Agnostic.com

60 9

When is it okay to say "I love you"?

Nick said "I love you" a week after we met. I was shocked. He seemed needy.

"It's too soon to talk about love," I replied. I felt pressured.

In past relationships, I waited approximately six months to a year before saying "I love you." Building trust takes time.

Your thoughts?

LiterateHiker 9 May 7
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

60 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

3

That sounds like love bombing to me. I had an ex that started talking about our future and if we were to be exclusive and about the future after just 1 date. It seemed bizarre then, but he was using it as a manipulative tool since he was a narc. Now I would be leery of any man that professed seriousness so soon. 😳

13

When you really mean it.

Jnei Level 8 May 7, 2019
10

The right time to tell someone you love them is the instant you feel it.

When two people feel strongly for one another, love knows no time or boundaries.

I'm not going to live my life counting how many days, weeks, or months go by before I tell the man I love that I truly love him. It could be too late.

I'd rather have loved and lost than not have loved at all.

Love is worth every smile and every painful tear.

Very true.

YEP~thanks

10

You say it when you feel it.
If the other person doesn't, then they probably don't feel it.
You both then get to decide what to do with that information.

10

"I love you" shouldn't mean "I think we need to be together forever"...

Exactly.

10

You have to feel it to say it...there is no time limit...

I trusted the man I love very quickly so it was easy for me to say I love you in a short time...

9

I dodged a bullet. Every single day, Nick dropped by hungry without calling first.

He prowled in the kitchen, looking for something to eat. Raised to be a gracious hostess, I made him a protein smoothie or fed him dinner. Suddenly I was cooking for two. This was a big imposition.

"You are a great cook!" Nick said. He insisted he knew how to cook. But when he promised to make dinner, instead he brought fast food that I don't eat.

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time," Maya Angelou said.

After 2-3 weeks, I dumped Nick because of serious problems with sex and communication.

9

It should be voiced when you truly feel it, but I think genuine love takes time. If someone were telling me they love me after only a week I'd be extremely skeptical and consider it a red flag of huge proportions. You can't even begin to know someone in a week or two.....not really at any rate.

Dew25 Level 7 May 7, 2019
9

it's all very complicated, but usually it's right after pancakes.

Ooooooh. Pancakes.

8

I agree with your instincts.

Premature “I love you’s“ say “I want something from you”.

Whereas a timely “I love you” says “I care to give to you”.

“One week” notification would send me running... for they don’t even know me a little.

8

Love is a good thing. I don't see anything wrong with it.

8

The rules are, there are no rules.

Thank you.

@dellik You're welcome.

8

my thought is that it doesn't run on anyone's calendar or schedule. this is an impossible question. there is no time-related answer. when you feel it and are not afraid to say it, that's when.

g

7

It's too soon for you but it wasnt for him. You have different backgrounds and experiences. It doesnt mean he is needy . And it doesnt obligate you to say anything.

6

Every time is the right time! Love doesn't need time, it needs trueness!
Just explain to him, if he has it in him to love, then he should feel it with no expectations...... if he truly loves you he will be just expressing his feelings which not wrong. You don't have to return the same feelings because there is no favor done in loving someone or someones .. love is love and that's it

Neenz Level 7 May 7, 2019
6

I proposed marriage after one week.

She said, "But, I don't know if I love you."

"It will grow," I said.

"You need to talk about this to my mom," she said.

We've been married quite happily for more years than anyone in the family wants to remember because of how old it makes them feel.

So, in answer to your question: It depends on the people involved.

5

It seems that men often use it as a lever. A week is way too soon. Love needs to be demonstrated before it is spoken.

@RileyStevens

Exactly.

As we say in our neck of woods, don't follow the lips, follow the feet.

5

To answer the question: When you mean it.

5

First, I wouldn't assume the statement is made to pressure you. It could be, but if it's made in good faith, it's made without the expectation of a particular response or the assumption that you're coming along at the same pace. You have to question whether the pressure is real or not. It's not impossible for someone to be head over heels very quickly, and at least it's a huge compliment.

Tell him you're not there yet, and his reaction will tell you all you need to know. If he really loves you, he won't start pouting or acting out. He'll tell you that's fine.

Of course if this was literally a week, then chalk it up to irrational exuberance, and discount its value as actual "love". At that stage he could only comment on what little he knows of you -- outward appearance and appeal, interesting conversation, meeting of the minds -- but I agree it's too soon to make a declaration of enduring love. I'm just arguing there's no inherent reason to feel put upon.

5

My ex-husband told me he loved me when we were dating after a few weeks. I never said it back. After a week of him saying it and me not returning the sentiment he said it was hard to tell me he loved me when I didn't say it back. I said, you don't want me to lie, do you? Sorry now I ever told him I loved him.

5

The heart knows when it is time

5

you say it when it feels right to you.

5

Must have been 'love at first sight'........

4

You cannot love someone after a week, I don't think. Not proper love. Infatuation, yes. Abiding love takes a little time is my belief. Take things carefully, needy can turn into controlling.

4

My wife and I courted for ten years on and off before we married, less than four months after that she died. Life is short it is better to fill it with a lot of mistakes made in haste, than play safe and make none but the mistake of emptiness.

How sad,to lose her when you should have married and had more happiness(I believe).

@Mike1947 We both got distracted, me by work and she by another man who in the end ran off and left her after only a couple of years. Yet the last couple of years we had together and the short while we were married, were blissfully happy yes. So no regrets.

@Fernapple Yes,very good memories,in my case a 27 years long marriage ended in my wife's death from lung cancer,I have many good memories, but at night before sleep, the not so good ones come to visit,so I take a 10mg Melatonin tablet most nights to sleep.

@Mike1947 Yes, P. died of a brain tumour which was undiscovered until one day she seemed to have a stroke. I was haunted by the horror of her death bed, (it was truly nasty and lasted a week) for many years in the early hours when not sleeping. It did go in time, and now only the happy things we did seem to surface, but I found that the best way to push the bad dreams away, was to keep very busy and do lots of things for other people until time and new things overwelmed them. It not new but it worked for me.

@Fernapple You do what you can to keep your sanity, in my late wife's case after two Hospitalizations,the Doctors told her "We cannot do anything more for you" (Go home and die),so she got progressively weaker and passed away 13 months after her cancer diagnosis,the twist of fate, was being told on our 26th wedding anniversary date of August 23, 2016..........

4

Wen you mean it ?

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:343465
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.