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Why do people hide their feeling/emotion? How do you let emotion out?

If I like someone I will let them know. If I have a problem with you I tell you in a nice peaceful way. I can control my emotion and my words to a certain extent. Never understood why people who sad on the inside pretend to happy on outside. That not me. What ever emotion I feeling that the emotion I will choose to let out. If you like someone allowed yourself to feel right kind of emotion before it's too late.

46 comments

11

Because society teaches us to do so. Further, I work with a Developmentally Delayed individual and his way of showing unbridled glee when he is happy is... disconcerting.

While I agree with you that we should feel free to, feel and show same, I do think that being too unbridled can lead to problems. Partially because folks might be discomfitted (and to an extent I say 'fuck 'em' to that). Partially because... well, if you let it go too far and have NO filters (trust me, filter free is what we deal with at work) then you are likely to send signals unintended.

Imagine greetind someone you like (lower case) with a bunch of happy warm fuzzies, hugs and maybe a peck on the cheek as if you LIKE them. What message might they get from that? Heck, we guys have a history of misinterpreting a simple smile... imagine the next girl greating you with an all encompassing hug AND a smile... if we had perfect control, this would be ok, but us guys don't have a great track record (for the record, I have not been accused of going too far in reaction to a smile or other greeting but I have had women react poorly to greetings and have read a LOT of accounts of problems caused by... misinterpretations, so, I won't pretend it's not out there).

The short of it is that we learn, within our culture, how far our culture accepts us displaying emotions. That, unfortunately, can lead to suppressing same and THAT is a grade A tragedy. We need to be more accepting of the fact that we are emotional beings and we need to be able to let them out and play on occasion. So that we can talk about them, and get help with some of the less tame ones (depression, anger, etc).

Good question/comment, by the way! smile001.gif

This! I am/have been openly affectionate with those I really like. I don't make distinctions between male and female friends. This has gotten me in trouble repeatedly with male friends (or their partners)thinking I'm sexually interested in them when I'm really not etc. Consequently I've needed to censor myself because I got tired of losing friends I valued repeatedly.

@Blindbird My take? As long as you aren't getting naked and... well, being THAT affectionate, don't censor yourself. Your real friends will get to know who you are and their expectations will adjust accordingly.

I have a local friend who is 'handsy.' She will reach out and pat a knee, touch a hand, or an elbow or something. That's just part of who she is and I don't let it get to me. Yes, we had THAT conversation as she was... interested,and sadly I wasn't. She's great people, and a great friend by not my type for bedroom friends. We are both glad we were both able to have that rather frank and open conversation.

I bring her up because she can get... too touchy. I was driving, she was the passenger and her hand ended up on my knee. I pointed at it, and said "that makes me nervous" she was ok with my honesty. We are still friends. She doesn't put her hand on my knee (and leave it there) anymore.

Talk with your friends. Keep hugging them. I might well go so far as to exchange pecks on cheeks (so long as it's the ones JUST below the eyes). Touching a knee, elbow, hand, even chest, odds on that's ok. Holding someones hands (save for an extraordinary situation)... likely not unless you two know each other well enough to know how each other will interpret it.

I have friends who hug. And friends who, at most, shake hands (both genders). Not an issue, not for me. Love yourself. Love your friends. Be open and honest and please, whatever you do, do not censor your love for your friends! You KNOW where to draw that love line, as you will be comfortable with drawing it (or NOT). smile001.gif

Good observations. It's taking its toll in a rise in suicides in middle-aged men in America, I recently heard
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9

I am quite a bit older than you and have learned this over the years: live your life with your arms wide open. That is a metaphor for not hiding your feelings, not pretending and not playing a role to get an advantage. As a consequence of this, I am not powerful, not rich, not feared. I am beloved and admired and sleep well at night.

Wonderful...

9

From my POV have seen people who are repressed because they were forced to "squish" their feelings. Their feelings were invalidated or they were punished for them somehow.
It can start in early childhood. "Don't cry" after a kid bumping their head or getting scared , etc, instead of letting a kid have their feelings and talking them through with them some who aren't equipped or willing to bother would rather just shut the kid up and it carries into adulthood.

One of my biggest peeves is when someone tells a child, "you're okay". We don't spend enough time even identifying emotions. There are more than 3.

@Stacey48 Exactly. My niece's mother does this to her girl. It's awful. Yes the kid is a genius but she's still a little girl FFS.

Yes. This. Me. Sigh...

6

I do not hide my emotions. They come out my face. Mostly the mouth part of my face.

I do, however, attempt to regulate and measure them so that they are in accordance with the situation.

Make sense.

I don't know if I am able to measure or regulate my facial expressions. I guess I don't even realize I make 'faces'. Not subtle at all.

@Akfishlady Pardon, I meant that I attempt to regulate and measure my emotions. My facial expressions are uncontrollable.

6

For me it began in childhood due to my mother's second husband getting off other people's misery. The more impassive I was, the more I "won". It was why I so idolized the charactor Spock on TOS.

My younger brother died when I was 30 and I was not speaking to him at the time.I had been estranged from my father most of my life and had just recently reconnected with him so after my brother's death my father and I did some talking and when he died a few months later, I was much less distraught than I would have been otherwise.I became more open about how I felt but then fell into a relationship where it was used against me.

I still struggle because people attach more meaning or depth to the things I say.. For example, I man I was socializing with mistook me saying "... I know enough about you to know I like you" as a a statement of romantic interest. He was quick to let me know he had no romantic interest and didnt want to hurt me etc which was kinda embarrassing and made me go back and try to remember every conversation I had had with every male and dissect them for suspected hidding meanings.

So it is easier to just be an over the top smartass

5

Verbal communication is sometimes overrated. I do find that the cliche. Actions speak louder than words to be more than a mere axiom. Also some people are visual and/or kinetic learners, so find coommunication via these elements easier and possibly more meaningful. . . . But everyones different. - and the english are (in)famous for their reserve.

4

Many people who pretend to be happy do so because they don't think anyone cares. Somewhere in their pasts someone showed them that what they are really feeling doesn't matter so, they keep it inside.
I was once like this but, I am healing those wounds and learning how to express my truth without caring what others think of me for it.
#authenticself #livemytruth

Hmm...my marriage in a nutshell...oh yeah...paired with alcoholism! But you're right, it's an uphill battle. Good luck to both of us!

Hang in there. You are in charge of your own happiness. Find what makes you happy and hold tight.

4

Because people fear being judged,institutionalized and ridiculed. So people will hold in their emotions as a defense mechanism. Best thing for people do is find a network of friends and family that can all come together and help one another with no strings attached.

4

I agree.

@Key23 This is fantastic. I think we all have this kind of thing happening at different points in our lives. I often feel like it's all for naught but then whose standards am I living by? I think you are certainly on an excellent path.

3

By letting yours out first. A show of trust and no pressure.

3

It's illegal to get mad in USA

Depends on who you're mad at...

Depends on your position

3

You would have to ask all people to know why they hide there feelings. you let them out with facial expressions, body language and vocally.

2

Yup.

2

I didn't hide them. I misplaced them, and just like my keys I'm not sure where to look.

2

If you are dealing with a controlling and manipulative person, the more you eveal your emotions, the the more tools you give that person to play "mind'fuck" games with you.

tru dat, 'Energy Vampires', 'Sociopaths' and 'Psychopaths'...

2

We still teach our kids that emotions are a bad thing. When a baby or child cries, we attempt to silence them in different ways.

We carry this into our adult life thinking that emotions will be viewed negatively by others or as a sign of weakness.

I am getting better about this as i get older and patience is shorter.

Perhaps instead of silencing them one might consider finding out what a baby is attempting to communication. Usually crying is an indication of an unmet desire. A clean diaper. A feeling of hunger. The indication of illness.

@Countrywoman very true.

2

A person who is emotional is not rational. If a person is not rational, nothing they say or do has any validity. A person who must exprees their emotions is a weak person...anoying to be around.

i can't tell if you are being serious or sarcastic

@Dispirited In this rare case, serious. I am a high-functioning Asperger's Syndrome person. I cannot relate to emotion...only logic.

@dahermit i guess i am a weak person then

Emotions can be a good telltale sign that a situation is not right for you. That's not always a bad thing. People can be rude and downright criminal, it's the way you deal with that that counts. I think standing up for yourself in an appropriate way is good, on the whole.

Edited

@girlwithsmiles Major thumbs up.

Really, really shallow and unnecessarily judgemental of you friend. I can't take YOU seriously, except to want to stay away from you, because you think of this in terms of being weak and strong, and weakness annoys you. And if you can be annoyed, you can be angered and enraged. Seriously, stay away from me and don't prey on weak people or someone stronger will stop you, and I don't think you'd like that either.

Edited

And in answer to your statement, if your victim is screaming, that's just weak and annoying...

@girlwithsmiles I don't stand-up for myself...I just kill and eat them evidently smile001.gif

Edited

@SACatWalker "My victim"?! I don't "victimize" them, I ostracize them from my life.

How rational of you! Oh the freedom to kill and eat people whose emotions annoyed me..but of course they would have to express them first. Those weak communicators...conversation lapses into silliness (rather than apparently the highly regarded logic) I feel. AT least Hannibal Lector enjoyed his prey, passion, emotion...rationality, it's all an objective game really.

2

I hide my emotions only in so much as not wanting to piss you off and make you want to fight. No need for that. I can get my point across and if I do not agree with you I tell you so. I do not shoot guns for recreation to keep my anger inside or control it. I do not hold grudges (real or imagined) against anyone. (Well, wait. Maybe at Trump.) I do not wake up in the night hating Charlie or Susie.
I let my emotions out by just doing normal things that I like. No need to pull legs off insects or kill animals. Nothing hiding inside that wants to shoot adults or school children. I'm not worried that you are "against me" or "planning something" that might involve me. Maybe that's because I do not live in that kind of world.

2

I do hold back anger if letting it explode would be counter-productive. But people will know I am angry. I'm fairly good at expressing feelings. I am always good at trying to express them when I am dating someone.

I get a little embarrassed when I cry in a movie or at the theater. (Happens every time I see a live performance or the movie version of Sound of Music - when the head honcho nun sings, "Climb Every Mountain." )

I sometimes hold back when I am depressed, though. I'm getting better at sharing those feelings, because it helps me to share, in the long run.

2

I'm on so much anxiety/depression meds to the point I don't have any emotions.

Yes, I was on meds. Group therapy in a residential was good for me, but I know it's hard to access that kind of support and you have to be ready for it. All the best snifflz.

2

I have D.I.D I'm pretty immediate with my feelings, but have never grieved for people who died, I wondered if it was coming from an abusive family that made me not care about death -

You must be interesting to hang around with. Unpredictable, I suppose, but interesting.

How interesting that you don't grieve for people who die. I never thought of it before but I don't either.
But do people grieve for the loved one or the loss of that loved one in their life? Death is a process scientifically and the dying let go of their attachment to this world and their feelings. I grieve for life not death. I grieve for all the people in pain, who reject others that share their feelings, who do not treat others as they would want to be treated, who believe in a vengeful god and follow that vengeance like a path to purity.
I love this conversation, feelings. No one ever talks about their feelings in a healthy way and when they do so around inauthentic people it drives a cold icicle into the middle of the room. Like many of you, I can't hide a feeling on my face even after decades of therapy. I've gotten to the point that I isolate from people from so much rejection. I moved to a new area of the country, and as a lesbian I am bowled over at how little the community allows each other to be genuine or have beliefs other than theirs. I made one "friend" and was rejected due to my disbelief in god.
People don't want to be reminded that they have feelings. When you share yours, I think it is too overwhelming for others to look at them, to have compassion for your feelings, to actively listen because they hide so many of their own secrets and fears.

Edited
2

Insecurity. they feel insecure so they tend not to let others in for fear they will be harmed.

2

Interesting. Not everyone wants to talk about their problems all the time. Also something that makes you sad is one aspect of your life and doesn't have to define you. Are you asking about clinical depression? That would be a different ball game. As for telling people you like them, sure, but how you respond afterwards is the trick, if it's not mutual it can be a bit awkward can't it? But a good friendship can ride almost anything out, sure!
Still feel I'm not answering this as well as I could, but will leave it there. I'm a generally honest and open person, but there are exceptions to most rules!

No rules really, they are only sort of guidelines. smile009.gif

1

Why?...fear, which can lead to guilt, shame and much more. Bipedal humanoids are bread to be a collective group, not living alone, we need each other. So people want to have people around them, they want to make those people happy and so maybe they hide their sadness to make sure others around them don't get sad. I can think of many reasons people might hide their true feelings, this is just one.

While I agree with the collective group statement, I also think humans are more pack animals than hive creatures, which is what our current social structures encourage. Maybe forcing ourselves into unnatural behaviors affects our ability to garner friends and develop healthy relationships? Just a thought provoked by your statement.

Agreed, we started out very nomadic and the have become more 'settled' as time went on. While I was in Mongolia in 2014, one of the last true 'nomadic nations' I spent time with some awesome people...the next day they were gone.....

Have you ever heard of Cliff Claven?

@Freespirit64 I agree with what you said.

@SACatWalker ...wasn't he the postal carrier on Cheers?

@Freespirit64 While many larger cities could be seen as a 'hive', due to economic reasons alone, i.e. all striving for the same goal, like bees, except their 'queen' is greed and security, mostly greed, which is fear based. But there are many cities around the world that are a collection a villages, smaller communities which are more 'pack like' one could say, smaller groups striving toward a similar goal. I fell we all fit best in a certain setting, some people take a long time to discover it, say if they prefer the city over the country. Also people change, their needs change.

1

Rage tweet at 4 am? No, wait, that’s somebody else’s system.

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