Do you split the bill when you go on a date?
If a man asks me on a first date, he pays. He gets the pleasure of my company, and I'm interrupting my busy life and taking the risk to meet him. If a man were to try to make me pay that would be our last date.
If I were the one to ask a woman on a date, then I would expect to pay.
Who asks should expect to pay, though, if the invitee prefers dutch, that is fine... Once dating regularly, dutch, taking turns, or the one with enough income pays, whichever approach works. I like dutch or turns if I really enjoy his company as we can get twice the number of dates that way! (:
I might add. I have had the guy absolutely insist on paying, despite my being able to, only to have him resent it later, or hold it over my head, or demand access to my body (usually a first or second date) because he paid for my dinner. That might explain why some other ladies feel strongly about paying their fair share (or not).
Exactly! There’s almost always an implied contract when someone gets weird about paying.
One time, after an awkward amount of time dickering in front of the waitress, I turned to her and said, “Make sure to give my bill to me.” You just want to get up and walk out when a completely new person tries to get forceful with you. No matter what it’s about.
Ive always understood body language. If theres a romantic hint and im feeling the same way...then i may ask. Its so easy to understand thats theres something there. Or a friend zone comment. I don't want to make out with a lady thats giving it up because she thinks she has to. Were not kids anymore. Act like an adult.
Exactly this. If I ask, I pay. If Dutch is offered, I'll happily accept. If I am asked, I usually offer to go Dutch, but accept their offer to pay.
Whoever asked should pay for the date. Once a relationship starts, I prefer to alternate paying rather then split the bill each time.
Good point!
Indeed. Of course, if the first date is coffee... I'm good to pay for that
On a first meeting I offer to pay my own tab. In a dating relationship I either contribute towards the bill if he accepts it. If not i will cook very nice meals for him. My last relationship we went out one week and the following week we would stay in and I would cook. It worked well for us.
That's a good idea ?!
Yeah... equal sharing in all or most aspects of work and play is mutually satisfying, isn't it? Nice comfort zone where no one feels indebted to the other.
I'm gay. Generally, my experience, at least in the "gay world", is that the bill is split unless otherwise determined before the date.
That's one benefit of being gay. There's no battle of the sexes.
@Ellatynemouth, Yeah. If I dated a woman it was usually a non-issue to either split the check or, if we kept dating, take turns picking it up.
If I ask them I pay. If they ask me and do not ask me if I want to go Dutch Treat then they pay and I leave the tip.
@Shelton I honestly thought those were "the rules" because that was what I was taught and it makes sense to me that if I am going to invite someone out I intend to pay too unless otherwise stated in advance.
I agree that, preferably, who asks should pay, but the recipient should buy the popcorn, or pay for dessert, or for the tip. Offer to pay th next time. Try to reciprocate so as to establish one's independence and consideration for the other person. Reciprocity doesn't have to be financial, if not possible. General rule: Good people do not exploit other people.
Totally agree.
Wonderfully put
The other day on a day trip outing I paid for lunch and she paid for the chocolate milk shake later. Also it was her car so we're even.
I always go into assuming I will pay my own
That and never order anything I can't afford to pay for even if they're very clear that they're paying.
A healthy mindset going in
Yes. When we get the bill, that's when I split.
?
I usually offer to pay my portion, and let my "date" decide whether to go for that or say "you can get the next one" or whatever. The last fellow I dated pretty long term, would generally eat and drink more than me (I'm a fairly cheap date) and would usually turn down my offer to pay my portion, but would allow me to get the tip. That way he could earn points on his card, and the wait staff would get a cash tip. That worked well for us.
I’m a millennial but reading this makes me feel super old-fashioned. My husband always paid for everything when we were dating. It never occurred to me to pay for anything on our dates. I just thought that’s what men do.
I always feel embarrassed when a woman offers to pay, even when it's only half the bill. If it is a person I know well, then we may agree to do so sometimes, but I'm still inclined to say I insist on paying for the wine.
I don't expect anything in return, other than, perhaps, a friendly good night kiss on the cheek.
I don't go on dates.
Exactly. No dates, pregnancy only. And never, ever split the pregnancy.
@DZhukovin , is that a king Solomon joke?
@Beamdump2020 I certainly did not have that in mind
depends on our situation at the time
She can pay it back in bitcoin
If I'm dating someone, I fully support splitting the check or alternating who pays.
If someone from a dating site asks to meet for the first time, I generally suggest something simple... maybe a drink or a cup of coffee... and I always offer to pay my share. But it kind of surprises me that they almost always take take the money. If I'm borderline about seeing the guy again, the fact that they can't pop for a cuppa coffee on a first date leaves me with a negative impression.
If you offer to pay, and then judge him when he lets you, I think your behavior is part of the communication problem between men and women. I think we should say what we mean and mean what we say.
@DinnerandaMovie Sorry... but we're not talking about lobster and champagne here. If we were, I'dbe happy to pay my share. I offer because it's the right thing to do, and the right thing for him to do is to say "I invited you, I've got this". And if he doesn't... then I'm sorry, but I am judging him just like you're judging me right now.
Relax until either he mentions it or when the waitress asks. State ‘separate checks’ to the waitress, or say, “Thanks, but I prefer dutch.”
It’s weird and a red flag for anyone to press further, as though you’re unable to make up your own mind. It is a nice gesture, but I’m with you. A dude paying just because he’s a dude sets up a dominant/submissive hierarchy in the relationship off the bat.
It is also good to get to the point where you cook dinner for each other before going out.
Ability o cook and not just microwave frozen things is an asset.
I've not been on a date in decades. But yes, I'd split the bill.
I don't like a culture which expects men to pay for everything.
If we have been going out for a while, we almost always split the bill. On a first date, the person that invited the other person usually pays for it.
I am willing to, it's been a while since I've been on a date.
Men always paying is obsolete. I assume that a woman is getting just asmuch out of date asI am, whether that be conversation , entertainment or pleasure. in today's world finances should not be involved .