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When is it okay to say "I love you"?

Nick said "I love you" a week after we met. I was shocked. He seemed needy.

"It's too soon to talk about love," I replied. I felt pressured.

In past relationships, I waited approximately six months to a year before saying "I love you." Building trust takes time.

Your thoughts?

LiterateHiker 9 May 7

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72 comments

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3

There are different levels of emotions and not everyone has the same speed limit.

13

When you really mean it.

Jnei Level 8 May 7, 2019
11

So he appeared needy because he spoke his feelings. Wow, tough audience. That's certainly no incentive to reveal one's inner self.

Can't trust, unstable.......that is harsh on people who can reveal their feelings.

10

The right time to tell someone you love them is the instant you feel it.

When two people feel strongly for one another, love knows no time or boundaries.

I'm not going to live my life counting how many days, weeks, or months go by before I tell the man I love that I truly love him. It could be too late.

I'd rather have loved and lost than not have loved at all.

Love is worth every smile and every painful tear.

Very true.

YEP~thanks

10

You say it when you feel it.
If the other person doesn't, then they probably don't feel it.
You both then get to decide what to do with that information.

10

"I love you" shouldn't mean "I think we need to be together forever"...

Exactly.

10

You have to feel it to say it...there is no time limit...

I trusted the man I love very quickly so it was easy for me to say I love you in a short time...

9

I dodged a bullet. Every single day, Nick dropped by hungry without calling first.

He prowled in the kitchen, looking for something to eat. Raised to be a gracious hostess, I made him a protein smoothie or fed him dinner. Suddenly I was cooking for two. This was a big imposition.

"You are a great cook!" Nick said. He insisted he knew how to cook. But when he promised to make dinner, instead he brought fast food that I don't eat.

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time," Maya Angelou said.

After 2-3 weeks, I dumped Nick because of serious problems with sex and communication.

9

It should be voiced when you truly feel it, but I think genuine love takes time. If someone were telling me they love me after only a week I'd be extremely skeptical and consider it a red flag of huge proportions. You can't even begin to know someone in a week or two.....not really at any rate.

Dew25 Level 7 May 7, 2019
9

it's all very complicated, but usually it's right after pancakes.

Ooooooh. Pancakes.

9

I've known quickly and said it when I felt it. On the other side of that coin, I once dated someone for over a year, never felt it, never said it.

I'd never tell someone it's too soon. I'd like to think we all feel the things we feel, when we feel them and love is subjective as the person feeling it or not.

🙂

Are you sure it was love and not just lust and infatuation? How can you love someone you barely know? 😕

@demifeministgal

You can know someone a lifetime and know very little about them, you can know someone a short while and know as much about that person as you can possibly know about another person.

I'm well-versed in lust. I'm also well-versed in what love feels like for me. My knowledge of the difference is exactly why I don't date. I've been lucky in love and lust bores me to death. One is elusive, one I could find simply by leaving home and being open to it. Pretty simple to discern.

~~ Unfun fact:
What do these people all have in common?
Paula Rader
Linda Yates
Julie Baumeister
Elana Popkova
Judith Lawson
Darcie Brudos
Carol Hoffs
(And hundreds more)
All married to serial killers, all were totally clueless, all were married at least a decade, most more than 2 decades.

[therichest.com]

You'll only know about someone as much as they want or allow you to know.

@SeaGreenEyez "you can know someone a short while and know as much about that person as you can possibly know about another person." --> In that case, I suppose men were VERY honest with you and spilled the beans about themselves and their flaws and personality defects and skeletons in the closet within a brief time with you. I would guess most people have not been as lucky! 😉

@SeaGreenEyez I agree,I had grief early
in life-to be with someone compatable,the
time span spent together doesn't translate
to DEPTH OF EMOTIONAL BONDING .

8

I agree with your instincts.

Premature “I love you’s“ say “I want something from you”.

Whereas a timely “I love you” says “I care to give to you”.

“One week” notification would send me running... for they don’t even know me a little.

8

Love is a good thing. I don't see anything wrong with it.

8

The rules are, there are no rules.

Thank you.

@dellik You're welcome.

8

my thought is that it doesn't run on anyone's calendar or schedule. this is an impossible question. there is no time-related answer. when you feel it and are not afraid to say it, that's when.

g

7

Say it when you feel it. Don't accept it as "this is forever". It don't work that way.

7

It's too soon for you but it wasnt for him. You have different backgrounds and experiences. It doesnt mean he is needy . And it doesnt obligate you to say anything.

6

Every time is the right time! Love doesn't need time, it needs trueness!
Just explain to him, if he has it in him to love, then he should feel it with no expectations...... if he truly loves you he will be just expressing his feelings which not wrong. You don't have to return the same feelings because there is no favor done in loving someone or someones .. love is love and that's it

Neenz Level 7 May 7, 2019
6

When you're ready...it's not a competition.

6

I'm not one to ask, that's for sure. I love my kids and grandkids. I love my closest friends but I don't think I know what romantic love is anymore. I see it more of a combination of lust and need. I'm okay with the lust but I don't have a desire to need someone anymore. Need makes you vulnerable and at this time that's just not something I care to be.

I do know I do not believe in love at first sight or any kind of instant love. Anyone who thinks they can be in love or love you after one week is emotionally undeveloped, IMO. That would make me run the opposite direction.

6

I proposed marriage after one week.

She said, "But, I don't know if I love you."

"It will grow," I said.

"You need to talk about this to my mom," she said.

We've been married quite happily for more years than anyone in the family wants to remember because of how old it makes them feel.

So, in answer to your question: It depends on the people involved.

6

It's cultural, very different in some places! But also personality-driven, I think. Not sure there are specific rules!

5

It seems that men often use it as a lever. A week is way too soon. Love needs to be demonstrated before it is spoken.

@RileyStevens

Exactly.

As we say in our neck of woods, don't follow the lips, follow the feet.

5

To answer the question: When you mean it.

5

First, I wouldn't assume the statement is made to pressure you. It could be, but if it's made in good faith, it's made without the expectation of a particular response or the assumption that you're coming along at the same pace. You have to question whether the pressure is real or not. It's not impossible for someone to be head over heels very quickly, and at least it's a huge compliment.

Tell him you're not there yet, and his reaction will tell you all you need to know. If he really loves you, he won't start pouting or acting out. He'll tell you that's fine.

Of course if this was literally a week, then chalk it up to irrational exuberance, and discount its value as actual "love". At that stage he could only comment on what little he knows of you -- outward appearance and appeal, interesting conversation, meeting of the minds -- but I agree it's too soon to make a declaration of enduring love. I'm just arguing there's no inherent reason to feel put upon.

5

In me,well....hahahhaha...I just need 5 seconds and I can tell if I like the guy or not and yeah it's okay with me to have a relationship in a minute,coz the 'getting to know stage' is when the relationship(bf/gf) begin.Because guys mostly(not in general) they can't show they're real colours in a courtship stage in which mostly took a long time(weeks,months,years)they will show all the good sides they have then if I fallen boom! The relationship begin,later on, bit by bit they will show what are those attitudes,they're real colour and it's hard to ignore it coz I love the guy, unlike if I start the relationship in early as the time we met if the feeling is mutual,right there and then the attitude/traits showed up...then that is the time if I will continue my relationship with the guy or not...saying I LOVE YOU come's naturally if I really felt that feeling.if I really love the guy,my heart tell me to say it😊 and I don't do sex until I don't feel the Love and until the time I say I LOVE YOU.

Your paragraph was for me an amazing show of wisdom common sence and tenderness I wanted to offer you to bear my babies. You ruined it in the last line. Guy cannot love qny womqn untill the sperm is out of nthe way. If you refuse sex untill some imaginary point in the time line, pardon me, life is just to short. I do not have time to waste, I will court another woman, you can do your waiting for thetime love bit6es you. I am in love the moment I take your bra and panties off. Life is really that short. And amount of love is in direct proportion to amount of poison extracted. Amen

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