Or watch them choose to be alone versus being with you. Just got out of that situation. Now, I'm just trying to accept how I'm feeling without judgement, but doing so with reason and logic. The most beneficial thing for me was to realize that I need to trust my "intuition" more and second guess myself less. I know who I am and while compromise is important, you can't lose yourself in the process or you end up not being able to recognize yourself anymore because you're sacrificing your own happiness to fulfill theirs.
This has happened to me more times than I can count. It hurts knowing my heart was never really reciprocated. It turned me off of relationships for a very long time, and could very well happen again. I just have to be more careful now when and who I give it to.
I hear you brother amen. I've spent most of my life in this situation. I have some thoughts on it now though.
Please forgive me for giving a religious quote but don't cast your Pearls Before Swine, actually came to my mind as a wisdom I can see the impact of in my life.
Here me out please. When we give all our very best it's often to a person who is lackluster in their full interest in us. We are sure if we really show them how much we can shine they will be finally won over by us.
But I think it's the opposite effect. A person being Johnny on the spot ready to immediately serve them and do it happily says to them we think we are getting the much better deal by being with them. Thereby lowering our perceived value to them by considerable amounts. With every day we try harder when they are starting to lose interest thinking they should set their sights higher. Our "try hard " is seen as a last minute panic to save our lucky winnings and that desperation only further convinces them they are far more superior to our value then they previously thought and run quicker and quicker for the exit before they are seen consorting with one who's status is so much lower than theirs. They could be mistaken for a lower value by association.
Turns out people establish value evaluation by interest and personal boundries. The more seeming rules you have that you require others to respect or you won't allow them near you. The higher they assume your value to be. After all you can make demands and they get met. How do you measure power if not by how others will change to be allowed in your presence.
It's not a game. But it is a functioning social dynamic that's always unconsciously or consciously being calculated into every interaction we humans have.
After all the one we gave all our best to was just a little less interested in us then we were in them. We fell for their value thinking we've established they are more desirable than our usual partners value so that's why we tried so hard to attempt to please them.
Set boundaries be unwilling to forgive rude or insensitive callousness. . Don't make room for their unpleasantness. Show them you have more personal value in yourself than to tolerate being treated like you are second best. KNOW YOUR VALUE and they will too. Ask if they will be nice or considerate and they will know we are only hoping we have enough value to be respected in our request