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Religion is like a penis.

; ) ; ) ; ) This cracked me up.

By silvereyes
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115 comments

33

My Grandpa Bill used to tell me, "Your opinion is like your tallywacker: It's okay to have one, but unless somebody asks for it, keep it to yourself."

Shawappa44820 Level 6 Feb 7, 2018
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Alas, most people would never ask for someone else's opinion for fear of hearing a challenge to what they think is true. Then we would never have enlightenment.

@TimothyIII I always took Grandpa to mean that I shouldn't go throwing my opinion around on subjects that didn't involve me...

The way to accepted it, then was good advice!

19

Religion IS like a penis. It can really fuck you (up).

Maxwell55 Level 5 Feb 9, 2018
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Well said and accurate!

I love it ....

15

#5, don't tell people it's bigger than it really is.

slayer1am Level 5 Feb 7, 2018
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11

I dunno about this. A penis is actually useful.

d_day Level 7 May 21, 2018
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And dual-purpose

Or a weapon in the wrong hands

11

I need to remember not to be drinking anything when I read your posts. I wound up spitting coffee over my tablet. It's all good.

LEPeff Level 8 Feb 7, 2018
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lol

11

Religion is like a vagina.
It's ok to have one and to be proud of it.
But don't walk around showing it off and acting if yours is the only one that matters.

phil21 Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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Wait a minute! Men have been showing/bragging/putting up statues and monuments of penises for eons and yet the vagina has been kept covered, secret and denigrated for way too long. Perhaps that's where the problem lies and it's just another example of religion and male domination gone wrong. Vagina's should be respected and honored more. They have been suppressed so much that even women don't understand much about them. It's unbelievable, the # of men and women that don't understand such things as the importance of the clitoris (or if it even exists) and the commercials and misinformation about hygiene and how it should smell (natural)! Now, back to the cute jokes. smile001.gif

there are statues and monuments to celebrate women in the same manners all over the world too, esp in the kama sutra places

9

Religion is like a penis? I beg to differ. I don't like religion.

Islandgurl Level 5 Apr 5, 2018
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Why dislike religion? It may really mean nothing but, like penis, can make you feel good! It's all in how you perceive and use it.

@KevinAmears Eh, some of my family members use it to oppress and hurt others. No zealots think it simply makes them feel good.

7

if I read it too hard I will go blind?

kauva Level 7 June 5, 2018
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Clever

funny!

7

You're completely right !!! smile001.gif

Wildgreens Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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7

Oh, balls.

josh_karpf Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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I love Whitney Cummings smile001.gif

People are always talking about how horrid men's private parts are, but come on ladies, do you really think we are that pretty down below?

@DarwinistOne, well, ours are named after flowers after all, even if they're snapdragons.

5

I do agree! It's a fine piece of equipment but should only be shared with someone you like/love and care for.

KevinAmears Level 3 June 5, 2018
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5

Dare I say it,...is it because it fucked the world?

RonB Level 5 Apr 1, 2018
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5

Religion is connected to 90percent of the world"s wars. Don't those bullets and missiles look like penises?

Castlepaloma Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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Only 90%? I'd suspect it's higher than that!

Actually the cult Government and Centro Bankers tool Religion. In order to fear control and enslaved most of us.

5

For some people religion is a penis!

[cracked.com]

kensmile4u Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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They're all around us -- phallic architecture, that is. Just Google phallic architecture.

The book The Masculine Journey was a joint project of Robert Hicks, Promise Keepers and NavPress. If you're not familiar with the Promise Keepers, it's a patriarchal, evangelical men's ministry. They were the group that had the Christian Million Man March in 1997 with over 3 million descending on the Mall, at the Washington Phallic. smile009.gif They are still around. [promisekeepers.org]

Robert Hicks is a retired Air Force Chaplin, and a professor of history and ethics at Bellhaven University in Orlando, FL, or was. Here's what he says in the book:

"To be male is to be a phallic kind of guy, and as men we should never apologize for it, or allow it to be denigrated by women (or crass men either)" (p. 24).

On page 181 he writes: "I believe Jesus was phallic with all the inherent phallic passions we experience as men"

On page 51 he writes: "Possessing a penis places unique requirements upon men before God as how they are to worship him. We are called to worship God as phallic kinds of guys, not as some sort of androgynous, neutered nonmales, or the feminized males so popular in many feminist-enlightened churches. We are told by God to worship Him in accordance with what we are, phallic men"

50,000 copies were given to all the attendees at the 1993 Promise Keepers Rally. The book is still in publication.

@VictoriaNotes So my neighbor a long time ago had an abusive husband, who she convinced to go to promisekeepers so they could help him get right with God. Guess that's why he ended up losing his kids and getting divorced.

@VictoriaNotes If they were dedicated to being christlike by having no offspring, I would fully support them.

Right? Have you heard those creepily sexual Protestant Christian songs? I them the "Jesus is My Lover" genre a la those "Jesus is My Homeboy" hoodies.

4

This has potential.

My religion worked better when i was a younger man.

Who has the longest religion?

Whats the hardest religion?

If i told you you had a great religion, would you hold it against me?

Is there something about your fathers religion that youre afraid of?

It works the other way too...

Gimmee that old time penis...

Juggler67 Level 4 Aug 8, 2018
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"Something's come between us, Eve....it's my penis."

@LucyLoohoo Perhaps when Eve was in the mood, she said, "Adam, you and I need to get something straight between us."

4

Absolutely brilliant
Religion is a medieval abomination that a rational world will soon throw into the dustbin alongside alchemy and witchcraft

Hercules3000 Level 4 Aug 6, 2018
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I SO hope you're right!

4

And...keep yours out of my vagina, too! (I think about this a lot while working at Planned Parenthood. How many of these hypocrites would come running into the procedure room, yelling "ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS" and smugly rip the speculum out of a patient. You KNOW they would, if they could.)

LucyLoohoo Level 7 July 25, 2018
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4

Brilliant! And true! And I think it applies to one's own children, not just other children – parents don't own their children, they are guardians and caretakers – not dictators or brutish prison guards.
Too many people think they have the right to impose their beliefs onto their children, rather than assisting them to become whoever it is that they will one day become – or realise who they were all along.

Beelzebant Level 4 July 17, 2018
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I want you be as practically correct as you are ideologically. There's a lot of parents that don't see anything wrong with indoctrinating their children.

Just like a drunk abusive parent indoctrinating their children into the habit.

A lot of parents are mistaken, then.
The most important thing is to be emotionally mature, so as to provide a solid foundation for their children – insecure parents pass on their insecurities to their children.
Ideally, only emotionally mature people would ever have children, or raise children.
I'm never having kids, as I don't pass muster. I don't even have a pet cat, though I adore cats.

4

My line would be because most Christians are dick heads

LeonBarfield Level 4 July 8, 2018
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hahahahahahahahah

4

Out fucking standing

lookinhard Level 7 July 1, 2018
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My sentiments exactly.

I hear that

4

I was offended by the title but not after I read the post🤣

Dave75 Level 6 May 5, 2018
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I came here to also say that! Great little meme.

4

A lot of people being jerked around

michaelj Level 6 Feb 7, 2018
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4

Can I play with someone's else's religion? I'm curious.

phil21 Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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4

Is it ok to let someone of the same religion to see? Or is that homochristianity?

phil21 Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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4

Nailed it. Lol.

noworry28 Level 7 Feb 7, 2018
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