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Why do men get so mad when they get rejected?

This is probably already a question circulating but I thought I'd ask myself.

I see this all too often, when a guy PMs a girl with some sort of compliment or come on, and girls can be as sweet as ever with their let down that they are not interested and the guy will come back with profanity and put downs, calling her ugly or fat. I don't get it. Please explain.

valerina 7 Mar 19
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87 comments

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7

Rejection can be painful and some people lash out.

Spot on. It's true and unfortunate that guys especially have a hard time acknowledging pain.

6

They weren't raised with any modicum of respect. IMO naturally.

3

That is just bad upbringing. Or maybe none.

2

Who knows what prompts people to do what they do. I have never gotten mad at being rejected. That is everyone's perogative. I will thank them, wish them a nice day and move on.

2

Possibly, projection. It's likely that the guys are the ones ugly and fat.

2

It's not all men, but the kind of guy who randomly compliments a complete stranger or even a casual acquaintance on social media, is a sketchy bastard to start with.The fact that anything other than gratitude for his attention is met with contempt proves that the jackass isn't stable.

JimG Level 8 Mar 19, 2018
1

Some guys can’t take rejection. It hurts their fragile egos so have to make themselves feel better by putting the woman down. Just block the jackasses they aren’t worth your time. But screen shot their dumb ass so we can laugh at them. Guys like that deserve it.

5

I doubt if most men do that. I don't, wouldn't, and don't know of other men who would.

I'd guess these guys are frustrated and lashing out at the most convenient target.

Does this regularly happen to you? Women in general?

Oh yes. Men who were dying to get you into bed or "treat you like the princess you are" will suddenly call you fat,ugly, slutty,bitchy. "You're not that hot anyway, I just wanted to get laid" etc. Women sometimes get physically attacked,even murdered for rejecting men.
It's gross and it's really common.

I'm guessing it's very related to age.

@RavenCT IDK there's pretty strong historical evidence that this behavior has been going on for hundreds of years.

@Blindbird I think the older men get the less testosterone - the less acting out behaviors.

Some are stuck that way for life though.

I worked at a Battered Women's shelter over 30 years ago. Nothing seems to change.

@RavenCT it really doesn't. All we can do is raise our kids better. Thank you for the work you've done. ❤
You may be correct about men aging out if those behaviors. Spousal abuse was rife in my family but as my uncle's aged,you'd swear butter wouldn't melt in their mouths.

@Blindbird Thank you!

I hope I'm at least a little right. Means I have less of this to deal with. Thought "Boy toy" comes to mind? lol

@RavenCT well in the reading I've done, the general idea seems to be that most of the violence centers around mating rights and ensuring paternity probably means that you and I are not likely to trigger those behaviors even in younger men. 🙂

@Blindbird Too true! 😉

6

It's not just men. I've seen women go over the top too. I think it has a lot to do with not owning your own emotions and blaming other people for the way you feel. (Men ARE notorious for this, sorry guys). The individual feels that the object of their affection PUT that feeling in them ,so the object is responsible for the attraction and subsequent bad feelings that come with rejection. Healthy people realize that their attraction comes from within themselves and is solely their responsibility. Someone who is aware of this doesn't lash out at the other because they know there is no "fault" in the attraction.

@Beach_slim what is dishonest about not being attracted to someone?!!

@Beach_slim what a load of horseshit.

@Stacey48 which basically boiled down to "my feelings were hurt so I'm totally justified in being a horrible ass because I'm a guy and that's just what we do".

2

Have you ever won/lost at something? Not everyone can chalk it up as a learning experience. I have encountered a woman or two that was not happy that my attentions were somewhere else. In fact women get very catty about it.

1

EGO.

21

Cue the "not all men" and "I don't think most men do that"comments. You hear that sound? It's the sound of a thousand women rolling their eyes at being told,yet again,that a very common behavior is just the work of a few bad apples. Yes. MANY men do this. Yes most women have experienced it. Quit trying to tell us it's not a thing just because,you personally, may not have seen it.

It's so true!

nice one

Most of by friends are female and I hear about it happening all the time. Plus worse things.

3

I definitely agree it's not just men, I suppose that has just been the majority I've seen. It's happened to me and it's probably happened to every other woman. Men too. It's frustrating. Thank you for the comments!!

"why can't we all just get along" heehe

1

Not something I can explain beyond "they're entitled douchebags". As in, entitled to your attention and to consider you obligated to be attracted to them. Consider yourself lucky that they show their true nature so clearly and so early in a relationship.

@Beach_slim Even better that they do the reveal before the relationship starts.

4

I assume that the men that engage in such a behavior just accept the rejection as an insult on themselves and act accordingly. Behavior that may look stupid to the woman and accidental onlookers yet looks completely justified in the eyes of tha man in question.
Some guys have to understand that rejection is not mandatorily an insult.
Yet there are also these women... who really know how to make a rejection hurt... a lot. And I suspect some even feel some twisted pleasure exercising this skill of theirs...

2

Some men act that way some women act that way. If you spend enough time as a single male rejection is part of the game. You get used to it, you expect it. Since most women are not doing the approaching it doesn't happen as often to them. I doubt that a lot of women could handle the amount of rejection men receive. Some folks handle rejection better than others. Most men and women don't behave that way.

I think women are more selective so we don't approach very often. Maybe.

@valerina I don't think that has any thing to do with it. I think it has that way in most cultures for so long it just is. Also women don't want to appear to be easy and a lot of men are intimidated by aggressive women. 🙂

1

Let us not rule out the fact that it could be that occasionally the rejection isn't as polite as you may think. Even the most simple comment can be mistaken. I'd never get hostile over being rejected but I definitely would if I thought it was done in a rude way.

Also, I am definitely not saying that this doesn't happen and far too often. Just throwing a different POV in about it all. No one likes rejection and both sexes can handle it poorly. Men moreso. But it is certainly not gender specific.

It may not be gender specific but it is far more prevalent with men. I may well be someone whose rejection you would consider"rude". IDGAF. I am NOT required to be nice to someone, or to act like I'm not a raging smart ass just because they want to fuck me. I don't understand why men can't seem to get that WOMEN DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING. We do not need to justify our existence by being pretty or nice or good cooks or any of the 5000 other expectations for us. Fuck all that noise.

@Blindbird I doubt that I would end up being on the receiving end of such an outburst but I cannot see how anyone could expect anything more than rudeness returned in kind if that is what you would see fit to give in reply to a compliment.
I don't just randomly compliment nor expect anything of anyone but I could see how this is an issue. If your general response to a compliment is rudeness however, sounds like you earn your shutty reply.
It does not sound like the OP handles herself that way and in her case, receiving animosity from simple rejection is far out of line. Simply handing a person attitude back in kind when all that was given to start was a compliment is perfectly justified however. Attitude breeds contempt and the return of attitude. And quite obviously, justifiably so.

24

Men are told that they are the heroes, women are the prizes, and that they deserve to be with whomever they want. Not directly, of course. In the movies, the man does some man things and the woman falls in love. Or the man doesn't take no for an answer and the woman falls in love. Or the woman was secretly in love the whole time.
Feed enough of these stories to men who are taught not to have emotions (and therefore can't deal with their emotions), and you have a recipe for misunderstood emotions to bubble up. When they do, many men only know how to express anger, rather than disappointment, so that is what happens.
Basically, we have created a lot of entitled men who can only express negative emotions as rage.

That is one of the best explanations of toxic masculinity I have come across. Thank you.

Yes. Well said. Thank you.

I think you nailed it... again nicely stated.

Well said, growing up in the 50's & 60's I pretty much observed the same.

I also replied to this post... but you said it so much better than I.

6

I don’t like that rejected feeling, so I just don’t really talk to people. I’m assuming others who do that are trying to protect their ego. They build the female up in their minds and then the rejection shatters their perception of themselves, so in order to preserve the ego, they react as you stated. Maybe, anyway. But what do I know? I don’t really talk to people.

I try not to. Lol

Well for someone who doesn't talk to people...you're sure watching them, aren't you? And your observations are on point.

@Freespirit64 yeah, humans are fascinating animals

@NothinnXpreVails we are in our native habitats, best time to learn our behaviors. From a safe distance.

3

I think they are insecure and often times have an underlying hatred for women. Definitely not all men by any means, but ones who go from “hey baby” to “FUCKING WHORE” like 0-60. I think mean like that have mommy issues...

Oh yeah. This was really bad in my teens and twenties. I lived in a more urban area of my hometown and guys rolling up on you on your way to school, hitting on you then becoming verbally abusive or even following you was super common. Ugh.

12

For the men saying “not all men,” or “women too.” OF COURSE not all men. OF COURSE women sometimes get nasty about rejection too. The thing is that it is SCARY as a woman. it represents a danger to our physical safety when a man gets angry in a situation that, by the way, we probably didn’t invite. not because ALL men will escalate to physical violence but because it only takes one.

@Troy ah and here we see the classic"blame the victim " approach. Thanks for playing, spot the misogynist!

@Troy your point is flawed and your logic pathetically transparent. Don't blame me or feminism for your weak arguments. Think better.

@Troy seriously, though, your answer to men being abusive when turned down is for women to understand men better. Women actually understand men relatively well (relative to men understanding women) because we HAVE to understand men because, again, our safety and survival depends on it.

6

If a man reacts like that, it's time to instantly bock/delete/hang up/leave. Someone like that is dangerous, and the woman who rejected him dodged a likely jealous control freak future abuser.

Most cis, hetero men hide their disappoint, however, realizing an ugly response will not only get him cut off from the woman, but she will spread his infamy on social media.
Many men heavy in female traits, however, can be passive aggressive and revengeful, but again, these are men to avoid.

5

If a woman rejects a man, he sooths his ego by convincing himself that she wasn't much of a prize to be coveted in the first place. Then he tells her that she is lacking to satisfy his ego..

1
2

It’s because we have a genetic disposition to procreat the species. We believe that our sperm is the shit to do it with! Because primitive man would’ve tried it anyway possible, and that is frowned upon, he now becomes frustrated. I’m primitive times he would’ve yelled and thrown shit at you. Now he will call you names go to bed and cry. Think of it as progress! Or the truth is they are insecure and the rejection adds to it. Since he can’t blame himself it has to be someone else’s fault. But the first story is more fun.

@Beach_slim I've seen it happen.

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