I’m not sure if this is just a regional thing but after never hearing from a couple guys after I thought we had a good time a clicked, I sought out advice from several guy friends. They all said if you give away the goods right away.....then they do not consider you someone to date.

So much for guys not wanting to play games.

@Marcie1974 Well, I will tell you my experience - Most guys do NOT know what they want. And, yes, that can be regional. I lived in the deep south for quite awhile and that archaic way of thinking is still prevalent. It's so stupid. I would be real quick to tell them that they aren't worthy since they slept with you so quickly. Nothing but trash. LOL!

Anyway, in all honesty, I have found most non-agnostic/atheist men don't know what they really want when it comes to so-called morals - and they play some serious games. I have not had this problem with men without a religious foundation.

@tryingcake it’s so damn frustrating.

@Fanburger There are, believe it or not, a lot of women, me being one, who before they're dead below the waist, don't want to get too many "feelings going" if it's not going to "click" between the sheets.
I think there is some "broke dick mountain" mentality with expecting the rules to be different than it is for men. And just because there was an "early intro" doesn't mean there will be ANOTHER.
Some men seem to think that once you decided to take your panties off ONCE that they can stop trying. That's a good way to be shown the EXIT sign.

I also find it fascinating that some with practicing "open" relationships are so judgemental about this. smh /looking at you Jacar.

@Fanburger So allowing oneself to be genuinely attracted and acting on it, because tomorrow is promised to no one, is being an "asshole like men are"???
How much time are we going to devote to "the chase"? That's asshole stuff too, just another flavor.
Prey drive, it's a thing. Men say they don't want the "game" but they do. So be it. But if I play this "game" and it gets "blown" it's over, and especially so if just a conquest.
I don't have many super powers but ICING the bleep out of a game players & idiots is one of them.

@Fanburger and just some trivia for you. I was in a 20 year, 17 year marriage to someone I adored who I slept with on the 1st day I met him. Yes I was smitten and remained so to the day he died and after.

@Fanburger LOL so the fact I slept with my future husband the day we met makes me a "cum bucket"? ?
My non quality man was an autodidactic who could and did go anywhere & made 6 figures. He also happened to be gorgeous inside and out. I did hit the man lottery for sure.
Yes he was of no quality. LMAO
This "cum bucket" made sure he wanted for nothing ever, and more so when he became ill. I've seen princess types do less for their men. So whatever dude.

Hey everyone. I'm a cum bucket! LMAO

@Fanburger Good luck on your quest for a princess. You're going to need it.

@Qualia I can't respond to Fanburger directly because he blocked me back in December of last year on his 1st membership here however I wanted to comment on his judgemental attitude. Real freethinkers like me don't give a shit what others think. Thank my lucky stars for meeting Dan here.

@sassygirl3869 I've not blocked him yet because well.... I think our exchanges are worthwhile so far. Maybe someone, somewhere will see something they needed to hear.
There are a lot of men who think like him and it's sad. I'm sick to death of being "splained" with archaic thinking. Women have needs too and insisting on an extended chase, only to "catch" and then stop the courting is toxic.
Just because someone sleeps with you doesn't mean the "chase" is over. But for some men, that's what they believe. Look at all the married men on here looking for extra. They've stopped "chasing" their women, and their women have clamped down below the waist, so they think they're going to apply their stupid formula somewhere else and have it work. SMH

I think he's wounded and doesn't know how to escape the rubber room.

@Qualia I know some personal info-why he blocked me. Wounded yes.

That’s sexist! Kidding. How about if it was a guy?

@Marcie1974 With gay men it is very common to have sex on a first date. No real stigma attached either way.

@snytiger6 I’m not sure if it’s a midwestern thing or what but I’ve had guy friends tell me that if I give it up right away that the guy won’t consider me dating material. Or even just engaging in sexual talk they won’t take me seriously as someone to date. Just to hook up with.

So far that’s been my experience as well.

@Marcie1974 Well, I'v always lived in West coast states, California, Oreogn and Washington. And I have always lived near big cities.

I am awre of the general attitude of straight men who think tha "easy" firls are not dating or marriage material. I do recall girls who were considered "easy" as beign seen as emotionally damaged in high school and college. often they are seen as too "needy". In short their willingness to have sex is seen as a desperation to be wanted and a lack of self esteem in which they dont' feel they have anythign else worth offering in order to be wanted.

The preconceptions and prejudices, as I see them, are not always true.

In any case you never want to appear 'desperate" in any way, because desperation is never attractive to anyone... at least anyone taht you woudl actually want.

It is a bit unfair tht guys re nto held up to the same standards as women. I think generally men are bigger "sluts" than women are and more willing to "give it up."

@snytiger6 hmm, I never thought of that perspective of women being seen as needy if they have sex. I could see that at high school or college age. I’m freaking 44 and just have a high sex drive.....I would think that would be an asset.

@Marcie1974 Yea. That's definitely an asset in my book.

@Marcie1974 I think it really depends on the people involved. My best relationship was originally a one night stand, which extended to last over five years.

Anyway, usually men have the higher sex drives. A strategy many men employ is they have a "friend with benefits" to satisfy their sexual needs in between relationships. Then, at least theoretically, when they fidn a relationship, they break off the "benefits' arts of their friendship. I do not see any reason why women shoudl not also use the same strategy as men to get by and have sexual needs fulfilled when in between relationships.

@SKDeitch I would not agree with tht. I've often had sex on the first date, but some dates wanted to, but i didn't. It hs more to do with actually liking someone to some extent than it has to do with just "getting off".

Even for persons I had sex with for just "getting off" there were standards. Having a healthy sex drive does nto mean you are also indiscriminate about whom you have sex with. I think tht far mroe guys are indiscriminate than women.

@Marcie1974 - gosh it sounds like you're living in the 1950s.

@GoldenDoll I know. Judging by the answers on here I don’t know if it’s just a midwestern/Minnesota thing or what. I don’t necessarily want to hide my sexuality....but I also want to be taken seriously as someone to potentially date.

@SKDeitch I'm legally blind. I think I misread and missed the word "not" in the last sentence.

Oh I’m most definitely in the 21st century....apparently the men in my area are not.

@Marcie1974 - must be that. Still shocks me how backward some parts of the US are.

@GoldenDoll can't argue backwardness of US but settling for less than what is possible isn't something for which any place can claim a monopoly.

@Silver1wun - Nonsense. Settling for less than what is possible is why things don't change.

@GoldenDoll Must be some misunderstanding because I fully agree with your statement about why 'things don't change'. Settling for less before things can ripen only changes if at all for the worst.

@Silver1wun OK sorry - must be the language barrier........

@GoldenDoll Yes Dear. We here in America speak and write a bastardized form of the tongue.

@Silver1wun I know! My favourite is when you say "I could care less" & we say "I couldn't care less" which mean the same thing apparently. To us, your version means actually I could go a bit further in my care-lessing, whereas ours states quite clearly that we have reached the pinnacle of our care-lessing.

@GoldenDoll i don't get that either...ive always said i couldnt care less and used to get confused when people said they COULD. Id be like "so...why are you saying anything in the first place? Just tell me when ypu don't care anymore" xD

@GoldenDoll Many of us are absolutely aware of the difference between I couldn't care less and I could care less. I cringe every time I hear or see it.

I’m not sure if this is just a regional thing but after never hearing from a couple guys after I thought we had a good time a clicked, I sought out advice from several guy friends. They all said if you give away the goods right away.....then they do not consider you someone to date.

So much for guys not wanting to play games.

@Marcie1974 understand. It's all context. You won't get the same answer if you ask young guys or any other possibilities. Everyone is different. I am saying this is not important to me. Therefore my answer is still a hell yes.

@Marcie1974 well I am still processing a bit further your insightful comment about (what it sounds like a one night stand)... Those guys went ugly quick and that was a good thing in disguise. Or, do you wish you would've hold your ground with the goods to get their attention only to find out later on their true colors and then you would've wasted more time?..... I know, its a sensitive topic on a thin line.

@IamNobody I don’t know. It just seems like I’ve really clicked with a few guys, we meet and there’s ton of chemistry, one thing leads to another and then I never hear from them again. I always try to make it crystal clear that I’m not looking for a hookup or FWB. So I don’t know if they’ just lying to get me in bed and had no intention of seeing me again? If they simply changed their mind after seeing me naked (which is what my self esteem assures me is the issue). But like I said, I’ve asked 3-4 good guy friends and they acted shocked that I didn’t already know that if I give it up right away, then I’m just someone to fuck but not date.

@IamNobody and it pisses me off to NO END that every damn guy’s profile says they aren’t into games. Yet I have to play the game that I’m not into sex in order to be taken seriously as someone to date. Wouldn’t you WANT to know you’re sexually compatible ahead of time? I don’t want to waste my time unless you have a high libido. And I want to make sure you’ve got a few kinks and actually understand and care about the fact that a woman can and wants to have a damn orgasm!!

Clearly this is a heated subject for me

@Marcie1974 I hear you. I still believe you should consider it as a good thing that you got rid of someone that clearly didn't and wasn't going to care for you. You have to keep trying until you find the one that will make you forgive and forget everything

@IamNobody I’d rather get rid of someone before I’ve had sex with them.

@Marcie1974 that's the way to go !!!!

@Marcie1974
One guy in my office was going through 'dates' at a scandalous rate. I'll call them dates, because to him they weren't really women. He wasn't treating them as anything but a number. Anyway, I'm talking stuff like 5 or 6 different women a week... With the simple goal of seeing how many he could get sexual activity out of asap. We were working nights so lunch dates, were mixed in with dinner dates... And as soon as the deal was closed he would deliver the "I don't think its gonna work out" phone call!
Working toward his 'sex by the 3rd date' line in the sand, he would lie and say anything.

LOL

Pure perfection

Even if it was with another woman?

@RonWilliam53 well that would probably make me redundant

@JimmyM Or very happy. Two's company but three's an orgy.

You win the internet for today

The answers are so interesting. All over the board apparently. I did have one guy that we had an amazing date that lasted about 4 hours. Really great connection and we ended up having sex. We had an equally as good second date and had arranged a third. Then I discovered he’s very conservative and he discovered I’m very liberal. We agreed not to pursue dating. Damn we had great chemistry though.

@Marcie1974

My mom was a staunch conservative and my dad was an equally staunch liberal. They made a fifty eight year long marriage work in spite of this fact.

Politics was never discussed in the house. Ever. It was simply one of those topics which was off limits.

Perhaps you should not throw away a potential life partner over something as trivial as political leanings. If politics winds up the least of your divisions, you should have a pretty damn good future in store for you.

@webbew1 I don’t consider politics trivial. It is an important subject for me. I cannot respect someone who is ok with taking children from their parents and locking them up in cages. Or someone who assumes every person who uses food stamps, WIC or welfare is cheating the system. Or that all immigrants (except white ones) are not only lazy and getting everything for free, but somehow also taking jobs away from Americans.

Everyone has things they will and will not compromise for. This is something I won’t.

@Marcie1974 Agree but I also feel it could be a way of changing their mind. Of course that's not always possible . . .
I never let it stand in the way but don't think any relationship wherein there was a deep divide would have survived.

@webbew1 I would agree. Opposites really do attract sometimes. I'd be bored stiff with a woman who simply mirrored me. I already have a 'me'! That said, I will admit that not every subject is equal on that scale. However, don't listen to me, I married not one, but TWO Catholic women, both of whom were and are so conservative, they make Trump look liberal.So what the hell do I know?

@Marcie1974 Yes, I really do take to heart that personal is political. Almost everything in our lives is connected to politics in some way, from the food we eat to how much money we make.

I’m wondering where these men are! Let l

@Marcie1974 where you are, they’re probably all gone ice fishing this time of the year. Lol

@Geoff they are around

@Geoff most likely. Or killin deer, campin, etc. I’m actually fine if a guy is into that so long as they’re not obsessing and don’t expect me to partake. I’ll fish if it’s 85 or warmer. But I always bring a book in case they aren’t biting.

Good luck with that . I've made a practice of , after I break up with someone , I make a point of getting an HIV test before I agree to having anything with anyone else . I haven't found men to be that concerned .

@Cast1es, I have a current (i.e., since my last relationship) full STD report.

@mcgeo52 Good for you ! That is extremely considerate of you . At best , I've heard , " When I donated blood , they didn't tell me I was infected ." But that didn't mean they haven't had sex since they donated the blood .

What about your role in this hypothetical situation then?

@Carin What role would that be?

@oliver-o-neill Having sex on the first date of course.

@Carin Yeah i don't do that, so I imagine if my date is having sex on the first date my part to play in it would be very minimal.

You know, you would be having sex on the first date too. What would that say about your judgment?

@Lysistrata I believe Jim is being an icon of modesty here, and implying that anyone who'd have sex with him, on any date, maybe, must have a couple screws loose somewhere.

@Lysistrata as Dave inferred I'm questioning her tastes not her morals.

Hold what against him? I'm intrigued!!!

Hypothetical is that you meet, go on a date, then have sex. Would you date her after that?

@BlueWave Yes, unless I absolutely hated the sex.

That's much of the issue I would have.

@WizardBill my respect for myself has very little to do with ancient reasoning that I am dirty goods if I have sex.

I get that. Not condoning the hypocrisy. I just find where I’m located, you aren’t seen as dating material if you have sex within the first couple dates.

@Marcie1974 In what part of Minnesota are you?

@BlueWave southern

And now you're wondering if that was a good idea.

@Jacar, Now why the fuck would you say something like that????

@Woodron Finally found the thread you were referring to.
i was being silly, in context with the thread.
You stated you were together 22 years. And now not.
So, i was joking about how it took 22 years to think maybe it was not a good idea.
But, i was not, in any way, inferring that there was any thing wrong with what happened with you and her.

Women are not cars. Women are human beings with the right to engage in as much consensual sex as they can get. If both parties feel good about having sex with each other on the first date, that’s great. For me, I don’t usually feel comfortable to have sex on the first date, because I like to get to know my lovers a bit first, but when it feels right, go for it.

I hope you all realize my previous post was entirely sarcasm.

@16classic Honestly, it didn't come across as sarcasm.....

Sorry, that was butt texting. And as I am learning,won't correct my horrible typing. I never did learn how properly, and my kids tease me. HEY, I say... how much have YOU been published? Shuts them up.

@Junkman Butt texting? Doesn't it usually go like this: Pfffffft... ?

@pnfullifidian No, not when spell check is on! It tries it's damnedest to make a sentence out of it. Sometimes, it comes too close to looking reasonably close to something I might say, by using words I did. I'm a terrible typist, my kids tease me about it, but I have MS and hit the wrong keys a lot. So I leave the spell check on... it saves me a lot of fixing what I just typed. But otherwise, yeah, it would go PHhtttt....

Good point. I’ve had some real duds

I just saw the survey results... cool.

I would enjoy visiting, often.

I thought that was W.C. Fields

I'm guessing you already had chemistry from the get go. Otherwise you never would have made it past the first couple of phone calls and texts, let alone the first date.

Chemistry is something which is there or it isn't. It's not something you develop. If it's not present within in the first thirty seconds of meeting someone, then it probably never will be.

Personality and life goals are a whole different ball game. These have nothing to do with chemistry, but they will ultimately indicate how long the relationship will be able to survive.

Braggart!

Patience, grasshopper.

Awwweeee.....

Win!