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Am I being unreasonable?

The barista this morning gave me my coffee with "god bless you" written on the lid, i complained to the head office and posted about it on fb where a select few accused me of being the absolute worst etc etc for complaining about someone just being "nice". What's your view?

Sparkles 5 June 7
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89 comments

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14

Remove the lid in front of them and ask for a new one. I would say, “ there seems to be some garbage on this lid.”

Same here. You can't let people get away with this shit. Stand up for yourself.

11

PS - not to mention that the pen & ink were far too close to where I would be drinking, yuck!!

Rustee Level 7 June 7, 2019

It was too close and im totally overusing the joke that I had to be careful not to transfer "dog" onto my face for the rest of the day

10

Pretending to be nice as an excuse to shove your religion in others' faces is just fucking obnoxious. That barista could have as easily written "Have a nice day." or "Thank you," or could've written nothing even more easily.

You are correct.

JimG Level 8 June 7, 2019
10

Ask for a new cap and throw the other one away...

@Donotbelieve I think that would be a way to send a message in a subtle way...and at least you don't have to look at the cap all morning...

9

I wouldn't complain to head office, but I might shout across the café 'Thanks, and may the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch you with his noodly appendage.'

8

While the sentiment was most likely offered with kindness, I find that sort of thing completely inappropriate and offensive.

8

I would have said something. Perhaps, “is this food grade ink?” 🤪 Actually, I would have complained and asked for another lid.

7

I would have removed the lid and asked for a clean one. No sense in calling these dummies on this shit, they won't get it.

7

I might ask for a clean one just because I wouldn't know how it was handled when the message was written or what it was written with. bleck!

7

I would have just taken the lid off and demanded another one.

7

I'd have simply pointedly asked for a different lid without the writing. If they gave me any problems, I'd make it clear that I was a payign customer and I did nto pay to be proselytized to, so they can either give me a different lid ro refund my purchase and I will fidn some other store chain to buy coffee.

I think you were well within your rights to complain that an employee was subtly proselytizing. The issue isn't whether or nto the employee was wishing you a nice day, but that proselytizing liek this shoudl be acceptable and not be considered offensive in itself. I'd bet you'd have gotten a totaly different reaction if they wrote "Allah Ak Bar". In that case most people would have been offended. So no, you are nto beign unreasonable, but assertign your right not to be proselytized to at a place where you are a payign customer.

6

First, what coffee shop was this? I'll be spending 2 weeks in Auckland this December, with family from Seattle who are coffee addicts. I'd love to know which coffee shop to avoid! Unless management publicly apologizes and can assure their employees won't be putting messages like that on cups for unsuspecting customers.

Second, if that ever unexpectedly happens to me, I would say something right then and there to the actual person who defiled the coffee cup lid, and to the person who served it to me, stating there is no way I could drink from it without gagging. I would demand a new lid, complain to management and make it very clear that I would never patronize that business unless assurances would be made that religious assumptions, religious messaging and proselytizing such as that would not occur. Businesses should not assume their clients are all of one particular faith - unless they advertise they are a religious place.

I say unexpectedly because there is a coffee shop and bakery across the street from my apartment, called Passion Bakery and Cafe, unapologetically meant to convey the Passion of the Christ. Owned by a super religous couple, they have a crucifix over their door and lots of Christian messaging in their social media, so I would fully expect religious messaging from this business, so I wouldn't complain. Customers are basically warned at the door! The owner is very nice and knows I'm atheist and that I sometimes meet my atheist clients for coffee and treats in the shop. He even turns down the Christian Broadcasting radio for us, without being asked, when they have it blaring for their own ears and I'm their first customer for the day. I go there for convenience, and they have every right to the pleasure of sharing their religious views to their clients. I expect a religious experience when I go there. So, I would NEVER complain to them. That would be like going to church and complaining about the messaging. I make a choice whether to go there or not. I would draw the line at a personally handwritten message on my cup though. I did, however, stop going there after they put a political sign outside their door, for a candidate I fully 100% vehemently disagree with. That's what did it for me. I rarely go in there anymore, and don't feel shy about telling them why.

That's exactly the point iv tried to make a lot on fb, I shop at salvation army charity shops or church charity shops and i have no issue with them being religious or mentioning their religion but this was a coffee from a major petrol station chain & I didn't feel comfortable kicking up a fuss in person with the morning rush waiting for coffee.

6

I’d let it slide. It was likely well intentioned, if misguided. There’s no need to play into the stereotypical angry atheist trope

Why should we have to let that garbage slide?

Iv had men & only men accuse me of being the worst kind of athiest bitch for complaining one guy actually threatened me (from rome) the general message was shut my stupid girl mouth cauz I'm wrong... over a past about MY coffee... but really if I let it slide and the next person lets it slide she will continue to think it's ok, what happens 1 day when she picks the wrong cup and someone really lays into her about it?

@Sparkles Exactly my point.

@maturin1919 I'll choose whichever battles I feel like fucking fighting, thank you very much.
If I want to get my panties in a bunch over anything damned thing, that's my fucking prerogative.
Your idea of "success" is not necessarily anyone else's.

Way to be patronizing.

6

I agree with you. The inscription is presumptuous and offensive. It may have been an attempt by the barista to "be nice", but that barista has no business pushing his/her beliefs on customers.

6

I would have done the same.
"Just being nice" is a piss-poor excuse for doing that.

I'm sick of being told to allow people to get away with that bullshit.

Good for you for not letting it slide.
They keep doing this crap because they get away with it.

6

If they don't keep their Dog (oops, God) to themselves, I might just barf all over them. 🤢🤮

6

Meh .. I just do not let these, what I consider trivial things, bother me. Don't sweat the small stuff. It becomes non-trivial when it infringes on my rights and freedoms by gov't action or mob rule.
ETA: There are just too many places to shop and if that bothers you, stop patronizing their business. I personally try not to patronize any business that displays their religion and/or a confederate flag. You do you, I do me and let's strive to do or cause no harm.

5

Every person calling you the worst would be on your side if, instead of "God Bless Y", the barista wrote "As-salāmu ʿalaykum".

Buxx Level 7 June 9, 2019
5

I would have asked for a new lid without the scribbles.

5

I’d be annoyed as hell. I got the same responses when my brother passed and someone who knows full well I’m an atheist gave me a religious condolence card. When I made a sarcastic remark, I got the ‘ol, they were being kind, try to be understanding. No, I’d prefer nothing from them. Why do religious people assume that we just have to accept this behavior. If that said Allahu Akbar I’m sure they would have an issue!

Getting a general expression of wishing you well on a cup of coffee served by a friendly stranger, and having someone who knows you deliberately try to rankle you upon the death of a family member are very different situations.

@Piratefish thanks for your friendly remark.... but I completely disagree. They both assume that everyone is ok with their religious well wishes.

4

The barista was not being nice. He/she was being a bully, as many "religious" folk are.

4

I have a difficult time being mad at folks trying to be nice, but this is wrong.

4

As thin-skinned as I can be about some things, esp. these days, I really don't get irritated about trivial stuff like this. I just consider the positive motivation and vibe behind the gesture and blow it off, or, better yet, take it as a sign of friendly neighborlyness. Maybe I'm wrong to feel that way, but when you live in a place like Iowa and are so surrounded by Christians and a culture where at least appearing to be friendly and neighborly to others is so revered, I maybe just feel unable to bother making an issue of such things. It certainly won't get me anywhere when I am so outnumbered here and in most cases would only leave me feeling frustrated and ostracized and probably banned from the coffeehouse for making a stink about it.

In other words, when you live in a place where you are way outnumbered by members of the majority culture and are such an outsider culturally and in lifestyle, you have to pick your battles over when to speak up and buck the mainstream. This whole debate reminds me of what a junior high teacher told me back in my hometown of Ottumwa Iowa. We were talking in his history class about race relations and the teacher related a conversation he had with one of his few black students in my very typical white town that had only six black families out of a population in the high 20ks. The teacher asked the black student in one of his other classes if Ottumwa had any racial problems. The student answered him that " We sure do but the whites are never going to hear about it because there aren't enough of us to do anything about it or risk making trouble about it". I think a lot of privileged white folks forget about this dynamic, esp. when they live in a place that is diverse and more progressive and secular than Iowa.

So, in the final analysis, it depends a lot on not just you, but the environment you live in. Imagine how blacks have felt all these years whenever they lived in a place that was majority white and white dominated? Were they being unreasonable to be offended at racial slights and want to fight back or change things? It all depends on your situation and perspective. Of course, my analogy of non-believers with blacks is very loose because color is obvious while being gay or non-believing is not. Which is why we have more in common with queer folk than racial minorities as far as being non-mainstream, alto most straight people still think they can spot gay and lesbian people just by their look based on stereotypes. Much harder to do that with non-believers just by looking at us.

In the words of Bruce Hornsby, " That's just the way it is, some things will never change..."

4

it is not nice to assume religion, even if not a specific religion, and impose it on a customer. is that a religious institution? is this part of the company's theme or logo? if she added it on her own, even if she put "have a nice day," it could be a violation of what the company thinks it stands for. she doesn't just get to add religion to a company product. so she is wrong in both directions, outward and inward. i think she needs to reread her bible (and i am assuming this would be the jesus bible, with which i am mostly unfamiliar) about praying at home and not making a show of it.

g

4

"Gave"? Or sold? Was this a cup from the great sky monster bestowing his blessing? Maybe he's finally returned and is about to embark on world saving starting with you in a coffee shop. Her works in mysterious ways! All joking aside. I would have been annoyed, maybe even told the person who did it, but probably not gone above that. I don't see an issue that you did. To each his own. And as far as haters go, they gonna hate. I don't know about where you live, but our religious freedom isn't just free to choose which one, but also none. And for all those that fight to have there religions honored, sometimes we need to fight for a space that doesn't believe any of them.

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