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Man tries to guilt me into meeting him 2,000 miles away.

Today a man on Agnostic.com accused me of being abelist because he's in a wheelchair (discrimination against people with disabilities, especially physical disabilities.)

He peppered me with messages. He urged me to go to Colorado to meet him.

"Shared recreational activities are a bonding experience for couples," I replied. "That's why I want a fit man who also loves hiking." That set him off.

He lives 2,000 miles away in Colorado. I'm not going to drive 2,000 miles to meet a man for coffee! Then it's 2,000 miles back home.

"I'm sorry, but we live too far apart to develop a relationship," I wrote. "Give it a rest."

Why not accept a woman's "No, thanks" with grace and kindness instead?

LiterateHiker 9 July 21
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40 comments

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8

It’s not the fact he’s in a wheelchair that is keeping him from finding a partner, I think it’s being unreasonable and wallowing in self -pity. If I travelled 2,000 miles for a coffee date I would be in Moscow or Helsinki!...and no, would not consider that a reasonable ask, regardless of whether a guy was able bodied or not!

7

Why would anyone even suggest a 4000 mile round trip to meet for coffee? I'd do, maybe 7 miles, tops. I'm not sure I'd make a 4000 mile round trip for sex even if the coffee was included.

Guess it might depend on the brand/grind of the beans. 👌😎

What? U wouldnt drive a day and a half each way for sex thatll likely last less than 15 mins? Ur priorities r fucked. Lol

5

Being in a wheelchair is not a license to be a creep.

👆🏻 This, too.

But,,,,,if you have a cane,,,,,,,,?

5

That right there is a big ol' cup of NOPE.

I don't care who someone is, or what challenges they may have, "no" means "no".
I concur with those who have called for the offending asshole to be blocked.

5

That's pretty high on the creep factor for me. You dodged one there, now you just have to block him.

@PadraicM

After @motrubl4u and @carlosg903 suggested I block him, I did.

Thanks for seconding their advice.

5

2000 miles? Guilt you? Some people are too desperate and demanding (men and women) and that is a red flag for a future relationship. With that said, I think our taste or liking of a person is something absolutely personal and not even we can shape, it is like it is. Nobody is going to tell me that I have to accept someone because if not I am an abelist, a racist, prejudist or whatever. If I like this or that, there's only three people that can have a say on it, me, me and me...

4

I did that once, drove from Ohio to Oklahoma to meet a man in a wheelchair. He turned out to be very bitter about his situation and got very angry when I told him I lived in an upstairs apartment. It wasn't a complete waste of time. I had a nice drive with plenty of time to think.

@JamesUC always look on the bright side

3

I won't give these control freaks a chance...it's an instant block with me.

3

Don't take any notice of him. He is just down right rude and using his disability to make you feel guilty. If he really wanted to meet you, they why did he not come 2000 miles.

@Jolanta

In a wheelchair, I assume he uses public transportation.

@LiterateHiker Maybe he doesn't I have a friend who also is in a wheelchair but he does have his own car and lives alone in his own house.

@LiterateHiker How about a flight?

@Merseyman1

Not interested.

3

I warned people about finger-pointing over politics, and getting political over social interactions. It’s a dead giveaway of a lack of brain cells.

It’s kind of comical that a person makes the “ableist” assumption over being told that they want someone to hike with. Maybe he wasn’t just physically disabled, but he was a moron also? I would have to venture so!

3

It is what it is. Ive been ignored or rejected by every woman ive shown interest in on here so far. And yea it sucks. And ive wondered what the problem is. Is it my looks, is it my approach, is it something ive put in my profile. But i accept it and move on. Ive never even considered being a douchebag about it. Its not like thats gonna help anything. I don't think any woman is gonna be like oh, i wasnt interested at 1st but now that uve been rude, disrespectful, cussed me out, and called me names ive reconsidered and would love to drive 2000 to meet u and stroke ur ego.

The sad thing is, like with the woman I met yesterday from Match, is that when they ghost you or just give you a vague, short, generic rejection note, like she did me, you have no data or info to use for learning what was wrong or how to improve anything for the next opportunity with someone new. Mindreading and/or continuing to fly blind on why you are being rejected will not help you change anything that might be improved.... Some people are capable of and interested in being honest and helpful, but most aren't....

@TomMcGiverin i get what ur saying but maybe its a bit of fear. Theyre prolly thinking oh hes gonna beg, or try to persuade. Or if i tell him hes gonna give the oh well ill change, or ridicule me for feeling the way i do. Like the guy mentioned in original post.

3

Hell of an expensive cup-o-coffee!
Were you supposed to push his wheelchair up a mountain hiking path?? 🤨

3
  • Doesn't like men with Hoverounds.... Check! 😉
3

I have been rejected countless times and each time, I have said "Okay. Thank you."

J75243 Level 6 July 21, 2019

This a me too moment for me. Too.

3

Very persistant,hoping you'll "Cave In"? If you knew him and he moved away,that's a different situation,but a total stranger? Sorry,flashing red lights and sirens are going off....

3

No Matter if a Person is Handicapped, Male, Female, Of any Race, my Assessment is Easy:
Pushed into a Meet or Doing Something that is not part of Your Life
----> Must Be a NOGO.
...the results in the near-term or long-term, is never good.
If that person, or anyone else, persists in sending you emails(or any other means of connection):
I would suggest you Block(or use whatever is available by the service you two are using) to ensure
one thing: Permanently Never Hear nor Get Anything From the Person.
Finally, for the Female Members:
Follow Your Intution 100%. If You Trust It 100%, It'll Never Do Your Injustuce.

2

You find 2,000 miles too far?! How disappointing! I was planning to invite you! 😛

2

You are "Sound"... you are in your "Time and Space". Don't let anyone Rock your Boat Sister Hiker!!!

2

Send him the money for coffee. Tell him to enjoy. Send me the money you would have spent.

2

You have got to be kidding me!
What part of no do people not understand? It doesn't matter if he (or she) is in a wheel chair, 2000 miles away, across the street or in the same bar. No, means no!

2

I think the person might just be desperate and tired of being rejected. 2,000 miles is a bit much to travel for a first meeting that will only involve an hour of coffee or whatever.

2

I've often wondered what it is about some people that have a hard time with a two-letter word 🤔. And then try and lay a guilt trip on you.😠

2

ask him to drive to your place instead

@Mofo1953

Since he's in a wheelchair, I assume he doesn't drive. He kept urging me to come to Fort Collins, Colorado to meet him.

"We have great coffee in Fort Collins," he wrote.

@LiterateHiker has he mentioned what is his disability? I have many wheel chair bound disabled friends that can either drive a special vehicle or can travel by trains, planes and automobiles, besides, from what I remember of Washington state, the coffee houses there can't be beat, so if he is so adamant in meeting you, he has that only option.

@Mofo1953

His photos:

  1. Tomatoes
  2. Train tracks
  3. Blurry, black and white pic of him in a wheelchair.

His profile does not mention a disability.

@LiterateHiker there you go, tell him to use Amtrak! Just kidding, more reason not to go..

2

It probably won't be the last. When I was single, I talked to a lot of single women(imagine that), and without fail they all had their horror stories about men who thought women owed them something. For some reason a lot of men think a woman owes him a date, just because he finds her attractive.

2

So I suppose there's not much chance of you driving across the Atlantic to Spain, then, is there?
Shame really, I would have enjoyed our coffee date before pointing you in the direction of the real, original, Sierra Nevada. (Or even the 2,700 feet high Sierra Cabrera, quarter of mile behind my seaside home.)
Still not tempted to drive here? Damn!!!
😂🤣🤣😂

Petter Level 9 July 21, 2019

@Petter

Hilarious! Love your funny reply.

@Gwendolyn2018 I'm not fit and active enough to swim across the Atlantic after my car sinks, so I guess my only hope woild be if @LiterateHiker swam here. However, I would drive to the beach to meet her!!

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