@DenoPenno yip the bible says don't sit in the seat of the scornful - this includes gays, blacks and mockers of the religion. I went to a church with a (white) friend when I was 15. I was the only tanned one and sat right at the back with her. My friend didn't say she was taking me to an all-white church and mostly afrikaner attendants too. The minister said preached (part of his sermon) that black people are the son's of Isaac, they have no crown on their heads, therefore they are non-believers and should be called "kaffirs*, which became the derogatory term used by whites on blacks and this shit was borne in the church. I was shocked. I knew and was aware of the apartheid era (because I lived it) but the petty apartheid such as this and others grew and were humiliating and stripped people of their dignity. I know that gay white people were ostracised by their families. I worked with a white gay guy in the 1990s, he told me his father wanted him to play rugby in the hope he could become more manly. His father told him he picked up these girly stuff at school and at one time his father prayed and tried to beat it out of him. Anyway when this colleague left home at 21, he changed his name and later on met a fellow (gay) colleague at the same company. They both left the country in 2001 and settled in New Zealand. We kept in touch from time to time. He sadly passed away in June 2018 in NZ. His partner explained he was driving on a terrible road in NZ that claimed his life. Three months before this someone else met his death on the same narrow road. ...but at least he got to live his life in peace and happiness for many years away from his family.

@TimeOutForMe I like your informative stories and I've heard some of this before. I would not have liked your country before Mandela but if I lived there then or now I would try to look you up.

@DenoPenno they say a cat has nine lives. I'm past 20. I could write a couple of books.

Excellent observation!

I wondered the same. What exactly is a bad experience? I expect he is exaggerating his encounters.

@vjohnson51 doesn’t sound too traumatic to me, but everyone has their own sensitivity. The two women having sex sounds rather like a fantasy come true to me!

@vjohnson51 It's entirely possible that he's closeted and cannot even begin to deal with it. People like that tend to demonize and exaggerate the activities of others.
I'd still be cutting him loose.
If maintaining a relationship with you is important to him, he'll make an effort to reconcile.
If it's not, he won't.
Either way, you don't have to put up with his bullshit.

Best comment on this thread! I wish more people would do as you said, "I've learned that it's in my best interests to excise toxic family member." I finally learned this right after Richard past away. A rather ugly narcissist married to my oldest son has, as you say, been excised from my life, and I am much better because of it.

Life can be so much better when we walk away from toxic people!!!

@Redheadedgammy Luckily they live in Cali and I'm in Washington State. There's like two who states between us.

True I hate to say

@ToolGuy I haven't heard anyone use the word surmising in a long time. I like it.

@ToolGuy Small-minded people are threatened by sophisticated diction.

I am not aware of any in my extended family despite despite the whole family having converted to fundagelicalism when I was five. I think prior influences established decency and respect in them that was not able to be eroded by fundamentalism. My parents were in their mid 40s and my brothers were 15, 20 and 25 respectively at the time. And fortunately they all rubbed off on me enough that I didn't adopt the nuttier aspects of it all.

I don’t understand some folks. I take it as a compliment.

@indirect76 Yes, just as I would from a woman saying it.

@vjohnson51 - I was very 'blessed' with progressive parents. Well, one at least, and I was able to "optional relationship" the other at a young age, because I had the smarts (if not the experience).

Sometimes good things come from adversity, if we look to find it.

Anyways, my sibs and I tend to agree - Live and Let Live and Different Ain't Bad!

Yes several persons vehemently anti LGBTQ have later been found out to have had gay relations

@SanDiegoAirport sure, being disrespectful of other’s wishes and responses to your advances is never ok. Unfortunately some people do abuse positions of power, these people tend to target people who present a certain way and groom them. There are patterns
Encouraging children not to keep secrets, tell their care givers if their space is invaded or they feel uncomfortable with what someone asks or shows them and making sure siblings know what is and is not ok when it comes to boundaries can help.
The terrible two’s is important as kids learn they can say no, hopefully, with understanding parents who are respectful and know when they can refuse and when they cannot.
Also stranger danger is a myth, unfortunately, it’s often those the child knows well and has a trusted position that can be the danger, which is why children should be listened to when they change their minds about going somewhere or spending time with someone. Even not wanting to be hugged should be accepted, it is a boundary about their own comfort and they should be listened to.
Anyway, essay over, needless to say it’s something I have some knowledge of and am quite passionate about!

@anglophone you are so right. Why would anyone be bothered how others choose to live their lives including the sex of the partner's they choose to live it with. We've got no right to pass judgment and like you say, those that judge are flaunting their own deficiencies. I've always stood up for gay people because people can become unnecessarily ugly and cruel. I worked in a company once where a (white) colleague of mine set up his gay PA to get fired just because he was gay. I got wind about about it (his PA confided in me). I employed his gay PA. This colleague was furious with me. He had a meeting with me and I gave him a piece of my mind. He started talking about what the Bible says. I said don't even go there, that it's a book designed to be cruel to others, divide people, advocated and condoned apartheid and slavery and not tolerant of differences in people. I asked him what about compassion and respect for fellow human beings regardless. He got to know me better in that meeting. This was way back in 2005. I assisted my (white) PA to get ahead in his career, assisted him to apply for a study bursary through the company and now he's his own boss. He's a year younger than my older son. I too was prejudiced against (because I wasn't white!) and subjected to inhumane and unnecessary circumstances. ...not that these prejudices have stopped. The law says one thing but (those) people haven't changed.

@TimeOutForMe Thank you for sharing all that.

@NoPlanetB lots.

@vjohnson51 why did you post then? Just a rant?

@NoPlanetB it seemed to me that if there was a purpose if any for her post was to get advice, she can post whatever she wants and so can I, but the advice would differ based on who was she referring to. No hypocrisy, you f/u, then I f/u, it's called conversation. But you seem to have an aversion to converse online.

Same here