152 259

Religion is like a penis.

; ) ; ) ; ) This cracked me up.

By silvereyes
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152 comments

35

My Grandpa Bill used to tell me, "Your opinion is like your tallywacker: It's okay to have one, but unless somebody asks for it, keep it to yourself."

Shawappa44820 Level 6 Feb 7, 2018
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Alas, most people would never ask for someone else's opinion for fear of hearing a challenge to what they think is true. Then we would never have enlightenment.

@TimothyIII I always took Grandpa to mean that I shouldn't go throwing my opinion around on subjects that didn't involve me...

The way to accepted it, then was good advice!

21

Religion IS like a penis. It can really fuck you (up).

Maxwell55 Level 5 Feb 9, 2018
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Well said and accurate!

I love it ....

Eventually all Penises are buried 6' under in a grave yard or cremated and turned to dust.

So what's Religion waiting for...!

17

#5, don't tell people it's bigger than it really is.

slayer1am Level 5 Feb 7, 2018
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16

This has potential.

My religion worked better when i was a younger man.

Who has the longest religion?

Whats the hardest religion?

If i told you you had a great religion, would you hold it against me?

Is there something about your fathers religion that youre afraid of?

It works the other way too...

Gimmee that old time penis...

Juggler67 Level 6 Aug 8, 2018
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"Something's come between us, Eve....it's my penis."

@LucyLoohoo Perhaps when Eve was in the mood, she said, "Adam, you and I need to get something straight between us."

Lol...

13

I dunno about this. A penis is actually useful.

d_day Level 7 May 21, 2018
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And dual-purpose

Or a weapon in the wrong hands

12

Religion is like a penis? I beg to differ. I don't like religion.

Islandgurl Level 5 Apr 5, 2018
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Why dislike religion? It may really mean nothing but, like penis, can make you feel good! It's all in how you perceive and use it.

@KevinAmears Eh, some of my family members use it to oppress and hurt others. No zealots think it simply makes them feel good.

12

I need to remember not to be drinking anything when I read your posts. I wound up spitting coffee over my tablet. It's all good.

LEPeff Level 8 Feb 7, 2018
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lol

12

Religion is like a vagina.
It's ok to have one and to be proud of it.
But don't walk around showing it off and acting if yours is the only one that matters.

phil21 Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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Wait a minute! Men have been showing/bragging/putting up statues and monuments of penises for eons and yet the vagina has been kept covered, secret and denigrated for way too long. Perhaps that's where the problem lies and it's just another example of religion and male domination gone wrong. Vagina's should be respected and honored more. They have been suppressed so much that even women don't understand much about them. It's unbelievable, the # of men and women that don't understand such things as the importance of the clitoris (or if it even exists) and the commercials and misinformation about hygiene and how it should smell (natural)! Now, back to the cute jokes. smile001.gif

there are statues and monuments to celebrate women in the same manners all over the world too, esp in the kama sutra places

@jorj they really had their heads on straight. Sex should be highly regarded and valued by all people.

@frosty2k There's something fishy about this reply...

10

I think religion is more like a vagina:

  • You enter the church and get comfortable.
  • You try to last the full 45 mins til mass is over.
  • You fail and fall asleep.
  • You give the pastor money before you leave.

I'm not sure if that makes religion more like a vagina or a Taiwanese hooker but you get the idea.

Sgt_Spanky Level 6 Aug 28, 2018
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@Brascan The fact is the comparison would work with a hooker of any nationality but I'm partial to Asians so...

Even more accurate !

8

Other ways it’s like a penis:

Invite one into your life and you’ll get screwed.

Getting rid of it after inviting it in may cause excessive drama.

A lot of people who have one tend to be overly eager to share it.

They all have nuts hangin around.

FutureFicus Level 5 Sep 6, 2018
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Well said!

8

Even when I wanted to give it a try it left a bad taste in my mouth.

surrealhoax Level 6 Sep 6, 2018
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8

if I read it too hard I will go blind?

kauva Level 7 June 5, 2018
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Clever

funny!

7

Absolutely brilliant
Religion is a medieval abomination that a rational world will soon throw into the dustbin alongside alchemy and witchcraft

Hercules3000 Level 6 Aug 6, 2018
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I SO hope you're right!

Wish I could believe that is true.....

John Lennon in "Imagine" .. and no religion too.

7

And...keep yours out of my vagina, too! (I think about this a lot while working at Planned Parenthood. How many of these hypocrites would come running into the procedure room, yelling "ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS" and smugly rip the speculum out of a patient. You KNOW they would, if they could.)

LucyLoohoo Level 8 July 25, 2018
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7

Religion is connected to 90percent of the world"s wars. Don't those bullets and missiles look like penises?

Castlepaloma Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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Only 90%? I'd suspect it's higher than that!

Actually the cult Government and Centro Bankers tool Religion. In order to fear control and enslaved most of us.

Yes, as George Carlin pointed out at least once on stage. I still miss him.

7

You're completely right !!! smile001.gif

Wildgreens Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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7

Oh, balls.

josh_karpf Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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I love Whitney Cummings smile001.gif

People are always talking about how horrid men's private parts are, but come on ladies, do you really think we are that pretty down below?

@DarwinistOne, well, ours are named after flowers after all, even if they're snapdragons.

Video unavailable
"Whitney Cumm..." is no longer available due to a copyright claim by a third party. -- sorry I missed this, but I'll look for it on youtube.

6

Oh hell if a sign went up like that in my town they'd have every law enforcement agency in the country trying to find out who put it up. That'd be worse than murder here it would be an act of terrorism to these dumb fucks!

Looking4-Others Level 7 Sep 14, 2018
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5

Love this! I used to have it hanging on my fridge pretty much just to annoy my hypocritical (raised but not practicing) Pentacostal ex. Strangely it disappeared haha!

rjf1970 Level 3 Sep 3, 2018
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5

That is perfect !!! Lol

Shawniedawn Level 5 Aug 8, 2018
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5

Every time I catch them in there greed I call the religious people men penis religion. I was scared to say it in my younger years. But I am tired, please stop the men penis religion. Why do there wives don't work and all of them get cushy government jobs to support there good wives, sugar babies, tons of children. Infact the workers are paying for it. They are always promoted to corporate. Big corporation refuses to pay the worker but have lot of money for corporate travel,. Same with catholic charities.

Arshi Level 5 Aug 2, 2018
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5

This is a good analogy, and yet, most religious people love to "flaunt" their faith which is as unwelcomed and inapprorpriate as a dick pick or even worse, pull it out physically...

Aggelos12 Level 4 July 24, 2018
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5

Brilliant! And true! And I think it applies to one's own children, not just other children – parents don't own their children, they are guardians and caretakers – not dictators or brutish prison guards.
Too many people think they have the right to impose their beliefs onto their children, rather than assisting them to become whoever it is that they will one day become – or realise who they were all along.

Beelzebant Level 5 July 17, 2018
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I want you be as practically correct as you are ideologically. There's a lot of parents that don't see anything wrong with indoctrinating their children.

Just like a drunk abusive parent indoctrinating their children into the habit.

A lot of parents are mistaken, then.
The most important thing is to be emotionally mature, so as to provide a solid foundation for their children – insecure parents pass on their insecurities to their children.
Ideally, only emotionally mature people would ever have children, or raise children.
I'm never having kids, as I don't pass muster. I don't even have a pet cat, though I adore cats.

5

My line would be because most Christians are dick heads

LeonBarfield Level 4 July 8, 2018
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hahahahahahahahah

5

I do agree! It's a fine piece of equipment but should only be shared with someone you like/love and care for.

KevinAmears Level 3 June 5, 2018
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