you should be upset, to take his beliefs and shove them aside so she can sleep soundly at night is wrong.

In my opinion anything that happens after death is for those still living. I would feel bad about doing anything contrary to the wishes of the person who passed but if it provides them some comfort and I'm not in charge I don't worry about it.
If it bothers you, though, it might be worthy of a conversation at a later date, if for no other reason than to get your own feelings some air.

Perhaps your dad did this to make his current wife happy as a parting gift? If he was high on pain meds and chemo, then that was incredibly uncalled for if she did it to make herself feel happy. Because that's exactly what Jesus would have wanted.

It sounds as if you have the correct grasp of the situation. It is/was for her benefit. It is great to understand where she is coming from. Don't be afraid to let her be her, but let it serve as a caution to you and do not allow yourself become entrapped by them. I believe you are perceptive and because of that are also cautious. Bravo!

You are never wrong for your feelings. You know who your father was and whatever his wife did was on her. Think of the man you know and love and work to rid yourself of inner turmoil. Peace to you

best of both Worlds by my recon...not a believer myself,but an invitation to the party after.HEY!
Why not?
don't trouble yourself, dead is dead ,right?

I think it gave her peace of mind, and help her deal with his loss, while doing no harm to him, since it is a meaningless ritual anyway.

I would try to think of it as her showing her love for him the only way she knew how. In her mind, that was a way to see him again "after death". He obviously knew that she was religious and loved her anyway. He probably wouldn't mind giving her that comfort.

I always wanted to believe and simply couldn't do it. If people signed me up to the church of the great purple unicorn after I could stop them it wouldn't change much.

You were right all along SunnySmiles, but being upset changes nothing and only makes you feel bad.

I feel sorry for people like your father's wife who let other people exploit their superstitions.

Probably was for wife's peace of mind. No one can tell anyone you "shouldnt" feel a certain way. But your thoughts are what cause feelings, so look at your thoughts and ask yourself, who is hurt by your anger other than yourself. Sorry for your loss.

In her own way she was trying to save your father. The fact that she did that says she loved him and in her muddled religous mind she was worried. The Baptism didn't hurt him so I would look at it as a good thing, in that she wouldn't think your dad was in purgatory.

You're not wrong about being upset. That's totally understandable. You know what your dad's beliefs were, and you know what your beliefs are as well. She obviously didn't respect his choices. You do what feels right to you.
I'm sorry to hear about your father.

That sucks. My entire family is Catholic, and I know these fuckers would love to bury me holy water or some dumb shit if I died. That's why if I were to be close to dying I would just jump off a boat in the arctic seas. All so they won't get the satisfaction, because they kept giving me shit. I want to be food for the sharks. Or go in the middle of the amazon and fertilize a poison ivy plant or some shit.
Whether you're wrong or not, objectively speaking, who knows. But if you're angry, embrace it. Let it take its course.

I'm sorry for your loss, SunnySmiles.

I share your anger because this is NOT something that your dad would have wanted. I'm no "agony aunt" but this seems to come down to his wife's opinion (and actions) versus yours (and your dad's). His wife may have been thinking that she was doing the right thing because she holds different beliefs to you. I'd share your feelings with her and then it is up to her to build bridges. Life's too short to let shit such as this get in the way of living it.

She disrespected his wishes for her piece of mind? I guess I just do not get how that would ever work. If this god is all knowing he is gonna know it was coerced and forced on him when he was out of it. So this god just is excepting of this? Doesn't that just seem weird? Also would not trust this lady if that is how she works and her needs are the only that matter to her.

Well, she isn't right. You are right that it was for her piece of mind, but many people can't escape that mindset. They are victims themselves. Hope you can be a little forgiving.

My dad die with cancer to. So i can understand that.

No. Your mom was selfish. Honestly, Atheism is the way to go. My grandmother was a stout Christian who also died of cancer, but unlike your father, she cried nonstop because she was scared of "heaven" (the better afterlife for Christians).

I would have been upset by that as well. If he talked to her about doing that before he passed away, then that's a different story. I don't think a baptism would have changed anything afterwards either way. I think if there is a place for us to go, it will depend on how we lived our lives in general.

It didn't do any harm.

Heartfelt condolences for your loss! You're not wrong, but I wouldn't punish her by removing you and your son from her life. In her mind, she was doing the right thing, and even though it was misguided, it was an act of love. I encourage you to place you and your son back into her life.

I think you have the right to be mad, BUT I wouldn't have been for this one simple reason. Your stepmom did it out of love for him. I would have told her that she is disrespecting the wishes of my father, but I'm not one to cut someone out of my life for an act that is meant as a loving act no matter how misguided it was. Had I had the power to stop it, I wouldn't have in this instance because it isn't bringing any harm to him, but it is easing her grief. This opinion of mine is just that an opinion and it's not meant to decare that you are wrong for how you responded to it.

Might have just done it to humor her so that she was happy too even if he still didn't really believe

I would be more angry at the Minister, who knew and willingly broke the rules of an adult baptism. I can't be 100% certain of that first sentence because I don't know if your step mom belongs to an Anabaptist denomination. But in any event, an adult baptism requires a true conversion. You're step mom was just doing what she thought was best.