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I need a little advice, can you help me?

I blocked my ex and told him I would before I did. He said, "You'll regret it." I said, "Lol, how?" He said, "You'll lose your benefits and I'll tell your boss you have feelings for her." (She's a lesbian, I'm bi.) I'm scared he will get me fired. He can't. For blocking him? What do I do? He'll call my work!? He's gaslighting me again. He said he has proof in Messenger. Is he really going to get his mommy (he lives with his parents and he's 29) to drive 1/2 an hour to my work to show my boss a message? Well, when we broke up, I found out he's a registered sex offender. I doubt he'll call. He's manipulating me again and we aren't even dating. I said I have proof he's a registered sex offender. Any advice or comforting words that could reassure me I won't lose my job for doing the right thing? This is all from that platonic post he keeps saying is wrong.

Sarahroo29 8 Jan 20

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49 comments

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0

She is an exhaustive ? If so think she will handle with tack. You might mention there is a breakup disagreement and you are getting flack.

What?

@Sarahroo29 My mistake Executive

@Sarahroo29 Was in the middle of building my kids rabbits a hutch the old one turned to junk. Just bought like 2 months ago wasted 100$. I should have just built my own in the first place. Was trying to type in a hurry when I was taking a 5er.

She's a GM.

@Sarahroo29 Pretty much protocol with hipaa laws privacy is for GM she can't discuss the issue with you unless you opt. She technically can't approach you with it unless it is a life threatening issue. So even if for whatever reason he were to tell her some nonsense true or not she can't act on them because of federal regulations.

He didn't call. None of my managers have messaged me about a call.

36

i would beat him to the punch, and talk to your boss. being a boss myself, i understand these things, and would stop him in his tracks for showing up and starting crap with my employee.

I alerted her in messenger just now.

great, that takes the wind out of his sails.

What he said ^^^^

Totally agree with this advice. If you step up and meet a problem head on it is much less of a problem. Well done @MichaelSpinler

It's her weekend. She hasn't read my message yet, but hasn't messaged back or read it yet. I'm now worried he called and they're mad.

excellent advice

She wrote back and said I won't be fired. Yay! I left out what he would say.

25

I alerted my boss immediately.

20

Block him keep him blocked, go to work maybe talk to your boss say this is what is happening, this is what has happened in the past, she should hear you out and sympathize with you.
Then never speak to this awful narcissistic man ever again, if need be take out a restraining order to keep yourself safe.
And of course you deserve 100% better than him, he is not even worthy of your listening ear to his bullshit.

Sacha Level 7 Jan 20, 2018

I really should get a restraining order on him. His other ex has one on him too.

But he didn't threaten my life. Just my job.

@Sarahroo29

Your livelihood is your life.

@Sarahroo29 Get the restraining order - you only have to feel threatened, and it's obvious you do. It's also a bit of insurance, meaning you can show your boss you have taken the necessary steps to stop the distractions and interference in your worklife. Kudo's on being upfront with your boss.

@RobCampbell Thanks.

17

Make a pre-emptive move, let your boss know your ex is harassing you and may try to contact her. Tell her most of what you told us, but edit the stuff she really doesn't need to know.

Okay. Thanks

16

Well, extortion is a crime. It depends on how mean you want to be. How I would deal with it is tell my boss first (I don't know your work environment, so this may not be the best move if she is a hardass). And remember: You are in the right here. He's the bad guy. You are dodging a bullet by getting rid of this guy. If you can't tell your boss, I would explain to your ex that you may have to call the sex crimes unit, and explain your situation to them. I bet you never hear from him again.

I messaged my boss.

I told her what's up about what he'll try. Before I blocked him, I reminded him I have proof he's a sex offender. I could go public with his pic and home address on FB. I won't though. I'm not like him.

Hi Johny Thorazine,that is such a well thought out solution.very good answer.

Awesome advice, I did not even know there was a unit for that, maybe I should have figured there had to be.

@Sarahroo29 that information should already be public record if he's a registered sex offender

@DobbinPitch It is. I found him online.

11

Yeah, if he's a sex offender, you have the upper hand. Nobody will believe him over you. I like the 'beat him to the punch' suggestion.

10

Definitely get ahead of it. Inform your boss. Get that restraining order and ALL of it reported. Be on the safe side of it all. While restraining orders may or may not help, it will be documented.

If you by some odd chance in fact lose your job, it is their loss, and probably not an organization worthy for most.

Be safe!!

He didn't threaten my life. Just my job.

And disabilty. SSDI? Idk how he could make me lose my benefits? He's just talking crap.

9

I would report he to the police. On Monday I would explain to your boss the break up situation, sex offender and threats. Be well. Be careful.

I messaged her.

We broke up 2 years ago. I thought I would forgive him and be friends. I was wrong. Once an abuser, always an abuser. He's a rapist.

@Sarahroo29

Report the harassment to the police. He already has a police record and if harassment is part of his MO then it will be easier to get a protection order. If he is still on probation when this harassment may revoke that.

You have a right to feel safe and you have a right to protect yourself.

@Betty Okay. I may have scared him more. I am crazy, but not completely stupid.

@Sarahroo29

I hope so. Be careful. 🙂

@Betty My boss wrote back and said I can't get fired.

@Sarahroo29

👍 Glad to hear it.

8

Call a LGBTQ helpline in your area asap

6

Be the first to speak to your boss. Show him you are in charge of your own life. Thing is, he probably is just a big bully and a bluffer, amongst other things.

Yep.

6

After reporting him to the police and obtaining a restraining order - assuming they don't just haul him in - speak to your boss that a former boyfriend is now stalking you. If you have any security at work they should have his photo at the very least!

We have cameras.

He didn't threaten my life. So no restraining order will take place until he does. His mom hates me, so I doubt she'll drive him to my work or my home.

@Sarahroo29 Because he already has a history of Sex Offense reporting him to the police would be smart. They will decide how to proceed. As a sex offender he will always be followed by Police to one extent or another. They need to know he's acting up. (I worked at a battered women's shelter many many years ago and would never let a threat to myself/work/home go without being reported.

6

Report him to the Police IMMEDIATELY. Print out the message. Gees.

5

@HippieChick58 said exactly what I was thinking. I also agree with those who said to contact the police. Even if they can't actually do anything to stop him, you'll at least have his threats on the record. Have it documented at work too. Document everything, block him, don't engage him, and wait until he fades away. Let all his crap roll off you like water on a duck's back.

Thanks.

4

I'm wonder if there's an attorney you could talk to about this. It strikes me as illegal for him to do what he says he's going to do. Attorneys are expensive, but maybe someone could offer you some good legal advice pro bono.

I tried to report him for raping me. I was already in the middle of a rape case from the co-worker whom said he'd help me with my ex's rape. The detective denied me help.

Wow.

4

Report the situation to the police...make sure you tell them he is a register sex-offender...and move if you can.,

He didn't threaten my life. So I can't get a restraining order.

@Sarahroo29 I didn't say to get a restraining order -which you could get because he is harassing you- but to report his behavior to the police. With the added fact he is a registered sex-offender he would be arrested.

Oh, sorry. I got confused who told me to and who didn't.

3

Since your boss is gay, she's not going to be shocked that you have feelings for her - so chances are if he does that, she'll just say "And what of it?"

PS - well done for ditching him, he sounds like an utter dickhead.

Jnei Level 8 Jan 20, 2018

A narcissist.

She may be flattered?

She calls me her little sister.

She's made comments to me that seemed like she liked me.

@Sarahroo29 She may well be flattered 🙂

She would've messaged me right away if he called. She's on her weekend. The weekend manager would've told her and I so crazy MF is calling. I don't think he called.

3

Are your benefits connected to your job?

Talk to your boss and let her know that he’s trying to jeapordize your employment.

If he or his mother show up to your work, contact the police.

3

This is just my opinion; but I think getting ahead of these things is the best way to deal with them..... I don't see how having feelings for your boss at some point would get you fired. If it were me I would go to my boss as humble and professional and honest as possible.... apologize for the situation and explain what's going on and then he has nothing to hold over your head anymore. This sounds like a person you absolutely need to get as far away from as possible you are doing the right thing. As for him being a registered sex offender I don't know what there is to report unless he's actually committed some crime again. You deserve better.

Oh, I thought I accidently deleted your comment. I can't get a restraining order because he didn't threaten my life. Just my job.

3

Yes report it, no need to deal with that.

3

Hi Sarahroo29 you could threaten him that you will post the fact that he is a sex offender on FB and other internet suppliers unless he stops harrassing you or if he goes to your boss.Maybe you should go to your boss if she is a decent type of person first and explain to her about what your ex is planning to do.Just an idea.

I messaged her and she'll understand. I won't be coerced.

2

I would also contact the police and tell them the story. Even if they don't find any reason for charges, they can still make it clear that his conduct must stop.

2

There have been so many great responses so I will just add that I hope all goes well for you and it’s great to see how much people care on this site. You are not alone!!

2

Get your proof he’s a sex offender. Keep it with you. You can’t be fired for saying someone is attractive. If you are, you can sue.

She's on her weekend now. She hasn't read my message. I hope she's not mad if he called.

2

I see nothing wrong in having feelings for your boss provided you don't act on them.

Never have or never said anything to anyone. She I think likes me.

2

It's not going to do you any good to obsess about him - but definitely cut off the verbal communication; and if you must communicate, keep it to text or email that can serve as evidence. IMO. no boss would be willing take any calls seriously from a crazy person smearing an employee of theirs. In a pinch tell him you'll report him to the authorities for harassment if he does so, which he should not want to risk. If he doesn't stop threatening you, follow through with the cops; particularly if he causes you any actual trouble, an d be honest with them.

He's blocked.

I would cut him completely out of your life

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