option 3, why is "marriage" important anyway? Other than for legal reasons, Folks should just be able to feel they are a couple or not, if they so desire.
@ChrisAine Sounds like christian thinking to me. Among the folks that I know, none are likely to just cut and run without trying. Fact of the matter is that those that leave a marriage are because it wasn't good anyway. Abuse, manipulation, etc are the reasons people leave. More would if it weren't so durned expensive or societal pressures didn't make it less desirable.
If you're not good as a couple without a piece of paper, a piece of paper is not likely to make it any better.
I recently went to my nephew's civil wedding in Ireland. Even the Catholic guests were glad for the civil ceremony as traditional Catholic weddings can last for hours and waste too much good drinking time. It was held in a golf/country club, it was a very beautiful ceremony, plus it was just a short walk from the wedding to the reception area.
If you are going to have a big wedding? Then unless the bride and groom belong to the same church which they both attend regularly. A church wedding makes no sense. Firstly you have to coordinate the times/dates of the church and reception. Deal with any religious differences of the guests (yes there are some religions like Scottish Presbyterians that would excommunicate any member that stepped into a Catholic church). Then either bus or otherwise transport your guests to the reception.
The past 2 weddings I have attended have both taken place in country clubs. Both were extremely well organised. And most importantly none of us oldies had to potentially compromise our later dance moves by f@cking kneeling on a cold stone floor!
I've been married for 31 years, having gotten married at the American embassy in Seoul. Since I was US military and my girlfriend (at the time) was a foreign national, getting married was the only efficient way to assure we could stay together once I returned to the US. This is not an uncommon reason to get married.
Civil and religious weddings are both "traditional". However one gets married is fine, but I also find state sanctioned marriage problematic. One reason is I feel like the privilege afforded to married people by state and federal governments is unfair because it disadvantages singles and less traditional couples and families. It all smacks pretty strongly of social engineering. That said, LGBTQ folks should certainly have equal rights to marriage should they desire.
No wedding. Civil contract outlining all financial responsibilities of both parties and disposition of assets in case of death or divorce.
Churches should have no legal standing in marriage. The legal aspects like survivorship, care of children and division of assets are tort law. Who and how you fuck is no ones business but ones conscience.
Traditional and Civil, are not exclusive.
If by traditional you mean Christian Religious, then say so, it is a fairly new tradition, far less old than the marriage customs of some cultures, or even some of the borrowed customs it incorporates. So it hardly counts as much more traditional than civil, which in the west goes back to the Roman Republic, three centuries before Christ.
He should probably just refer to the two as:
-State sanctioned marriage.
The major difference between the two being that one costs thousands to nullify, while the latter cost zero…..
I for one, don’t think anyone should involve the state in their personal relationships, but wtf do I know….
@ChrisAine That is very true and perhaps sad. But in the UK, the law treats women who cohabit and share an economic dependence with partners as nearly the same as wives, and men are expected by the law to support their children and their mothers, regardless of whether they were married or not.
I didn't vote because I prefer whatever the celebrants prefer. My granddaughter recently became legally joined with her partner of 6 years on Halloween. She wanted to make it fun so she had a gorgeous black lace dress and I brought her a bridal bouquet. I was lucky to be one of the few attendees. No vows were exchanged and her brother got a certificate to allow him to sign the paperwork to make the transaction legal.
She told me the marriage was taking place because they had decided to bring a child into the world next year. She isn't pregnant yet but I hope her pregnancy occurs as planned and they live happily ever after.
Here's a picture of the wedding party.
Traditional meaning a wedding at the church or a wedding performed by a clergyman. I don't care much for the church or so called priests and pastors. A piece of paper means nothing, whether it's a courthouse wedding or a church wedding. If two consenting adults want to be together then be together. No permission necessary either from the government or the church. This is my view.
My ex wife and I felt the same way, she was in the union. She had insurance, our twins had insurance, we owned a few homes in both of our names, but I couldn't get insurance through her union unless we were married. We drove dotto Tijuana and got married by an attorney, then sent the proof to her union. I'm sure that they were pissed off about it, but there was nothing they could do about it.
I've done both. Neither is a guarantee of success.
Personally, I believe marriage is an unnecessary, archaic, and useless social construct. At it's core, it's a legal contract. Much easier to get into than out of.
@ChrisAine Don't be sorry for me, I'm glad I learned that marriage is an unnecessary trap.
It's entirely possible to achieve the same legal protections and rights that marriage is supposed to provide WITHOUT having to be married
Drawing up a legal contract between parties can spell out what they both desire from the partnership. Even better, as with most contracts, terms can be renewed or altered over time.
If people were smart, they'd insist that marriage be treated the same. No more of the "till death do we part" bullshit.
Fuck what any religion wants.
When marriage became a requirement for my life partner to come and live in Bermuda with me for 8 years on several large construction projects that I was building at the time, we said why not and I had the landscaper on a previous hotel project who was also an excommunicated priest who left the priesthood for love do the ceremony. The ceremony was held at a hotel that I had built a few years earlier and we invited friends and a few family to join us in a celebration of our love and the party that followed.
Ironically, Bermuda has a stict policy about marriage for foreign workers to bring their partners to Bermuda but Father's Day is also the most confusing holiday on the island of Bermuda. So Whatever.
I did not vote. Keeping religion out of a wedding is what it is about to me. Picking a life mate is a choice and the church did not really get into weddings until the middle ages. Now from this step all you have to do is remember that you are "paying for a license." This is a needed step to legally be able to inherit property, etc. in case one party dies.
Courthouse wedding, street clothes & a bouquet for the bride, bouttoniers, license, tip for the officiant, maybe $300.
Get the Mothers involved, $20,000 to bankruptcy........the dress alone could go 5 figures.
When we got married we just went to the marriage licensed bureau and got our license and then went to the justice of the peace with my brother and his wife as witnesses and that was that tada we were married.
Sweet and simple, and the only expenses was the license and the justice of the peace total cost was $50.00.
Ignored... married for 20 years... divorced for 22 years.... NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't vote and have no real interest in getting married again. The one time I was married was in 1999, at a Unitarian church with two Unitarian ministers officiating, one from her church and one from mine. My only LTR, because here in Iowa, as a young man who didn't want to have kids or be a stepparent, that pretty well disqualified me from marriage or an LTR, since young women here seem to all have kids on the brain, at least then, if not even at my current age. We were both Unitarians who were active with our neighboring churches. That was when I was 41, working poor and had nothing to really lose in a divorce. Now I am 64, financially secure, and comfortably retired, so no way I am getting married without an airtight prenup, since I can't afford to lose half what I have, with a heart condition and the possibility of a stroke from it down the line, costing me expensive care for possibly the rest of my life.
So most likely if I find a partner, she needs to have her own money and place to live, and I will keep mine. What my late wife, in her community college course on Courtship, Marriage, and Family, called "Pension Pals", people who are a couple, but remain unmarried for mutual financial advantages... Even with a prenup and such, I would not get married again unless the woman really insisted on it.
I chose civil but had traditional because it was cheaper . Although I can remember stood at the altar and hearing study like: you shall obey your husband and give unto him your body when he wants it…..guessing the now ex wife didn’t hear that part!
Also the pastor said the kissing the bride wasn’t part of the Bible version of marriage so we never had it
@ChrisAine overall it wasn’t cheaper. We wanted a nice wedding and to find a nice room for a civil ceremony was hard and with 100 guests it wasn’t cheap to reserve. A church was about $250 contribution and in England obviously churches are kinda old and special. All the other places just looked like your regular conference room.
@antman Civil does not mean booking a resort.
It could mean at the courthouse with a witness and someone with the authority to officiate.
@BufftonBeotch I figure. But we wanted like 100 guests. Wanted a non religious ceremony but couldn’t find a place we liked so went the religious option
I like the idea of a pagan wedding where you are married for a year and a day. There is a commitment to spend the rest of the year together and if things get rough you review the situation down the line. Plus if things are good, it's another excuse for a party 366 days later.