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I'm about to turn 41in April and I've been unhappy in my marriage for eighteen years. We now have an open marriage but even though she doesn't want a divorce and I don't want to live with out my kids I feel so depressed that I have allowed this to go on for so long. I miss being in love and I don't think I will ever be in love again so I've decided to just file for divorce. I'm just tired of feeling dead inside.

ActionBastard 5 Jan 27
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Lots of people in similar shoes. I hope your outlook gets better! Loneliness kills you from the inside out!


You absolutely need this for your peace of mind. If you don’t forget about your kids and are in there lives they will be fine. It’s time to do for yourself!

My kids are the only people I know that don't suck ass I wish I only had to hang out with them


Your answers are inside you. Only person who knows what is best for you is you.

SKH78 Level 8 Jan 28, 2019

Wise decision. Better to file for divorce before "cheating". Don't let "cheating" be the reason she accepts your divorce. I've been through gets easier every time. Stay pure, stay clean, stay faithful...but call that lawyer now.

Robecology Level 9 Jan 28, 2019

We don't need a lawyer cuz we're in agreement with everything she just doesn't want to spend the on the paralegal because we already have an open marriage and she wants to be on my insurance

@ActionBastard Time to re-plan your budget. Is she a working woman? The age of your kids is important; I read below that they’re 20 17 and 15 . The sooner you can work out a separation, the sooner you’ll get away from “feeling dead” Uncontested divorces are not that costly. If you both agree it’s time; then it’s one court appearance, and done. When you finally move in to that new apartment, and get one or more of the kids to hang with you on a regular’ll look back at this mess and say - “why did I wait so long”.!!


Why not get two twin beds in the bedroom of the family home?

JGal Level 7 Jan 28, 2019

Instead of two beds I'll get two wifes like them mormons do it. I guess religion ain't all bullshit after all


What took you so long? Get on with it.

Mitch07102 Level 8 Jan 28, 2019

Love your kids and have more girlfriends


You deserve to find happiness .. a divorce doesnt mean a divorce from your kids .. it IS possible to co-parent and do it well..

hippydog Level 8 Jan 28, 2019

I should of been more clear I think. My wife and I don't fight and we actually help each other out a lot and my our kids are cool with us getting a divorce, it's just financially hard because I can't afford to pay for two places. I live in LA and rent hear is hella expensive so I'm sad cuz I'm literally sleeping on the living room floor right now and I'm hella lonely. Dang talking about my feeling's so much makes me feel super gay which sucks cuz I'm already bi- sexual

@ActionBastard ah.. then your other option is to build or make your own room somehow , and date people who are accepting of your situation.. also possible.

@hippydog yeah I've tried dating already it just gets messy and it's always just about sex

@ActionBastard That gay comment is such a cop out. Ignoring the gay != masculine generalization I'll skip to the fact that you meant taking about your feelings somehow negates your masculiity. It's pretty ridiculous that is still a thing. I had a hell of a time finding support in my own life when I was ready to get out of my own marriage with an emotionally abusive woman. That fucking sucked.

@Sacrilege i took it more as a way of him "coming out" but making a joke about it.. we guys do that stuff lol

@Sacrilege "I had a hell of a time finding support in my own life when I was ready to get out of my own marriage"..
Hi five brother. Thankfully in my case i had my family.. friends were all "couple friends" and were mainly hers.


you are responsible for your own happiness, you need to do what it takes to get that. You were in a open relationship for the wrong reasons.


Fight like hell for joint custody. I slept on the couch for a year before we worked that out. You aren't doing you or your kids much good hanging on when nothing is going to fix itself.Treat her with respect in front of the kids, find a place you (or she) can move out to and joint parent. Been there, done that. Bottom line -you or her don't matter, the kids do. Treat your kids right (they aren't weapons or bargaining chips)and don't dump on their mother and thngs will work themselves out. Good luck!

That's the point my kids are 20 17 and 15 so I don't think fighting for custody would be important. Hell in a few more years those bastards probably won't even want to hang with me anymore ?

Exactly.. here they make you take a short divorce course, which basically says that..

@ActionBastard your kids are old enough to handle the real world. do what works for you and your wife.

@ActionBastard so basically, you have not much holding you there. 15 is tough, but the other two are adults or close. Certainly all are old enough to handle the divorce.


I can empathize with you. In my last marriage, I lost my identity and was a constant miserable person. Since we've made the decision to go our separate ways I am starting to find happiness again. I didn't realize how far out touch I had gotten. I feel that now, I may be over compensating in an attempt to find out who I am and what I really want outta life at this point. Hopefully, real soon, I can find some balance and reconnect with my family after losing touch during my marriage.

VIKingsCFH Level 7 Jan 27, 2019

Bad shit happens get a lawyer

bobwjr Level 9 Jan 27, 2019

Sorry about your situation. It gets better over time.

UrsiMajor Level 8 Jan 27, 2019

Thanks I just wish I would of made this decision years ago

@ActionBastard Wisdom is always too late.


So sorry to hear. It seems as if you have a good support network on here with a lot of people having gone through this before.

AlexRam Level 7 Jan 27, 2019

How old are your children? Will you get 50/50 custody?

Most importantly, are you being the best parent you can be while stuck in an unhappy marriage? That’s ultimately what made me decide to divorce.

Marcie1974 Level 8 Jan 27, 2019

@germangirl90439 don’t beat yourself up. You did what you thought was best ❤️


It's time to move on. Difficult but necessary. Hang in there, it will get better. Good luck!

MojoDave Level 9 Jan 27, 2019

Good luck with your divorce. I believe it is better for the kids in the long run if the parents are happy. The kids can tell that something is wrong and they will be relieved when it is over. It won't be quick, but eventually.

There cool with it because my wife and I don't even sleep together anymore but I just felt why go through the and hassle of divorce if I'm still gonna be alone either way

@ActionBastard You will be alone until you're not. And you're more likely to be alone if you're still living in the same residence as her and married to her. There are nice women out there but most won't get involved with a guy in any kind of relationship, especially "separated".

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