stick to subject of dating photos. Thank you 😉
One for the ladies really: I’m on a dating site and there are so many photos of men looking sad, with shades on, with a beer in front of their faces. It’s kind of hilarious and makes my job as a person looking for someone lovely to spend their life with a lot easier... but here’s the question; what the hell are those guys thinking? I don’t care how handsome you are; if you can’t crack a smile I’m not going to want to date you! Does anyone go for these guys?

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girlwithsmiles 8 Nov 1

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I have gotten off dating sites altogether because of this. The pic that still haunts my dreams was an extremely close up selfie of a man whose face was so red he appeared to be actively pooping


Don't forget the ones holding dead fish with their beer bellies hanging out. Yum.


"Hi, I'm BOB! I'm looking for someone to tell all my problems to. I only sound angry ,,,,,,all the time because,,,,,I'm BOB! ,......Dammit! I hate cameras. I hate TV! I like meat.
Anyone want to go out?,,,,,,"


i’m not a “lady,” but i’m a gay man, so i feel this is relevant lol. i don’t judge people for not smiling in pictures. i’m uncomfortable in front of a camera, and my smile always looks forced and strained, so i prefer not smiling for pictures. i just don’t see how it’s that important. “not smiling” doesn’t equal “sad.”

Not smiling often ends up looking like a mugshot.

@Wildflower i prefer a picture of someone who looks comfortable not smiling than someone with an awkward, strained expression

@basher a happy person has no problem being comfortable with a smile. To each his own.

@Wildflower lol wow. cool for you that you’re totally comfortable in pictures.

I don't smile well for pictures either. Very forced. I have a low opinion of to much smiling anyway. It could be from working too much customer service but to me it comes off as dishonest like they are trying to sell me something or not taking me seriously.
Smiling is good in its place. It's not nice to be around someone who is not happy to see you. Just not all the time, or in pictures if it comes off as fake.


So many of them presenting their manliness with a big ugly dead fish. Cracks me up.

As long as the man keeps his shirt on for the dang picture, I wouldn't mind seeing a dead fish.


No. Anyone with shades or a mask it covering their face is out. If they are trying to hide the face in a profile pic, what else are they hiding?

GwenC Level 7 Nov 1, 2019

With sunglasses probably wrinkles or eye-bags!

@Merseyman1 In mine, I was wearing shade s because I was outside in the sun. I've worn contacts and/or glasses since I was 3, so it just never phased me before. This is only the 2nd online site I've ever built a profile for, so I guess this post is providing me with tips for better photos? 😯😯


Beyond this one, which I don't even really count, I don't do dating sites. My guess is that they want to appear cool? Or maybe "edgy?" Beats me. Living in a very small rural community in the Bible Belt, being an over 60 atheist, I figure the margin of men who are not crazy or annoying is so narrow that I don't even bother trying to sift through what's left anymore. Being single can be nice.

Deb57 Level 8 Nov 2, 2019

Change your statement to over 50 and you just wrote what I was thinking.


I've tried POF and it was nothing short of a nightmare.
The "ladies" were for the most part the biggest collection of losers I ever saw: ugly, overweight, ignorant, you name it. OR so conceited you better be a fortuitous combination of Robert Redford and Bill Gates or you don't stand a chance.
The decent ones are so deluged with garbage mail it's impossible to get a response.
If you ever DO make it to the fateful "meeting" they are so jaded and cynical you feel you've stumbled into your own personal Inquisition, or the world's worst job interview.
No thanks. I'll just hope lady luck shines on me again someday, and leave the trendy "dating sites" for my fellows with iron egos and unbreakable hearts.
Incidentally, I've learned to steer clear of this place as a "dating site" as well. It's too valuable to me as a community resource to spoil it. If I do approach a woman, it's for friendship only...much better that way.

@Storm1752 I agree with the bad job interview statement.

You get what you expect in life, generally...just sayin'

Well stated and correct.

I’m overweight, does that mean I don’t deserve to date?

@Marcie1974 No, of course not.
I'm an abnormal person and talk funny. How about me? Fixed income, asocial, reclusive...any takers?
Once you get past the horribly bad first impression, my true magnificence becomes apparent, but by then she's gone, baby, gone!
(Did I mention my hilarious but all-but-impenetrable sense of humor?)

@Storm1752 I was specifically referring to you saying:

“ The "ladies" were for the most part the biggest collection of losers I ever saw: ugly, overweight, ignorant, you name it. ”

Makes it sound like you think overweight women are losers.

@Marcie1974 I was ranting, reacting angrily.
I've been thinking a lot about this today, and my considered opinion we ALL have our "ideal" in mind; unfortunately our ideal is probably also everybody else's in our "subculture," AS WELL AS in the dominant culture.
In the culture at large, why do the rich men always have the most beautiful women? Because women want rich men, and men want beautiful women? It would certainly seem so!
In OUR group, it may be incrementally different. I believe it is.
Our overall opinions on the fundamentally BASIC issues of life take a more central role. It's not as blatant a sell-out with us, as it is on meat-market sites like POF, where the quid pro quo is nakedly obvious.
BUT, things such as physical attractiveness, intelligence, financial stability, etc., etc., are still important.
I'd say that's fair.
I'd have thought our choices are more enlightened, but the basic, nuts-and-bolts realities are the same.
To the original question, maybe that's why a lot of men don't CARE about their physical appearance? Maybe they know it's irrelevant; they've always been successful looking like slobs, why change? Maybe the well-groomed guys are just telegraphing their shortcomings!


My thinking on that is hard to know the real person in a picture! As for ‘smiling’..,that would be way down the list of admirable traits for a partner. A loving heart would trump a smile any day! But, that needs to be determined in person! Usually people are attracted to one another and they can’t easily put their finger on it! They will even miss the flaws at first, lol...keep looking there is bound to be someone who clicks with you!


No. Men looking sad in a dating profile (words and photos) seem to be seeking someone outside their self to make them happy. I would only be interested in someone already happy with their self and life choices, so together we would be doubly happy.

If someone looks to be wanting to drain my happiness for their own needs, well, been there done that. Not interested.

Exactly how I feel, especially after my last partner looking for co dependence. I work full time I don’t have time for caring for a grown man too!


Nope. Hi I'm Bob a doctor, rich too pretty to be straight, drive a Rolls and a Ferrari, need you to be complete, please send money to my account in Nigeria. LMAO total Bullshit

You're Bob? I thought I was BOB?

@PondartIncbendog LMAO ridiculous isn't i


My fav is the over-60 guy wearing a ball cap backwards! Clicking on That guy, yessiree!

C'mon Annne, hes just a with it, hip, happening kind of guy who's got the 4-1-1.

@RonWilliam53 can't help noticing you ain't wearing silly headgear..........

@AnneWimsey You missed me at the Rocky Horror shadow-cast I was in... But no, I like to keep my way-cool persona under wraps.Except when its time to do the Time Warp.

@RonWilliam53 I sing "Sweet Transvestite" at karaoke all the time, complete with English accent, and gusto, confusing the Heck out of those who do not know me!

@AnneWimsey I carried all the songs as earworms for a good two weeks after and during the entire rehearsal period. Every so often, one crawls out of the pits of my brain and explodes in my ears-right now it's in just seven days...


I'm no longer on any and haven't been for some time. Too many reasons to avoid them to list them all. I just go do what makes me happy. No need for looking. If someone worthwhile comes along...fine! If not, I'll go on vacation, walk, go out to eat, etc, and do things that I truly want to do.


My ex had surrendered into such manic depression (and refused to even discuss treatment) that his face at rest was eventually starting to look like Jeff Dunham's puppet Walter, so yes, a smile or at least a pleasant demeanor is a must for me in a photo. Three pics in a profile, and all of them frowning, throws up warning flags.

My first wife was/is also Bi-polar and also refused any help. She said all the doctors wanted was to get into her pants (we were part of a military community in Europe). 5 years into the marriage she had her first affair and had 2 more. Once her clearance got taken away because of one of her episodes. She went to a regular medical doctor and he said she was OK so she got her clearance back (crazy). At onetime I thought why not a doctor getting into her pants seems like others (they were all high ranking officers) were. Mental illness is harder to deal with than physical.

@JackPedigo I'd readily agree. Mental illness is, at least for my temperment, more difficult. Particularly if personality characteristics vary dramatically, or impede healthy communication.

@LisaFultonave Absolutely, and communication is the key to any healthy relationship.

  1. Wide-angle nostril shots are disgusting.

  2. Making us play "Where's Wal-bro?"

  3. Dog photos. I don't want to date your dog!

  4. Forgot to clean your room. Slob.

  5. If you're doing something stupid or looking goofy, we conclude you're hopelessly immature.

And of course...

  1. No photos = hiding something. Likely married.

  2. Ladies in your photos = player. No thanks, Romeo.

I would personally love a doggy photo... it's a cat or bug/insect photo (ie if someone owns a tarantula) that would skeeve me out... blegh

The bare-chested photo selfie in the bathroom mirror was always a turn-off.

The pose with the car. Generally arms crossed, even legs crossed, leaning against some compensation machine with multi horsepower.

@linxminx that is an automatic left swipe!

And whats wrong with my dog?


It's not YOU.


A photo with the dog is better. "You must be in every photo" is a rule of thumb with online dating.

@LiterateHiker He's better looking!

@PondartIncbendog honestly... there have been times in the distant past where I would message a guy I was uninterested in just to tell him he had a cute doggy... I had to start blocking any guy I did that to cuz they figured me messaging them meant I wanted to date... Oops! 😳

@demifeministgal Yeah. I just like to remain anonymous. I don't show pictures on the internet of myself or anything that could identify. I don't like stalkers. I met an old friend from HS. She had the picture of the bar that she hangs at, the front of her house and her work schedule. From facebook, I could figure her address, the type of car she drives, her work schedule and her vacations away. Bad security.

@PondartIncbendog you take your online anonymity much further than I ever had! And people say that I am too private online... I need to start referencing you and people like you to complainers 😛 gosh darn whiny millenials 😛

@demifeministgal Holdover from my security training in the AF. Am I paranoid?


Yes, you are paranoid.

@PondartIncbendog AF? 😕

@demifeministgal BTW, if you have to know what I look like? I'm four foot one, have a limp, back hump on one side, (moves sometimes) I have all four teeth, and several patches of hair.

@demifeministgal Air Force.

@demifeministgal, @LiterateHiker NO, I'm NOT! Are you watching me?


I was joking.

@LiterateHiker I know.

@PondartIncbendog oh my... be sure to wear a hoodie and sunglasses when running errands or all the ladies will chase you down like a celebrity... looking like that you must be quite the ladies man! 😉😛

@PondartIncbendog aah.... Americans and their abbreviations.... y'all LOVE abbreviating words/terms... I've learned many over my years interacting with Americans online

@demifeministgal Yeah. All the cougars are after me in this town. Its scary.

@PondartIncbendog you may be joking.... but in case you are not, I know what that feels like... senior men IRL are into me as well. :/

@demifeministgal Y'all: A small rodent commonly found in the southern part of the USA. Identified by its beer like smell and proximity to old cars on cement blocks. Also Y'all's commonly have bad teeth and have been known to chew off their own feet. Y'all's have been known to weigh as much as six hundred pounds and eat as much as thirty hambargers an hour.


I know this was meant for women, but I wanted to chime in a bit on that. Yes, Iv'e noticed that too. And worse, many guys post pics, like you said "with a beer in front of their faces.

I never quite got that.I would figure at the very least they would try to give a pic that was at least somewhat flattering. Or at least show in some way something that would make themselves "appealing" for lack of a better word. But I can't even count how many pic's Iv'e seen of guys in front of their 4x4, beer in hand, and think. Yeah, this will bring on the ladies.
Or maybe I'm missing something.

Or the sports car, boat, motorcycle... give me a break!


Wots wrong wiv ma profile pic!!??

Pretty hot if bellybuttons are your thing 🤣😂


The weird thing is, when you join those sites, you have no idea what your competition is! You only see the pics of your intended partners. For all I know, every dude on the site looks like Jason Momoa.

It’s not a competition really, there are so many variables. Not many people go for purely looks...well not many women 😉

@girlwithsmiles (whiny 2 year old voice) But I want to wiiiiiinnnn!

@MrBeelzeebubbles well good luck...😉


Also cigarette in the cover photo eww

I'm surprised that isn't a profile question, actually...

@LisaFultonave some sites have it in their criteria but answering is optional. I've seen lots of guys say they're nonsmokers, but they have a cigar hanging out of their faces in a pic.


They are thinking that all women on dating sites are as desperate at they are. They want women who love them for themselves, not for their looks or their money. I have seen where scraggly bearded old men say that they will NOT shave their beards for any woman and not to contact them if that is what a woman wants.

That's fine with me.


It's not so much about a smile, but it seems like some of these guys are trying to look intimidating or too serious. One can have an unsmiling face and still be appealing.

The shaded guys never are attractive for me. And what's with the fish and the cars?

They’re all yours 😉

If men could fish from their cars they would be in heaven.


It only worked when we were young, which was the last time a lot of these guys were single. They tend to fall back on what they know. 🙂


Why are so many selfies taken in cars?

May be a good temp studio!

IKR?! Even videos are done in cars. What is up with that?
I don't think I've ever gotten into my car, checked the rearview and thought, "Ooh! I'm lookin' fine! Gotta take me a pic!"

I tend to wonder if they’re not really single if they post a car selfie. At this stage I don’t care if I get it wrong, I’d rather err on the side of caution. Plus if you were serious surely you’d make the time to take a nice picture somewhere else?


I dislike overly smiley people. To me it comes of as shallow or dishonest. Mabey to many years in customer service, or just a serious personality. I'm always going to respect a serious face unless someone is addressing someone directly or just heard a joke. Beer cans, fancy cars or kids bother me, don't actually mind the fish.

MsAl Level 8 Nov 1, 2019

Christians make a big deal of appearing happy, especially in photos . . . it is their sales pitch! It is certainly not a guarantee of sanity or congeniality!


Smile is the key😁💞

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