Why Some Men Still Dress Like They’re 16
This article is interesting.
When I visited Alaska, on the street it seemed all of the men wore dirty jeans, a flannel shirt, baseball cap, leather belt, large belt buckle, dirty boots, scraggly ponytail and beard. Ugh.
They wanted to be seen as rugged individualists. Instead they looked like a school of fish.
I love a well-groomed man. How hard is it to wear khaki pants and a nice shirt on a first date?
Your thoughts?
13
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56 comments (26 - 50)
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Probably their brains are stuck at that age too..that’s why.
Marionville
Level 10
Dec 17, 2019
4
@Shawappa44820 I like men who dress for comfort...but draw the line at dirty jeans & boots, and generally unkempt appearance.
@Shawappa44820 I don’t think we’re talking about work clothes here, that is an accepted fact that clothes you work in will be dirty. After work do you not change into a cleaner set to socialise in?
@Shawappa44820 This is not a personal attack on you...it’s a general remark, on a public site. As I don’t know you or your particular circumstances I am therefore not criticising you or aiming my remarks at you, although you appear to believe I am. I’m sorry you have taken my somewhat flippant remark and turned it into what you seem to believe to be a personal criticism of you, not so. I wish you nothing but goodwill and hope you find some time to relax after your long work hours are over.
@Shawappa44820 Judging people based on their appearance is what potential employers usually do,and your appearance is the best way to give a good impression.So even if you are a ditch digger or an executive this is important .So this is not childish in this regard
Thats quite a sweeping generalization, wouldn't you say? If I am walking the streets of Manhattan , Boston or Chicago I usually see a lot of men dressed in suits. I wear a suit for all my business meetings, but I notice that most of the business travelers dress more for comfort now. I see mostly jeans and sporting performance gear for sweaters and coats.
Now in Alaska , when I was traveling there, there were quite a few people dressed appropriately for outdoor adventure or WORK. I did notice some workmen wearing clothing and it was obviously they had been working .
I'm not in the market for first dates, but when I was, I dressed for the date. But many of the dates were casual, or walks or hikes. I notice when I am out dining in Raleigh women are often much more dressed up than the men.
i personally think your conclusion was terribly ill founded. You saw people dressed for work.
Bigwavedave
Level 8
Dec 17, 2019
3
@Bigwavdave, @bingst
As @IrishtxJudy astutely wrote:
"Well I don’t agree with you often, but I’m with you on this. I’m going to take a beating for this, but there’s a huge difference in being comfortable and looking like a damn slob. You can buy clothes from Walmart Or a thrift store and still look clean and presentable.
"I’m a widow and can’t afford to buy expensive clothes, but mine are clean, my hair is clean, I’m showered and put together. I expect no less from someone I would want to be intimate with.
"I don’t want a man in a three piece suit but how hard is it to wear clean jeans? Clean shirt? Clean hair? To be honest, this conversation reminds me of the Male dating profiles I would come across when I was doing online dating. They were some of the grungiest men I had seen in awhile.
"Well with that said...TTFN...."
@Bigwavdave
In Alaska, I had dinner with a psychologist who has practiced in Alaska for 10 years. He was nicely dressed in pressed, gabardine pants and a collared, long-sleeve shirt.
The psychologist said there is a tremendous amount of alcoholism. Many men see Alaska as the "last frontier" and move there to get away from civilization and people.
He works with many alcoholic, antisocial men.
@LiterateHiker My dad worked there. He was neither an alcoholic or antisocial. He was a sportsman who loved to hunt and fish. Alaska was his last frontier to see untouched wilderness and not overly hunted areas where survival depended on common sense and planning. He dressed in appropriate outdoorsman clothing while there most of the time. Of course, he was not looking to date...there was nowhere for him to go to even get dressed up so didn't.
He spent much of his time writing and reading and taking loads of pictures when not working on government stuff...his final regret in life was that he never made it back to Alaska before he died. My sister and I took those trips for him.
I've been known to take "comfortable" clothing to an extreme. But I think most ladies prefer their guy to "dress for the occasion". When Linda told me that for our first date we were going to the opera.... her last statement to me as she walked out of my office was; "Wear a suit". I did. 
bigpawbullets
Level 9
Dec 17, 2019
3
I don't care about how someone dresses or how they wear their hair. What matters to me is if they are cleaned up and have attended to personal hygiene, because that says a whole lot more about how they feel about themselves than their clothing choice or hair style.
bleurowz
Level 8
Dec 18, 2019
3
When I teach children that they should not judge a book by its' cover, I mean it. !
FearlessFly
Level 9
Dec 17, 2019
1
Unfortunately this is not always the case .What about when they go on a job interview .This is when you get judged by your cover .This is the first impression you make to a prospective boss
@nonbeliever1 . . . completely different situation. I worked so that I could live -- not the other way around.
If a man shows up for a first date looking sloppy, dirty and disheveled with no explanation, it's a turn off.
I figure he's a disorganized mess or depressed. No, thank you.
For a first date, I dress nicely to honor the occasion. I keep tennis shoes in my car. If it goes well, we can go for a walk after lunch. It's easy to talk while we're enjoying nature.
@LiterateHiker IMHO, the content of a persons' character can't be judged from the clothes they are wearing. 
. . . also, to me, appearances are one of the least interesting things about a person.
So you want to date a smelly slob? Have at it.
@LiterateHiker what a ridiculous statement by this guy that the way a person dresses does not indicate ones character. If they show up for a date dressed Inappropriately this indicates a person does not care how he looks or presents himself to others,or he just has poor social skills which is definitely a negative CHARACTER trait.This will act is a warning sign to the perspective date that if he looks like this now for a special occasion ,what the heck will he look like on a regular basis.
Thank you. Agreed.
@FearlessFly Hogwash .if a person wears dirty worn out messy clothing this indicates poor judgement which is a character trait .You can by good clothes for practically nothing in thrift stores like I do so it’s not about money but common sense and showing respect to your date .
There are lots of folks who wear "good clothes", but whose judgement and character are suspect. Hitler, Stalin, Jimmy Swaggart, Trump etc.
Anyone can "put on a show" with clothes.
@LiterateHiker usually smelly slobs prefer the company of other smelly slobs ,so they can continue to be smelly slobs .
@FearlessFly There are a lot of people that wear bad clothes but whose judgement and character are suspect.
Are they dressing for you? Probably not since this is an article. If you aren't attracted to men who are dressed like that, then don't date them. It's not up to you (or anyone else) to decide what is proper and what is not.
Oh, and if a man showed up for a date for me in khakis that would be the last date they have with me. I'm not dating my father.
People usually dress in what it comfortable FOR THEM. You're comfortable in dresses because of a longer torso. I'm comfortable in pants because with long legs dresses are too short (unless they are longer dresses). I prefer a man who wears clean clothes (don't care the style, though suits is a little much for most dates). The only thing that I really don't like is bow-ties. Don't ask me why but I cringe when I see someone wearing them.
kiramea
Level 7
Dec 17, 2019
3
They dress in dirty clothes for profile pics what can you expect? Most men don’t seem to care about their appearance at all. And the rugged full beard look - UGH!
RobinGray
Level 6
Dec 17, 2019
4
1of5:
My wife loves my full beard, says I need a doctor's note with a valid medical reason if I ever want to shave it off.
@1of5
We were randomly discussing beards at work today and this came up:
1of5:
@RobinGray be nice if they swabbed their heads along with thier necks to see if humans carry more stuff in ther hair in general than dogs do. Women's heads, too.
If this were actually true then men with beards wold show a higher incidence of illness/death and insurance companies would build it into thier rate structure.
1of5:
@RobinGray this is fun! My wife is a nurse case manager for insurance companies and there's no statistical evidence that the bacteria are actually harmful, and in some instances are beneficial.
So on behalf of beard wearers everywhere, I'd like to say "You're welcome". 
I get that some people really hate beards and/or a mustache. I feel the exact same way about tattoos. I'm not trying to turn you pro beard, just beard tolerant. You don't even need to attend a parade for us.
It has only been in recent times that there has been a generational difference in fashion. In the UK, it was during the 1950s that fashions began to change as young men came out of the armed forces or liked to show they were not in them.
Psychologically speaking conformity is something humans are trained into doing. Interesting that even when people try not to conform, they almost always fall into sub-cultures.
Sofabeast
Level 7
Dec 17, 2019
4
Personally I like a little rough-around-the-edges
A2Jennifer
Level 8
Dec 17, 2019
3
A lot of us do - (thank goodness we aren't all alike).
And thank goodness for all the people who aren't just appearance based as well.
There's so much more to life.
@RavenCT I don’t mean just in looks
Once again, an astute reader has brought a new perspective to an old situation.
Until recently I have never been aware of my appearance. I never put any thought into grooming or dressing. Why would I?
We all know that men choose women largely based on appearance - for better or worse. But based on my observations, there are no discernable criteria by which women choose men. It's certainly not how we dress; our mode of dress only provides a hint into our level of affluence, and many women clearly don't care about that any more.
In recent years some of the embarrassing rejections I've received have included criticisms of my appearance. Very few details, but generalizations like "try looking in a mirror". I have always interpreted those criticisms to mean that I'm just not good-looking, and I accept that.
But now I'm thinking that some attention to appearance might mitigate those inherent shortcomings. I've been keeping my beard trimmed, wearing clothes that are clean and neat, and avoiding t-shirts that have advertising on them.
No results yet, but since I'm retired now I have nothing better to do.
BitFlipper
Level 8
Dec 17, 2019
2
Phew! Sometimes people are mean.
Saying "Gee you could stand to trim your beard" would be WAY nicer than a general crack about your appearance.
Though I used to have a friend that I had to point out - if he didn't shower I didn't want him to pick me up. (Enclosed car - close quarters - working nose). It wasn't a fun conversation but I was at least gentle about it.
As a cat, I have to say clothes are overrated.
"You can dress me up, but you can't.... oh, you can't even dress me up, who am I trying to kid?"
LatentumCattus
Level 6
Dec 17, 2019
1
"They wanted to be seen as rugged individualists."
Did you interview them? Did they tell you this, or did you make an assumption?
I do think it's true that humans are very identity-conscious, but I don't see jeans as representing individualism. Jeans are work clothes. Common work clothes. They are durable, and therefore economical for poor people. They are for working class people (and people who think it's cool to make cultural appropriations from the working class). But they are practical, comfortable, and affordable. The question is not why would people dress that way; the question is why wouldn't they? There is where the issue of identity comes in very strongly; where people can afford to display their preferred identity. Dressing well is not widely practical, particularly comfortable, and certainly not as affordable, so you have to ask why.
Fitness display. I have money. I have power. I have taste. I have leisure. I am the individualist. I am not a commoner who has to wear work clothes.
I'm not saying one way is better than another; I'm just saying I think this is a more scientifically informed answer. I'm pretty sure if I could afford fitness displays I would use them too. They are practical in the sense that they are evolutionarily effective. Just ask the peacock.
skado
Level 9
Dec 17, 2019
2
Alaska and the Rugged Individualist
"The self-reliant frontiersman has been idealized by Americans who have made him the model of the classic American male hero with rugged individualism."
@LiterateHiker like the Marlboro man...
I never wear jeans. With a long torso, they give me a wedgie.
Instead I aim for simple elegance with dresses and skirts.
@LiterateHiker
OK, I see what you're saying. You're not using "individualist" to mean unique or outstanding; you're using it to mean self reliant. In that case there is no conflict between dressing for work and being a member of a large "class" or "school". Many people wanting to be self-reliant is not oxymoronic.
Ideals are not falsehoods. They are directions that an individual values. I value the ideal of self-reliance too. I don't think there's just one good way to be, but I do personally value at least the spirit of self-reliance. I'm not completely self-reliant. I'm not a fanatic. But I like knowing how to grow my own food and living in relatively close association with nature. To each her own.
Being clean and well groomed is a completely separate issue. I wouldn't want to date dirty people, no matter what style of clothes they wore.
@LiterateHiker
I don't think there's anything wrong with not wearing jeans. I think people should dress however they please.
It's tough to toe the line to hang with the hotties. In my case, it's because I'm busy doing interesting things and try to keep it simple. I have suits, but I don't like the way people great me when I wear them - too formal. Life is too distant from life already typ insert more social distance with formality.
HonkyBMcfunky
Level 6
Dec 17, 2019
2
Agreed! You show respect for your date by dressing nicely
Most of my pants are jeans, but I do have a couple of pair of permanent press slacks. I’d out them on for a date.
I have several nice shirts for dates.
BudFrank
Level 8
Dec 17, 2019
2
It's probably not enough to dress well for dates. I'm thinking it could be important to dress well every day. I'm imagining what life might be like if people treated me as a real person every day - what that might do for my general attitude.
@BitFlipper Every day I dress appropriate to the situation. When I worked I wore khakis every weekday. Now that I’m retired I wear jeans just about every day. And jeans are appropriate for my Red Cross work.
One of the threads that runs through a discussion like this is the false dichotomy between clothes that are nice looking, or comfortable. I can be quite comfortable in a suit, I wore them for most of my career. I think too often lack of comfort ascribed to the clothing is more a function of someone that's put on a lot of weight and frankly, needs to wear loose fitting clothes but uses comfort as an excuse.
And yes, I realize this doesn't apply to everybody, and I am not shaming anyone. It is what I see.
Mitch07102
Level 8
Dec 17, 2019
2
I love a casual "groomed" woman no need to shave legs and practice eyeliner and high heels strutting
Larry68Feminist
Level 7
Dec 22, 2019
1
To be fair, if you asked for a hiker from your dating pool, Alaska "fashion" seems closer to expectations than Sears Robuck suburban strollers.....I agree with you a modest haircut and clean shaven jaw defines a man better than a boy with fur and ponytail
Larry68Feminist
Level 7
Dec 22, 2019
1
Nix the perfume. Especially the Calvin Klein One. It put me in the hospital. What are you trying to cover up anyway. Fresh soap & water is good. Your natural odor will reveal your diet, meds you are on, diseases on the horizon etc........ to some women. But then thank fully I am not in the market any longer & have a servant who goes into town for me. Thusly if I wish to meet men I go to the hardware type stores & flirt with them in the tool section. Slim pick'ins. Lately.
Mooolah
Level 8
Dec 18, 2019
1
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