This is how a church should be. Your thoughts?
As an atheist, I have not been in a church for decades. But this week a friend invited me to the Cascade Unitarian Church.
It was wonderful! I knew nearly everyone and felt loved and welcomed.
The minister's message was about improving the Golden Rule. Treat people as they want to be treated, not how you want to be treated. Over 22 religions have some form of the Golden Rule.
This message resonated with me. I felt centered and grounded. No mention of Jesus.
Members were invited to light a candle and share joys or sorrows. One man talked eloquently about how he refused to accept help and it resulted in loneliness. He spoke of his "trembling and vulnerable heart" and the weight of "carrying the flaming saber of justice."
"Your words hit me in the center of my chest," I told him afterward. I got lots of hugs and enjoyed connecting with old friends. Found two new female hiking partners!
Next week they will celebrate Paganism. I plan to go. This is what church should be: acceptance and connections between people.
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31 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I made several really great friends at my local Unitarian church in the early 90s and they are still with me today. I also met my late wife because of these connections while she was attending a UU church about 30 miles away. The UU churches are full of great ideals and people who are Agnostic, Atheist, and/or Humanist as well as almost all very politically liberal to socialist. But the longer I was there, at least at my local one, the more turned off I was by how classist and cliqueish most of the members were. It started to seem more like a country club for intellectuals than a community that actually valued and embraced all members equally, whether they drove a bus or were a doctor, which was exactly the opposite of how I remember the Catholic church where I grew up. Because there, everybody felt welcome and valued, no matter their social or economic standing. Yes, there was probably cliqueishness there too, but it was so blatant at the UU church in spite of all the rhetoric and lip service about it being a caring community and respecting the dignity and worth of every human being etc.
I got really disgusted with it and then withdrew even more after my late wife's dementia became late stage. I didn't need to be around negative stuff. Nowadays, I could probably meet someone to date as a widower there that would be compatible, but I just don't feel eager to go spend time there (even when I still know some people there) when I already feel treated as indesireable by Match.com and most of the people at the church that you meet will be quick to ask you what you do for a job so they can size you up on whether you fit in with them and are on their class level. Lots of middle management and corporate types. If you don't fit, they will be very quick to walk away and ignore you. That's the kind of classist bullshit I'm talking about, along with the fact that very few of them care about economic justice or inequality, no matter how much the ministers keep talking about social justice, which usually amounts to identity stuff like gay rights, feminism, race, immigrants, etc.. All stuff that's not offensive to upper middle class types.
My late wife's old UU church is not so classist or cliqueish because it is much smaller, but because it's in a smaller college town, it has very few people my age. Part of the problem with my local one is its size, about 500 members. It's grown too large and impersonal compared to the early 90s and nowadays, for example, when they get to the part of the service for sharing milestones, joys and concerns, etc. in the lives of the members and their families, you have to submit those in advance by e-mail or in writing and they are read out loud by the minister. Very bureaucratic and impersonal.
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Jan 12, 2019
0
When I was going through a rough patch in a relationship I felt I needed some kind of guidance or uplift. I went to the local Unitarian Universalist church a couple of Sundays. It didn’t help. Still felt shitty, didn’t get any insight and it’s still involves a magical entity in the Universe somewhere. Went to see a shrink, it was much more productive! ?
Barnie2years
Level 8
Dec 9, 2018
3
That is a good point, some UU congregations are more theistic-leaning than others. In theory, they all accept unbelievers with open arms, but how that works out in practice is somewhat local. I attended a UU service in NC for example and the order of service and liturgical style there in the middle of the Bible belt would be weirdly familiar to any southern Baptist. And I do mean weird. It is as if the service were designed by a Baptist on cocaine.
Religion is simply nothing more than a tool for which you can either build or destroy with it.
That’s why I don’t judge religious people until they give me a reason to. Yet sadly the concept of unity and fellowship has been lost on most of society let alone the church but it’s also said that religion is merely a reflection of society so it’s next phase should be very interesting.
48thRonin
Level 8
Dec 9, 2018
3
I have been to Unitarian churches before and found them as you describe. If they would take "church" out of their title and hold get-togethers on other days of the week, I might still attend occasionally.
wordywalt
Level 9
Dec 9, 2018
2
The do not refer to themselves as a church, but as a congregation or society. In most areas the name of the local congregation reflects some form of this, but some people tend to refer to it as "the UU church" because they aren't aware that it's a post-Christian phenomenon or because prospective attendees aren't looking for a "society" to attend and find the terminology confusing.
Fellowship not church, I never use the word in describing my group.
LiterateHiker, I fully agree this is how a church should be, but my local UU church is now anything but what you describe. Ironically, there is a small, very liberal UCC church right down the street from me, but they use the Bible and are Christian. I would probably fit in great there socially and share all their politics. And I've heard they have all the qualities of the UU church you visited. But I'm not going to lie or pretend to believe or be a Christian just to attend and enjoy their community.
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Jan 12, 2019
2
Interesting (to me) information about Unitarianism: Four presidents of the United States were Unitarians. One of our greatest founding fathers, John Adams, was one of them. He was a strong advocate of the separation of church and state. In 1797, he signed the "Treaty of Tripoli", in which he wrote, "“As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion,—as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Mussulmen [Muslims]..." Some of our modern politicians would be well served by re-reading that passage.
sfvpool
Level 7
Jan 5, 2019
1
That’s what we need more of. If we had churches giving out messages without mention of religions I think we can convert some to our way of thinking.
Charliesey
Level 7
Dec 12, 2018
2
Cool. We've talked about trying to start a little UU church here. We have a chance to talk about it with someone from the UU organization sometime in the near future. It would be amazing if we could make it work. Reading this made me more excited to see those conversations get started.
lovemuffin
Level 4
Dec 12, 2018
2
Carrying the flaming saber of justice sounds a tad overwrought and probably reflects that he's a social justice warrior, which is fine ... but the intensity can be a little off-putting to me. The local UUs here have been known to chain themselves to the entrance gate of the local fracking facility, and social status is tied partly to how many time's you've been arrested. Not my cup o'tea but I admire their devotion to their ideals.
I haven't felt the acceptance and connection you describe with the UUs here but it's probably more me than them I suppose.
mordant
Level 8
Dec 9, 2018
1
I, too, admire their devotion, but the flaming saber of justice part seems a little over dramatic to me.
@PalacinkyPDX As I said, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm also not speaking to social justice in the abstract, but to being a SJW ("social justice warrior" ) which is that intense, crusading sort of ethos that often (though not always) comes with second-class citizenship for those who are not into same level or intensity of involvement. I have said before that the UUs have a tendency to eradicate theological dogma as a source of exclusion and virtue signaling, only to replace it with political activism.
If making the world a better place gives you the label "SJW", then bring it on!
Glad you got something out of it and got to see old friends. As for me, the farther away from a church I am the better off I am.
Farther along we'll know all about it
Farther along we'll understand why
Cheer up my brother live in the sunshine
We'll understand it all by and by
The old song is true. I no longer go to church because I am farther along than before. I no longer have a candle or a little light that is mine.
DenoPenno
Level 9
Apr 3, 2020
1
I visit graveyards. Have seen enough churches in the old country.
Spinliesel
Level 9
Mar 27, 2019
1
I was surprised to learn that a Unitarian church in my area (northern Virginia) actually mentions Jeebus and sings hymns. But apparently the local UU churches have a wide latitude. Some congregations actually call their buildings meeting houses, not churches.
tubabob
Level 4
Jan 1, 2019
1
Brilliantly! Sounds like the ecumenical services that joined the Catholic and (Protestant ) Church of Ireland communities in my home in Ireland. It's fantastic when people put aside their differences and acknowledge that we are all human, fragile and vulnerable. This to me is community, regardless of religion.
My parent recently went to a Quakrr wedding and reported a similar experience to yours, very all encompassing.
Now, if only we could put the invisible friends aside.....
Tilia
Level 7
Dec 31, 2018
1
That sounds great! I'm currently trying to start a Unitarian church in my area because there isn't one. I did briefly attend one in college, and my impression was "this is where the smart people go" because there was a lot of interest in different cultures and religions, and tolerance for other views, including atheism.
Orbit
Level 7
Dec 11, 2018
1
Some of my clients attend Unitarian churches all around the country. Seems that some are a bit theistic minded and some are totally secular, humanistic even. Some love it, some left due to a bit too much spiritual talk. I like the idea of gathering for life-affirming messages and discussion.
I think each congregation defined how much religion goes into their services. Supply and demand, I guess. Glad you found a great fit for you in your area.
I agree that the golden rule should be to treat others how THEY would like to be treated, not necessarily how you would like to be treated. Sometimes they are one and the same - sometimes not. 
Julie808
Level 8
Dec 10, 2018
1
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