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Romantic relationship with a strongly religious person?

Has anyone made a romantic relationship work with someone who is strongly religious?
I consider myself spiritual, I do believe there is some higher power. Living in the south east, Bible belt area, trying my hand at online dating. But so many of the guys' profiles state "I believe in God" or some variation of that phrase. I am betting if they feel strongly enough to put it in their profile, they are going to want the same in a partner. And I'm not the church going type. But I can't imagine the religious type being ok going to church and not dragging their partner along.

Dunnottar 4 July 24
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44 comments

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7

Forget it, save yourself some time and headaches. Don't even think about it.

6

If a bible thumper feels strongly enough to put his religious belief in his dating profile, you can bet he's looking for a woman who will at least play his game. Those people scare the hell out of me. Avoid them as you would avoid a guy with a history of criminal violence.

6

religion = spiritualism = higher power = bullshit

5

Back in the day when I was younger and more open-minded and less anti-theistic, I was married to an American Muslim. He was a rare individual and religion, his or my lack thereof, simply wasn't an issue. I supported his choice and he supported mine.

All these years later, he's a Bible-thumping theist. It was weird some decade after the fact to see the change in him. But, he was no longer my something or other so it just made my eyes roll and a little shaking of the head. And he wasn't nearly as nice as he once was. shrugs

Would I do that now? Hell NO! I won't even go to a movie with a thumper and here in the midwest (ie: Bible Belt) you'll be hard pressed to find an agnostic, let alone another atheist. I guess it's a good thing I have squirrels and outside critters because meshing with the locals here isn't in the cards. πŸ˜€

5

In my experience, a difference of religion is very divisive. I was still a Moron (oops, Mormon) when I married another Moron. We had two children, who were still toddlers when I discovered that Moronism was a hoax. The Moron church excommunicated me, after which my wife took the children and disappeared. Shortly afterward, I was served with divorce papers. Now that I am atheist, I am married to an atheist, and we get along just fine. I would recommend seeking a mate who thinks as you do.

Where did you meet your wife? If you don't mind me asking.

She stated that she believes in a higher power. That to me is still having a belief in a godlike entity. Maybe she is torn about the inconsistencies in the religious texts that are contradictory, and make no sense when one actually use logic and think about what they are saying. She could find someone who thinks like her but is not fanatical follower.

@SCal I met my first wife in Utah, which is Moron (oops, Mormon) country. I met my current loved one in Tennessee, where we live now.

(Come to think of it, I may have met my first wife in California or New Mexico, while I was in training for the Army. On Sundays, I would attend Moron church services, and I may have met her there. But we were married and honeymooned in Utah.)

4

I wouldn't even give someone that puts their god in a dating profile a second look.

redhog Level 7 July 24, 2020
4

No way. I’d MUCH rather be alone. I can not respect an adult who chooses to believe in religion. Also, from what I see, β€œchristian” = hateful, judgmental, xenophobic, misogynistic, anti-scientific, anti-intellectual, and likely racist. Those are almost all at odds with my core values.

Zster Level 8 July 24, 2020
4

I'm pretty sure their strong beliefs in nonsense would affect my ability to take them seriously and respect them. Without respect there is no basis for a relationship.

Deb57 Level 8 July 24, 2020
4

"Strongly religious" is a total turnoff! I do not do Stupid!
If they were "quietly" or "normally" religious, and kept their opinions respectfully Quiet, maybe....I would do the same for them.

4

I wouldn't be able to. But that's just me. I prefer someone who matches my ideologies, at least closely.

3

The foundation of all religion is the dishonest assertion that faith (belief without evidence) is a path to find truth (things that are demonstrated with evidence). Such nonsense (faith) pollutes a person ability to distinguish between facts and fantasy.

As I value honesty and have a high standard for those I consider worthy of my time, in a social context, I do not tolerate a potential partner who asserts superstition (god) based beliefs.

Relationships are based on respect. I can not respect a person who does not value reality over faith.

Whenever a woman expresses an interest in developing a social (or more intimate) relationship, I make it a point to determine her position in the spectrum of superstition vs reality. If she is a theist I don't waste my time.

@K9Kohle789 Sorry your husband passed in 2005. Such loss causes us to change our outlook. I generally don't fear theists, I just don't hold them in a high enough regards to consider them worthy of my personal time. I fully appreciate your observation that "god fearing" as a significant red flag. I've run into so many who assert the "god fearing" as a theist badge of honor that I thought the "god fearing" component of Christian was just a sound bit part of their "Christian" title but in hindsight, your are correct. God fearing is a scary position.

3

In my experiences when a date say they are either Religious or even 'Spiritual' I hear very loud 'warning bells' going off in my head and the driving urge to head straight for the nearest exit A.S.A.P.
To my mind, IF one desires to spend time buried in Utter Bullshit then all one needs do is find the nearest Dairy Farm there you can get it 100% free of charge.

3

There is a limit as to how seriously I can take anyone who believes in something for which there is no evidence or even anything in nature to suggest that a god is even possible, not to mention the many thousands of children who die every day from poverty. So no, hard pass on serious relationships with religious and spiritual people and I assure you that I will never set foot in a church, dead or alive.

Humankind must end religion before religion ends humankind. I don't think your recruitment drive will work here.

2

People who believe in something that cannot be proven to something that can, are holding a mind-set that provokes trouble ahead. Their belief can lead into many dark places. I would think hard before making any decision.

dinoid Level 5 July 25, 2020
2

Despite being fairly flexible myself, in my experience it usually became an issue, especially if my partner was of a Christian or Muslim worldview. Both faiths have a strong β€œus vs. them” attitude and are outright commanded by their faith to convert unbelievers or β€œspread the good word.”

2

Yes and I don't recommend it lol. I too am in the bible belt, he was abusive and not only robbed me blind, but my children as well and said it was God's will since I am an evil heathen. You know, since he's religious he could be a scumbag bc all he needed to do was ask his gods forgiveness

2

"Strongly" is an ambiguous term. I can see how someone can have a belief but not necessarily insist that someone else shares that belief to be in a relationship. But I'm caught on that word "strongly".

I grew up with guys who went to church every Sunday because that's were the women were at. Their whole approach in attempting to get to know a woman was couched in religious BS because it worked in that environment. The rule was at least pretend to believe because not believing implied something bad about you. And if a lady thought you believed they usually believed it implied some inherent "goodness" in you and there was more of a chance getting that date.

On another note, my agnostic brother married a bible thumbing Christian and they've been happily married for over 30 years. He only attends Easter and Christmas ceremonies with her and used some of the Bible stories as a foundation of a moral philosophy for this kids along with other religious icons and philosophers. He spoke of the Bible stories to his kids the same way he spoke about Hercules, Odin and Horus. I have no idea how they make it work, but 30 years of being apparently happily married speak for themselves.

All that to say, it depends on the people involved.

redbai Level 8 July 24, 2020
2

I prefer peopel who live more in the real world.

2

No, I have not. I have never met anyone who was strongly religious that I thought I'd want to be in a relationship with. Whether smart or not so much, they were mentally inflexible. It would not work.

2

No. I don't date religious people...

2

I am no longer religious in any way, nor am I "spiritual." That word can mean so many things. Even so, I was married for 12 years to a Kenyan woman who's grandfather was a Bishop in Legio Maria. He has now passed on and is viewed as a saint. Many Luo people are attracted to this religion. My ex mother in law still has many from the movement seek her out and the leader, Simeo Ondetto is also dead. This does not stop the followers from saying they see him every year. None of this is related in any way to our divorce. People do change and move on.

As for a relationship with a Christian or Muslim person working, do not count on it. They see a mission of converting you as a part of their religion. This is so strong that they can never see you as an equal. They will want to control you. It may start out well, but what I have written is what it is likely to turn into.

2

You stated that you believe in a higher power. That to me is still having a belief in a godlike entity. Maybe you are torn about the inconsistencies in the religious texts that are contradictory, and make no sense when one actually read the whole book and use logic and think about what they are saying. You could find someone who thinks like you and still believe, but is not fanatical follower. I know that it is hard to find someone who has the same beliefs as you in the bible belt. I do believe that it would be close to impossible to have a relationship with a true evangelical believer. I also live the south where people wear their religion on their sleeve. I stay away from the religious type and as a result I am single and never married, but I am also not miserable and I am not in a suffocating relationship like I see so many people are these days.

2

Your assessment it is probably spot on. I dated a guy for about 3 months that said he didn't care that I wasn't religions but asked me to go to church with him once. I went and went ro sleep during the service. He never pushed that again but he did push controlling me. I have religous friends that accept me as I am so anything is possible.

I love that you fell asleep! That's so much more productive than my inclination, which was always to get incensed. πŸ™‚

2

As you already believe in a higher power, I can’t see that you will be incompatible with someone who believes in god. I would say the only difference between you is in the different interpretation of the word god and higher power...which is pretty close to being one and the same thing to someone like me who is a complete disbeliever. As long as you both show respect for the other, and you are not forced to becoming more religious than you wish to be, I can’t really see a problem.

2

Won't last...would be all sexual because you probably wouldnt be on the same intellectual level but, on the other hand, you say you believe in some higher power so the two of you arent far off...you're just religious enough for them. I'd pick a different site to ask that question on.

lerlo Level 8 July 24, 2020
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