I hear ya "sister" ... 25 years for me!

Relax. Just make sure the next one is not an asshole. attention on: how he treats waiters, how he treats his female relatives, how he treats people he owes (that's very important), etc. Once you make sure he's a good guy, let things go. You can't test things without testing itself. Hehe!

The best person to have a relationship with is yourself. No one understands your struggles like you. No one understand what you need like you.

Take some time for yourself and don't rush into anything. Just enjoy meeting people and see how comfortable you are letting your guard down with those you can develop a feeling of trust with. Perhaps look into a support group or counseling to help you deal with unresolved stress or trauma. When you are ready to put yourself out there again, you will.

My late partner was very unhappily married for 25 years. They were from Iran and she was married at 17 and probably thought it was a normal marriage. But after coming to the US and dealing with other couples (she became the director for a private elementary school) she realized it wasn't normal. When her 3rd son was older she separated from her husband and then later divorced him (but he still managed to harass her). We met from a mutual friend/relative and spent 2 months talking on the phone. After we met she was still hesitant but still wanted a meaningful relationship. Finally, after another 2 weeks things changed and after 7 months of traveling back and forth we married and she moved to the NW. It was a dream relationship for the both of us. She died with a smile on her face and with happiness (it was an easy death and she was surrounded by the community).

Point is, makes some notes on what you want. Maybe some dating sites might work but don't be too quick to meet and watch out for the abusers. Finding the right one is not easy but with luck and caution it can be done.

Take it slow.. read tons of books on relationships, maybe even see a counselor..
You will be ok! Its a learning curve but try and look at it as an adventure. ?

Heal, learn to see your value, and live your truth. When you see that you will be able to live fully again. 23 year marriage that went bad , we both hurt each other and now there will never be a reconciliation in any form . I’m good with my children, and I forgave myself as well as her. I’m happy now , and see the value of living individual truth. Self nurture, and letting go the past is the key. Blame , resentment, anger can be released and love ,forgiveness and most of all self - love can transform you.

Wow. Upon reading the first part of the first sentence, I thought I was reading my bio. Had to look twice. 20 year marriage. Very gun shy about trusting judgment. Maybe it's something in the atmosphere bringing the asshole out of people, cause I feel like I was on the train tracks looking the wrong way. How did I not know I was married to such a despicable narcissist?

All I can say Free, is breath. Relax. At some point, when it feels right, you will have t trust that person again. Don't let the asshats ruin the rest of your life too. Enough energy and time has been wasted on those types of people. Now... t take my OWN advice

It sounds as though some time for you to regroup & work on yourself might be in order. You might want to consider therapy if you're not already doing so. I have gone that route to deal with my issues in the past, and I believe it helped considerably.

It's okay to take a break. I'm in a similar situation. Intimacy doesn't really have to be about a relationship that's sexual and romantic in nature. It sounds as if you feel pressure to find someone for a relationship. Spend a little time regrouping, getting your priorities straight, figuring out what it is that you really want. All that is perfectly acceptable. I have a very unconventional and negative way of looking at romantic relationships. It works for me so therefore it works. When you take the pressure off yourself you'd be amazed what's possible.

After that long of a time being unhappy in a Marriage I definitely don't blame you for having some walls . It's best to try and lower some of them tho

I think it's okay to be cautious after a lifetime in a horrible relationship. I think lots of people support that but sometimes society likes to bandwagon pressure to be coupled. Do what keeps you safe and happy. If this is a step reaching out to make a change, I hope you find support to help lower your guard, but I still think do it on your terms, when you're ready. For me, my secrets never go away. So my defenses are always there, and I'm okay with that. They are there to protect me.

That "last man" who suggested a relationship didn't turn you on enough to have a relationship...so why have a panic attack? Trust your judgement. You're being cautious. You're developing independence and the wisdom of self-love. Go with that. Don't even call it a "panic attack" call it your inner wisdom...not a "dirty secret" at all..now it's not even a secret.

Be strong. Be independent. That's admirable. The right one will come along when you're ready. Or he won't. Let that be OK.

Sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself to "find" a relationship....sometimes the best relationships find you..... just take a beat, relax ...try to live in the moment.

Is a hard thing to deal with. You have a moderate anxiety disorder help and medication is available . Am a retired P A so am familiar with this.

Trusting another is hard if you can’t trust your judgment. Work on yourself and the panic will lessen. You’ve been victmized but you can reject the self-labling of “victim”.

I did a 17 year relationship that ended very badly so badly in fact I ran as far away as I could leaving everyone else I cared about behind. I found a woman that lived on the other side of the world and never looked back Guess we all it differently. In my case this was a mistake in hindsight as now again I am alone. Guess the moral of the story is Beware your first thought in lew of Time because it is true what they say Time heals all wounds. It still sucks to be alone

hugs Breathe-