Agnostic.com

74 25

How would you feel if someone gave you unsolicited advice about your appearance? A guy told me (w/o me asking for his opinion) that I would look "much hotter" if I lost some weight; I'm 5' 7" and weigh 165 lbs. Big whoop. He said that I'm attractive but implied I need to lose weight; that I have the potential to have a "nice body," all I need to do is work out more.

I did not care about what he thought about my apperance. If I did, I would of asked. He's a personal trainer and what I like to call a "fitness snob." I have been critizied since I was 13 by my grandmother about my weight. She was a former model and was thin her whole life. She also a narcissist. I do not like when people, especially men, comment on my apperance by giving me back handed compliments while insulting at the same time. That is what my grandmother always did to me. I am mildly chubby and have struggled with over eating/being addicted to candy and junk food. Don't people think I already know this? I have tried to become more healthy months ago. I love to go on walks and enjoy eating squash, fruits, artichokes, any many more other healthy foods.

My grandmother already has tried and somewhat succeeded in ruining my body image about myself. I couldn't even wear certain clothes around her because I knew she was judging me and it made me feel uncomfortable. My 18 birthday, I overheard her saying to my mom that I shouldn't be "this big" at 18 years old. Luckily my mom doesn't give a shit about her opinions on my body and stuck up for me.

I never do this to people unless they ask for my opinion.

VeronicaAnn 7 Apr 29
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

74 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

I'd come down on him, hard. 😈

12

People can be assholes.
It's illegal to kill them for it.

Pity.

You're fine. Their opinions mean nothing.

9

"fitness trainer" explains it all. He was trying to drum up business, not realizing that insults don't attract more customers.You might have informed him that women might find him more interesting to talk to , if he didn't gargle with cow manure.

8

I suppose a hearty "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on" would be considered impolite?

Yeah, that's something I would do... so, impolite.... but did you give him a glare to that effect?

8

Look him up and down, kinda laugh and smile and say, "And I should value YOUR opinion WHY?" Then walk off doing the princess wave, lol. Works on both sexes, and many topics btw. Also, if you see him again start chuckling while envisioning a banner of TP coming from his pants. Do that part anyway!

Sorry, but I could not resist replying with this (so please forgive me): "You'd be a lot sexier if you thought with your brains not your balls.".

@anglophone OMG! Stealing this line! mic drop

@anglophone Goood one!

7

Smile and wink and say... "You know, I can lose weight and be ideal... But you will STILL be an asshole!"

7

Now, that’s just rude! Poor boundaries plus a cultural heritage of objectifying women in ways seldom directed at men. 😡

7

Beauty is only skin deep but ugly is to the bone. Sounds like he is bone ugly with an attitude like that.

7

It’s sad that women are judged according to their appearance. It’s sad that anyone is judged according to their appearance. What matters is your character, health and intellect.
I think you should ignore whatever anyone says about you, assess yourself by your standards and own the result. It’s not my opinion about you that matters, it’s yours.
My daughter has similar issues and I repeatedly tell her to stop worrying about what other people think about her and worry about what she thinks about herself.
Some men won’t like you for being overweight. Some won’t care. Some will find it attractive. Find someone who will like you for who you are and ignore the rest. Trust me, they’ll look after themselves.

7

Pissed off generally, and on bad days less secure in myself, but unfortunately it keeps on happening!

( I also have a friend who’s a bit bigger than the average who gets comments about it, (especially from men).
She’s gorgeous and a great person, if they cannot see that they don’t deserve her.)

As @ToolGuy says, if anybody carries on like that towards you, it says a lot more about them than about you.

@Fred_Snerd yes, I suppose good self esteem goes a long way to faring the storm, but it’s not a static thing and can dip at times too.
I guess that’s why is so important to give our friends and people we respect positive feedback.

7

Good grief!

Your body is exclusively your own property, and it would never occur to me to volunteer an opinion about it. If I am asked by anybody about their own body, I will provide an opinion.

It can also come up as an incidental in conversation. One particularly large breasted women and I were talking about body size and health related issues, when I asked "How do you avoid backache?". Her response was "By having a good posture.". In terms of her own body image, it was essentially a non-event.

7

I would feel insulted. Since a child, I have been criticized for my body size, for being "too skinny."

"I want a woman who is in great shape like you, but with bigger breasts and hips," one guy said. "Ouch," I replied. "That was mean. I want a man who is kind."

Mean words sting. Why do we always remember the cruel things people say?

Anybody who is more concerned another person's body shape rather than the content of their character (sorry, Martin Luther King) can only be described as being a very shallow person.

I think we remember them as a lesson to avoid those people. Hopefully they’re people we have a choice to avoid 🙂

6

You should of told him that he'd be a lot hotter if he learned when to speak and when to keep the opinions to himself. Looks come and go, thinking and common sense are lasting.

6

That’s the kind of BS that you ignore.
You are beautiful. Ignore the mental chatter.

6

😳😳😳 I am 5'7" and probably close to 165lbs right now. That would be insulting me as well. Heck, sure we know we could lose weight and get tone a little more, but your weight is not the worse scenario we could be at.
What really hurt you and you have been dealing with your whole life is what your grandma did to you. If that had not happened, I bet this snob fit idiot would not matter to you.
Sorry you had to deal with his idiotice without consent. Sometimes people do things that hurt us and they don't even notice. Opinions and comments can stab you emotionally sometimes. 😕
Be happy with yourself the way you are, only get bothered if it comes from you and then work on a new plan on what needs to be changed.
I would love to be more active, but I have not dedicated time nor mind to make this change. It frustrates me, however there are other things that I need to focus. It could be an excuse, but if you are happy, that is what matters. 💕🥂

6

You're always going to be too fat or too skinny, too tall or too short, too smart or too naive, too athletic or too sedentary, etc., etc., for judgmental people.

When I feel someone is judging me to be too (anything) I just reply that I have a mirror, I know what I look like, and I'm happy with myself at this time in my life.

(I should follow that up with, if you have a mirror and are happy with yourself, then that's all that matters, that we like ourselves as we are.)

If I decide to change sometime, it will be for myself, not for someone else, especially someone who judges a person by their outsides instead of their insides. 😉

6

Oh, good grief, what a tool! I'm afraid my words would have scorched his epidermis before I was through with him. Shallow men are the biggest turn-off.

Deb57 Level 8 Apr 29, 2020
6

Tell him to fuck off you are perfect as you are

bobwjr Level 10 Apr 29, 2020
6

I used to get unsolicited advice when I was skinny by everyone. All along the lines of eating more. So whenever I went out with friends, I would eat the most to SHOW them I do eat, even alot, but my metabolism at the time was fast. Now that health issues caused weight gain, I get stupid comments from family members. But they are not satisfied any way; when I was too slim or now more rounded, complaints came. You just cannot satisfy some people!

I would feel annoyed and make them feel stupid for their comment because I am petty heh.
Someone hits me, I hit back. Maybe one day I will walk away without saying anything.
I am sure you handled it more maturely than I would have. Fck that jerk face. -_-

Why is fat shaming and skinny shaming still accepted when racism is not?

@anglophone probably because people think body size is a choice that can* be changed. whereas, race, obviously cannot be changed. I think we need to also recognize that many people that are overweight are so for various health reasons including thyroid problems, PCOS, addictions, mental health problems, diabetes, etc.

People assume that one's weight is purely due to laziness. When, in fact, it is heavily correlated with other underlying health issues. I learned this before I gained weight, by listening to overweight people sharing their stories, and started confronting people "concern shaming" overweight people for the sake of their health. For all these morons knew, the person was ALREADY sick and the weight was a symptom of said health problem. If they actually cared about the person's health, they would care about the real issue and not the superficial appearance of weight. My 0.02 cents

@demifeministgal It may be just 2 cents to you, but it is $20 to me. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

6

I would be annoyed at the unsolicited advice, whether it be about my body or anything else. But the body thing -I grew up in a time and area where apparently it was common for people to shame women for their bodies. I was not overweight when I was young, but I sure was not happy with my body and was felt that it (and I) were never going to be good enough. Such a waste.

5

‘Unsolicited’ is the key word!
I get it; my mother was the narcissist. ‘You going out in THAT?’ ‘Why not wear make up?’ ‘Can’t you do something with your hair?’ And the classic, comparing me to my Golden Child brothers: ‘you know, the boys would wear more formal/casual/blah blah blah’ yeah, fuck you, mom.
That’s my answer. Fuck you, you don’t HAVE to look at me. And BTW: who the fuck asked you?
Ok, I do get hostile...because I’m sick of that kind of ‘suggestion’.

@altschmerz It was much deeper and wider than that.

If you like, research narcissistic personality disorder. I don’t feel a need to educate or to defend what I’ve been through to skeptics.

@altschmerz but constant criticizing/belittling is definitely a hallmark of narcissistic personality.

That describes my mother exactly. My brothers can do no wrong. Everything I do is always wrong. She definitely is a narcissist. She groomed my older brother to be a narcissist just like her. They both think highly of themselves, think the world revolves around them, and they can do no wrong (other people are always to blame if things don't go as they want).

5

A British phrase comes to mind. Tell them to piss off! A guy at work tells me to shave off my ridiculous beard. I agree to as soon as he knocks the ugly off his face.

Out here in Australia we have a saying for just people like that, it goes, " What are you going to do for a face when the monkey wants its bum back?"

@Triphid
Hahahaha!

@Holysocks Hey, IF you like it feel free to use it.

@Triphid
Thanks! I most certainly will!

@Holysocks We also have another that goes like this, " IF my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave it's arse and teach it to walk backwards."

@Triphid
I love the sense of humor down there! You are refreshing and to the point. 😀

@Holysocks To some it seems we Aussies are way too much a people of 'being to the point' for their delicate tastes sometimes.

@Triphid
Never too much for me. If you can't accept real, keep your distance from me. If you easily offend, forget you ever heard my name. 😀

5

Unfortunately "personal trainers" or 'fitness snobs" are there for that, to give us advice on our physique, that's their one and only task. I they shut up it would be pointless to have them. I used to work with a girl that was a personal trainer as a second job and she made good money on that! Now, if anybody else gives advice without being asked, at work, at a party, at a mall or in the street without being asked, they are a bunch of impertinent unpolite jerks. Unfortunately at home, in the family, those boundaries are generally less evident. When I was 20 I started growing a beard and my aunt told me I looked "awful" and I replied: I'm not growing it for you"...I am sorry for your bad experiences!

5

I am so sad that you were insulted about your appearance. Glad that you have more in your personality than just your ‘looks!’ Stay strong and try to keep weight down, not because of looks but it is better for our health. I have never been extra heavy, but I have always made it my business to adjust my eating habits, simply because I wanted to have good health. In old age looks mean little, but good health is everything!

Live your best life and never allow anyone to define who you are by your looks...you are a complete person who operates out of your specific body. Care for it as you would any vehicle that transports you through life as it does in this case!

5

This is the appropriate answer.

5

I wouldn't like it one little bit. The guy is a absolute ass.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:490390
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.